


Time and time again

by Whiskey-Nova (HarleyRazzleDazzle)



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst, Are swears mature?, Basically everyone from the books will be mentioned, Comments appreciated, Constructive Criticism Welcome, F/M, Future Character Death, I could tag more but it would spoil the direction of the fic, OR are swears teen?, Original Character(s), Rating for the swears, So much angst, The Cruel Prince and The Wicked King spoilers, Tragedy, completely new direction, i didn't say which one, i never know how to tag, if you don't like fics where a character dies, it grew wildly out of control, it really did get away from me this one, minor swears, post twk, swears, that's not a spoiler, the jurdan fanfic no one asked for, this is not for you my friend, this started as a one-shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2019-10-19 14:08:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 134,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17602802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarleyRazzleDazzle/pseuds/Whiskey-Nova
Summary: I suck at summaries.Set months after the end of The Wicked King. Jude tries to adjust (Spoiler... that fails) One day she's attacked and things start to get very weird for her.It should be noted I tried to limit the angst.. Oooops...?**Chapter 13 has been slightly updated at the end - 22/7/2019**The characters and story belong to Holly Black. I'm just twisting it for my own amusement. I've winged a lot. I've changed a lot.Constructive critisism welcome, comments appreciated.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Usually I wait until I finish to start uploading but given the lack of fics in this fandom I decided to upload the Prologue early to see what kind of reception I get. (Nothing worse than a half-finished abandoned fic)
> 
> I would hate to do Queen Black a diservice by screwing up my interpration her work of art. And basically I need something to fill the void until Queen of Nothing is released.
> 
> Anyone else with a hangover from The Wicked King??
> 
> Anyway lets get on. Un-beta'd, hopefully not too many mistakes.

4 months I was stuck in the mortal lands. My birthplace. Considering I had 7 years there before my parents were murdered and I was stole away to Faerie, I'd never felt more out of place. Every day was a struggle, much how it felt those first few months in Elfhame, but so much different.

I tried. I tried to be average Joe mortal. I went to the cinema with Vivi and the soft play centres with Oak. I picked Oak up from school. I went on shopping runs. I went to evening art shows and open mic nights with Heather. It was uncomfortable. There was so much noise and so many people. I was set up with Heathers younger cousin, because she's my age. Heather and Vivi thought it would help me "integrate better back into life". I stopped arguing back after the first 4 weeks, stopped telling them that I was no longer interested in this kind of life. That boys, new films and where to eat out at next will never be me. That I prefer new weapons to new clothes, and that cheese and bread roasted over a fire is my preferred food over the expensive and tiny portions readily available in the human world.

As a result I went to coffee a few times with Heathers younger cousin, Rose. She was nice enough, I suppose, but we had nothing in common. I barely got a word in and all her whining about this boy at her school that will never notice her and her parents not letting her go to the music hall to see her favourite band had me compiling lists of how I'd show her there are more important things to worry about. My favourite was imagining taking her to Faerie and dropping her off in the middle of a revel, then sitting back and watching as she made mistake after mistake. I'd save her of course, I mean, I'd have to. But it would be fun while it lasted.

I suppose it was a good thing I didn't manage to get a word in those first times, I'd have nothing to talk about. Since being back here I'm so behind and apathetic about all to do with this world I've not even bothered to catch up on current events. I feel like it would just distract from keeping myself in shape for my return to Faerie and without all that useless knowledge in my head I can better plot my return. And Vivi and Heather were very clear I wasn't to scare her with my experiences or tell her of Faerie - I'd come off crazy.

I couldn’t help it one day though, the day Rose invited me to the movies with her and Heather and Vivi pressured me into going. I had no interest in watching a movie about a car that turns into a robot and barely paid attention. Upon leaving the theatre though, we cut down a path Rose assured would get me home quicker, not even 10 steps into this shortcut Rose was grabbed and shouted at to hand over her purse. I consider it lucky I still was in the habit of carrying my dagger - Heather considers it delinquent behaviour. I consider it lucky I had rebuilt my muscle tone and strength since my time in Undersea - Vivi considers it unnecessary force to use on a unarmed mortal. I consider it lucky the attacker was weak and unprepared enough that I managed to incapacitate him with little effort - Rose considers it scream worthy "Psycho behaviour". I was still in the process of getting information from the stupid man when Rose returned with Vivi in tow. Vivi glamoured Rose to forget and head home. Then made the man forget what happened here tonight. She did however leave him with his injuries and ensured he'd not attack the vulnerable again.  

And again when Heather suggested (Read: Forced) I go to Roses birthday sleepover. I hadn't ever been to one before so unsure what to expect we spent the day before with Vivi and Heather introducing me to whatever sleepover movies they could get their hands on. It was boring, so boring I nodded off more than once only to awaken to Vivi throwing popcorn at me, a common sleepover snack I'm told. For the most part the night went well. And I managed to keep mostly to myself, except once it got late, the girls broke out the alcohol they had snuck in within their sleeping bags and started a game called truth or dare. Heather assured me the safest option for me would be "Truth" and Vivi advised me to do what I do and lie my way through my turn. I, not wanting to be there however, took the opportunity to drink myself into a more uncaring state, looking back it definitely wasn't the best idea. One of my truth questions was "How far have you gotten with a boy?" Juvenile as all hell, but I answered honestly. Their faces told me they hadn't expected "All the way because I'm married" to be my answer. I even pulled the necklace out of my top to show off the ruby ring I'd strung onto it, my wedding band. No one called on me after that. It soon turned into a comparison of piercings and tattoos which segued into scars. I was kind of excited because I knew I had them all beat. I started small - "This is where I lost the tip of my finger, an animal ate it" Gasps all around, probably thinking that was my best. I carried on "This is where I drove a knife through my own hand" showing both sides and both scars, they were silent. Then the big finish, hiking up my pyjama shorts "Here's where I was shot with an arrow. I dug the arrowhead out and stitched it up myself" The girls around me looked a little green at the sight of the still rather fresh, lumpy scar on my leg. Rose even ran to throw up, she was gone a while and I received a phone call from Vivi. Heather was on her way to pick me up.  After that they stopped forcing me to "live my life", they allowed me to sit around the apartment and plan and train and watch anime and get new songs for the music player that Vivi gave me my first week back.

I did my best to remain ready to return at a moment's notice, as soon as his highness deigned to pardon me, but I still wasn't properly prepared when the day came that there was a knock on the door meant for me.

I was home alone as Heather was at her art classes and Vivi was at a parent partnership day at Oaks school, she'd be gone all afternoon while the school had their day to include the parents in an average school day to see what their children where learning and how they were settling into the school. I went to one a few weeks back and it shocked me how different to my schooling it was. Obviously I hadn't expected it to be the same curriculum here as it is in Faerie but it did remind me that to be a functional ruler of Faerie Oak still needed to learn what he would have at home, and I made sure that Vivi would make sure he learned what he needed to on top of the mortal schooling.

I was interrupted from my workout when there was 3 raps on the front door. I ignored it as I usually did - no one knew I was here and I had no friends, it wouldn't be for me and Vivi or Heather usually tell me when they've got maintenance people coming out. Today isn't one of those days. So I tuned out the second 3 knocks and continued with my sit ups. The door hadn't knocked again as I started on my push ups, glad to be left alone that I outwardly sighed I almost missed the creak and squeak of the bathroom window opening. I froze, ears straining to hear any more sounds as I jumped up and silently grabbed and unsheathed Nightfell, tiptoeing to the hallway leading to the bathroom. I was almost there when a hand shot out of the open door and grabbed my wrist and twisted, shocked I momentarily loosened my grip and Nightfell was knocked from my other hand. My eyes followed its path down to the floor and across the laminate flooring, adrenaline shooting through my veins I ducked as I grabbed the hand holding my wrist and pulled my arm. Causing the intruder to stumble just one step into the hallway, but that was all I needed, I released the hand on my arm and reached for the small vase on the bookcase to my left, arcing it through the air aiming for the face. Before I could land it my wrist was knocked off course and the vase slipped from my grip and shattered on the floor at my feet.

"I know my face isn't pretty but there's no need to make it worse, Queen" A voice I hadn't heard in 4 months had me momentarily stunned. He used that moment to grip under my arm and flip me to the floor. "You're getting sloppy" I was too busy seeing stars to be able to do anything as he stepped over me and headed down the corridor to the living area.

I squeezed my eyes closed and counted to 5. Then as I was readying to open my eyes to find I'd passed out again I heard "Tell me you have coffee" shouted from the living room. I scrambled up and not caring that I'm sweating and red and embarrassed I run into the living room, still not  completely certain I'm seeing The Roach making coffee in our kitchenette. I rub my eyes and look again. Nope he's still there, reaching for the just boiled kettle now.

I still stood there in the doorway as he rifled through the cupboards for the coffee beans. He'll not be happy to discover we only have instant here. When he opened the right cupboard I found I was right as he scoffed a noise of disgust but continued making a coffee. I managed a step or two towards the breakfast bar when he turned around and placed a cup on the bar with a small cream envelope.

Taking a sip of his own coffee he winced as he started talking again "The coffee here is disgusting. I expected better from you. It does however, on this occasion, come with a side of pardon" He nodded toward the envelope. And my untouched cup of coffee next to it.

"Pardon?" Is about the only word I can manage, still looking at the lettering on the envelope. _Jude._ Written in a script I've seen it written in before. Only this time my name appears only the once, rather than over and over.

"Yes, a pardon" The Roach winces again after another sip of coffee, I'd never really found it that bad. My feet moved of their own accord as I reached the bar and ran a hand over the envelope. "Look as much as I'm sure this has been sprung on you, maybe you're angry, maybe you don't believe this is real, or a combination of the three. But I drew the short straw this time and I'd really like to get going back to Faerie"  

Disregarding the coffee completely, I lifted the letter with my name on and tore into it. Despite knowing the fae can't lie, I found myself unwilling to believe his words until I read it for myself, taking in the words - once, twice, three times - it sunk in. I'm going back to Faerie.

Finally.

 


	2. Of Ragwort Steeds and Returning Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three points to whoever gets all the geekdom references in this chapter. I honestly couldn't help myself!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos on the prologue, it's so heartening to recieve feedback<3
> 
> This is un-beta'd and I actually had to change a lot before uploading as I'm completely crap with keeping tenses straight in stories, one minute it'll all be past tense but it's supposed to be present tense. If you spot any tense mistakes, pleeease let me know.
> 
> Without further ado.

Luckily for us I had a bag ready to go, complete with a note for Vivi explaining that I had gone back to Faerie. I hastily scribbled along the bottom that I was sorry for the mess I left but I had to leave quickly. Once I grabbed my go bag from under Oaks bed where I hid it and Nightfell from the hallway I re-entered the kitchen and looked to The Roach expectantly. 

He lowered the Belgium bun he had at his mouth, before raising a brow at me "I was told that you females take forever to get ready?"

"Well I'm done, you can eat your cake on the way" I insisted headed toward the door.

He headed toward the front door and I followed him out, pulling the key as I exited the door to lock up and post the keys through the letterbox. I locked up and turned to descend the four steps to the grassy area where the Roach was in the process of enchanting the ragwort steeds to take us into Faerie.

"All ready to go?" The Roach asked me, mounting his steed.

I nodded as I moved forward to mount the second one of the sandy steeds. I figure I have until touchdown on Insmire to steel myself to be back in that place again. To always be on edge and to question everything and everyone.. even my so called family. I have a feeling my homecoming won't be the grand event it should be. Because that's what Faerie is, it's my home, and I won't allow _him_ to boot me out again.

As I can see our destination come in view on the horizon, I began to panic that I've been tricked again. That something far worse than exile is awaiting me upon my return. Too lost in my musings of possible humiliations I don't notice the steeds have halted. I look to my feet, tensing my muscles and holding my breath as I step down **_"..Let her not step one foot in Faerie or forfeit her life."_**  I have obsessed over those words for four months and I can't shake them from repeating through my head as I finally make contact with the ground. My foot hits the ground easily so I exhale and gingerly place my other foot on the ground too. So caught up in my relief that there was no trap I barely took in my surroundings as I disembarked my steed. I turn to The Roach and only just have time to take in his cocked eyebrow and curious expression before I'm rendered speechless, taking in the ground, the shrubbery and the trees in the clearing we landed in.

"Yes, as you can see things have changed a bit since your departure." The Roach murmured also glancing around.

"Exile" I corrected him immediately "And you're not kidding" In all my time in Faerie it had been nothing but Late Spring/Summer. Endless days and nights of little to no breeze and barely a cloud in sight, just clear skies and clearer nights. A far cry from the frost covering the ground and the heavy black cloud looming over our heads. I glance at my watch and it shows 3.17pm. It's supposed to be daylight, and I briefly wonder why The Roach collected me in the middle of the fae night. As he begins to walk I take off after him as a small voice in the back of my head reminds me that Vivi and Oak will be returning from school to an empty apartment and a stab of guilt blooms through my chest.

Winding through the woods The Roach leads me to a giant oak tree in a small non-descript clearing, glancing around I can't remember being here before. I'm still looking around when the air around us fizzles and crackles and a doorway appears in the tree in front of us.

Being away from Faerie for four months, it occurs to me this is my normal again and I should remember that just because I'm unable to be glamoured doesn't mean I can't be tricked by one. I suddenly realise that as much as I was training and preparing for my return to Insmire, I have let myself become complacent. And I find myself grateful my return is in the dead of night.

I walk forward as the Roach motioned me forward to go before him. I narrowed my eyes and gripped Nightfell before walking through the door.

"Not as sloppy as I thought. I should be offended but I find I'm actually grateful you haven't gone completely soft" The Roach murmured as he closed the door behind us, plunging the tunnel into darkness. I lifted my free hand to the wall and began to walk forward. My dumb mortal senses completely useless except for the occasional sigh from the Roach, no doubt at my slow pace, and the crumbling of dried dirt under my fingers.

After a while of silent walking the dirt tunnel opened up into a lit stone tunnel I recognise. My pace increases as I follow the turns I know by heart until I'm stood in a room that I spent the more of my time in than my own room. Relief floods through me when I notice the room is empty apart from myself, I'm not ready for any confrontations just yet. First I need to find out what I've missed, when I left Faerie was on the verge of war on more than one front, I need to find out what happened with the Undersea, who held me captive. With the Court of Termites who were attacked to free me. And with Madoc who defected with half of the crowns army, not to mention my twin.

As The Roach appeared in the doorway, I entered the office and put my bag at my feet as I sat in the chair behind the desk. Aside from three folders on the left of the desk it looks about the same as when I left it, perhaps this is still my office then.

I hear a cleared throat and look up to see The Roach lower himself in the chair on the other side of the desk. "I assume you want a debrief?" At my lack of response he nods "I've already called the Bomb. The others are on assignments so we won't be bothered."

Exhaling, I nodded. Well, more like bobbed my head excessively. I place a hand on the three new folders on my desk. "These are..?" I ask, trailing off.

"Those are best to ignore until after we've spoken. You've missed a lot these months and we've been keeping eyes on everything, we've even taken on new members of The court of shadows to expand our net of surveillance in these tenuous times. All fully vetted of course. Those are very comprehensive and it may be overwhelming to read before we've caught you up. It'll be easier to swallow once you hear the latest first." The Roach said as he winces, sipping from a cup I hadn't noticed him holding.

I chastise myself for not being alert again. "That bad?" I ask, again eyeing the folders.

"Yes, Queenie, that bad" I jump as I look up to see the Bomb, Liliver, sat on the handles of the chair the Roach is occupying opposite my desk. And then I freeze as I search both of their faces to try to find out if they're just using my code-name or if they now know what happened on my last night in Faerie. If they know they're being very discreet about it. And I'm at an impasse, I'm still familiar enough with Fae and their word games to know there's no way to ask if they know without spilling the beans on it first. "Do you want the bad news, the really bad news or the news that might be bad but might be okay?" She asks me.

"Start with the worst and make your way up to the might be bad news" I suggest, looking again at the folders.

The Roach clears his throat and begins. It's a long time before either of them stop talking, the Roach saying the main parts and the Bomb adding bits here and there. I sit for a minute taking it all in.

My mind going a mile a minute I scrub my hand down my face before rubbing at my temples, attempting to sum up all the information unloaded onto me. "So, let me get this straight" I start "Our main threat is Madoc? He's fortified his estate, took half the crowns army - including all high ranking members of the former Circle of Falcons. Both Taryn and Locke are likely allied with him, but Locke is remaining tight-lipped and Taryn can lie so nothing is conclusive there. It's likely his plan is still to crown Oak immediately and rule as regent behind the child sized throne. But we can't be sure because we can't get any eyes or ears anywhere near him?"

"That's the sum of it, yes" The Roach agreed.

"So, then secondary is The Undersea? Orlagh backed down from war upon declaration of my exile. And Nicasia is once again being fostered into court and staying in the palace this time, so she'd here somewhere now? It's unlikely Orlagh was placated by my punishment and is still very much out for blood - mine in particular. Did I miss anything there?" I ask them.

"Yes, based on Intel that Nicasia has used your exile to get closer to the King, it's believed at least one of The Underseas' endgames is to get Nicasia on the on the Throne of Elfhame." The Bomb replies and I scoff out loud. They both look to me confused. "What is it?"

I school my face back into neutrality "Because that worked out so well for The Undersea the last time they tried forcing his hand?" So they don't know the Queens throne is occupied. Or at least, The Undersea doesn't and neither does Nicasia.

"His majesty seems to be resisting any attempt and implications so far. " The Roach says "We've suggested some alternatives and so have the living council, but he is assured in his plan to take no action, adamant it'll work out"

"He's burying his head in the sand? Typical" I scoff again. "Ok. So third has the potential for not a problem, correct? The court of Termites?" They nod "But why? I get that they're up in arms about the King allowing them to be attacked in order for my return from The Undersea, but I did as Roiben asked. I owed him a favour and after the attack that favour was to kill Balekin for instigation of the attack on his court, I did that as asked." I pause, running over all the information I got after that attack happened "How is Kaye doing now? Have they managed to rebuild from the attack?" I ask.

"She's better. The last couple of weeks she'd been seen outside of the Court of Termites" The Roach replies. "His majesty has been very helpful sending soldiers and materials to help with the rebuild"

"That's good" I nod "They may not become a problem, so let's just put a pin in that for now and get some food" I barely get the words out as my stomach grumbles loudly. Chucking the Roach gets up and exits the office, followed by a giggling Bomb.

While I have a brief reprieve from company I decide to get the notebook of my questions out of my bag. I packed this bag during my first week in exile in case I needed to make a hasty return to Elfhame. I made sure on my first night in the mortal world that I made a list of things to remember and questions to ask upon my return and left it in my go bag.

Opening my bag I'm surprised to see the thing on the very top is not something I put in there. Pulling it out, it's a wrapped box around the size of a show box. Confused I turn it around and around looking from all angles, grabbing the envelope on top I open the note and read it.

 

**_Jude,_ **

**_Oak found this bag under his bed and brought it to us. You've barely been back 2 weeks and you're so desperate to get back to Elfhame. I know you won't listen to me when I tell you that Faerie is no good for you. It's toxic and it's poison and it is killing you being there. I know you though and I wouldn't be any kind of big sister if I didn't at least try. In this box you will find a care package from us._ **

**_I hope you come visit at least._ **

**_Good luck, your majesty! We love you!_ **

**_Vivi, Heather and Oak._ **

****

I'm momentarily too stunned to do anything. They knew I wanted to come back and that I'd likely achieve that goal, yet they still try to help me when I get back. I rip into the box and on top I find a writing set with a post-it note from Vivi explaining she enchanted it to be delivered to whom it is addressed to. And then return to me any replies I get.

Next is an assortment of chocolates, sweets and instant hot chocolate and coffee packets. As well as a handful of those little salt packets you find at the Fast Food restaurants in the mortal world. I laugh at that before tucking a few packets in my bra, before continuing with my rummage.

Then a small wrapped packet with a note from Heather explaining that Vivi wanted it made clear that this gift is solely from Heather and not anything to do with Vivi or Oak. I opened the wrapping and scoffed at the present inside. Heather has gotten me a pair of earrings that make your ears look like pointy Fae ears. They're beautiful but I can't imagine a time that I'll actually use them. Moving on, there's a Polaroid of Vivi, Heather and Oak all smiling and posing. Next thing I find is a couple of battery packs for my music player. A post-it on top says if I wrap them in the paper from the writing set they'll return to Vivi and she'll charge them and send them back.      

Next I find more than a few bottles of alcohol I became partial to in the human lands. After pulling out three bottles of Wine, two bottles of Gin and a bottle of Vodka, I realise Vivi must have enchanted the box to be bigger on the inside than on the outside. Upon this realisation I then realise that this could go on a while and there's likely food waiting for me in the common room, so I repack the box and put it back in my bag after I reach into my bag to grab my notebook out.

Turning to the "Things to ask" page of my book, I walk from the office to the common room and sit at the table in front of a extra plate. The Roach and the Bomb are already eating their meals of bread, ham and cheeses as I set my book by my side, sprinkle a pack of salt on my plate (To get used to the ritual of doing so now that I'm back) and begin to eat my food. After a few bites I ask my main question and main worry. "What about the Ghost?"

"What about him?" The Roach asks me, pausing his food.

I sigh, forgetting the Fae and their inane need for specifics. "Where is he? Who is he allied with? Has anyone even seen him in my absence?" I ask.

"No sightings or information. Though I'm not surprised, he knows how to cover his tracks. We have secured this place while rebuilding though. We destroyed the original entrances and made new ones. Also we don't allow anyone who didn't already know the way here access, we have a separate meeting place for the new additions." The Bomb filled in.

"Like the one we came through, that’s why it was still a dirt tunnel, we haven't solidified any of the new tunnels yet" The Roach added.

I nod and nibble at my bread. I know the next line of questioning without having to look at my list. "And Taryn? You said she can lie about her allegiance so does that mean she's been asked about it?"

"She has, after her part in the events following the High kings poisoning we questioned her about that night. She told us she was asking on behalf of Madoc and she didn't realise the King would mistake her for you. She claims she was only asking as a favour for Madoc. Of course, there's no way to tell what is true and what isn't so we had to take it at face value. We have however had her followed and we do keep tabs on her whereabouts and interactions. It's very easy with her husband still Master of Revels she's around the palace a lot." The Bomb said.

I nod again, this time looking to my book. A lot of my original questions were answered during the initial debrief. So skipping down the list I realise I've had answers to all my post exile questions and it's time to ask the ones I've had since my return. "Who has been using the office? If the new recruits aren't permitted down here?" I ask, just needing confirmation of what I already know really.

"It's your office Queenie. We have used it on and off since your departure but now you are back it once again becomes yours. Although we will continue to use it as and when the need for it arises" The Bomb answered around a mouth full of cheese and faerie wine.

"Uh-huh. Why now? Why have I been pardoned now?" My next question I'm not sure is an answer I want right now but I ask it anyway.

The Roach and The Bomb share an unreadable glance. The silence following my question drags on for minutes that seem like hours until "It is difficult to say why. But you should know your pardon was handed to me 10 days ago." The Roach replied, every word measured and controlled.

"10 days?" I narrowed my eyes at him and then spun to The Bomb glaring at her "10. Days?" I repeated a lot louder, slamming my hand on the table and shooting to my feet.

"You would do well to remember your company, Jude Duarte. It was left to us to decide when you came back. Be grateful we didn't see fit to make you wait longer than that" The Roach chastised, putting his food on his plate to stare me down.

Momentarily shocked I just stand gaping at the Roach feeling like a petulant child, once again remembering compared to their century of life, I am exactly that. A child, not even 1/5th of their age. I suppose at least I know now they have no idea that through marriage I'm now part of the House of Greenbriar, and one of their sovereigns, as I'm quite sure they wouldn't speak to me like that if they knew. I sink into my chair once again as I find myself grateful they don't know, I deserved that, I deserve to be put in my place.

"I apologise, truly. It in no way justifies my outburst but I have waited to return here for four months. It's my home and it's a little difficult to swallow that I could have been home sooner" I look down at my plate feeling my cheeks heat from embarrassment. "What do you mean it was left to you?"

The Roach stared me down for a few seconds longer before picking his glass up to take a sip of wine. "His majesty pardoned you and as he handed me the decree he gave no specific instructions as to when you were to return. We planned and planned to get you here at a time that was safest for you. Not only are all other members on assignment and thus busy. But also a delegation from The Undersea left here just yesterday, and we did not feel it would be best for your return to coincide with that" The Roach explained.

Well, that makes sense. Holding off my pardon contributed to a conflict free return to Elfhame, something I was probably less likely to get with a bunch of Undersea residents in the palace. I nod again and continue with my questions. "So, the weather?" I ask, peering up as if I could see through the walls to the frost and the sinister black thunder clouds outside.

"That is a bit of a longer more complicated story" The Roach mused, also briefly looking up before looking to the Bomb.

"Me then?" She sighed "Time for a Faerie history lesson. The ruling King or Queen of Elfhame is tied into the land at its very roots. You probably saw an example of that if you were still here as the Isle of Ash came into being?" She pauses there, so I jump in quickly.

"I know this, Baphen explained it to me when I was Seneschal. Are you saying he controls the weather too?" I wonder.

"Not as such, his majesty can't snap his fingers and cause a storm, or wave his hand and it rain or snow. But everything in Elfhame is tied to him. And it seems with his declining mood these past months the weather has changed accordingly" The Bomb finished, glancing to the Roach.

"So, you're saying because he's pissed off, it's suddenly the North Pole here?" I ask incredulous _he_ would allow this to continue. And unsure why they have decided to keep a part of this answer to themselves.

"The North Pole? Like where your Santa lives?" The Bomb asked cocking her head at me.

"Yes, never mind the Santa part" I rushed, waving my hand in the air "The point is the frost and the storm clouds, that's because he's in a bad mood?" They both do nothing but nod, either not trusting there words or unable to give an answer they know wouldn't invite more questions from me. "Okay, well I have more questions about all of this, about everything but here seems a good enough place to stop for tonight. Even though morning for you guys will start shortly I'm exhausted. Tonight I sleep like a mortal, starting tomorrow I'm back on Faerie time."

"The cots are in the same room as before, we have better pillows and blankets in there now though. Sleep and we'll continue your debrief tomorrow, so you're all caught up before you return properly. As it is no one is aware you are back in Elfhame" The Roach says, collecting all the plates to tidy them away. I pick up my notebook and walk into the office.

"Do you need anything?" The Bomb asks following behind me.

Picking up my bag and my shoe box I turn to the Bomb and say "Yes" I take a deep breath and try to keep my voice steady as I continue "I need you to get me large pieces of blusher mushroom, wraithberry, deathsweet and everapple. Oh and some pine liquor to keep it fresh."

The Bomb simply nods and departs. Finding my way to the, for all intents and purposes, bedroom, I find a cot with a lush dove grey and pale purple blanket on to sit on as I remove my jacket and shoes before laying down.

It takes me a while to settle enough to sleep but when I do, I dream of coal black eyes and smears of gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> (I did write the full debrief but it was an awful lot more waffling than what it ended up with, which I still feel like is a lot of waffle. I am trying hard to get the set-up chapters right and readable but I'm finding I'm so excite dto get to the main part of the story aha)
> 
> Any ideas where I'm going with this? It may be a bit ridiculous that I'm keeping it secret for now but once the inciting incident happens it'll be super obvious where this is going.
> 
> Thanks for reading 
> 
> <3
> 
> Edit: Because you guys are so awesome and making my heart so happy with your comments I'm going to start giving you end of chapter bonuses. So for Chapter 1:
> 
> ((("... As it is no one is aware you are back in Elfhame" The Roach says, collecting all the plates to tidy them away. Jude picks up her book and walks into the office.
> 
> "I feel if that if someone was made aware of this fact I could be outside sunning myself and not worrying about frostbite" I huff quietly. The Roach just looks at me and inclines his head a little.
> 
> I follow Jude into the office to see if there's anything she needs before we get to our days tasks. She's collecting her bag and a box that's half wrapped in gift paper.
> 
> "Do you need anything?" I ask her.)))
> 
> Also I have noted mistakes that I will correct once I'm back on my laptop 💕💕


	3. Of Mithridatism and Making Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are lovelies. Chapter TWO.
> 
> More of a filler chapter but important information contained here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a disappointment chapter (Personally) But I should explain. This is basically (mostly) a filler chapter because on Friday night I thought "YEah, let's get further ahead with chapters and then I can upload TWICE a week. That'll be cool"
> 
> What happened you ask? 
> 
> I thought I had this story set out and outlined and all sorted. NOPe. Friday night as I was getting ahead with my chapters the story took a unexpected twist. It basically changed the entire outline of the story and I had to go back to chapters 2 through 6 to alter parts for this new arc.
> 
> The original inciting incident is still going to happen, but it is NO LONGER the main focus and plot of this story. The whole second half of this story is different to what it was 5 days ago.
> 
> As a result of the madness of the weekend there's a few minor changes/additions to canon for TCP and TWK. I'll explain them in the chapter notes at the very beginning unless it's an important plot point in which case it will be explained at the end.  
> I have checked for mistakes but it is un-beta'd and I wanted to get this out ASAP because I am SUPER excited for the next chapter!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy :)

I woke up the next morning, a quick look at my watch says it's just before 5am. Squinting at my surroundings, the previous day coming rushing back to me, I'm back in Faerie. I'm actually back. And I should get up. Looking to my side I see my bag, Vivis care package and a stool that wasn't there when I went to sleep. On top pieces of wraithberry, deathsweet, blusher mushroom and everapple, with a bottle of liquor to keep them fresh. I stare at the pieces, I know I need to start my mithridatism again but I can't bring myself to do it immediately upon waking. Resolving to start again before bed, I stretch and then sit up. I grab my music player and my notebook and pen. Then, digging into my care package I grab a couple of Dairy Milk bars and scoff them down before walking into the common room. Unfortunately eating chocolate for breakfast is a habit I got into during my exile - it all started with a bowl of Coco Pops, I scoffed and didn't believe Vivi when she told me it was a gateway breakfast for giving up on the pretence of cereal. It took me less than a month to give up on the cereal part of breakfast.

In the common room on the table I notice a covered plate, going over I lift the top and see some cold cuts and buttered bread. Smiling to myself I take the plate with me into the office. Setting the plate and my things down I go over to the door and close it, locking it and putting a chair against the handle to stop it from opening as well. Can never be too careful here, and it's about time I remember my guard always has to be up now.

Pulling a packet of salt from my bra I sprinkle salt over all the food on the plate and did in as I put my music on and begin to read those three files on the happenings of Faerie in my absence.

There's one on Madoc, the thinnest one. They weren't kidding when they said they didn't have much information on him. All there is in this file is reports on interactions with Taryn and Locke, and details of comings and goings from Madocs estate spanning November to mid-January. I scan through the pages again, noticing there's been no new reports in almost a month. I make a note in my book to ask about that.

Moving on to the file on the Undersea, I read about how they've set up the new Undersea peace delegations. Nicasia, as the Undersea ambassador is the one who arranges them, has set them up for a meeting every other month. That seems a little excessive. There's been two since my exile, the latest having left a few days ago. I read reports on things discussed in the meetings with the living council and with the High King. The first meeting was mainly two topics: My exile and the Underseas dissatisfaction with my light punishment in the face of what I had done - I'm glad to see the council have reiterated exile was a fitting punishment even as it appears _his majesty_ said nothing on the matter. And again a proposal to unite land and sea by the High King marrying the Princess of the Undersea. I find myself feeling a little put off that knowing this was a goal of the Undersea and yet he still appointed Nicasia as ambassador, it doesn't add up and it feels like a massive conflict of interest. Besides I'm not sure how I feel about my _husband_ having his ex around, petitioning for marriage. Getting the beginnings of a headache I give up after that, I'll read the rest later.

And to the third folder. A summary of all other Court and Elfhame business. A few pages on the Court of Termites, nothing I didn't already know. And then a collection of reports on revels. Visiting Faeries and dignitaries to Court. Disputes between the gentry. Requests for audiences with the High King. Profiles of new Court of Shadows members and their vetting paperwork. Minutes from the Living Council meetings, I'm surprised to read that the King was in attendance of them all. War council meetings, apparently the general consensus is that we remain on the cusp of a war, but no one can seem to agree who the opposing players will be yet.

It takes me a couple of hours to read though every one of the reports contained in these files, and I feel just as confused and at a loss of what can be done as I was at the start. Finishing my food and putting the files down I get up to retrieve my writing set from Vivis box and my bag. Situating myself back in the office I begin to write a letter to Vivi.

 

**_To Vivi, Oak and Heather,_ **

**_Firstly, you've probably noticed that I'm gone by now. You should know that until I opened my bag last night, I did feel guilty for leaving at such short notice. But there was no way I would turn down an opportunity to come home. Because that is what it is for me Vivi, you never felt at home here, but I did - and though my return is remaining a secret for now, I still do._ **

**_You should know I tried to acclimate back into life in the mortal world and if it had to be with anyone I'm glad I had that experience with you, Heather and Oak. As you probably saw, that's not the life for me. Living there, I finally understood that silly human world phrase "Same stuff, different day" Because it was Vivi. It was monotony and I feel like I was on auto-pilot every day, just going through the motions. I don't want that for my life - I want to live it. Not just exist._ **

**_Secondly, thank you so much for sneaking that care package into my go bag. I haven't sorted through it all yet but so far it's amazing, I may have had chocolate for breakfast this morning…_ **

**_And thank you for your warning. I have no intention of heeding it. But I appreciate the concern._ **

**_I'm happy here. Really. As I said no one knows I'm here yet, they all think I'm still in the mortal world with you. Please keep my secret, especially from Taryn. I know she's our sister but something is up with her. Something I haven't been able to figure out yet and I still don't understand why she sided with Madoc over me. If you find you can't misdirect her, please consider asking heather to in your steed._ **

**_Take care of Oak and don't forget to supplement his mortal education with Faerie lessons. I'll come visit soon to check!_ **

**_Love, Jude._ **

**_P.S Heather, those earrings are beautiful! But I'm not sure I'll have reason to wear them.._ **

**_P.P.S I guess now I'll find out if this goes where I want it to._ **

 

I put the letter in an envelope and write **_Viviane Duarte (Heather and Oak)_** on the front and set it on the desk in front of me. I stare at it unsure what I'm supposed to do next, about to try _bippity-bopping_ it when it crumples in on itself and disappears. Amazed I run my hand over the empty desk in front of me, it's really gone. I pull out another piece of paper and hesitate before writing.

****

**_Taryn,_ **

**_I am writing simply to ask you what happened that last night - you know which I'm referring to. I have gone over and over in my head any possible reasons you might have had for going against me in such a manner, but I just don't understand._ **

**_I feel like maybe you are feeling guilty about it? Otherwise you would have been in contact with me at some point these past few months. I'm sure it's no secret there that I was exiled._ **

**_Vivi helped me enchant this writing set to send letters in and out of Faerie. If you reply, it should return to me. Just use the same envelope with my name in place of yours._ **

**_Jude._ **

**_P.s Happy belated birthday. I was saving it for your visit but that never happened._ **

 

Feeling proud of my ability to make myself sound pathetic and sad. I fold the page and put it in the envelope. I address it to **_Taryn Duarte_** , as I don't know her married surname, and hope it reaches her. One way or another I need to figure out her involvement with Madoc. I watch as again the envelope crumples in on itself before disappearing completely.

I leave the writing set out in case I get replies back quickly, though not expecting one from Taryn. And decide to waste time by rifling through the drawers in the office to see if anything has been added in my absence. It all looks about the same, but I do find a random parcel, wrapped with leaves in all the colours of autumn and tied with twine. Not knowing what it is or who it is for, because there's no tag, I place it back in the drawer and close it. Having wasted enough time I look back to the empty desk and sigh.

Packing away my writing set I am surprised by a small paper object appearing on the desk in front of me. It unfolds itself until it is a envelope, my writing set envelope. And on the front **_~~Viviane Duarte (Heather and Oak)~~ Jude Duarte_** . I run my hand over the pristine envelope, there's no folds or crumples to be seen on the paper. Eagerly, I rip into it,

****

**_Jude,_ **

**_Could you not have cleaned up the vase in the hallway before you left? I get you were in a rush but that wouldn't have taken 5 minutes._ **

**_Did you honestly doubt that this enchantment of mine wouldn't work?_ **

**_I'm glad you arrived safely and are obviously unharmed so far. Just, be careful. Please._ **

**_As for the care package, if you haven't looked through the full thing you are in for a happy surprise. And once again, notice how amazing my enchantments are? We fit so much stuff for you in that tiny box. You're welcome._ **

**_Oak is doing well in both mortal school and with his Faerie curriculum you set out for him._ **

**_I'll keep your secret, I guess that means you haven't spoken to Taryn or Cardan yet?_ **

**_We love you, your majesty._ **

**_Vivi, Heather and Oak._ **

**_P.S Rock them every day like the Queen you are! Love Heather xoxo_ **

 

I laugh at Heathers addition to the letter and put it in the writing set to reply to later. As I'm putting my set back in my bag I hear voices coming from the common area. Creeping to the door I press my ear against the door, to listen in, a deep voice belonging to the Roach and a higher one belonging to the Bomb. I move the chair from the door, grab my notebook and go to unlock the door when I hear knocks on the door and then a voice on the other side.

"It's just us Jude, you can come out. We have food." The Bomb says around a yawn. I quickly unlock the door and follow her to the common area and sit in an empty chair. Pulling a small salt packet out of my bra I salt the food that has been placed in front of me - Cheesy toasted bread and sliced apple, the regular kind.

"What time is it?" I ask, swallowing a mouthful of cheesy bread.

"A little after 2pm" The Roach answers, placing a slice of apple on top of the cheesy bread and popping it in his mouth, he chews and swallows before adding. "Last night's revel has just broken up. The King one of the last to return to his rooms, we usually wait until he is sequestered to his rooms before we leave. One or both of us have chaperoned every revel since your sister's wedding, should the Ghost show up"

"I want to attend the next one" I say.

"Absolutely not" The Roach immediately replies. "It's too dangerous should you be noticed or caught"

"I didn't mean just turn up to one" I exasperate. "I mean in disguise. I can pretend to be one of you under a cloak"

The Roach and the Bomb exchange looks. "We will discuss it" The Bomb placates me, taking a sip of her faerie wine.

"I have questions" I remind them "I know it's late for you guys but I'll make it quick and then you can go off and do.." I pause unsure of what they actually do during the day "And do whatever it is you do in the daytime" I finish.

"You have until I finish my food" The Roach grumbles. I look at his plate and immediately blurt out a question.

"Why have the reports on Madocs estate not been updated in almost a month?" I ask. Opening my book to my list of questions.

"As we said, no one was able to get eyes on him. Any spies we sent after that date either reported nothing back or didn't come back at all." The Bomb replies.

I look to her shocked "You mean they're being caught and killed?" I shudder.

"We don't know. We just know they don't always return. They may be defecting" The Roach muses. As if he believes any spies caught by Madoc would be offered a place in his ranks. I wonder who it was that was sent.

"Do we have somebody on the living council?" I ask, putting more cheesy bread in my mouth.

"Not on the council, no" I start but the Bomb cuts me off "But one of us is always there as the High Kings protection detail. He has his own obviously, but he allowed us to be part of it for the council meetings so we're kept up to date with everything"

I  glance at the Roaches plate, one more piece of bread to go. "Why is my return a secret? And when can I return properly, and not just in secret?" As I ask I'm not sure I'll get an answer but the Roach finishes his mouthful and replies.

"Because we agreed it would be best to catch you up before you have to face the folk. It would do no good for anyone for you to return to Faerie after a lengthy period away, only to be caught off guard by any information you don't know about or any of the folk trying to rattle you. You have a temper on you, Jude Duarte and we thought it best you not be placed in a position where you may do something to make your exile permanent." My eyes widen at the reminder that a permanent exile is a still possibility, even though I'm back, if I'm not on my best behaviour nothing will stop another exile or internment in the Tower of Forgetting.

"As for when you'll return properly. We have some things to put into place before you can make yourself known." The Bomb adds cryptically. I almost ask what those things are but she drains her wine and gets to her feet. "I suggest you go over the files once more before tomorrow. Tomorrow we start to plan." She finishes with a yawn. The Roach rises then and they both depart with a goodnight before they disappear out of the door.

It occurs to me then that they aren't headed to the room with the cots set up and that they must now have bedrooms in the palace above. I wonder if they were given temporary rooms while the Shadows headquarters were rebuilt and got attached to them. It wouldn't make sense for them to have entirely separate lodgings, not when they spend the majority of their time here.  I wonder if one of them is in my old rooms here.

I wander into the office again, I open the Undersea file, I begin to read again from the beginning. This time not allowing myself to rage quit reading it all. According to this the next delegation is in seven weeks. I hope I'm not hidden until then, I'm already going stir-crazy being cooped up and it's barely been a day. But I get why I need to be informed of everything before my return. Any of this information could easily be twisted into sounding worse by anyone else. I finish up my reread and check the time. 4pm. Bedtime. Given what I know I have to do next I don't bother with dinner, I don't see the point.

Heading back into the room with the cots in I wander around, taking note of the four cots, each with a different colour comforter on. The one I chose last night has a dove grey and pale purple comforter. There's a single mahogany dresser against the opposite wall, I open drawers and aside from the bottom containing fresh sheets, the remaining drawers are empty. There's also a door to the adjoining wash-room that I already checked out. When they rebuilt this room they clearly went cost-cutting and simplistic. Then again, looking at the comforters maybe just simplistic.

Moving over to my chosen cot, I sit on top of the comforter and pull off my shoes. I grab a change of clothes from my bag, after not bothering last night and head into the wash room with my face wipes and toothbrush and paste. After I'm finished I go back to sit on my cot and eye up the stool with the poisons on, before I can talk myself into procrastinating I pick up the dagger from under my pillow and begin the familiar routine of cutting up pieces of each and putting them to the side to take all together. Once I have fully cut each piece into separate portions I place all the bits I'm not taking tonight into the bottle of liquor to keep them from decaying.

 I delicately place each piece I've allocated for tonight, a small piece of everapple, a sliver of deathsweet petal, a part of a wraithberry leaf and a small drop of juice from the blusher mushroom, in my palm, and bring my hand to my lips, opening my mouth for the pieces before I can over-think it.. Quick like ripping off a plaster. I chew and swallow in a rush, grimacing at the sharp and sweet taste of the poisons combined and lay back on my cot. It shouldn't take too long to start feeling the effect, because I'm mortal and it's been over 6 months since I last had any immunity to them.

It isn't long until my stomach starts to ache and tense. My mouth feels with saliva and my forehead and the back of my neck starts to sweat. I clench my fists and grit my teeth against the nausea building up in my abdomen and the heartburn building behind my sternum. It might just be because of the months between doses and that it's been so long since I first started but this feels so much worse than last time. My stomach feels on fire, and my heart is pounding so quickly and so hard I can feel it in my eyeballs. My limbs start to shake and I start to feel really sleepy. I panic because I might actually be in danger this time and no one is around. I realise this is nothing like before, that I was awake throughout almost the entire thing last time. And yet now I can barely keep my eyes open, even as I start to retch and convulse on my bed. I use the last of my strength turning on my side in case I throw up while I'm unconscious. I look to the stool and the pieces I have pre-cut and realise my mistake as my eyes roll into the back of my head.

I cut much too big pieces for starting out. Instead of cutting the tiny pieces I should have cut, I let muscle memory guide me and I cut the bigger pieces I was taking before my Undersea capture. The pieces sized how they should be after almost a year of mithridatism, not how they should be when starting anew with a first dose.

Bile inching up my throat as the darkness swallows me.

I think I'm in real trouble here.

 

**_ Chapter Bonus: _ **

"What time is it?" Jude asks, putting a piece of salty cheesy bread in her mouth and swallowing it whole.

"A little after 2pm" I reply, focussing back on my own plate. I mean, I know I eat like a pig sometimes but she isn't even chewing. "Last night's revel has just broken up. The King one of the last to return to his rooms, we usually wait until he is sequestered to his rooms before we leave. One or both of us have chaperoned every revel since your sister's wedding, should the Ghost show up"

Given her interactions with the King and the way he acted during her capture, I leave out that he leaves every night with a different drunk mortal. Or that Princess Nicasia usually follows him out. Instead I tell her about the Ghost to make amends for the lack of information we have to give her about him. Had I been the one directly betrayed I would unhappy knowing he's disappeared completely.

"I want to attend the next one" She declares.

"Absolutely not" I immediately reply. "It's too dangerous should you be noticed or caught"

Plus the last thing we need is Princess Nicasia to goad Jude into attacking and killing another Undersea Ambassador. No less the Princess of the Undersea. Were that to happen they wouldn't demand her head, they'd just take it. And I fear where that would lead us, in terms of his majesty, who did not react well to the girl being taken by the Undersea.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jude says to Taryn "Happy belated birthday" The twins birthday is November 13th. Jude says this to Dain in TCP as part of the truths and lies game they play. And apparently Holly confirmed Judes star sign is Scorpio so that would fit. (I havent personally heard or seen this confirmed, I saw it on the TCP FB group and just rolling with it.)
> 
> Also I decided that Jude was Exiled October 16th (Which means her marriage was October 15th!) I couldn't find any reference of dates in the books and since Cardan is wearing a cloak in the scene in question I decided it would have to be an autumn month and since Judes birthday is November (See above) and there's no mention of that, it had to be before then.
> 
> So she was brought back to Faerie around February 6th. The timeline and timings may not always match up, because it was decided very quickly. If you see a discrepancy drop a comment :)
> 
> You guys will LOL when you find out what I've decided Lockes surname is X'D
> 
> And I just want to say, thank you all for your comments and your kudos. This fandom really has the best people in it <3


	4. Of Faerie Tales and Feeling Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this chapter is maybe more of a .5 
> 
> So it's pretty obvious what this is almost straightaway. It might actually work as a one-shot..?  
> But it's not chapter 3. This idea would not leave my head while I tried to write chapter 3 so this is chapter 2.5.
> 
> Also unsure what rating this has since I didn't rate it? Anyway there's swears and kissing in this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off HAPPY INTERNATIONAL FANWORKS DAY!!!
> 
> Second, I feel it's only fair to disclose that this was written this evening while I have been under the influence of strong painkillers. There's probably a shit-ton of errors because I haven't reread it and I'm not 1000% sure I'm keeping it as is.  
> (I'm exhausted but I know if I don't upload it now (In my painkiller haze) I'll probably end up editing an cutting loads out.  
> Best case scenerio (For me) I edit it tomorrow and keep that  
> Medium case scenerio (For me) I leave it the heck alone  
> Worst case scenerio (For me) I remove it and reupload as a one-shot of some sort.
> 
> The little fae tale/folk tale/ fairytale I wrote for this chapter is all in italics.   
> (His name is just a weird spelling of Adrien)
> 
> And I have not abided by any grammar or punctuation rules in this, I don't think. Ignore all the mistakes, they'll be fixed tomorrow!
> 
> I'm sure I had more to say but I don't recall.

 

 

I come too, feeling miraculously okay considering. My last memory before I woke was of panicking because I'd overdosed on poison. Before I open my eyes I take stock of myself. My head has a slight ache but nothing major, my heart feels a little fast but it isn't pounding anymore and my stomach is mostly settled, I feel a little nauseous but nothing like I did.

Opening my eyes I look around to see I'm in my bedroom in the palace. Confused, I sit up in my bed and wonder if the whole thing was a dream.

"Sleeping beauty awakens" I hear, I turn my head to see the Bomb sat at my vanity, trying on my nail polishes. She has a different colour on each fingernail, currently applying a teal colour to her left pinkie. She briefly looks up at me giving me a hard look before she focuses back on her nails. "Silly girl, what were you thinking taking that much in one go?"

"I was preoccupied when I was cutting the pieces. How did I get here? Why am I in my room?" I ask, looking around again.

"We brought you here. After we found you unconscious and covered in sweat and vomit, we cleaned you up and put you here because it's more comfortable." She replies. Choosing a deep red for her right thumb.

"How long have I been out?" I almost don't want to hear the answer, any days spend recovering from my stupidity is a day sorely wasted. I pull my pillows up and prop them up behind me before I settle back into them, mostly laying down but propped up a little.

"3 days" She says, looking up at me again. "That was a really stupid thing to do Jude. You should have been more careful."

I just grimace and nod at her. Then looking up at my canopy above my bed, "When can I go back to my day to day life here? Am I still in hiding?" I'm getting so bored with hiding and being cooped up here.

She studies me for a moment. Setting down the nail polish and coming to sit cross legged on the end of the bed. _"There's an old story I want to tell you and it's one I was told when I was very young. It's a folk tale, passed from generations to generations, there's even a rumour it was a favourite of Queen Mab, that she was told it as a child."_

I raise my eyebrow at her. I'm surprised she even remembers it, she always seems like she doesn't hold folk tales in very high regard. I briefly think back to when I was young and was being read to in bed, I'm saddened that my immediate memories are of Madoc and his book of battle strategies and not of my parents. Anything to do with them has long since turned to hazy images and vague impressions.

_"It's about this King of old, King Adrean."_ She starts. She pauses there and my vision goes blurry and the world tilts going bright white and I close my eyes against it. For a minute I think it's left over from the poisoning and I'm still sick but when I open my eyes I'm laying on the floor looking up at the night sky. A clear night sky, dark blue and punctuated with hundreds of tiny blinking stars. I look down, I'm in a day gown of sapphire blue, laying on a blanket on top of grass. I sit up, recognising my surroundings, I'm at school and laying next to me I expect Taryn but it's the Bomb. A dream, then?

She pulls me back down so I'm laying down looking up again, giving me a look to stay put when she starts to speak again _"Upon his birth it was prophesised by the stars themselves that it would be a kind and just king, the best King the land had known and a force of great good. But he also had the potential to be a cruel and wicked king, a force of great evil."_ She pauses again, just as stars start to shoot across the sky in a myriad of patterns. Almost as if they're telling the story of this King themselves. _"Entwined with his future was a mortal woman. Not much was told about this human woman, except that she would arrive around the time that the Prince is most susceptible to go one way or the other. Around the Princes 17th rotation -_ a rotation is a year."

"I figured" I mumble, staring at the shooting stars

"Anyway, _you can probably guess what assumptions the elders of the land made about this unknown mortal woman_." The Bomb says bitterly.

"That she'll use her mortal wiles and human charms to sully the precious Prince?" I laugh.

The Bomb looks at me not impressed, with a scowl, I stop laughing then and resumed watching the stars. _"That this mortal was going to corrupt him and sway him into being cruel._ " The stars started to wink out then, I furrow my brow and narrow my eyes at the sky thinking I must be imagining things. I look to the Bomb, still looking up as if nothing is happening and rub my eyes before I look up again. But, no, there are more and more stars disappearing, I sit up in a panic as my surroundings start to get hazy.  " _Confident that without the arrival of this mortal the King and Queen could raise the Prince to be fair and compassionate, the elders decreed on the Princes 15th naming day that no more mortals were to be lured away and brought into the lands, for the following three rotations._ "

As she finishes things start to brighten around me and before long I close my eyes again as the bright light stings them. Then a arm hooks through mine and I'm being pulled along. I open my eyes immediately, to realise I'm now in the palace welcoming space, definitely a dream. At my side is Taryn and she's giddy with excitement. She's wearing a pale pink dress with a matching hair bow that I vaguely recognise, looking down at myself as we walk along I see I'm wearing the same shade of the same dress and something pricks at my memory. Something about these dresses.

"Come on Jude! It's so exciting, don't you think?" Taryn squeals. Ahead of us I see Madoc and Vivi, Vivi is wearing a dress the same shade as ours but a different style, and it's then that realise what it is I'm seeing.

"I remember this" I say, quietly. Taryn turns to me with a confused look on her face "This is the first revel we attended in Faerie. When we were.." I cut off, doing mental math to try to remember how old we were "When we were 7?"

"8" Taryn corrects, as we reach the main room. Through the massive crowd gathered my eyes are immediately drawn to the members of the royal family. Princesses Elowyn and Caelia are talking with their father on the dais, Princes Dain and Balekin are in a tense conversation, likely arguing and Princess Rhyia is steering Vivi over to the food table adorned with a massive cooked pig, no doubt telling Vivi she hunted the pig herself. There's one Prince I can't find though.

I look back at Taryn "You don't look 8" I accuse.

"Well actually being 8 would make this part really skeevy" she laughs and leads us into the crowd.

"This part of what?" I ask, my eyes scanning all the faeries we pass. A habit I picked up not long after this very revel.

"The story" She says matter-of-factly. "So, _thinking that they had put the Prince on the path of righteousness and kindness, they relaxed_." It took me a second to realise she was carrying on the Bombs story. " _Not knowing the party the Queen had planned for the Princes 16th naming day would be hosting dignitaries from other lands, and that with those dignitaries would be mortal handmaidens._ " She told me, walking us around the party with her arm through mine. She gestured to our surroundings " _At the party everyone was boozing and celebrating the Prince" She lowered her voice conspiratorially "So much so that the next morning no one noticed a departing dignitary travelling home with a palace maid, and leaving their handmaiden behind in her place_."

I rolled my eyes, well versed with how interchangeable mortals are to some faeries, these ones were obviously no different. But we've stopped, I look to Taryn to see if she'll continue the story but she just smiles and kisses my cheek before she wanders off leaving me stood by the door. I look around, wondering what now, when I lock eyes with the missing Prince who is also older than he should be here. Cardan winks at me, the corner of his mouth pulling up as walks over and drops into a bow, holding out his hand "Dance?" He asks in a low voice.

I know at this revel I didn't dance with Cardan, he would have been younger too and I didn't even know who he was at that point. But unable to look away from his gaze, I extend my hand and he takes it, leading us to the area there are others dancing. He keeps my hand in his, using his other hand to place my other hand on the place his shoulder meets his neck before gripping my waist. I stare up at him as he begins to move us around the dancing space, he looks the same as usual, smart black clothes, golden circlet in his messy black hair and black kohl under his black eyes.

" _You see the night before, while entertaining the dignitaries, a human handmaiden had caught the Princes eye_ " He leans close to my face then, his nose brushing mine and I struggle to pay attention to his continuation of the story. " _And they both felt the attraction immediately. The Prince convincing her to stay and to send another maid in her stead._ " He stops moving us and I break his gaze to see where we're stood, he's danced us into a darkened corner of the Throne room. He drops my hand but keeps hold of my waist, placing his other hand on my hip now. I look up at him again as I place my hand on his upper arm. " _Over the course of the next rotation they met often in secret and fell madly and hopelessly in love. When the 17th naming day came by the Prince proposed to his mortal mate, they were deliriously happy_." He smirks at me, leaning into my face again, his voice dropping as the shadows grow around us before flaring into bright light " _However the Prince was growing tired of the secrecy. But his love was worried they'd be separated, so he kept their secret._ " I grip onto him, closing my eyes against the light.

I feel his arm under my hand, his hands on my waist and his breath on my face until the moment it becomes dark again behind my eyelids and then he's gone. I open my eyes, looking at my new surroundings. I'm in the maze in Lockes estate, looking at myself I see I'm in Lockes mothers dress.

" _A few cycles later_ , cycles are months" I startle and turn to see Locke leaning against one of the shrubbery walls that makes up the maze, he's watching me with a unreadable look on his face.

I scowl at him "I know what cycles are" I snap at him, beginning to walk to get away from him and this maze as quick as possible. He follows at my heels though and then as I make a wrong turn, he corrects me leading the way through the maze.

" _In a fit of rage,_ I'm sure you're prone to them too." He chuckles and I glare at him "Anyway, _in a fit of rage the Prince destroyed his rooms. The elders were shocked at his out of the blue behaviour but ruled it an isolated incident - One incident wasn't enough to worry them. Until the following cycle, when he was deemed ready to be given his own audience with his people._ "

Hearing a piper playing I realise where we're headed and groan. Laughing outright Locke leads me to the centre of the maze into the open, where folk are gathered partaking in faerie  wine and nevermore. I grips my hand and leads me over to the table we sat at the first time I was here, once seated I try not to look in the direction of Cardan and those faerie girls but my head turns before I think better of it. There he is, laying down partially dressed and stained with gold. The faerie girls are there too, kissing him all over while just like the last time, his gaze is intent on me. Looking away for the second time, not out of embarrassment but anger this time I look to Locke, waving my hand and prompting him to continue.

He looks to where Cardan is laying and his eyes scan over the faerie girls before he seems to realise something and looks back at me with a full grin on his face. I cross my arms and scowl at him "Just get on with it" I huff.

 He laughs once more but then obliges me " _The King eager to start training the Prince for taking over the lands when he becomes King. But no one had expected for the Prince to dole out unfair and cruel punishments for the most minor of offenses. This again shocked the elders, but it still wasn't usual behaviour for the Prince so they reprimanded him and forgot about it."_

"The things you can get away with if you’re a Faerie prince" I glowered, looking back toward Cardan. One of the faeries was kissing where his shoulder meets his neck, while the other has straddled his thighs kissing his exposed chest. Again I am surprised to see he is still watching me where I'm sat with Locke, a frown on his face. I don't turn away first this time, I keep glaring at him until his eyes flutter closed. Turning back to Locke I glare at him too.

That is until I start seeing double. Two Lockes then three Lockes all looking at me funny before I squeeze my eyes tight against the waves of dizziness taking over me. Everything spins and I fall off my chair, crashing to the floor with a groan. I figured grass would be softer. Opening my eyes, it's not grass I've fallen off of my chair onto. It's concrete, looking around I recognise where I am - the tower school room. And I'm on the floor and it's empty, which means-

"Hello worm" I scramble to my feet spinning to see Valerian grinning at me and leaning against one of the desks.

"Valerian" I greet, eyeing the door. I don't care if he has part of the story to tell me. Like hell am I staying in this tower alone with him. Even in my dreams. I look back at him, he looks amused, but in that haughty condescending way that pissed me off so much. Taking a quick inventory of myself I notice I'm wearing a dress, but it's the one I know my dagger is hidden in. That gives me a little comfort.

I make a break for the door, but he catches me and pushes me against the wall, hard. I gasp and reach up, using my forearm to knock his hand away from my shoulder. "Just say what you have to say, unless you want a repeat of the last time?" I threaten, narrowing my eyes and trying to keep my voice steady as I pull out my dagger.

He eyes the dagger and then me, stepping backwards a step " _As you wish. A couple of cycles after the Prince did so badly at his public rulings, he got into a argument with his tutor and lost control almost beating him to death. The Prince was sequestered to his rooms for a day and when the elders went to speak with him they only reprimanded him because he seemed repentant._ " Valerian carried on with the story.

For a minute my curiosity overpowered my fear and I pondered this addition to the story. "So because he just said sorry, they let it slide that he almost killed someone?" I ask, still levelling my dagger at him.

"Of course, he was a Prince. Not to mention his tongue was bound by the same laws that govern us now. If he said he was sorry, he was sorry" Valerian shrugged.

Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, I turn my head to see the Bomb enter the classroom, she must have allowed us to hear her approach I think as she turns to Valerian and stares him down. "Off you pop, we have places to be" She says to him as she opens her fist toward him and blows a golden powder into his face. I don't have long to wonder what that stuff was as Valerian explodes in a shower of bright white light. Dropping my dagger, I scream and lift my hands to cover my eyes.  

"You can look now, Jude" I hear the Bomb say. Slowly I drop my hands and squint open an eye, seeing we're in the council room sans the council, seeing I'm still in the dress from before I slowly sit in the chair I usually occupy. The Bomb is on the left side of me and the table is covered with used and discarded cups of tea and biscuits. "Have you been listening so far?" The Bomb asks me, I look to her then, her head is cocked and she's looking at me expectantly. I nod at her.

"Excellent!" She chirps "So then, _they were quickly approaching the Princes 18th naming day, when on the eve of his name day, the Prince called for an audience with his father, the King, and the elders. Once assembled the Prince shared his intention to wed his human love. The elders were in shock, they had thought they had prevented this by outlawing humans in their lands. The King denied the Prince and dismissed him."_ The Bomb explained "Following?"

"Yes" I say, nodding at her again.

"Good, we're getting to the end now." The Bomb assured, "So, _the King, staying to speak with the elders, discussed the Prince and everything that had happened the previous rotation, the difference in the Princes behaviour and the outbursts he had been having. With this new information that he was seeing some mortal woman, it was unanimous that she was the cause and that she had to disappear for the sakes of both the Prince and the lands"._

With that, the Bomb stood up and beckoned me to follow her. I get up and follow her as she walks out of the door when I find myself disoriented. One second I was in a dress following the Bomb through a door and the next I'm in my black doublet and trousers stepping further into a small receiving room. I bend over, gripping the end of the chaise in front of me to steady myself and close my eyes until the dizziness ends. "I think I prefer the blinding light to that" I whisper angrily.

"Pardon?" I spin around quickly, earning myself another wave of dizziness as I wobble on my feet as Cardan darts forward, one hand going under the forearm of my outstretched arm and one gripping my hip helping steady me. Once I'm steady again the hand under my forearm moves up to brush over my neck and I look around, my heartbeat pounds as see we're in the room behind the throne and the last time we were here we..-

My thoughts are interrupted by Cardans fingers gently brushing my jaw and then my bottom lip. He leans forward, his head going to one side as his hand tightens on my hip and his other hand grips my other hip, pulling me to him "Should I tell you the next part of the story? Or should we call a truce? Here and now?" He whispers against my ear, his nose tracing the round shape as his warm breath against my neck makes my breath hitch and a causes a shiver to run down my spine.

I lift one hand to place my hand on his forearm and the other to thread through his messy black hair. A small noise escapes his lips when I clench my fist in his hair and pull slightly, his head pulling back enough for me to see his face, our noses just a few centimetres apart. His fingernails press into my skin through my clothes and my gaze dips to his mouth before I think better of it. "S-story" I whisper, unsure of myself. He leans forward once more, touching his lips to mine just briefly before pulling back again and pushing my hips until I back up against the door. Stepping right up to me so I'm pressed tightly between him and the door, he trails one hand one up my side until his fingers are splayed against the side of my neck and his thumb is resting on the hollow of my throat.

"Are you certain?" He asks, and I nod slightly "Very well." He whispers pulling his head back a little further to look at his hand on my neck, his voice comes out at a normal volume as he continues the story while we're stood against each other. " _What they didn't know was that when the Prince was denied and dismissed, he immediately found his love and wed her in secret. The Prince requested a audience with the King a few nights later the intention being to tell his father of his nuptials, and the King told him of the elders decision to banish his new bride, regardless of the fact they were already married. The Prince flew into a rage so deep that he killed the King."_ I tense up, hearing the Prince killed his father "Relax my Queen, it's just a story"

He steps back, pulling me with him. Dipping his head, he runs his nose and lips gently over the column of my neck. I tilt my head to the side to give him more access., he growls quietly before pulling me tighter against him. Had this not been a dream, his fingers would have bruised by now my hip by now. He begins speaking against my neck still moving - down, across my shoulder, back up to the hollow under my ear, never leaving more than a feather light touch against my skin. I'm not really paying attention to his words, just his actions when he says louder "Did you even hear any of that?"

"Hmm?" I sigh, clearing some of the fog in my head. He chuckles against my shoulder and the feel of it makes my head fog again. His mouth trails and path to where my neck and shoulder meet and everything comes into sharp focus as he nips at my skin.

"Listen" He admonishes me lightly, then starts again " _The next day, he was crowned King. His first order was to find his bride - now queen of the land. A cycle passed with no word of her and the King was becoming more and more desperate for their reunion, his orders to find her becoming more and more threatening and reckless and the King himself becoming crueller to his subjects with every cycle that passed."_ He pulls back smirking at me and walking me backward toward the chaise. His hands both move to my shoulders before his smirk is replaced by something softer _"He tore the land apart searching for his human wife, his love."_ The back of my legs hit the chaise and using the hands on my shoulders he pushing me down into sitting.

That's when thinks change again, and I blink confused to now be looking at the living council from my seat at the head of the table. I look around for Cardan but he's nowhere to be seen. A throat is cleared and I turn, looking to Randalin, the minister of keys. "Proceed" I say, looking for Cardan once more.

_"The elders couldn't understand it, they had hidden the human away, it had been many rotations since he last had contact with her. The King should be welcoming the light by now, not still embracing the darkness as he is. They decided a visit to the woman hidden deep beneath the castle was in order"._ Randalin continued on the story.

"She was kept beneath the castle?" I gape, shocked the elders would do such a thing. It's not lost on me that this portion of the story is being told by the living council.

"Should we expect you to keep interrupting us?" Randalin asked impatiently. I sit up straighter, never happy when I'm chided like a child and shake my head, allowing for them to continue. 

Fala, the Grand Fool picks up where Randalin left off _"She was frail and sickly from being held as a prisoner all those cycles but could answer their questions for her. As she spoke they realised that each time the Prince had lost control of his temper had coincided with the times he had snuck her from the castle to visit her family in her own land, that she was the light and not the dark. And more specifically, this fragile and dying mortal was the light to the Kings brand of darkness. That when she was gone from his side was when he was at his wickedest and most destructive."_ Understanding where this is going, I don't feel the need to ask anything so I remain quiet until the next speaker starts.

This time it's Madoc. I try really hard to keep my face neutral but I'm still rightly furious at him " _They feigned a rescue of the human Queen, but because of the many rotations spent as a prisoner, she was very close to death. Presenting her to the King, they spun a clever misdirection that a group under the old Kings orders had stolen her away in the night and kept her as a prisoner to ensure the new King would not find his bride."_

The scene in front of me changes again, I'm seated on a turtle. And freezing cold and wet in a far too revealing gown. I begin to shiver as Nicasia turns to me. I look around and see the rest of the faeries are continuing on as they did before. Nicasia sneers at me and for a minute I'm sure she'll make me wait for hours before telling me her part of this story. Just as I'm about to open my mouth to tell her to get on with it she sighs.

_"The King carefully reached out to brush his Queens skin and hair and before gently picking her up and taking her up to what should have been their room, setting her carefully on their bed. Over the next hours the change in the Kings appearance and demeanour visibly changed. His shoulders loosening, his mouth changing from a sneer to a content smile as he looked at his mate. The darkness remained in his eyes though, outraged at the treatment that befell his love."_ She said the entirety of her part in a bored monotone voice. As soon as she finishes she turns away, effectively dismissing me.

I'm gearing up to swear at her when a whirlpool opens up in the sea in front of us, I panic and scream as it sucks me in, everything going white around me. I fold in on myself, then I'm out of the water and sat on a hard floor. And I'm dry and warm. I open my eyes to see I'm sat on the floor in the throne room. "This is getting really old now!" I grumble, getting to my feet and dusting off my dress. That's when I'm caught and twirled into a dance. I'm about to protest when I look up into coal black eyes. "Miss me?" He purrs, twirling us in large circles until we're close to the dais. He lets go of my waist but pulls my hand until I step with him up onto the platform.

No one on the floor is paying us any attention as he grasps my chin in his fingers and turns my head to his, I meet his gaze and he says his next part softly and in a low voice. _"His lands sighed in relief to be less oppressed. To have a just and kind King that they needed to once again start to thrive following the darkness of his rule the last rotations. That continued for four cycles. On the fifth cycle the King Adrean called an audience with his people, where he announced that his bride, his love, his Queen Aurora - the dawn light to his dark night - had died."_

I knew this was coming but it still shocked me to hear it confirmed. He steps backwards toward the throne when the Bomb twirls up in front of me. "I'm here to finish this story" She says grasping my hand As the ballroom starts to lose focus and darkness begins to press in on us, leaving a wide circle of light around the dais that the Bomb and I are stood in. "It's almost over, Jude. _As the King mourned his light, his people mourned their peace. The kings darkness returned almost immediately, far quicker than anyone could anticipate. The darkness grew and grew until it caused the King to destroy himself and his entire land along with him."_

Cardan reappears from behind the Bomb, darkness radiating off of him in small tendrils and stops in between us. He's smirking at me and I can't tear my eyes away.

At a loss for what to say at the conclusion of the Bombs story and the way it's been told to me I blurt the first thing that comes into my head "What does any of this have to do with me?" I turn to look from Cardan to the Bomb buts she's gone. It's just me and him, stood on the dais in a circle of light that's getting smaller by the second.

"Don't you see? Everything is to do with you Jude" He murmurs moving closer to me. I put my hand up to stop him getting too close and swallowing me whole when I'm distracted by my hand out in front of me. And I'm definitely seeing things because, my hand looks like its glowing. Cardan takes another step toward me, I go to protest not wanting the light to go out leaving me in the dark again, but my strange glow is holding strong.

His hand rests lightly on my cheek and he leans down toward me, his eyes closing and his lips parting. My eyes flutter closed, his lips touch mine and then I'm in the dark again.

 

 

**_ Chapter 2.5 extra: _ **

 I'm not usually one to believe in luck. I don't think many faeries do. But I'm calling some kind of luck on Judes behalf. I was exhausted when I left here an hour ago, expecting to be asleep as my head hit my pillow. Only I got to my rooms in the main part of the palace when I realised Jude was trying to get back on Faerie time and would either be awake very late tonight or be awake very early tomorrow morning. So I grabbed my pillow and headed back to the Court of Shadows.

I want to say it's 100% because I started to see her as more than a acquaintance her last months in faerie. Because I admire her strength and cunning. But I am unable to speak untruths, so I confess, I also headed back because as much as I like her. I don't trust her to not go sneaking around the castle when she thinks everyone is in bed for the night. Yawning and exhausted I walked through the CoS to the back room with the cots, cast a quick glance at Jude, she was laying on her side and I assumed she was asleep. That is until I heard the groan.

She had managed to get herself into a right mess, she was covered in sweat and sick and she was shaking terribly. I managed to lessen her symptoms and clean her up and put her on a different, clean cot. Her sweating and groaning carried on so I tried soothing her in the way I was soothed by my mother as a child, by telling her a story. I told her one I had heard a hundred times in my youth, though I wasn't sure how much she was hearing if any but I continued anyway. Near the end of my story her shaking subsided, her body relaxed and her sweating calmed. I broke from my story to tell her it's almost over. Again I don't know if she heard me but I hope she did.

By the time I had finished telling my story, she was resting peacefully. Resolving to have a word with her about not being so reckless in future, I climbed into the cot next to hers and went to sleep myself.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da!
> 
> Zero value add.   
> Don't hate me, this was mainly an excuse for Jurdan fluff :P
> 
> 💕


	5. Of Setbacks and Slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heeey!  
> Not a lot is going to happen here.  
> It's mainly the parts I had to add into the early part of the story to make sense with the rest of the changes I made last week to the rest of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kudos and comments on the last chapter!   
> I admit I was unsure of it but after the reception it got I'm keeping it as is.
> 
> Here is Chapter 3? I think?   
> Or I might just lean into the skid and call it Chapter 5..
> 
> This is more of a filler I've written this evening to bridge the gap between the previous direction of this story and my new direction for this story. I figured I'd upload this tonight and what was Chapter 3 will be edited to fit and uploaded as the next chapter tomorrow.   
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: The Cruel Prince and The Wicked King belong to Holly Black. For this chapter I have borrowed lines from both outright. Those lines are not mine.
> 
> Also un-beta'd. Probably mistakes galore.

In the dark there's nothing but nonsensical sentences floating through my mind, echoes of past touches, feelings and parts of the Bombs story all meshing together.

**_The Prince who has potential to become a paragon of good, or a force of evil._ **

**_A cruel and wicked King._ **

**_Someone gets in his way and they're instantly and brutally punished._ **

**_"Tell Madoc you don't belong with us, your betters"_ **

**_A spike of fear as he watches me from the river bank as I search the waters I'm in for nixies._ **

**_His hand sliding lower on my hip._ **

**_"We will break you… We'd hardly need to try"_ **

**_Once he tormented me simply because he was young and bored and angry and cruel._ **

**_A curdle of dread as he promised to repay me in kind for the crown I had placed upon his brow._ **

**_"Your high king did this for you… The undersea attacked us. And your Cardan let her. There was no mistake"_ **

**_The phantom feel of his hand grabbing for my throat._ **

  ** _A kind and just king._**

**_My quiet surprise at realising he risked himself to get me away from the revel following the murder of the majority of the royals._ **

**_"You're mortal. It's not safe for you here."_ **

**_A wave of horror and surprise as I'm on my back, with him leaning over me._ **

**_A Split second of worry before.. "Jude?" Almost asking permission before he uses his magic on me._ **

**_"I trust you. I trusted you"_ **

**_Cold shock as I hear the words "Marry me" come from his lips._ **

**_"As the high king I must lead. But I must also be just"_ **

**_The ghost of his fingers brushing my neck and his mouth touching my ear._ **

**_"What does this have to do with me?" I ask._ **

**_Confusion as words echo in my head "Evas child destined to be a greater weapon than Justin could ever forge"_ **

**_Perhaps not Viviane, the child mum was carrying when the hag came across her. Perhaps not even Taryn, who one would assume was the gentle one, who played her hand and threw her lot in with Madoc to betray me and mine._ **

**_"Don't you see? Everything is to do with you Jude"_ **

****

And then I'm not longer floating in the dark and everything is far too bright - even through my closed eyelids. I shift slightly and groan at the ache in my body. I feel like I've gone 10 rounds with a horse, my body feels stiff and heavy. Lifting my hand to cover my eyes my stomach rolls at the movement and my head feels damp and warm under my fingers.

"Sleeping beauty awakens" I tense as a major sense of déjà vu floods through me and my eyes shoot open expecting to see the Bomb sat at my vanity painting her nails.

Upon opening my eyes, pain rocks through my skull and I wince and squeeze my eyes closed again. I hear the fizzles of extinguished candles and risk opening one eye to see the much darkened room. I open my other eye and blink against the dryness in them. My vision comes into focus and I see the Bomb on the cot at my side. Glancing around what I can see without having to move my head I see we aren't in my room upstairs, that I'm exactly where I was when I started to worry I took too much to recover from. I'm on a different cot to the one I passed out on, I look back at the Bomb a question on my cracked lips before she cuts me off.

"Jude, what were you thinking?" She toes the line between normal and loud volume, making my ears throb. "You silly girl! You could have died! What if I hadn't returned when I did?"

I flinch as her voice grows louder with each word, stabbing another pain in my head. Out of nowhere I realise that overdosing on poison has much the same after effect as a hangover.

"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry" I rasp, each word grating up my throat making my voice croaky and weird. I swallow a few times but it doesn't help and only causes my throat to burn. The Bomb holds a glass of water with a straw in close to my mouth, I swallow a mouthful of water, feeling it slide down my throat and settle heavily in my empty stomach. "How long?" I ask, swallowing the nausea back.

"Three days" She replies, a hard look still in her eyes. "I gave you small doses of your poisons each day and took the liberty to slice up your next few doses to avoid this situation again in future"

I'm not a child I want to say, but to her I am. And again I've proved that by being reckless and not paying attention. "Thank you" I say instead.

"How are you feeling?" The Bomb asks, prompting me to take another swallow of water. I do, taking another mouthful.

I take stock of my body "My head aches, my throat and eyes feel dry. My limbs hurt, it feels really warm in here and my stomach is unsettled. And I'm sleepy still" I finish with a yawn.

"Yes, I'm not surprised, I found you shivering and covered in sweat and vomit. It will hurt for a while yet, you are best to try to sleep it off." She moves over to me to pull back the top blanket and I cool down slightly "Your nickname here may be 'Queen' but don't get too used to me waiting on you"   

"I wouldn't dream of it" I rasp, cracking a smile which makes my lips split and ache more. I close my eyes, feeling the call of sleep coming back already "I had the strangest dream, it was a story.." I trail off into unconsciousness.

I awake sometime later, woken by voices filtering through from the common room. I try to open my eyes to see if I can look around the door but I don't have the energy to pry them open this time so I settle for listening instead.

"…He is requesting it and requesting that we stay out of it." This voice is deep and gravelly. The Roach I realise.

"But I do not think that is wise!. We agreed she is to remain under watch. We cannot allow her one-on-one time unsupervised with his Majesty" This voice was light and musical, even when arguing, The Bomb.

"Who are we talking about?" I freeze, that sounds like Taryn. Why is she here? I wonder if it's because she got my letter. I try to open my eyes then, aiming to get sat up so I can go and confront her- she's so close. But I can't lift my eyelids let alone my entire body. I relax against the bed and listen to the rest of the conversation.

"You know her as well as I. I think we need to relax her guard and she what she does with it. His highness feels this is the only way forward with this. We are at an impasse otherwise." The Roach replies.

"He came up with this plan?" There was surprise in Taryns voice then, and again I wonder why she's here. If she's double crossing Madoc? But her presence here makes me believe they are talking about me.

"Yes" The Bomb sighs "And I agree with you somewhat. I just think it's too risky. We cannot endanger his majesty on the slim chance we find out her ulterior motives. With everything going on we cannot trust her"

Ulterior motives? Perhaps they think I'm also in cahoots with Madoc.

"We will need to set rules with his majesty. Provisions for different situations should they arise. We cannot allow her alone in his rooms with it." The Roach says. "But we do need to allow her to have a greater sense of freedom to do with as she wishes and this is the only way."

"Wait a minute. You don't seriously think harm would come to him if that were to happen?" Taryn asked incredulously.

"I do not" The Bomb argues, but then sighs loudly "When have we an audience with the King?"

"Tomorrow. Two hours past sunset. He is keen to move things along quickly" The Roach replies.

I don't hear the rest, I'm caught up on the implication I'll be allowed out of the Court of Shadows soon. I start to remember my favourite parts of Elfhame which works much the same as counting sheep and I succumb to the darkness once more.

I wake again later. There's no voices coming from the common area this time and I find I feel much better than before. I open my eyes and roll onto my side, looking to the cot the Bomb was sat on I see she isn't there now. In her place is a folded pile of dresses, at first glance they don't look like my own, but I haven't been in Faerie for a while so they could very well be mine.

I give myself a few minutes to rest and then push myself to sit up. I'm doing no good to anyone being bed bound. The Bomb said we'd be planning my return but that was days ago. It takes me a few tries, but I manage to push myself up, sitting on my cot. I allow a few breaths and then swing my legs over the side, pulling away the sheet that was covering me over. I'm embarrassed that such a small and simple action has me winded and I'm glad no one is around to see it. I lean forward to grab the glass of water with the straw in that the Bomb left and drain it all sucking it up through the straw. I put the glass down and close my eyes, willing the nausea away and determined to keep the water down. It lessens after a minute or so and I look to the door of the room I'm in, I already know it'll take all my energy just to get to the door, let alone beyond that.

Steeling my resolve I grit my teeth and stand up slowly, pushing off the bed and no letting it go into I'm almost stood completely. Once I'm stood I smile that I got up alone and take a step forward straightaway. I instantly regret it though as I wobble on my feet and start to fall forward. In my head I see him dart forward to catch me, I reach out to steady myself but grasp nothing but air as I blink and realise he isn't here. I feel stupid as I fall forward and hit the floor with a gasp, that's going to bruise.

Bracing myself on my hands, I lean up and cough uncontrollably for a few seconds, again willing my stomach not to empty itself of the water I had. I grip onto the edge of the bed and pull myself into sitting and then up onto my feet once more. This time I give myself a minute to gather my strength before taking a smaller step forward, concentrating all my energy on that tiny step. When I place my foot back on the floor and am still standing I relax a little and continue that way, shuffling to the door.

When I get there I briefly lean against the doorframe before carrying on forward. It feels like it takes me ages to get the common area and seated in a chair at the table but I make it. As I sit down I feel out of breath, nauseous and can feel the tiredness creeping back over me. I lean forward to fold my arms on the table in front of me and rest my head on top, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to calm my heart rate.

That's how the Bomb finds me later that evening. I awake to the sound of utensils on crockery and my head shoots up, I blink into the light, clearing the rest of the sleep haze from my head and yawn into my hand. The Bomb pushes a plate of cheese and bread and butter across to me with another glass of water and one of my small salt packets. I take of sip of water and rip open the salt sprinkling it on my food.

"Thank you" I whisper, my voice all but gone apparently and my throat on fire. I pick up the bread and rip a small piece off. Not bothering with butter or cheese I continue to take tiny pieces of bread, chewing them into smaller pieces before swallowing them down, ignoring the ache in my throat and the protests of my belly. "What's been happening?" I ask, swallowing a little more water. I know the salt on my food will help my throat, I just wish it would help quicker.

The Bomb gives me the side-eye as she finishes chewing a bite of her food, swallowing and then looking directly at me. "Nothing you need to be concerning yourself with at this moment." I give her my best 'Just tell me' look and she sighs "The Roach is currently at the revel happening in the palace gardens, he's not reported anything unusual so nothing to be worried about there. His majesty is carrying on as he has the last few months in your absence. Still no eyes or ears on Madoc." She lists things off as she prepares her next bite of food.  

"Did Taryn not tell you anything earlier?" I ask, surprised they didn't use that opportunity to question her.

"Earlier?" The Bomb looks at me then, confusion written all over her face.

Was that a dream then? "I swore I heard her here earlier, speaking with you and the Roach about not letting me have one-on-one time with the King…?" I reply, trailing off as no recognition shows on her face.

 "Taryn has not ever been to, nor ever will be in the Court of Shadows. And certainly not while her loyalties are in question" The Bomb says, she stares at me a beat longer "Though I was having a conversation here with the Roach about not allowing Nicasia one-on-one time with the King."

"Nicasia? You're going to lighten her guard? Are you crazy? She wants the King, her mother has said as much outright." I try to raise my voice but it comes out as a croaky whisper still. "Why did you not fight the Roach harder on this?"

"Because the King himself decided this is the only way we will uncover her motives. We have suspected for a while that while they may align with her mother's, Nicasia could be playing for her own endgame." The Bomb says with a grimace.

I shudder imagining what that could be, I doubt Nicasia would allow the King to come to grave injury but I also doubt she would be above harming him for her own personal gain. Perhaps she and her mother will hold him hostage in Undersea until he agrees to wed Nicasia. I open my mouth to say as much until I remember that would be quite impossible. "So Taryn wasn't here?" I clarify

"No" The Bomb answers. "Those dresses on the cot are Taryns dresses. Though I brought those here, I borrowed them from her wardrobe as I could not find any clothes in your rooms. These will do until you can procure new dresses for yourself."

I snap to attention at the implication in her words "You've been to Lockes estate?" I question.

"No, since Locke and your sister often stay late at revels the King set them up with a room here. I took some of Taryns clothes from there" The Bomb explains. She thinks for a moment before she turns to me again. "When you were going back to sleep yesterday after our conversation you mentioned you had a strange dream, may I ask what that was about?"

I look at her puzzled for a second before it all comes rushing back at me, the Bomb and Taryn and Valerian and Locke and the King all taking turns in telling me parts of a story. I feel heat flood my cheeks and my neck as I remember the parts that involved the King. "It was this strange story about a king of old" I reply, furrowing my brow trying to remember specifics.

"A King of old?" The Bomb repeats her eyes widening slightly "You heard me?"

"If you told me a story about a King that could be good or bad and his mortal Queen, then yes. I heard you" I confirm.  "Did you have others here, telling different parts?"

"No, it was just myself. I had just found you. I cleaned you up and moved you to a different cot but you were still so sick. I remember this story my mother used to tell me as a child, so I told you it. By the end you had stopped shaking" She mused, her tone soft.

"In my dream, different people from my life here in Faerie were taking turns telling me. You during a stargazing lesson, then Taryn at the first revel we attended. Locke at his party, Valerian in the school tower…" I trailed off, unwilling to share the other parts of my dream. "Wait, you said that was yesterday I mentioned that? How long have I been out?"

The Bomb narrowed her eyes at my swift change of subject but answered me regardless. "Tomorrow you will have been back in Faerie for a week. You should rest now Jude, I have to get back to the revel. And we have a long day tomorrow, we need to decide how we are going to proceed with Nicasia and how to approach your return"

The Bomb guides me to the back room, I feel so much better after some bread, and find I can make most of the way back myself with little help. She takes me to the washroom and I go in alone, I finish up quickly and accept her help to get to my cot. The tiredness settling over me like a warm and welcoming blanket.

I think I sleep immediately after my head hits the pillow.

And I dream of eggshells and crowns.

 

**_ Chapter Bonus: _ **

"What do you mean we're no longer monitoring the Princess as closely?" I shriek. I must have misheard him, or he must have learned to bypass our laws and speak untruths. This cannot be real.

"I mean exactly that. We are under orders to decrease her guard." He says it in such a offhand manner, I might be mistaken and he is really talking about the snow still gracing the ground outside.

"We are not decreasing her guard. She is untrustworthy, that is reckless!" I argue. "Where has this even come from?"

"We have little choice. The King wants to see how bold she will become on a longer leash. He is requesting it and requesting that we stay out of it." The Roach says, trying to put finality into his tone. As if that is going to stop me from protesting this stupid and reckless idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... Thoughts, feelings, comments...?
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not great at writing recovery from something like this and I've never had a hangover so don't even have that as inspiration. I apologise if I have anything majorly wrong.
> 
> Don't forget, next chapter (The previously written chapter 3) will be up some time tomorrow as planned. Wednesday is apparently my upload day..
> 
> Also quick teaser for that one...   
> Cardan and Jude come face-to-face in that one  
> :O :O :O :O Whhaaaaaaat?! ;P


	6. Of Nevermore and Not Taking Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm SOOO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER.
> 
> I swapped internet providers and was without wifi for almost a week! :O:O:O   
> But it that time I completely re-wrote the majority of the story to fit my new direction for it.
> 
> As always, characters belong to Holly. I'm just twisting them for my own amusement.
> 
> Also Unbeta'd  
> Grammar hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel terrible. This chapter took forever as I'm finding myself more motivated to write chapters waaaay ahead of where i'm currently up to..
> 
> Does that happen to any of you?
> 
> I have like 3 chapters written from almost the end of the fic and not a lot from my rewrite of the beginning.
> 
> As a result, this chapter is almost double what it usually is because I feel bad that I lost steam with this one until the end... 
> 
> You'll see.

 

Feeling much better than the previous day I wake up and dig through Vivis care package for food before I make my way to the common area to wait for the Bomb and the Roach. It takes me a little while to get there, having to stop a few times to catch my breath.

I sit at the table, unsure when either will show up and ponder the last few days, what's been real and what hasn't. The Bomb says Taryn was never hear, but I definitely heard her, or maybe myself? Maybe what I assumed was Taryn in their conversation was really just myself and what I was thinking or saying in response to them. I think over the conversation and decide it must have been, no one was actually replying to those parts.. They were extra. It doesn't take long for my forehead to start to throb trying to remember anything else from after I took the poison so I give up on that pretty quickly. The story of Adrean is never far from my thoughts though.

The Bomb and the Roach come in not long after I've run though the whole dream twice. As I'm feeling much better today I manage to get through a whole few hours of debriefing and planning ahead. They're going to let me make a big show of my return in a few days and I get excited at the thought of my life here returning to semi normal. Obviously I have no idea how I'm going to handle the dynamic now I'm Queen of Elfhame. Does anyone know? Will I have to have a coronation? What happens if the Queen of Elfhame murders her husband for exiling her? Ok, even I admit murder may not be the way to go but I definitely plan on roughing him up a little. I've been bottling my anger and frustration at him for almost 5 months now.

I manage to go hours without asking about the meeting with his majesty that I had overheard them talking about, until evening starts to creep up on us. Finally, I find myself unable to hold it back any longer.

"How did the meeting with the King go?" I ask, keeping my voice even and my face indifferent.

"Princess Nicasia has two guards on attachment on her rooms at night time as opposed to the previous four guards. And one that trails her throughout her day now as opposed to two. That guard has also been given orders to not intervene with her. So we can see what she does with it" The Bomb mutters, clearly unhappy with this turn of events.

"Why?" I ask, my suspicion rising "What is he expecting to happen?"

"He seems to believe she will attempt to corner him in his rooms or somewhere equally as private" The Roach replies.

Annoyance flashes through me at that. "And why is that?"

"You have a lot of questions today. I expect either to talk him into agreeing with her mother about their marriage from a political standpoint or to try to genuinely rekindle things between them." The Roach muses. "Of course, his majesty did not divulge his theories on the matter to us. So that is purely conjecture."  

"His Majesty is also unable to predict a timeline on this. And as such we found no use in hiding you away down here for longer than necessary. Once you've recovered fully you may return. You can have a front row seat to this mess like the rest of us." The Bomb purses her lips and stares the Roach down.

"Enough, the decision was made, it is out of our hands." The Roach snaps at her, her eyes continue to stare him down, as he turns to me. "Jude, are you feeling well?"

Only  took him 5 hours to ask, I think bitterly. "I'm feeling much better"

"Good, in light of that, I think it is best you join us at tonight's revel, now the Princess has fewer guards three eyes are better than two. Besides that way I can keep watch from the rafters. Which means I'll need you to use my cloak and mask to walk around on the floor in  my steed." The Roach explains, rising from his seat. "The Bomb will prep you and you will follow her to learn the ropes. Shortly before you leave I will return with a spare mask and cloak for Jude"

With that he leaves. The revel preparation is pretty much what I expected. Don't talk to anyone, eyes out for suspicious persons or conversations. Above all keep a look out for the Ghost or any of Madocs men. The Bomb will be watching the Princess and the King. As well as Locke and my sister and the Roach will be following the King from above.

The Roach stops by and drops off the things I'll need tonight before leaving to situate himself in the rafters before the revel goers begin to arrive. The Bomb braids my hair and dresses me in one of Taryns dresses, a silky blue thing with flowers around the hem and a immodest neckline. She then hands me a pair of enchanted wedge shoes that feel very comfortable and will make me the high I need to be to pass as the Roach, before helping me into the heavy black cloak with a hood. Finally handing me a mask like what the Roach uses.

"The eye holes and the mouth hole on the mask are mesh so no one should be able to tell it is you under there. You are not to speak, there is no way to disguise who you are in that respect. Just follow me and try to make sure your cloak and mask stay in place." The Bomb advises. "You are ready. Just remember to not draw attention to yourself. I will remain by your side throughout the night, so you won't have to speak at all. Also I understand it may be difficult to see his majesty after what happened last year -"

"That's a understatement." I snap, she doesn't know the half of it. Yeah in her eyes I have a right to be furious with him, but if she knew the true extent of it she'd allow me to filet him on sight. Steak a la pompous arse anyone? My hand unconsciously twitches toward Nightfell, that I have strapped to my waist under the black cloak, and that draws the Bombs eye.

"-Really difficult. Jude, you are forbidden to take any action against his highness." She demands.

"Let's not forget I can't be charmed" I scoff.

"Perhaps not. But there are any number of other ways I can prevent you from going against my orders" She points out.

"Why, that sounds rather threatening" I grumble, I have no doubt there are some creative ways to disengage people in that brain of hers.

"We do not have to allow you attendance tonight. And furthermore, should we have concerns regarding your intentions toward the King, it may be in our best interests to return you to your sister and Oak until your emotions are better under control. Which is it to be?" She asks, raising a brow at me.

"They do say revenge is best served cold" I joke. "I'll get a better handle on it" _And save my anger for later_ , I add in my head.

The Bomb stares at me a few more seconds her gaze narrow, studying my face. I try to keep eye contact with her, but after a moment I begin to squirm under her scrutiny and overt my gaze. "It's fine, I'll keep it in check" I mumble.

"Let's go before I change my mind" She relents, leading the way out of the CoS I quickly fit my mask over my face and follow after her.

I think after all this time the Faerie revels would be the last thing to make me pause, but as soon as I step into the throne room I freeze in place. The music is in full swing with revellers laughing and dancing and drinking. Through my mask even I can see the streaks of gold across the mouths of the majority of the Faeries in this room. My attention is drawn by a small red skinned Faerie boy with pale grey hair and light orange butterfly wings between his shoulders. He's weaving through the crowd with a bottle of Faerie wine in one hand and a pot of Nevermore in the other.

The Bomb pauses with me, giving me a moment as she adjusts her own cloak and hood. "Come on" She says, taking off again toward the dais. I take a breath and follow her through the crowd of partying Faeries.

As we approach the dais my eyes  first find Locke. He is sipping from a bottle of wine, not bothering with a glass, and lounging on the steps leading up to the throne. I feel a brief flash of anger as I remember he was part of the group that attacked me in the woods on the eve of Taryns wedding. I am confident he will get what he deserves though and my anger cools off. Thinking of Taryn I'm surprised that she isn't at Lockes side like she usually is, or was I suppose.

Unable to turn to look for her at this moment I make a mental note to see if she's here later. For his sake though, she better be. I reluctantly move my eyes toward the throne only to see that it's empty, it has been occupied recently though as evidenced by the numerous bottles littered around the base of it on the floor.  

The Bomb steps up beside the throne and motions for me to stand at her side. As I turn to stand vigil over the throne, I look over the party once more this time from a higher vantage point on the dais. My eyes quickly find Nicasia, her blue hair and coral gown catching my eye almost immediately. I feel a small stab of envy at how lovely she truly is when compared to anyone here, myself included.

_"No other head of hair so dull, no other face so plain."_ Briefly flits through my head before my envy changes into rage and I find it difficult to stay where I am. The only thing keeping me in place is that I am not willing to prove to the Bomb and the Roach, who is here somewhere watching, that I shouldn't be here. So I grit my teeth and clench my fists together under my cloak as I allow my eyes to slide to her dark haired, dark eyed and darker hearted dancing partner.

I had assumed my months of bottled rage at the King would be something a kin to my previous level of anger and frustration I suffered day-to-day as seneschal. But seeing his stupid cruel face and his carefree demeanour at this stupid party, I realise how wrong I've been about that. Barely able to contain my anger I realise I would happily take on any punishment the blood crown sees fit if only I could run him through right now with my sword. I don't realise I've been practically vibrating with rage until the Bomb leans in toward me and snaps "Calm yourself or you will be removed" at me.

I press my fingernails into the fleshy part of my palm to control my limbs into stillness as I make a mental note to ask if the blood crown will dole out a punishment should it be the Queen of Faerie be the one to murder her stupid husband. Perhaps by feeding him to the Nixies? Or drowning him in the Lake of Masks.

As I tear my eyes away from him in an effort to calm down, I breathe deeply in and out as I scan the floor for other familiar faces. Once my eyes and attention are away from the Princess of the Undersea and my _husband_ I feel some of my tension drain away. Don't get me wrong, Taryn deserves some kind of minor decapitation or public punishment as a way to knock her down a peg. Perhaps some stocks? I wonder if they have stocks in Faerie. But she wasn't the one who forced me to live in a world I no longer belong to, she wasn't the one who subjected me to day after day of snail's pace hours where I felt like I was a foreign body the mortal world was trying to eject, but with nowhere to go.

Getting angry again I force myself to look at the revellers closer in an effort to find my twin. I find her then and I force myself to scrutinise her closely, looking for differences from four months ago. She's too far away to see if she's wearing her celestial earrings but she looks about the same as always to me. She's swirling and twirling around a short distance from the Princess and the King. Her partner is a lilac skinned Faerie boy, I look closer at him and realise I recognise him, he's the same one Taryn was asleep next to at the foot of the dais all that time ago.

There's no sign on her face the she's received my letter. She's happy, or drunk, or she looks it anyway. I think about all the things I've been debriefed about this last week, wondering where Taryns loyalty lies and don't notice right away that her and her partner have been interrupted from their dance. Then shortly after she's twirling again but she has none of the carefree looseness that she had a moment ago. I can hardly blame her though, I'm finding my own shoulders tensing and my murderous intent returning as I watch my twin and my husband circle the floor. My attention is snapped away from them as I hear Locke mumble from his place on the steps.

"Didn't take as long as I thought" But surely I misheard him? Drunken mumblings maybe? But his head is also following his wife and her brother-in-law around the dance floor. I almost laugh out loud as I think that, what a dysfunctional lot we are. In the mortal land Heather used to watch this show about these sister that were famous for some reason or another, I forget why, and she was obsessed with it. But I think we could give them a run for their money. A small laugh does escape me then but the mask muffles it and Locke is too far gone or watching them too intently to notice. I look back to see Taryn and the King dancing still, I search the floor for Nicasia and find her dancing with another Faerie with a sour look on her face, also watching them.

Looking back I notice they're talking as they dance, it seems like he's asking questions, his eyes intent on hers as she looks uncomfortable and tense as she answers him anyway. I decide in that moment that I actually don't want to kill him - just hurt him really, really bad. Or perhaps dose him with extra Deathsweet? A small amount won't work if he's building up his immunity like I suspect he is, but if I give him enough he'll sleep and sleep and I won't have to worry about anything that might come out of that wicked mouth of his.

The music comes to a end and they stop their dance. Taryn goes to pull away, looking toward her husband on the dais before going back toward the King as he makes a grab for her hand that was just a moment ago resting upon his shoulder. He raises it to his face and for a second I'm livid and seeing red that he's going to kiss her hand and show her a kind of deference he never once showed me, and after all she's done. Until I see that instead he's studying her hand. I'm confused, from here it looks like he's examining her ring. I too try to get a better look, it isn't a Faerie custom to exchange rings and a quick glance to Locke shows no ring upon his finger, so it must be something Taryn insisted on or sorted out for herself. I look back to them, the King is still gripping her wrist and Taryn is stood straight and averting her eyes as he's talking to her.

"If I did not know any better, I would say he looks disappointed" The Bomb mumbles by my side.

But that makes no sense. Disappointed? That she's married? How dare he? Surely there's some Faerie law that prohibits multiple wives? I rack my brain as I'm once again imagining his murder, but I can't think of any polygamous Faeries. Multiple partners and conquests at once, sure. But no multiple wives or husbands here. My stomach tightens and my foot take a small step forward as I make a plan to go down there. Trying to judge how far I would get before I'm stopped.

The Bomb throws a arm out across my chest and pushes me back into place in warning. I'm about to step forward once more as she says "Take it easy" under her breath. I grit my teeth and narrow my eyes again as they land again on the King. I watch as he releases my twins wrist to trail his fingers over hers. Then I'm shocked into stillness as I watch his slender, pale and ringed pointer finger and thumb brushes down her ring finger. I almost think he's stealing her wedding ring from her but as my thumb unconsciously rubs over where my ring should be, before it moved to the chain around my neck, and then carries on down my finger I realise what it is he's doing. I rub my thumb over my missing fingertip once, twice, three times before I allow myself to feel smug.

He must think I'm here somewhere. He must think I'm here, deceiving everyone if he's checking Taryn. That must be what that exchange was about earlier while they were dancing. He was interrogating her and she was uncomfortable with the questions. I'm shocked but oddly proud of myself that he thinks I'm capable of that kind of deception. And also more than a little bit smug that I am here and so far undetected for the last 6 days or so. I think that should be the first thing I tell him. Petty? Yes. Childish? No doubt. Do I care? No. Mr High and mighty can throw all he wants in my face, but I'm successfully here right under his nose. That almost makes it worth not being able to inflict pain, like I so desperately want to do.

Maybe what I need to do is embrace my crown and my role as Queen of Faerie and then exile him. I more than proved those first months that I can rule without him, I let myself daydream about what that would be like. The Bomb nudges me in the ribs and I snap to attention in time to see Taryn approach Locke and his majesty stalking toward the throne. As he draws closer to where I'm stood I freeze as I contemplate how much trouble I would be in with the Roach and the Bomb if I trip the King. A wicked smile spreads over my lips as I imagine how that would play out. He walks past us, a bottle of wine in his left hand and a fresh streak of gold at the corner of his lips. I wouldn't even have to try very hard to trip him.   

"Roach, Bomb" He whispers theatrically as he sits upon his throne. "Glad to see the fun police are in attendance again tonight" He makes himself comfortable on the throne with one leg thrown over one arm and his elbow resting on the other arm. His crown is skewered but he makes no move to straighten it and I'm tempted to knock the wine from his hand. I have to ball my hands into fists to stop myself from doing just that.

"Bomb, Bomb, Bomb" He laughs, motioning her forward. "Kindly go and fetch more Nevermore for your Kinglyness." He waves his hand as a dismissal and another wave of anger threatens to force me into action against him. Again, how dare he? The Bomb is here to protect his sorry arse from threats and he's treating her like a common chambermaid? I'm further angered by the fact the Bomb actually moves and walks away from the dais.

Once she's out of sight he turns to me "Roach" He beckons me forward and it takes all my willpower not to look up to the rafters where the actual Roach is. Instead I lean toward the throne "Find out if any of the mortals from the kitchens wish for some company tonight once the revel has broken up" He says in a low voice.

Like hell I will, adulterer! I'm forced to thrust my fists behind my back to avoid punching him here and now. I ball my fists and incline my head slightly as Nicasia approaches the throne. She curtsies low in front of the King and I hear him sigh as I step back. My mind is going a mile minute and I know I should be paying attention to their conversation but I just keep replaying that time I had a knife to his throat and relish in how utterly under my control he was then.

"..company in your room. Or mine?" My attention is drawn back to Nicasia as I catch the end of her words. Her voice is low and sultry. She's still trying to temp him then. I look over at her knelt at the foot of the Throne with her hand on his arm. From  my viewpoint I can see why her Highness, Princess of the Undersea deigned to kneel on the floor - should he look at her he'll get a view of her bosom in her low-cut gown. He isn't looking though, his eyes are on the revellers.

"Thanks for your interest Princess." He's smirking as his eyes briefly dip from the revel to hers before looking back up again. "But I'll have company in my rooms tonight"

Nicasia pouts and gets to her feet as the Bomb appears on the dais with a pot of Nevermore the size of my palm. She hands it to the King and moves back to my side. She leans toward me slightly "You are dismissed." She says in a whisper. "Things will get a lot messier from here and it is unwise that you be here for that."

When I don't respond or make a move to leave she leans toward me again and says "Now. Go now" A lot harsher than the first time. Not wanting to piss her off, I reluctantly move my feet to leave. As I'm stepping off the dais the King calls out to me.

"Roach" I turn back to him "Make sure you do as I asked" Then he lifts his finger to his mouth to rub Nevermore into his top gum. I have no plans to do as he asked so, without any indication I heard him, I turn around and leave.

 

It is hours before the Bomb and Roach return to the CoS. I guess I should consider myself lucky they decided to return here at all. They each collapse into a chair and remove their cloaks. The Roach is rubbing his temples and the Bomb is yawning as much as I am.

"That was a night and a half" The Roach murmurs. "His majesty had far too much wine and Nevermore so I doubled the guards stationed outside his rooms."

"Smart, he finished that entire pot of Nevermore. Next time I'll pick a half empty one" The Bomb adds.

"Everyone is in bed?" I ask, I'm exhausted but there's a restlessness in me and I'm not sure how it got there. I'm still wound up after the events of tonight and I realised in my hours alone here that I have some things to work through.

"Yes, it's almost 9am. Everyone is in bed now, and we should be too." The Roach replies.

It's morning. My favourite time of day used to be morning, especially snowy or stormy mornings. "I'm going for a walk outside" I say, staring them down and putting as much authority in my voice as I can muster. They may not know I'm Queen but that won't stop me from acting like one.

"No" The Roach says as soon as I finish speaking.

"Yes" I counter "Look I'm still in Taryns dress, I just want to see outside and breathe some air I'm not sharing with others. I'll be 30 minutes or less."

"No, it is far too risky. And quite frankly after how you behaved at the revel tonight I'm not exactly willing to give you what you want." The Bomb answers me this time.

"Yes. I'm not going to budge on this, let me get some air." I implore, I want to see the snow and smell the morning "I know my way around by now, I won't be seen, besides everyone is in bed already"

"What if you are seen?" The Roach asks. I try to not hope that it's a sign he's wavering.

"Then I'm Taryn" I state simply. "She's here somewhere right? You said she has a room here?"

"First I want to know what the King was referring to when he said not to  forget to do as he asked." The Roach says, I hadn't realised he'd heard that from his place above us.

I ball my hands into fists under the table but keep my face blank. "His highness" I almost wince at how bitter my voice sounded on the word "requested that the amount of wine be doubled for the next revel. And the Nevermore as well, he didn't appreciate having to ask for more" I lie seamlessly

"In times of tension, such as this, we decided it would be more beneficial to limit his majesties imbibing." The Roach says, rubbing his temples again "Do not pass along the Kings message"

"I had no intention of doing that" I say firmly and truthfully "So I can get some air?" I ask

Neither speaks for a moment "You have 30 minutes. And then I come looking for you." The Roach threatens.

I jump from my seat and swiftly walk out of the before they can change their minds, I sly foot through the palace and out into the gardens keeping to the shadows. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. The first cold breath stabs at my throat and down into my chest but it feels freeing. Every subsequent breath in stings a little less until I can breathe in and out without wincing.

I allow myself enough time outside in the snow to begin losing feeling in my extremities. A glance at my fingers shows that my normal blue tinged nails are turning purple with cold.. I take one more deep breath in before I exhale and silently re-enter the palace and slowly make my way to the Court of Shadows.

It always surprised and awed me that even in the soft light of dawn or in full out sunshine the palace halls always remain dark as if it's perpetually midnight. I'm lost in my gawking at the corridor ahead of me trying to mark any changes that I miss the sound of quiet footsteps approaching me from behind. I tense and then I relax as I realise it's likely the Roach making good on his threat to track me down if I take too long. I mentally tally how long I've been as I sigh "I was just coming back" I whisper as I turn around. I immediately freeze, any other words I might have said dying on my lips as I see the King and not the Roach stood before me.

I widen my eyes and tilt my head down slightly in my best impression of my sister and that damn doe-eyed look that graces her face when she's surprised. I quickly drop into a low curtsy, glad that my face is tilted downward as my left hand fists into the fabric of my dress and my mouth involuntarily changes into a scowl. I loosen my lips into a surprised O shape as I look up at the King from under my lashes "Your majesty" I murmur, trying to push a tremble into my voice. Turns out I needn't have bothered, it ends up being easier than I thought as my rage causes my voice to shake slightly.

He's stood a few feet in front of me, leaning a shoulder against the wall beside us. From the state of him - glassy and unfocussed eyes, smears of Nevermore over his fingers and across his cheek and mouth - I'd guess he's leaning against the wall to keep himself upright.

"Up you get, twin sister" He slurs, lazily waving a hand up. I rise keeping back and forcing my face to stay in the doe look as I scan him closer. He's missing a shoe, his breeches are slightly undone allowing his tail to be free and hanging behind him. His jacket is unbuttoned and few of his shirt buttons are missing. His crown is not on his head and his black hair is a mess - some of it is flopping into his eyes and the rest is sticking up every which way. "Find what you were looking for?" He asks.

I drop my eyes to the floor between us in mock embarrassment at being caught staring at him, as I become overwhelmed with the urge to punch him. It would be so, so easy. He can barely even stand unaided as it is. But no, he'd likely put two and two together if 'Taryn' were to outright attack him without being provoked.

The scene I imagine is replaying over and over in my head a she pushes off of the wall and steps toward me, narrowing the space between us. I step back as he crowds my space and herds me against the wall.

"Your highness" I say, anger once again making my voice shake. "I was just- " I cut off and raise my eyes to his, seeing his pupils blown wide, he places on hand on the wall to the left of my head as he smirks at me and grabs for my right hand. Running his fingers along mine transferring gold across from his skin to mine, I almost scoff, he's so drunk he doesn't realise he's checking the wrong hand. The right hand still safely tucked in the folds of my skirts. I feel a wave of smugness as I realise I've bested him again. I want to pull my hand from his and use it to slap him round the face but, again, no. That isn't what timid Taryn would do. I force my anger and frustration down as I try to figure out the best way out of this situation. The longer I stand her the more chance I'll say or do something Taryn wouldn't and the jog would be up.

"You were just..?" He asks, letting go of my hand and placing it on the wall on the other side of my head, effectively caging me against the wall with his arms.

"I.. I couldn't sleep, I thought a walk would help?" I'm not sure why the end of that came out sounding like a question. Maybe it's his proximity after all this time. Maybe it's because all my focus and energy is going into not doing anything rash as he leans toward me and raises his fingers to my face.

"Your majesty.." I say in a quiet and meek voice, trying to channel how Taryn speaks and acts, I look down feigning court protocol. And to stop him from seeing my face until I can make it look less angry again.

"I want to send you running back to your husband, but part of me wants to play pretend" His voice is low and his words measured as his fingers brush the apple of my cheek softly, leaving a trial of cold gold in their wake. Moving along the underside of my jaw to my chin, pushing it up until my face is looking up into his again. He releases my chin and rests his thumb against the middle of my bottom lip, dragging it down slightly. With his finger on my mouth I can smell the sweet enticing scent of the nevermore clinging to his fingers. "You have no right walking around here, like that"

His gaze drops to my mouth, down to my bare neck and back to my lips a moment before the air prickles around us, "Kiss me" He demands, pushing glamour into his command/into his words. It doesn't force me into action like he expects but I find myself getting closer to him as he leans down to me anyway. My eyes flutter closed and -

\- I hear a delicate cough nearby "Your majesty"

My eyes shoot open to see him just a few inches away from my face, our noses brushing, his eyes closed and his gold stained lips parted. Turning my head toward the voice I see Nicasia dropped low in a curtsy before rising again and glaring at me, she's still in her coral gown from the revel. I look back toward him, his face is closer than before with his eyes still closed, his head leans forward and his lips brush my cheek. He pulls back sighing heavily, breathing the scent of everapple and faerie wine across my face which causes my head to spin. Opening his eyes, he stares at me as he takes a small step back before looking down to my mouth, dropping his hand to the wall beside my hip and then finally looking to where Nicasia is stood waiting. "Can I help you?" He asks her politely, though I definitely hear an edge to his voice. And I know Nicasia must hear it too. "I'm in the middle of something here"

"I was hoping for an audience to discuss the undersea delegation" She replies with a smile as sweet as it is fake.

"It's the middle of the morning" I blurt out. She should be in bed not seeking out a drunk of his arse king. He's leaning toward me again, his nose and lips lightly tracing the shape of my ear and exhaling with a small noise reverberating in his chest. I'm frozen in place my heart beat pounding in my chest. I want to reach out to Nicasia and bang her head against the Kings.

She turns to me narrowing her eyes and sneering at me "Off you run little mouse. Best go keep an eye on that husband of yours" I know those are strategic words, that her intention is to not only insult me, or rather Taryn, but to remind him he's cornered his friends wife against a wall in a darkened corridor when everyone else is soundly asleep.

I almost snap back at her, telling her that's exactly what I'm doing. But think better of it, I don't think my return would be well received at this particular moment. Not particularly wanting to do as she tells me, but also not really wanting to stay there much longer I duck under the cage of his arms, turn on my heel and walk away. Once I'm out of sight and earshot I run and don't stop until I'm back in the common area of the Court of shadows. 

 

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! Nicasia you tuna smelling crotch-blocker!
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> So no chapter bonus from this chapter. 
> 
> I was going to do a POV of our favourite Wicked King of Faerie but quickly realised writing slurred/drunken speech/thoughts makes me super uncomfortable.
> 
> I'll throw 2 in the next chapter... Unsure when that's coming because I need to decide if I'm keeping the original next bit or if I have to add in more to make the rest make sense.. Should be next Wednesday by the latest.
> 
> Thanks!  
> 💕


	7. Of Planning and Parties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Long time no speak!
> 
> Sooooo SORRY I WAS unwell then stuck...  
> It's fine now. I binge watched 99 and I'm happier again.
> 
> Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool
> 
> With no further introduction...
> 
> (Except unbeta'd and I try guys, but this chapter is where grammar goes to die)
> 
> ((Oh and it's a direct follow on from 6))

Hurrying past the Roach and the Bomb I go to the washroom and slam the door behind me. Facing the mirror and taking in my face, seeing the Nevermore stains across both my cheeks, along my jaw, around my ear and on my lips, three things hit me all at once.

  1. I can't be glamoured because of Dains geas. But I still leaned into that kiss, what was I thinking?
  2. He thought I was Taryn. How many times has he sought her out? And why?
  3. He's slipping his guards still. They were nowhere around and Nicasia wouldn't have been a problem if they had been with him. They would realise the middle of their night is no time for talking politics with a barely coherent king.



I quickly splash my face removing the worst of the gold before swiftly making my way back to the common area. The bomb opens her mouth but I hold up a hand quickly, cutting her off.

"Sorry, but this is important. I stumbled across his majesty" The Roach moves to cut me off, no doubt a reprimand for getting caught, but I don't let him "No, I didn't blow it, he doesn't know I'm back and I'm guessing the amount of imbibing he partook in tonight would prevent him from remembering anyhow. One of you should go check on him, Nicasia found him before I came down here. She means to talk politics, but he is in no state."

"You mean to say he mistook you for Taryn?" The Bomb asks and I nod "How drunk is he?"

 "Very! Everapple and nevermore at the very least" I say gesturing to my face aware some gold still remains and feeling my cheeks heat as their eyes roam over where I know it still sits on my skin. "He's slipped his guard again. One of you need to escort him back to his rooms and ensure his guard detail are well aware of what's at stake here. You told me tensions are too high for him to be running around alone and drunk off his arse, and yet he is" I finish. The Roach nods and gets up, immediately exiting the common area. "I guess he's not taking these threats seriously?" I ask waving a hand toward the folders still spread across the top of the table.

"No" The Bomb replies. "And now we have another problem. If he does remember this encounter, he is going to seek Taryn out again." She paused and I took a minute to stew over this information "That may be for the best though, if he glamour's her to not speak of the interactions she has with him, it will help limit any information she could be feeding to Madoc or Orlagh"

"As much as I hate the idea of trapping her that way, she can't be allowed to have the opportunity to talk about this. Things will get much worse should she share if anything like tonight has happened to her" I sigh, closing my eyes and hating the words that are about to come out of my mouth. She betrayed me but I still don't feel right about repaying her in kind "Tell _his highness_ of this plan, tell him you think it may be for the best that he glamour Taryn. Just like you told me."

She nods and leaves, no doubt to go directly to the King with her plan. I decide to head to the bathing room to scrub the remainder of the gold away and wait for them, It's not long after they return together.

"His majesty is back in his chambers safely. He will likely be there now until morning" The Bomb finishes, casting a quick glance at the Roach.

"What? What is it?" I ask, looking between the two. My eyes bug out a little and my mouth twists in disgust "Don't tell me he's been taking Nicasia to his bed"

"No, nothing like that." The Bomb answers quickly.

"The fact if the matter is, his highness hasn't been his usual self in that regard. The revelries are continuing, much worse than before, but his majesty is no longer entertaining courtiers in his private time. In his room or any other" The Roach explains.

"Except my sister" I scoff, and perhaps plans for other mortals. Before they have a chance to reply I ask "How long?"

"We can't be certain of when exactly. But he stopped having courtiers in his rooms when you were captive of Undersea." The Bomb replied

I think over the wording, it sounds off somehow. Narrowing my eyes, I look between them both. "Why are you emphasising 'Courtiers' when you talk about the Kings company?" I ask, looking to each as I ask them, I guess this is where they confirm that the enquiries about the mortal was not a drunken whim.

"It would not be a good idea to discuss that" The Bomb replies.

Getting frustrated and imagining the worst - that Taryn has been keeping the King company, that tonight was not a one-off- I calm myself and look just to the Bomb and calmly address her only "I am not above using your name to get the answer"

The Bomb looks put-out, she looks to the Roach and then returns to me "He has been leaving the revels with mortals. Either residents of Faerie or the palace staff. All female and a different one each night." She explains uncomfortably.  

"You don't seem as emotional about that as I had expected you to be" The Roach muses, studying my unchanged face.

I sigh "He asked about a mortal for company this evening before I left the revel. I thought it was a whim, but evidently not"

"At least now we know why he was wandering around the castle after hours." The Bomb says, rubbing her eyes a little. "Jude, it may not be the best idea to masquerade as the Roach tomorrow evening, if he asks again for company and he doesn't receive it, it will cause problems for us"

"No way, if tomorrow night is the night Taryn is ambushed then I'm going. One of you will just have to approach the King earlier to tell him no more company in his rooms for the foreseeable" I argue

"We cannot tell the High King of Elfhame what he can and cannot do" The Roach says firmly.

"I'm not saying to tell him what to do. I'm just saying heavily advise him. Tell him again of the threats, spin it so it sounds like the most likely cause of an attack would be a glamoured mortal" I'm grasping at straws here, I realise that but I'm furious.

"I will see what I can do. As for tomorrow nights' revel, get some rest Jude. You can once again accompany the Bomb. Any directives received from his majesty must be passed along to her or myself, if you fail to comply then you are banned from attending" The Roach gets up from the table and the Bomb rises to join him also.

After some half-hearted goodnights we each retire to our rooms.

Walking around with the Bomb, who is sporting her own heavy cloak, only her hood is down and around her shoulders. As we walk toward the dais she tells me about the other members of the Court of Shadows who are here tonight in a low voice - reminding me of our key players in the shake up after my exile. We pass Taryn too, having a conversation with the same pixie boy she was sleeping next to on the dais. Once we get to the throne the Bomb walks to the King with a small curtsy. I grit my teeth and bow slightly at my waist, the action feels stiff and unnatural. I ignore Locke as we both rise and the Bomb turns her attention to the King.

"The Roach is your personal detail for tonight" A clever misdirection. The Roach is in the rafters with the directive to follow his majesty all night. We had decided earlier that I was to follow his majesty so I could overhear his interaction with Taryn and intervene if necessary. She then gestures to me behind her  "You're not to make conversation, ask questions or otherwise draw attention"

I take a place by the side of the dais, just out of earshot of the throne and as a result the King and Lockes resumed conversation. I entertain the idea of moving closer but just as I finally make up my mind the double door to the room are opened. Every head is turned to see Nicasia walk though. It's such a obvious ploy waiting until the party is in full swing to make such a grandiose entrance. Her dress is a sapphire blue that matches her hair, the bust fitted with a corset and the hips and below lightly flares out in a almost see-through tulle skirt showing off her legs. Her arms and fingers are unadorned but around her neck she has a thin band of pearls in every shade of blue forming a choker and her hair is mostly up in a braid coiled at the base of her neck with tendrils framing her face. I feel a stab of jealousy once again, she looks amazing. 

She walks toward the throne, everyone following her path, once she gets there she dips into a curtsey low enough for anyone standing taller than her to look directly down her corset. A chance Locke doesn't pass up, eagerly taking an eyeful. My fists clench at my sides. I look to the King at his side and he's busy looking at his ring, and air of boredom around him as he says "Rise" without even sparing her a glance. I move closer to the Throne.

Nicasia is not put off by his indifference however as rises "Thank you, your majesty" She says, sounding like she has a sore throat, her voice sounds gravelly and low - how I imagine it would sound if I punched her in the throat. She turns to Locke, who is still trying to get an eyeful. She observes him for a few seconds, her mouth curling like she's tasted something nasty, before raising her brow at him " Off you run little fox, you can leave us now" She says and looks back to his highness where he's lounging on the throne, one leg sung over the armrest and his elbow on the other one, hand clutching a bottle of faerie wine.

Locke finally looks up at her face "Perhaps you need a reminder that I don't take orders from you or the Undersea" He smiles sardonically at her.

To her credit Nicasia shows no outward sigh she's annoyed or frustrated at him and instead gives him a small smile "I'm surprised you are not keeping an eye on that pet of yours. Those mortals are so fickle they can get up to such mischief if left alone for too long." She giggles, looking over her shoulder to where Taryn is stood.

Locke holds her stare in challenge for a minute before his eyes flick to Taryn. He no doubt doesn't believe she could get herself in trouble here under his watchful eyes and yet he still excuses himself. I watch, as does the King and Nicasia as Locke weaves through the crowd, briefly being stopped by the Bomb and then continuing to whisper something in Taryns ear before he leads her over to the dancing.

I turn back to the throne as Nicasia does, she stands still, quietly waiting to be acknowledged. But the Kings attention has returned to his bottle of wine. "Cardan." I flinch slightly as she speaks, he still doesn't look up at her. She sighs "Really? Are you really going to continue ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you, Nicasia. That would imply aforethought and a decision to actively pretend you aren't here." He looks up at her then. "And I have done neither of those in relation to you. In fact, I do not think of you at all"

"For now" She declares confidently.

"No, not for now. I have no intention of that ever changing" The King sounds bored, his eyes moving to watch the revel.

"I know you believe that Cardan. I also know that after all that mess last year, with that ghastly mortal girl and your brother, that you may have forgotten how good together we are. But I haven't. And regardless of my mother's intentions, I will help you remember." She finishes, watching his face intently.

But he obviously doesn't hear what she's saying to him because he makes no answer as his eyes move around the room, turning toward the revelry I quickly realise what he's doing. He's watching Taryn again, tracking her movement across the room as she dances with Locke. Nicasia forcibly clears her throat drawing my attention and the Kings.

"After you had exiled the last mortal, I thought your fascination with her kind was finished with." She says, her eyes also on Taryn before moving back to the Kings. "Don't think I don't notice your company of a night, my King" She pouts, dropping down in front of him, laying her left hand on his forearm and her right hand on the top of his right thigh. "What is so fascinating about that little worm?" She asks him in a low voice, trailing her right hand up slightly as she speaks.

"My company is my business. And there is nothing fascinating about her" The King snaps, finishing the remainder of his bottle in one big gulp he shrugs Nicasia off and walks off the dais. I flinch slightly at his tone, knowing Nicasia was talking about me because she's called me a worm to my face, repeatedly, before now and follow his majesty. I realise exactly where we're going and see the Bomb approach Locke and Taryn, leading them to the table covered in food by the back of the room, She leans in to Taryns ear as she beckons for Locke to follow her, leaving Taryn stood alone as his Majesty approaches her. He sees me hovering nearby, and the multiple others cloaked that are stood just out of earshot around us and sighs before turning to Taryn.

"Your majesty" she breathes, lowering into a curtsy.

"Yes, yes, up you get. You've been discreet but I need to know for sure you will not talk or tell anyone of our interactions, especially last night's one" He says to her.

She looks confused, of course she does, she has no idea what he's talking about. She looks to where Locke is stood on the other side of the room with the Bomb before looking back to the King. "I'm sorry your highness, I'm not sure what in particular you are referring to" She stutters out.

"I do appreciate your discretion, really" He begins, I feel it then the prickle and fizzle of faerie magic. "You will not speak, write or otherwise tell anyone of our spoken or physical interactions, past, present or future. You will not tell your husband, your sister, your fostered father or anyone else of any conversations you and I have or of anything you think you learn from them, assumptions or factual. Or anything you think you deduce about this kingdom or any of its inhabitants past or future. This basically serves as a gag order on anything to do with me, with Faerie or any of its folk, that you learn or assume"

Taryn looks scared and confused as she lifts a hand up to her neck. Fingering the empty place where her rowan berry necklace sat not 10 minutes ago, her eyes widen and she looks off to the side again as she realises the Bomb took it from her as she leaned in to her ear. Silly girl, I would have thought she would have taken better care with it than that.

She nods and starts to walk away as he stops her "Ah ah, I'm not finished just yet. This order from your king overrides any and all current glamour or geas you current hold. Should you choose to try to go against this, you Taryn Duarte Underhill, will be unable to use your voice at all. No one, but the crown is able to serve or sever this oath upon you. Should you wish to regain use of your voice you will have no choice but to come to me, where you will be promptly exiled. Marriage in this land does not grant you clemency from my decrees and I very much doubt your husband would follow you to the mortal lands. You may go." He finishes. It sounded like a glamour, but the magic crackling in the air around us feels more like a geas.

Dazed as it settles over her, she walks blank eyed over to her husband who immediately clasps her rowan berry necklace back around her neck. I'm so busy wondering why he allowed her to be ambushed like that rather than just ask for her necklace that I almost don't notice his highness stop by my left side. I turn slightly toward him.

"There, problem solved Linden. I will not bind your tongue on the matter, but you're not to mention what you heard." He murmurs, keeping his voice low. I incline my head slightly, kind of shell shocked he would use the Roaches given name with a hooded person he's not even 100% sure is who he thinks it is.

He stalks off back to the throne grabbing too bottles of faerie wine before sitting back down on the throne and ignoring everything but his bottles, occasionally looking toward Taryn. 

Nicasia eventually gives up on clinging to the King and goes to join Taryn and Locke, watching Taryn and Nicasia talk and then laughing along with Locke I wonder when those three got so close, when I hear the King speak up behind me. "Don't worry about her, I took care of her earlier. She won't mention what she saw this morning." He stops talking as a lilac skinned faerie steps onto the dais with a gold rimmed glass with a long stem for the King, he fills it with a fresh bottle of faerie wine when he departs. The king takes a sip from the glass, leaving a smear of gold on his lips. Great, I had wondered when Nevermore was going to make an appearance, honestly surprised it took this long. Taking another sip, he pulls the glass away, using his tongue to wipe the gold from his lips. My breath hitches quietly and my gaze is drawn from his mouth as he speaks again. I look up to his eyes, thankful he is unable to see past the darkness of my hood or the mesh eyes of the mask, and I see his pupils are already blown wide again and ringed with gold. He's very drunk already and the nevermore has tipped him over the edge. "If you insist on holding off on returning her, I cannot promise that will not happen again" he sighs, looking over at Taryn again and then, giving up on the pretence of drinking from the glass, he swipes his finger around the glass before putting his finger in his mouth and rubbing the gold into his top gum. His eyes flicker and his face relaxes as he tips his head back against the headrest of the throne. "Blurry they look the same" he mutters before the Nevermore takes him.

What the hell does that mean? Me and Taryn look the same even in sharp focus so it can't be that. Maybe he's talking about his parade of mortal conquests? In which case I feel outraged. I mean it's not like I had any chances to dally in my absence but if I had I would have said no. There wasn't anything in the vows to forbid it and I know faerie marriages are different to human ones but it makes me mad to hear it all the same.

Also not happy to hear that I'm apparently interchangeable with any mortal he happens upon when it's close to bedtime.

Not long after, I turn back to the revel, keeping my spot at the side of the throne. I watch as the Bomb make a couple of circuits stopping to briefly chat to some of the faeries in attendance before returning to the dais and standing vigil beside me. "Everything is in order, no sighting, no issues and no more members appear missing" She fills me in, she was obviously getting quick status reports from our spies. "What is he doing?" She asks, motioning toward the still King on his throne at our side.

Not being 100% sure he's out of it and as such not wanting to speak should he hear, I point to the nevermore rimmed glass loosely held in his hand. I turn back to the revel to observe, just as the glass falls from his hand and smashes on the ground, rousing him from his drug stupor. Fortuitous timing too as a faerie I've not seen before approaches the dais and steps up to kneel before the throne. She isn't dressed in the finery of the other guests in attendance tonight, instead she's wearing workers clothes with a apron over the top with is covered in light brown dust, smears of a darker brown liquid and splashes of red.

Her pale red complexion is stark against the inky black hair that falls like a curtain around her head as she bows her head before the King. "Ah Rowan!" The King greets. "I was beginning to wonder where you had gotten to. Rise"

"My King" Rowan says, rising from her knee to stand with her head slightly inclined still and her hands clasped in front of her. Her voice is very dry and quiet as she speaks and I strain to hear her. "I am here to confirm your commission is completed."

Commission? What is he up to now? If he's been meeting with this faerie why was there nothing in the debrief? I turn to the Bomb and she just raises her shoulders slightly. Excellent, so they have no idea either.

The King speaks drawing my attention back "As I requested?" He asks, a small smile playing on his lips, as he reaches up to his mouth with more gold.

"To your exact specifications, your majesty. And as requested I arrived right away once it was done." Rowan confirms, lowering her head further before looking back up at the King. "It is all in place if you still wish for delivery tomorrow"

"Excellent news!" The King exclaims "I look forward to seeing it. Should I be pleased with it I will double your fee"

Rowan fiddles with her hands "My- my King, that is not necessary, I assure you" She stammers.

"Nonsense. Ensure it's here and in place on time." He finishes, giving permission for Rowan to take her leave.

"As you wish" Rowan drops into a low bow before rising and weaving through the crowd and out of the doors. Something made by this faerie, the state of the apron didn't appear to be that of a welder or a forger - no burns or metallic patches or smears, so not something metal like a sword or a crown. And those I assume would be tasks for Grimsen anyway, once he's found that is. Light brown dust and darker brown liquid, varnish maybe? A woodworker for sure. Perhaps a bookcase? I almost laugh out loud at that thought. Or a weapon? But what effective weapon would be made of wood? And what would he who prides himself on not being a murderer want with one? So a secret passage? Perhaps he is taking this threats seriously and he's ensuring he has a contingency plan in an emergency. A panic room? Or lockable wardrobe?

I could ask the faerie but even if I could leave my post without being dismissed first, Rowan is likely long gone from the palace by now. I resolve to ask her questions or task Roach or the Bomb to do so when she's spotted next.

I spend the rest of the revel pondering the Kings exchange and trying to come up with a plan to find Grimsen. No word of him has surfaced so it's safe to assume the undersea doesn't have him. So then either Madoc has him, he's wisely hiding out somewhere or another player has him. I have a feeling though, that had Grimsen indeed been in Madocs possession the new blood crown would be completed by now and thus Madoc would have made his move already. Or at the very least have showed his hand by approaching Oak.

I need to see a map of Elfhame and divide it into a search grid. It'll take far longer to search just the 3 of us but it makes more sense than a larger scale search. Not only would that draw attention to what we are doing but with no guarantees of loyalty, it's not worth the risk of the wrong person finding him before we can. But I'm starting to realise finding Grimsen is of the utmost importance, if we can't find him, we can't rule out one of the many threats to the throne. And the more of those we can unravel the better.

By the time the revel breaks up I have a seven step plan in place, ready to pitch to the Roach and the Bomb. Once the room is mostly empty I step out of the throne room. The Roach splits off toward the kitchen and I turn to watch the Bomb herd the King to his rooms as I glare daggers into his back. I'm half tempted to go ambush him in his room, him and the mortal. In a startling moment of clarity I realise that train of thought makes me no better than Nicasia and her crossbow attack on the King last year and shudder, suddenly nauseous. Nope! I may be a liar, a deceiver and a murderer but I am not a vapid, entitled ex hell bent on petty revenge. I quickly make my way to the Court of Shadows before I can change my mind.

Pushing all thought of the King from my head and shuck my cloak, mask and wedges onto the empty cot beside my own and grab my notebook. Quickly scribbling down my plan to tell the others before I forget in my tiredness. I have just finished making notes on point seven and adding a addendum of other things that may have to be integrated into the points when I hear voices from the common room. I try rubbing the tiredness from my eyes and take a deep breath before I step out to join them.

They are both sat at the table, in low conversation that I realise has less to do with secrecy and more to do with impending sleep. I sit in the empty chair and place my notebook in front of me.

"Whatever it is you want to talk about can you make it quick?" The Bomb yawns.

"Sure." I say, launching straight into it. "This is what I thought about during the revel. It covers basically all our bases and a lot of it is just small changes to the plans we already have in place for these issues. I'll go over the basics and then we can figure the fine print tomorrow?"

They both nod so I continue "It is a seven step plan, or seven point plan. And it's as follows: In my opinion our first step should be Grimsen. We know Madoc is moving against the throne. And Orlagh is likely getting impatient with the wait for the land/sea wedding. The last thing we need is a third threat on top. We need to find Grimsen and that should set whatever Madoc has planned back. I know that just the fact that Grimsen is not in either Madocs or Orlaghs clutches is cause for pause in light of the other things going on around here, but why wait until it becomes a problem when we can prevent that by finding him first?" I ask

"How are you sure neither have the Smith?" The Roach asks.

"Madoc would have moved by now if he had the new blood crown, besides Vivi would have told me if anyone had shown up there. And Orlagh admitted as much when I was in the Undersea. Besides I have a feeling the Undersea would be too busy with Madoc at their throat if they had Grimsen, there would be no time for all these delegations coming and going from the palace. I'll need a map of faerie, I can grid it up and we can search in parts."

"Just us? Because it would be best that this search is small as possible" The Bomb asked.

"Agreed. We don't need anyone tipped off to what we're doing or worries about betrayal." I agreed "Secondly, we need more guards on the princess of the undersea" The Roach made a move to cut me off but I spoke quickly to stop him "I know that order to loosen them came from the King but I'm not saying increase them publically. Maybe just have them follow her incognito for a while, after what I heard tonight it seems she has a new angle. Or a used angle I suppose"

"Is this clouded by your personal feelings of the Princess?" The Roach asks, a brow raised at me.

"No, this is to do with the fact I was privy to a lot of information when I was her prisoner. She is not to be trusted" I snap. "Even as a visiting or fostered diplomat"

"We know that" The Roach snaps back.

"Then why cut her guard?" I ask.

"That was from the King. We, or I at least, are vehemently against that decision" The Bomb says, staring down the Roach again.

"When can I stop hiding? I can knock some sense into him." I argue "Let me have my return. I know I won't be seneschal but I can change that."

The Roach and the Bomb share a look I can't quite get a read on, so I look between them until the Roach speaks up "We believe day after tomorrow would be best"

I gape unable to comprehend this, after tomorrow, no more hiding, no more sneaking around. I can go back to my old room and my life. Warmth spreads from my middle to the tips of my fingers and toes, and I momentarily forget all the crap from today, all the things leading up to my exile and since then. And focus on the fact that after tomorrow I won't only be home, I'll feel like I am home. I can't wait. Coming back to my senses I lock that feeling in a box and shove it to the back of my mind, I immediately feel the loss of the warm contentedness but I have the next 36+ hours to get through first.

"Great, let me know the plan for that tomorrow. Point three, limit Locke and Taryn. Don't allow them in any situation they could become privy to or overhear sensitive information." I carry on with the point plan so I don't get too wrapped up in my homecoming. "Regardless of his majesties glamour, she's not to be trusted until I'm sure where her loyalties lie."

"Wise, we have Court of Shadows members attached to them during revels, day to day and we got into their rooms before they were given it. So we have eyes on them overnight in the palace overnight too." The Roach explains.

"Point four, Rowan, that faerie from earlier? Do either of you have any idea what happened there? What that was about?" I ask, looking from one to the other again, not confident at the blank looks on their faces.

"No, unfortunately we are not included in all of his majesties schemes" The Bomb murmured "We overhear much more than he lets us in on but it still isn't everything. We do try but he slips our spies a lot"

"We need to find out" I say "Something isn't sitting right there. Point five, upon my return I want a place on the council. Like I said I very much doubt I'll be welcomed back as seneschal, so I need to remain in the know somehow"

"We can see what we can do, but that would free us up for other tasks if you could take over on the council." The Bomb agrees "Are we almost done?" She asks.

"Almost" I reply, "Point six, as much as we work toward thwarting attacks, we need a plan in place in case of a attack. We know it will happen so we need to start getting contingencies in place"

"Between ourselves yes. But nothing that involves corralling others, not only would that cause panic but it would likely tip off any spies or defectors amongst us" The Roach says.

"You misunderstand. WE need plans and contingencies, we keep them to ourselves. We have what's remaining of the High Kings army run drills, ensuring they're ready for when it happens."

"Structured workouts, training and drills with vague or misdirected reasons why?" The Bomb asks

"Exactly, we introduce a new training regime under the guise of changing up our offense and defence protocols. We tell them straight that Madoc as the previous general would know all our moves, he would know how they've trained and any weaknesses in the ranks we have remaining, so we have to change it all, shake it up and refresh. Another reason I need to get on that council, it wasn't in my original plan but it's making more and more sense. As Madocs ward I know better than anyone what he would do and so I could advise best against it." I reason, making up my mind that my best chance is to get on that council. "We should also have bi-weekly or bi-monthly meetings alone with his majesty. In tenuous times such as these, he need to be more forthcoming with his schemes and plans. It will do us no good to be caught unaware"

"All very true" The Roach agrees.

"Seven and lastly, and perhaps hardest to talk about. We need to have a plan in place in case we are betrayed again. A secondary meeting place as secure as this one, in the event this one is compromised. We can't have another Ghost situation again." I wince as both the Bomb and the Roach stiffen in their seats, as I finished my last point. "That's all I have for now, except some more minor questions, such as where is Asha? And what's with the mortal thing? That we can discuss tomorrow"     

"We will spend tomorrow doing what we can, above ground, anything else will be done after you stop hiding. It will be easier once you have free reign to move about. And you have attended a council meeting or two- either as a guard or as a guest" The Roach says, stifling a yawn. "The Bomb will come get you when the revel starts, until then detail what you can" They both rise and bid their goodnights as I walk into my bedroom that is only my bedroom for two more nights, unlocking that box on my way. Falling asleep warm and with a smile on my face.

The next morning I spend my morning and most of the afternoon outlining my seven step plan in more detail. Rifling around the drawers I manage to find a few, albeit older, copies of a map of Elfhame. Neither Insear is marked or any indication of where the Undersea is, so I quickly pencil in some rough outlines and then grid up the remaining land leaving a wide berth around both Madoc and Lockes estate. By the time the Bomb arrives to prepare me for the revel I have my plan completely set out, including a full wall in the office tacked with a visual of all the details. I ensured nothing too need-to-know is on the wall, should the Court of Shadows be compromised that should stop anyone being able to get the full picture of what we have planned. Anything too sensitive I have planned, I will verbally detail to the Bomb and the Roach, they will remember it without the need for it to be written.

"We have been working most of the day, but we have finally ironed out the details of you return. You should pack your things together ready to leave as soon as the revel tonight disperses. I will be here looking at all this" She motions to the wall with my visual presentation on.

"Okay, I'll do that and dress ready. I'll be out in a few moments." I say, leaving to pack up my things. Aside from a few clothes, my notebooks, my toiletries and my poisons all my things are packed. I head to the bathroom to grab my products and splash my face with water, as I re-enter the bedroom I see a red version of the silky blue dress of Taryns I wore under my cloak at the first revel.. I guess that's what I'm wearing under my cloak tonight then. I finish up my packing, get dressed, and put my wedges and cloak on. Collecting my mask in my right hand and my bag in my left hand I leave the room, depositing my bag by the door to grab when I need to.

"This is very well thought out" The Bomb muses, still studying the wall of plans. "This took you one day?"

"Well no, it would have taken much longer had you not compiled the dossiers before my arrival back here. I used a lot of the information in those to back up my plans." I say, pointing to the various reports and pages of work done in my absence by  the Bomb, the Roach and the new Court of Shadows members. Idly I wonder if they each have a nickname like was the custom when I joined. I'll have to ask at the next members only meeting I have planned. "Besides, a lot of the threats were emerging as I was exiled so I had four whole months to make plans, and more plans, if they were still an issue upon my return"

The Bomb looks over to me then and just nods, giving me a small smile. "We do not have much time, let's go"

"What's the hurry?" I ask, slipping my mask over my face and following after her as she leaves the CoS. Her steps are quicker than usual so I have to practically jog to keep up with her as we exit the stairwell and enter the main level of the palace.

"There has been a development." She says vaguely. "And we both thought it best for you to arrive before the revellers. As well as being there to gage the reaction of the attending gentry." She carries on walking not looking back at me as she opens the door to the Throne room and strides into the room.

A small feeling of unease hits me and I suddenly wonder what could have happened and if it has to do with his majesties delivery. I follow the Bomb into the room, looking around confused and trying to spot what has changed. It strikes me as strange that the room is basically empty and the few faeries that are here already aren't even a little bit sober. I've never been at a revel as it starts before, silly me for assuming the residents of Elfhame arrive sober, it actually makes more sense this way.

The Bomb starts toward the dais and I turn to follow her only to freeze after a couple of steps. Ahead of us on the dais is the King, I didn't realise he arrived to revels early either. He's sat upright on his throne, his crown sat lopsided on his head and his hand holding a half empty glass of wine. Even from this distance its plain to see he's not fully sober either and well on his way to drunkenness - his eyes glassy, his body loose on his throne and three bottles of wine at his feet.

But it isn't _my husband_ that has caused my feet to still. It isn't him making my heart pound and my palms sweat. It's the new addition to the dais, a second throne sat beside the Kings throne. His throne is all lines and angles, with brown thorns and  faded green vines and leafs carved into the wood. They creep up the legs of the throne, over the arms and up onto the back rest to converge in the middle above the kings head to form the Greenbriar crest before the wood of the throne ends in a sharp point. A seat for a man's man. A quintessential Kings throne.

That being said the throne beside his could only be described as a Queens throne. Where his is all angles and vines, this new throne is all curves and blossoms. It's a near carbon copy of his only softer around the edges and with faded red roses in various states of bloom instead of the vines and leafs. The size is the same, the colour and look of the base wood is also the same, only it has roses climbing up and over the legs and arm rests converging at the top of the backrest forming a prettier version of the Greenbriar family crest.

I'm still stood frozen as the Bomb returns to my side "This is the development. We're unsure what this means in terms of the Princess as his majesty is remaining tight lipped about it."

I pull her aside out of earshot of the few arriving reveller and keep my voice a whisper as a precaution too. "If the King were to marry" I start, my gaze still on the empty throne "Is there any such thing as a faerie divorce?" I ask.

"No, there's no need. Usually in faerie marriage vows there's a line about only remaining married while both parties wish to be so. Why? Do you think the Princess is wearing him down?" The Bomb explains, I don't interrupt her to tell her I know that part already.

"I don't know" I lie, my wedding ring feels like it's burning against my sternum, where it rests at the end of my chain. I'm wondering now if my return and pardon is just because he wishes to sever our marriage vows. But the Bomb said if both parties wish it, so I take comfort in the fact there's no way for him to force me to wish to be parted, not since Dains geas. And I don't wish it, I still have things I need to do and put in place for Oak to reign. To ensure Oak reigns.

My other issue with this? The thought causing my erratic heartbeat - Does he know I'm here? Hiding among those he considers his guards? There's no way to ask the Bomb without hinting the arrival of the throne caused my questioning. I look again to _my husband_ but he still just looks bored and drunk. He's not paying any attention to any of the arriving revellers in a way that would suggest he expects to see me. He's just staring at his glass of wine, occasionally taking a sip.  

The Bomb starts back toward the dais and I follow after her, ignoring both the King and the spare throne. For the most part the revel goes without a hitch and only twice do I almost break rank. Once when Locke arrives and once when Nicasia arrives.

Locke and Taryn arrived without much fanfare. I would have thought the Master of Revels would be present from the beginning but he arrived along with the last group of faeries almost an hour after we arrived. In that time the King remained on the throne, uninterested in much except ordering the staff about for more wine. Both made way to the dais as soon as they arrived, Taryn dipping into a low curtsy and Locke a shallow bow before the King acknowledged them and both immediately rose. Once straightened once more Taryns gaze locked on the other throne almost right away but Locke appeared oblivious to it for a while whilst he spoke to the King about his tardiness and the revel the following night.

"I apologise for the lateness, we had personal matters to attend before our arrival." He speaks with a cocky smile and I can guess what he's hoping is gleaned from that excuse of his. Taryn doesn't bother to chide him which confuses me. If that was in fact the reason they are late she would have at least blushed at his implication, she's usually hot on propriety. A misdirection then.

"Do as you wish" The King returns, smirking as his eyes landing on Taryn before flicking back to Locke "I am not in need of a play by play of your whereabouts"

"What is with the spare seat?" Locke asks, motioning to the other throne. So he did see it.

"You mean the Queens throne, why?" The King asks, again smirking at Locke. "Do you wish to sit upon it?"

"I mean, I am flattered but I am a married man, my King" Locke jokes, a mischievous look on his face. He's planning something. "Though I am curious who it is for"

"It's pretty" Taryn interrupts, the Kings gaze finding hers once more before Locke steps up on the dais and shouts to get the revellers attention.

"Good evening Elfhame! A quick announcement from me, your Master of Revels, before you can get back to your debauchery. As I am sure you have noticed, a new throne has appeared upon our Kings dais." He pauses there, allowing the crowd to titter about the new addition before he silences them with a hand in the air and speaks once more. "I will be here all night for those of you who wish to gamble a little, or a lot, on whom will be the lucky one to take up the sacred spot beside our King" 

He's betting on who the next Queen will be? Seriously? The crowd gets louder once again the gentry returning to their drinking and dancing. My vision starts to go red and my hands clench under my cloak, at this moment I would love nothing more than to push him off the dais and allow him to be trampled by the mass of faeries rushing forward to get in on the action. The Bomb places a warning hand on my arm and I exhale and mentally count to 10, taking some comfort in the fact that I will be in a much better position to challenge him once I return for real, and boy am I looking forward to that. I still have a score to settle with that stupid fox for shooting me with a damn arrow before his wedding.

The King is being far too indifferent this evening for my anger to grow against him anymore than it is already so I go back to ignoring everything and counting the minutes down until I can leave here and go to my actual rooms. Where my things are, where I can sleep in my bed, where I had begun to feel at home and hope I will again.

I was doing a pretty good job at it too until Nicasia made her entrance. And my anger spiked again. The revel had just returned to what is usual after Lockes announcement of the bets he was taking when both doors to the room opened at once and Nicasia appeared between them, floating into the room as ever head turned to look.

Her dress is beautiful and it aids the look that she's floating through the air. It's a flowing voile fabric in periwinkle blue at the bottom getting lighter until her bust and the fabric gathered at her right shoulder is pure white, She has a small necklace of pearls held together by either magic or a wire so thin it looks like they're floating on her skin. Her sapphire blue hair is in ringlets falling over her left shoulder and she has a crown of shimmering white pearls, with a few green and blue ones dotted around, in her hair. Not a diadem, as is the standard for Princesses. A crown, much like her mothers, another non-verbal reminder to everyone, especially him, of the Undersea and their goal for Nicasia to rule as Queen of Elfhame.

All I can think is either this is a coincidence or she has eyes and ears in the palace that had seen the throne earlier and told her about it. That means a reshuffle of the plans I spent the day setting out as it means we might have Undersea loyalists in the palace masquerading as ours and also that we have to be even more careful with who we trust.

As she walks toward the dais, everyone  follows her path up to the King where she lowers into a curtsy, not waiting for his acknowledgement before she rises. Wise of her, after that conversation they had last night as she may have been waiting a while. Her eyes greedily eye the throne next to the Kings and she smiles showing all her pearly white teeth.

"I am in no mood this evening Nicasia" The King says as he holds his arm out for a servant to pour him more wine before he brings it to his mouth and downs the lot. Once again holding his hand with the glass out once more.

She doesn't even look annoyed or affected by his dismissal as she simply smiles wider at him "Of course, your highness" before she slips into the crowd, chin high and back straight making a beeline for Taryn.

She thinks she's making headway with him, thinks the throne is for her. And that makes me angry. How entitled do you have to be to assume that kind of thing? Surely she sees his indifference toward her? My legs and arms start to ache with the tension I'm forcing into them to prevent me from moving from my spot beside the throne, but I remind myself of my bed in my room and I manage to cast the ache to the far corner of my mind and make it through the rest of the evening.

It is, another however many, hours before guests start to dwindle and leave to go find their beds or someone else's bed. And when it is just a few stragglers the Bomb speaks with the King, who is very drunk at this point, and he rises to be accompanied back to his rooms for the evening with a parting "Roach, if you will" directed at me. Again, like hell. I scan around the remaining attendees and note they are all either passed out on the floor or gathering their things to leave, I'm sure the Roach will supervise the rest and so I leave to go collect my things.

Once I'm in the Court of Shadows I remove my mask and shove it in my bag, should I need it again, but leave my cloak and shoes on. Last time I was beyond the palace walls it was quite literally freezing because I'm unsure of what the plan is I decide to hold on to the cloak. While I am waiting I decide to jot down a outline of a action plan to try to sort the faeries loyal to us from the ones who aren't and tack it to the wall in the office with a page of updated step four. We now know what Rowan was delivering. But why?

I'm sat on the edge of the desk, scanning the information wall for holes in our plans or weaknesses when I turn sharply toward the door when I hear a whistle.    

"Wow. You have been busy today" The Roach says, if I'm not mistaken that sounds like a bit of awe in his voice.

"Well, yeah" I return, calming down a little from the surprise of him being in the room. "I had four whole months remember, there's not much to do in the mortal land" I look to him then and he looks at me with thinly veiled disbelief. "Ok, not much for me to do"

"Better" He says. "Are you ready?"

"Yes" I reply immediately.

I grab a hold of my things and the Roach leads me out of the Court of Shadows. But instead of taking the staircase up we go down the same tunnel I arrived in. Slowly getting darker until it's once again pitch black, I raise my hand to feel along the wall again and keep myself steady. "The Bomb has stayed with his majesty while we bring you back into the castle. Anyone looking on should assume you are her when they see me" The Roach says, his disembodied voice coming from just in front of me in the darkness. I'm about to ask how they could possible mistake me for the Bomb when I stumble forward, my wedges shrinking into flats and the cloak growing heavier on my shoulders causing me to stoop more. Ah, I see. "We'll take this tunnel all the way out and then enter the palace from the front. You are to stay under the cloak and hood until in your rooms, do you understand?"

"Yes" I repeat as the door in the tree trunk opens outward flooding the passageway with light and causing me to have to close my eyes against it. "Ouch, warn a girl before you do that" I snap.

"It's practically dark out, do not be a wimp" The Roach laughs.

I open one eye to see that he's right, as I step outside I notice how overcast it is. "Still brighter than the darkness of the tunnel" I grumble. All around us is frost still and the clouds are dark and heavy with rain that has begun to fall. When we hear a clap of thunder the Roach moves forward.

"Hurry, before we get soaked" He orders.

Ignoring that, I hurry after him. The rain staying a slow pitter-patter until we reach the guards outside the palace when it begins to pour it down. A cold sheet of rain that begins to leech into my cape, causing a shiver. Luckily the Roach walks straight past the guards and they don't pause to search or question either of us. It isn't long before the Roach leaves and I'm stood in front of my old rooms dripping onto the floor, having not run into anyone once inside the palace and turning the handle to step in quickly closing the door behind myself. I take a big breath in and feel all the tension leave my shoulders, the cloak lightening and my wedges returning to their normal size. I drop all my things, kick off my shoes and remove my cloak before sprawling out on the made-up bed. I'm grateful for whichever of them ensured the bed would be usable and comfy right away, since I feel as if I could sleep for days, exhaustion weighing heavily on me.

I lay there on top of my bed in my pretty red dress, not caring it's probably wrinkling the satin, and close my eyes. Everything within me quiets down and relaxes like a blanket of content. Expecting sleep to claim me quickly, I'm more than a little put out that now I'm here and on my bed in my room I seem unable to sleep.

Maybe while my thoughts keep returning to the new throne I will not be able to sleep, so I decide to go and get another peek at the throne in question. The Roach didn't say anything about not leaving my room tonight. I leave the cloak off and don't bother to put my shoes back on as I open the door and pop my head out, scanning the corridor. Seeing no one, I exit my room and close the door quietly before walking the familiar corridor to the Throne room, again marvelling that the palace is able to remain shrouded in darkness even in daylight hours. I don't encounter anyone on my way and manage to slip unnoticed into the throne room, I scan the room and the rafters, again seeing no one. I close the door and slowly make my way to the dais. Struck once again and the elegance of the other throne.

Seeing both, side by side still makes my heart beat loudly and hard in my chest, I rub my hands down my smooth dress and pick up the skirts before I step up to the thrones. I do not feel the need to look any closer at his one so I focus on the new one, moving over to it. Up close I can see it's not all roses in bloom, there's also thorns like the ones on the Kings chair. I trace my left hand over the armrest and up to the Greenbriar crest, I wonder if my marriage to one means I have the name as part of my own now. When he glamoured Taryn he used her married name at the end of her maiden name, so would mine be the same? Am I Jude Duarte- Greenbriar? Or just simply Jude Duarte?  

 I move around the back of the throne trailing my hand around it and seeing the back is as ornamental as the front. My pointer finger tracing one of the faded red, full bloom roses carved into the wood. I hear a noise echo through the room, I wasn't paying enough attention to discern which direct it came from, so I drop my hand and hold my breath as I peek around the throne to scan the room. I let my breath out as I see it's just as empty as before, but it's a wake-up call that I could be caught at any moment the longer that I stay here.

I go to take a step meaning to leave when a arm snakes around my waist and a hand runs down my left arm to grasp mine, running over the length of my ring finger. I freeze, too late to do anything and berating myself for allowing him to sneak up on me again.

"You really should wear your wedding ring, wife" He murmurs in my ear, his hand on my belly splaying out and pressing me back into him. My arms remain slack at my sides as I feel his nose and lips run trace the shell of my ear. And his tail wraps around my left leg.

"I threw it away" I lie, holding still and trying to figure a way out of this, as he chuckles lightly and I feel his chest vibrate with it against my back.

"Hmm. I wonder if I were to kiss you now, would I taste that lie on your tongue?" He whispers, his mouth at my ear once more, his hot breath making a shiver run down my spine.

I turn drawing the dagger at my waist, his arms falling from me but his tail staying put wrapped around my leg. I press the dagger against the long column of his pale throat "If you were to kiss me right now, you would be too preoccupied with injury to taste anything." I snarl half-heartedly at him, far too close and fuzzy headed from exhaustion to put any real bite into it.

"Ouch, you wound me, my queen" He raises his hand to chest, his mouth opening in mock shock "Though I am enjoying where this is going"

"Don't start" I warn quietly.

"Too late, wife" He whispers as he leans closer, raising one of his hands to mine and closing his fingers around mine as his gaze dips from my eyes, down my face and down to my neck. The corner of his mouth lifts, he meets my eyes once more and raises a eyebrow at me as his other hand lifts to grip the chain around my neck, slowly pulling it free from my dress. "You threw it away and it ended up magically appearing here?"

I don't bother to respond as I look up at him, his eyes still glassy, pupils as wide as when he was this close before and that damn ring of gold meaning he must have started in on the Nevermore once he was put in his rooms. I narrow my eyes at him, what is he even doing out of his rooms again, casting a quick glance around we're the only ones here so he slipped his guard again. I drop my hand from his throat and look back at him as he leans his face toward me to bump his nose against mine. "I should tell you, I'm only 50% sure that I am actually awake and that you are actually here." He pulls back, his hand drops my chain and his fingers brush over my mouth "Dream Jude usually smiles at me. You appear to be rather angry"

"Of course I'm angry" I snap, bringing my free hand up to push on his shoulder. He barely even rocks backward, his grip on my hand and his tail on my leg remaining unwavering.

"But why?" He asks, leaning down to me again and brushing his lips over my cheek before pulling back and repeating on the other side of my face. I hold still, willing my resolve and my anger not to crumble. It's helping that he's really drunk again. But at the same time I know I can't do this with him drunk. When I confront him properly and we have our argument he best be fully coherent for it or it doesn't count.

"We are not doing this now." I insist in a low voice, he dips his head to my neck, running his nose lightly down my throat inhaling deeply and then across the uncovered part of my shoulder and back up again.

"But why?" He repeats, I feel the words against my throat.

"Because." I say, shaking the exhaustion off. "Because you are drunk and I am tired. This argument has been four months coming and neither one of us will get any closure or satisfaction from half-hearting it now." I reason.

He pulls back and scans my face for a minute, cupping both my cheeks. "Very well" He sighs, he places a quick peck against my lips before removing his tail from my leg and his hands from my face. He starts walking backwards still staring at me "Until tomorrow then" He promises, turning and silently leaving the throne room.

I wait a moment before relax my body and run as quietly as possible back to my rooms. I quickly strip from my dress, searching my drawers I see they're all empty. Frustrated and wondering where my things are I pull on a pair of shorts and a tank top before immediately climbing under my bed covers.

This time I don't have long to wait before sleep claims me.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no extra POV here wither. I now owe you guys 2.. I was more trying to get this finished to put up than anything else. You will get them though!  
> I feel like there was a lot of conflicting or contradicting things going on. I'm tired. I will sort them.  
> Also I've printed the current chapters and i'm going to proof read and then go back and fix the multitude of errors here.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed... It's not very many chapters left until it gets to the main part of the fic and the part I've written most of up until now.  
> (This is mainly set up parts still...)
> 
> Also SUPER excited for the upcoming blow up... Guys... Jude is PISSED.
> 
> Also Lols at Lockes surname... Underhill.. Where do foxes live??.. Under hills.. Underhill...  
> YEs I'm about 5, but that is funny! And hopefully cannon
> 
> 💕


	8. Of Dresses and Dramatic Entrances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I'm soooo tired! But I couldn't not post this now. I tried to stop at a not so cliff hanger like place.... but couldn't find one until were I did stop! All 19,169 words are unbeta'd so enjoooooy. Literally so tired.
> 
> In my haste to upload I stopped where I did as it seemed like a good place. And also being 1.20am I haven't read through this prior to posting. There's probably mondo amounts of mistakes!! I will fix them - this is just the bare bones of the chapter as I didn't want to hold off any longer than I have! There is probably editing notes and all sorts in here, ahahahaha.  
> There's a fair amount of time skips too....
> 
> Without further ado....

 

The following morning I lie in bed for a while longer than I would have. But I feel so content laying in my own bed that I can't find it in myself to care that I'm being lazy. I probably should have gotten up hours ago. I burrow under my covers, resolving to get up and head to the Court of Shadows.

I sigh and stretch before I reluctantly leave the warmth and comfort of my duvet. Putting one of the dresses actually left in my room, from before, I run my hands down the red gauze of the dress before shrugging into my cloak and putting my wedges on. I slip from my room, trying to be quiet so I don't have to talk to anyone, but it turns out I needn't have bothered with my cloak as the route to the Court of Shadows is empty. Once I arrive I shuck my cloak and slump into a chair reaching forward toward the platter of breads, cheeses and meats in the centre of the table, placing a little of each onto a cloth napkin. I reach into my bra for one of my salt packets (Thank you Vivi!) and sprinkle on all my food before I tuck in.

"Hungry?" The Bomb asks, dropping into a chair. I look over at her before glancing over my shoulder to see the Roach leaving the office and lowering into the other chair.

"Yes, starving" I say around a yawn.

"How is it you are still tired?" The Roach asks, reaching forward for a piece of end bread and chewing on it.

"No idea. I almost didn't get up today at all" I say, piling cheese and ham onto a slice of bread before taking a bite. "It was so nice being back in my own bed, in my own room. Even if I couldn't sleep right away"

Well you are lucky you caught us, we only have about a half hour before we must leave to prepare for the revel tonight." The Bomb says eating some cheese from the plate.

"What? What time is it?" I ask, shocked that either his majesty is taking daytime drinking to a new low or I slept longer than I thought I had.

"Ten after 11pm, tonight's revel starts at midnight." The Roach informs me "We have been going over your plans today. They are impressively comprehensive; we have made a few minor adjustments though. You can get up to speed with that after the revel, you won't have time beforehand. We likely have time to answer your post-it questions though"

I finish my mouthful, brow furrowing "I'm not going to tonight's revel. And what post-it questions?" I ask, sleep still clogging my brain.

"The seemingly random words and names you have scattered across your board on post-its? We assumed they were questions." The Roach says, raising an eyebrow at me as the post-its click.

"Oh! Yes, I remember. What of Asha? There's been little to no mention of her since I've been back. Last I see of her she was fresh out of the Tower of Forgetting and not dust in the wind as she intended. But rather dolled up and back amongst the gentry" I say, I very much doubt Asha would be a problem but I am curious about her change of heart on her escape plans.

"We have conducted extensive observations on Lady Asha these past months. No suspicious behaviour was reported back, just usual gentry nonsense." The Bomb replies "I even tried broaching the subject with her about why she returned after her release rather than running as she claimed she would. I did not get much from her. Just that she claimed she returned to see the King just once and remembered how much she enjoyed the entertainment of court"

"That doesn't help." I murmur "I sure hope her investigation isn't finished with. I can't be the only one that finds her suspicious"

"It is not finished, no. We have eyes on her still" The Roach responds "You had 'Hollow Hall' underlined three times?"

"Yes, has it been investigated since my exile?" I ask "Balekin was back in there prior to his death. There may be information about Undersea or something to be found."     

"We have had a few of the older members of the court to check it out. Neither of us has been there in a while though. Perhaps that is something you could add to your to-do list? If we can thoroughly check it, and clean it up, it could be set up as our back up plan" The Roach muses.

"Or at the very least a place to hold court meetings." I add, pushing my empty napkin away from me "Ok, last question then you can get ready. Any idea where my thing went? All I could find in my room was this dress and a very ostentatious red corset dress. Neither is very practical."

"No I sent the Bomb to gather your things the night I received you pardon from his highness. But your things were already gone by then, which is why we took some of your sisters belongings." The Roach explains.

"Dust had settled too. So your things had been long gone for a while before I got there to collect them" The Bomb added "I will try to find your things for you Jude"

"We need to be off now" The Roach says standing up, the Bomb following and rising from her chair also. "We'll see you tomorrow when we can lay out a better plan of where to start"

We say our byes and they leave for the revel. I stick around in the Court of Shadows and set about gridding up 3 copies of my altered Elfhame maps. Allocating sections for each of us with proposed dates the searches should be accomplished by. Then I lay out a plan for alerting the newer Court of Shadows members of a change to the meeting place, realising checking Hollow Hall will have to be done sooner rather than later for that to work.

Once all that is done I start to note every battle strategy, offensive move, defensive move and fighting rule I remember from Madocs teaching as I was growing up, being sure to add that Madoc has likely switched it up due to my being on the opposite side to him. But if I can get together a complete file on Madoc and his war strategies it'll be marginally easier to train our remaining guard against him. By the time I'm finished I am tired again so I head back to my rooms, ensuring I stay well away from the revel I can still hear in full swing.

Even though I've slept most of the day away it doesn't take long before I am asleep once more.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------

I'm awoken from my sleep, before I am ready to be awake, by my bedroom door being opened with unnecessary force. I shoot up into sitting on my bed as the door bangs against my bedroom wall, to see the King stood at my bedroom door. He's dishevelled like he's just rolled from bed, although I know that isn’t right though because he's dressed. He stares at me for, what seems like, minutes and I open my mouth to speak or shout or something when he turns and leaves, closing the door behind him.

I'm left staring at the closed door for a few minutes before I lay back down. What on earth was that about? Figuring I'm awake now after that rude encounter so I might as well get up. After sleeping basically all day yesterday I feel today I need to do something productive.

Turns out I have a super productive day. I manage to make a better outline of my plan, addendums and all. And I go to search Hollow Hall. It takes me a while to get there as it's so slippery and cold outside, still. But once I'm there it doesn't take me long to realise anything incriminating would be long gone, the Undersea would have no doubt sent someone to clear anything pertaining to them out of here. I still continue my sweep. The room with the figure on the bed is as intact as it was my first time here, the room cold and covered with dust. I don't even step in there, just closing the door again to search the next room.

What strikes me most is the difference between my first visit and this one. There's no staff milling about with dazed faraway looks, no crackling embers in the hearths, no sign of life anywhere except entomological life. Moths and roaches and bats all seem to be hibernating in the once teeming with life halls. I don't stick around longer than I have to and I also make sure I avoid the Kings old room. Getting a good sense of the layout and ideas already forming in my head for uses of the abandoned house.

Once I'm back I leave a note in the Court of Shadows for the Roach and the Bomb, saying that I won't be attending any revels until further notice. That I have to get a handle on my swirling emotions before I can be around that much of the gentry and my peers again. I don't specify that the emotions I'm having the most difficulty with are anger and disappointment. They probably already know that though as I don't hear from either of them before the revel starts - faint music drifting into my room from the distant throne room.

I'm in my room perhaps an hour before boredom causes me to decide to go to the revel after all. But not as a reveller, I'll go to observe and come back again. I change into my red satin gown, put my wedges on and leave my room. I have left my hair as it is, falling in waves down my back and apply a tiny bit of mascara. At the last minute I decide to put on my cloak too and pull my hood up. Taryn still hasn't replied to my note and I'm not really up for a confrontation with my twin tonight, so incognito is probably best.

I leave my room, locking it behind me and quietly make my way to the throne room. On the way I pass a few groups of revellers in the corridors but none of them pay me any attention, I'm not surprised because the revel has been going for hours already so they're probably well past the point of drunk. Once I get to the Throne room I'm relieved to see both entrance doors open so I don't have to worry about drawing attention to my arrival, I push past the faeries spilling from the doors and head to the back of the room, staying close to groups of revellers while moving around to get a better view of the dais. Ahead of me I see Taryn stood with Nicasia and Locke so I go back on myself a little before I find a spot I can clearly see most of the revel, my eyes snagging on some of the other cloaked figures present assuming they're the CoS members. Looking to the dais I see the Bomb stood vigil on the outside corner and the Roach stood next to the Queen throne, the King sprawled out on his throne, with a bottle of wine in each hand. He appears to be very drunk already. I don't mean to but I find my attention drawn back to Taryn across the room from me, it annoys me that she looks so carefree like she didn't completely betray me and mine. And I begin to wonder if she even got my message or if her husband found it first and kept it from her.

I almost head over to her to demand answers, forgetting I'm here to observe only and not to partake. I sigh, resolving that I'll give her 4 more days before I shall arrange a visit, it would be an excuse to snoop around Lockes estate as well as to discover why my sister is ignoring me. I glance back to the dais and see the Kings eyes are focussed on me, a puzzled look on his face. I briefly forget I'm wearing a cloak and lift my head slightly too high, locking eyes with the King, I freeze as his gaze shoots across the room, no doubt to where Taryn is stood and then back to me, wide eyed. I get a small thrill of amusement that he obviously didn't expect me to be in attendance.

Then he's in motion the next second, dropping his bottles and swiftly moving off of the throne and off of the dais into the crowd. I lose sight of him amongst the crowd and quickly use that as my opportunity to escape. I do not want to have an argument with the King in front of the assembled gentry, much less in front of Taryn, Locke and Nicasia, knowing anything I say or do will be mocked. I refuse to become tonight's amusements. I'm out of the door and around the corner from the throne room before I allow myself to relax. I lean against the wall to my right briefly looking over my shoulder to see I haven't been followed before I move on, heading back to my rooms.

On my way I question my decision to attend tonight, wondering why I thought it would be a good idea, when a hand encircles my wrist and pulls me backwards, spinning me around. His other hand reaches behind my head to yank my hood down, I wince a little when some of my hair gets caught in his grasp, and I'm left staring up into the angry face of the King.

"Where are you going?" He snarls, releasing my hood and hair, dropping his hand to his side. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm just going back to my room" I snap, twisting my wrist to try to extract it from his grip.

"So you are not avoiding me?" He asks, looking dazed and confused.

"Oh no, I am avoiding you like the plague" I confirm "But I am going back to my room, if you'll excuse me" I pull my wrist again but his grip remains tight, and his other hand twitches at his side and I half think he's going to reach for my other wrist.

He narrows his eyes at me "No" He snaps. I almost flinch at his tone; I'm the one mad at him, not the other way around.

I get right in his face, going up on my toes "You do not decide what I do" I growl quietly at him.

"Like hell I don't, wife" He whispers back, placing his free hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me back down "Especially when you are purposely avoiding your husband"

"I'm avoiding you because, like I told you, I don't want to do this now" I speak trying to keep my voice even.

"Hmm, so that was real. You returned the day before yesterday. Why not now?" He murmurs, smiling down at me.

"Because you're drunk!" I snap, trying to pull free of him again.

"I am always drunk" He laughs

"That is not something to be proud of" I snarl at him "Again, I refuse to entertain the notion of us having that conversation while you've been partaking."

"How about we find a better way to pass the time then?" And with that his hand slides from my shoulder to my neck pulling me forward as he leans down, pressing his lips against mine. I almost allow my eyes to close and give into it, memories of the last time we were here mixing together with our interactions in my poison dream. But then I remember his request for company from the kitchens and do something rash. He abruptly pulls back, releasing my neck to touch his lips.

"You bit me? Seriously?" He asks, eyes wide as he pokes out his tongue to lick his bottom lip.

"Clearly I am since I did it" I say, grinning up at him. Well, baring my teeth in a threatening manner would be more accurate. My smile doesn't last long though, quick as an adder, the King has me pushed against a wall, one hand still around my wrist and one pining my hip against the wall, with his head is in the crook of my neck.

"I can be serious too. Now you are back you need to be on your best behaviour." He murmurs, I feel his words against my skin just before his lips are replaced by his teeth and he bites into my neck.

"Ouch!" I growl, pushing my weight back against the wall before I push forward with all my strength, pushing him away from me. He stumbles backwards, releasing me, before he rights himself to his full height. I press my palm against my neck.

"It appears as if you have forgotten some of the basic rules in your absence." He says, his fingers brushing his bottom lip again.

"My exile!" I shout, getting mad again. "Call it what it is! Or was. And I didn't forget anything, that was the least of what you deserve, _husband_ "

"Pray tell for what exactly did I deserve a bite for?" He asks; infuriatingly chipper in the face of my anger.

"You know exactly what you've done" I accuse, snapping at him.

"I have done a lot of questionable things Jude. You will have to be more specific" He chuckles again and in that moment I'm tempted to bite him again. But instead, I do the one thing he can't do.

A slow cruel smile spreads across my face. "Actually, I suppose the one thing I can't fault you for your choice of company of a night" I start, feeling satisfied as his smile falters, his face drops and all traces of humour are gone from his expression. "Were I still in the human land my nights wouldn't be spent alone either." 

He blinks at me once, twice. "You are lying" He says quietly.

I keep eye contact with him and cock my head slightly "No, I'm not" I don't even have to try to make my voice dip in sadness at the end. I did have company at night - My brother and sister. It isn't my fault he drew his own conclusions, too drunk to think it through. I smile sweetly up at him as his perfect face contorts into something like fury. Hypocritical arse.

"You best be jesting, wife" He snarls, taking a step toward me. I don't give him the satisfaction of stepping back. I stay where I am and lift my chin in defiance. I am through cowering.

"I've done nothing you haven't, _husband_ " I say, smiling wider at him. Let him take from that what he wishes.

His face darkens as he studies mine, perhaps looking for the lie. "Good to know"

"You best get back to the revel, your highness. Now is not the time to continue this conversation" I say, lowering into a curtsy, not wanting to stay any longer in case we get into the big argument here in the hallway. Without giving him a chance to suck me back in, I turn and start to walk away from him.

"I am not returning to the revel." He calls out to me, I look over my shoulder to see him grinning at me, I halt my steps and turn back toward him. "I have company waiting in my rooms." My face falls as he smiles at me, a complete contradiction to the furious look in his eyes. "Goodnight, my queen"

I stamp my foot in frustration as he walks away, half tempted to follow him. I glare daggers into his back until he disappears around a corner. I stomp to my rooms, unlocking the door and slamming it closed once I cross the threshold.

I stride over to my backpack, kicking my shoes off, and pull Vivis care package out. Digging through I pull out the whiskey bottle, unscrewing the lid and taking a swig. Perfect, one or two mouthfuls of this should calm my burning rage some,  or at least hopefully enough to sleep. And that's exactly what I had intended. But somehow I end up getting through the whole bottle and two bottles of wine while munching on chocolate and writing back and forth with Vivi, it's no fun getting drunk alone after all. Once I finish the last bit of the second bottle and satisfactorily buzzed I bid a goodnight letter to Vivi before I strip off my dress, the alcohol making me feel too warm to put pyjamas' on so I don't bother with them just leaving my bralet and boxers on to sleep in. I blow out the candles and lamp and crawl on top of the covers having no energy to get under them and too warm to anyway, closing my eyes. I giggle a little at how everything feels like its tilting and twisting even as I lie down before the drunken darkness swallows me up.

I'm roused from my sleep a few hours later by my door creaking. I could have looked up to check it but I am far too drowsy and laying on my left side facing away from my door so I just can't be asked to move. I try to listen for noises but it's so quiet my eyes begin to flutter closed again as I relax back into my bed.

Until the bed dips and my eyes shoot open. I tense up and freeze when a hand lands on my hip and trails around to my stomach. A warm body settling behind me flush against my back, my thoughts go to my clothing as a feel an expanse of warm skin pressed against my own. I have half a mind to kick him out when his tail wraps around my leg, his head nuzzling into my hair. I place my hand on his wrist, ready to remove it from me when I'm startled by his voice.

"I sent my company away." He whispers "It likely was not what you think anyway"

Changing my mind last minute I release his wrist and slide my hand along his linking our fingers over my abdomen as I settle further back into him. I don't know how things will go once I explode at him with ten plus months of pent up rage, frustration and annoyance. So it may be the residual alcohol talking, but I should be allowed to be selfish.

I briefly wonder what it is he's wearing that I can feel so much of his skin against mine. Curiosity gets the best of me and I push myself up onto my elbow promptly falling back onto my pillows as a wave of dizziness hits. I giggle and push myself back up, looking over my shoulder at him. Surprised to see him without any clothes except what looks like mortal boxer shorts. My gaze goes to a black dressing gown that is not mine, draped across my drawers, ah. I look back at the King, seeing he's appraising me the way I did him. His eyes travel from my face, over my stomach and down my legs. I don't feel self conscious as I remember he's seen more of me than is currently on display, and I've seen more of him. But there are still lines we haven't crossed and I flush, heat spreading from my chest up my neck and to my cheeks.

He shifts behind me, threading his other arm under my neck to rest in front of me. I fall back down onto my pillow and wiggle to get comfortable again. Laying on his arm is surprisingly comfortable. I lift my left hand to thread my fingers with his, closing my eyes. The King shifts behind me again, pressing closer against me.

"Goodnight, wife" He whispers against my hair as I fall asleep once more.  

\--------------------

The following afternoon I wake up very slowly, swallowing again and again to try to bring some moisture into my dry mouth. I'm very surprised my head isn't aching as I remember the drink from last night. I sit up rubbing the dry sleep from my eyes. I look around my room, yawning as my eyes fall on the black dressing gown on my chest of drawers. And my memory comes back then. That wasn't a drunken haze or a dream then, but my bed is empty aside from me, he must have left and not bothered putting his dressing gown back on. So he walked back to his room in his boxers, meaning he left my room in his boxers. I flop back down on my bed, pressing my face into my pillow to scream. That arrogant knave! What if someone saw him leaving here like that?!

Pushing thoughts of the kings late night visit from my mind; I get ready for the day and head quickly to the Court of Shadows. I pass a few faeries working in the castle; they give me a passing glance before going about their business. I get to the Court of Shadows as the Roach and the Bomb are arguing at the table. I don't hang back to eavesdrop - I don't need to. As I drop into my chair they don't even spare me a glance as they continue their disagreement.

"It would be completely irresponsible. There is no way he would agree to that. They are bluffing." The Bomb says.

"The Undersea have heard about the bet the Master of Revels is hosting. They believe it is for their princess, as well as the majority of the gentry" The Roach replies. What?! That can't be right.

"So? That cannot be all you have to say about it" The Bomb sighs.

"Regardless of intent of the King - The Undersea believes it is for her. I say what is the harm of allowing them to believe what they will? This would perhaps cause a respite of their demands. Or they may completely back off if they think they are making headway with the King. As it is, they are becoming more and more aggressive in pursuit of their goals." The Roach says "If we let them believe it is for Nicasia for a while longer they may not even react badly to Judes return to Elfhame."

The Bomb eyes me then and I'm taking aback. I would have thought my exile would have quelled any issue the Undersea had with me.

"We need to talk to the King" The Bomb concludes, the Roach nods. "If we can get his majesty to agree to hold off on whatever he has planned for that throne, we can milk this with the Undersea."

I find I can no longer hold my tongue and allow them to finish their argument between themselves. "When has the King ever been amenable to anything he doesn't want to do?" I ask.

They exchange a glance. "We have ways." The Roach says cryptically "We are not the Kings guard for no reason. We just need to get a private audience with his majesty."

"I will secure one. In the meantime we should decide how we are going to approach this with him" The Bomb says looking between me and the Roach.

"I'm going?" I ask, shocked I'm being included in this.

"Yes, I believe the saying is 'two birds with one stone'? After we have broached the subject of the throne we will give him a brief overview of our plans. Nothing too in depth - he likely would not care for details." The Roach responds.

"He needs to!" I burst out, outraged they're allowing him to half-arse his rule. "He needs to care about the details. He needs to be involved in the planning. It's his kingdom!"

"Calm yourself, Jude" The Roach admonishes. "It is not that simple. You more than anyone should remember just how fickle Cardan is. Too much information at once and he will switch off to what we are trying to tell him."

I flinch at his use of the Kings given name, having rarely heard the Roach actually say it. "How do we do this then?"

"We have to give him the barest details and then take it to the living council." The Bomb tells me.

"Let's do that then. We talk about the throne and then about the remaining guard." I say.

"Agreed, those are the most pressing matters" The Roach says.

"Agreed" The Bomb adds. "I will approach his majesty about a audience with him for tomorrow morning. Excuse me" With that the Bomb rises and swiftly exits the Court of Shadows to find the King.

We sit in silence for a moment before the Roach turns to me "Now would be a good time to discuss the changes to your plan" He pushes away from the table and walks toward the office so I get up and follow him. When I get to the office the Roach is stood by the board I set up perusing the entire thing, so I perch on the edge of the desk facing the wall waiting for him to begin.

"The most important addition we have made is regarding your brother and sister." The Roach starts, ok he has my attention "As much as I am sure you trust your sister to alert you should she notice suspicious activity around her and your brother there is a handful of ways that it would become quite impossible for her to do so."

"Like?" I ask, wondering where he's going with this.

"Like, should your sister be incapacitated. If she is tied up or knocked unconscious she would be quite unable to send a letter of warning. Or perhaps if someone shows up that she mistakes for someone else" He levels a look at me then. And I understand. If Taryn turns up there pretending to be me it would cause problems.

"So what do you suggest?" I ask, ignoring the worry niggling at me the longer I go without knowing where Taryn stands.

"We need to post people in the mortal world." The Roach says. "We have been keeping an eye on the area but it is not enough now the stakes are higher"

I'm instantly on alert, standing up. "Why? What is it? What's happened?" I rush out.

"Nothing, nothing has happened" The Roach placates, his hands in front of him like he's trying to calm a skittish animal. "I simply meant with you in residence your brother and sister were much safer. Now that you are here and not there they are not as protected as they were." I calm and sit back on the desk. "Now, when I come to collect you I noticed the apartment next to your sisters was empty. So I pre-emptively made a offer and managed to secure the place. I suggest we send two of the more trusted members of the Court of Shadows to 'live' there to watch over your brother and be on hand should they need the help"    

"We'll have to tell Vivi, she won't like us doing this behind her back" I warn.

"I will leave that to you Jude, I suggest you get on it quickly though as we have already vetted the two proposed members and they are due to leave in two nights." The Roach informs me, great another item for the to-do list. I scrub my hand down my face.

"What else?" I question, not particularly wanting to be doing this right now. I may not have a hangover in the usual sort but I am tired and achy.

"Next is, the more we thought about it the more we became sure our best chance of going against a probably attack from Madoc is if you are you one leading the remaining guard. We are both going to put your name forward for the post of interim general of the Kings army" The Roach says, side-eyeing me from where he's stood by the wall.

"What?" I sputter. "No, there's no way I'm qualified for that. Did you not read my addendum?" I ask, pointing to the note I stuck on the board about Madoc realising he'd have to switch up his plays. "I can help by pointing out what he would do but I refuse to have the fate of the upcoming battle on my hands." I shake my head at the end for emphasis.

"We are not asking you to lead them forever Jude. We just need someone to take charge until a new general is appointed to the post" The Roach says. "While you take charge in the meantime you can set the schedules and drills against what Madoc  has taught you growing up. Even if he changes all his strategies, knowing what you know about him could be a make or break for our side"

I consider it. Going over the wording in my head, twice. "When will a new general be appointed?" I ask.

The Roach gives me a small smile and I know he's purposely twisting his words to get me used to it again. "They are currently two rounds from the victor emerging." The Roach says.

"Pardon?" I ask, thinking for sure I've heard him wrong. "Shouldn’t it be the most qualified? Not the winner of some competition"

"You would think. But we have traditions to upheld here in Faerie. Besides the winner of this particular competition is most definitely going to be the one most capable of handling the job" The Roach explains.

"I'll consider it. What's next?" I ask.

"Lastly but no less important. We agree that Hollow Hall should be our backup place in case of emergencies or attacks. But we believe it would be best If only the four of us are aware of that plan." He continues "Me, Bomb, you and the King. We can still hold the Court of Shadows meetings there, but it would need to be in a room fairly near a entrance and we would need to fabricate a reason why Hollow Hall should remain desolate otherwise. To discourage exploration. No one but us should be able to gain entry to anywhere other than the Court room. If you have any ideas how to achieve that please write them down. We are going to start altering Hollow Hall for our purposes from next week, try to have it by then. I myself will also brainstorm and the Bomb too. Between us we should be able to come up with something."

Another to do. But with this one my mind is already whirling with ideas. I'm glad I did a sweep of Hollow Hall already plus my previous experiences in there snooping around for Dain.

I must have been zoned out for a while because the Roach clears his throat drawing my attention. I look away from the wall then, my eyes focussing and landing on the Roach. "If you pardon my forwardness, you look quite unwell and it has not been very long since you almost died. Are you feeling okay?" He asks.

"Yes, yes fine. Just a little tired, I got to talking to Vivi, and drinking…" I trail off.

"Well, me and Bomb have much to do today with the championship. And rather than drag you around with us, you should retire to your chambers. Take a notepad and start outlining a more solid plan on the new drills and training. You will be no good to us in this state." The Roach says. "We can meet up before the revel and we can catch you up on the guard competition and hopefully Bombs success in arranging a private audience."

I almost want to disagree and insist on them taking me with them. But I am really tired and a half day lounging in bed doesn't sound all bad. "Yeah, okay. I'll note everything I can remember and come up with drill ideas. And also see if I can figure out how to explain why in a way that you guys can say and not just me." I say

"That would be a good idea. If we can find a phrase me or Bomb can use it might put the guard more at ease. We will keep you informed of the championship, we can note weakness and strengths in our ranks and feed that information back to you so you can alter where necessary. We will also try to get you personnel files" The Roach explains, striding out of the door into the common area as I grab my 'Guard' folder from the desk and follow.

"I guess I'll see you later then?" I say, walking over to the door.

"Indeed. Rest up Jude. I do not think for a moment that the coming months will be easy" The Roach replies, busying himself with papers strewn across the table in the common room.   

On that happy note I leave and go back to my rooms. I almost nap when I get back but instead dig through my backpack for a spare notebook and pen. By the time the Bomb and the Roach come knocking at my door I have a pretty fantastic plan in place, with two copies of each. A brand new set of drills and training exercises that may help if we end up having to physically having to fight Madoc and his army. I jump up from my bed when I hear the knock on the door, quickly brushing the sweet and chocolate wrappers off my bedspread and kick them under the bed along with my washing. I then open the door, waving a arm to invite them inside. I turn and head back to my bed to gather the two copies of my plans, passing one to the Roach who has sat himself on the chair at my vanity, and turning to pass the other to the Bomb. Freezing when I realise she had moved over to lean against the chest of drawers, usually that wouldn't be a problem except I hadn't bothered to move his majesties dressing gown. The Bomb was holding it up, looking at me with a puzzled look on her face, no doubt noticing the gold stitching and the scent that isn't mine that clings to it. I snatch it from her hands and push the file at her before throwing the dressing gown in my wardrobe.

"Jude, is that -" The Bomb starts. But I don't give her a chance to finish.

"Yes it is. And I would rather not talk about it" I say curtly. Glancing over to the Roach who was looking between me and my cupboard door. From the look on his face I realised right away he either had seen the Bomb pick it up or he has scented it as I rushed past him to throw it in the wardrobe.

"That's hi-" The Roach tries.

"No." I snap, "I get you guys are curious, puzzled, concerned.. whatever. But for now, I do not want to talk about it. I will be happy to fill you in another day." I say staring at them both until the Bomb shrugs and the Roach casts one last look at my wardrobe.

"Very well." He states, simple as that. "The Bomb managed to get a meeting with the king in Four days time, will we go through the plan for that the morning of. These are the guard drills, yes?" He asks, flipping through the papers, scanning each page. The Bomb does the same and I quietly sigh in relief that they aren't pressing the issue.

"Yes, I spent ages writing everything I could remember from my upbringing that Madoc had taught me about battles and strategies. Then using those I outlined some counter-attacks to incorporate into drills and  the training exercises I'd suggest to have the guard on top form for them." I explain "As for a reason why how is this 'Given Madocs absence with half of the guard, these are new drills to maximise effective use of the remaining soldiers'? it’s a little long winded but I feel like it's close enough to the truth that it would work for you two and if we can get a private meeting with the victor of the games we can ensure he continues the basics in these plans."

"And also maybe any additional pointers to add to them too. Not that you have not done a fine job here, Jude. You have, but a trained guard would be able to make tweaks." The Bomb says, still scanning the pages.

"Not to mention these men were trained by Madoc, so the winner would likely have ideas on what to do to counter Madocs go to moves." The Roach says, closing his file.

"I thought about that, and I know you said it was need to know but we can't keep this from the new general of the army. It would be so much easier to have him on our side with this because not only would he be able to enforce it in our absence but he could make sure the troops are none the wiser as to why we are doing this." I say.

The Roach and the Bomb deliberate on that for a moment, exchanging looks with one another that have me frowning between them. "That is a good idea Jude, from today's games it very much looks like Rannoch is going to be the victor" The Bomb says.

"Rannoch?" I ask, sounding out the name. it tickles something in my memory but I can't figure out why "Who is that?"

"It is the guard that collected you and the King for the audience with the Undersea on the morning of your exile." The Roach says.

"Oh" is the only thing I can think of to say.

"Quite. We have to be off if we are going to attend the party tonight." The Bomb says, she looks to the wardrobe once more as does the Roach before they leave.

"Will you be in attendance tonight Jude?" The Roach asks as the Bomb opens the door to leave.

"I'm not sure, I'm still not feeling great and feeling a little taxed from the planning" I say, gesturing to the files they each still hold.

The Roach nods. "Well if not, sleep well. You will no doubt feel better in the morning"

I actually take some comfort in that, it's as close to a faerie version of 'get well soon' that I will get. I close the door behind them and flop down on my bed. I really don't want to go to it, but at the same time I do. Ultimately I decide that I'm not going and change for bed, getting under the covers I allow my mind to wander, imagining multiple grand entrances into a revel. Striking each off as too dramatic as I finish each thought, I'm not really one for the drama. My return will likely be nothing of interest and quickly forgotten about. Such is life of the mortal Queen of Faerie. I smile to myself as I fall asleep to the faint notes of a song drifting into my room from the party.

\---------------------------

The next day, my day is going well. I made my way to the Court of Shadows to get on with work. I figure if I can get on with as much work as is physically possible those four months won't have been a complete waste. By the time the Bomb and the Roach arrive I have read all the personnel files on the remaining members of the guard. I've managed to single out particular soldiers for more intense training or slightly different training. And actually agree it should be Rannoch that takes over the guard.

"Where do we stand then?" The Bomb says as she drops into the chair, eyeing the piles I've made of folders on the table. The Roach continuing through the Court of Shadows to the office, disappearing inside.

I lay my hand on the smallest of the piles in front of me. "This is a pile of the personnel I believe need the most intense training. They're all very capable and also fairly new so they have less experience with Madoc as general, so I believe they would be the best to be our wild cards." I say, tapping the pile as I speak, pointing out the stars I've drawn to signal they're the ones I chose for this task.

"Wild cards?" The Bomb says, pulling the pile toward herself. Flipping through each long enough to see the Polaroid photo of each member.

"Yes, the guards I believe we can train in a slightly different manner." I explain. "The backbone of the training would remain the same all round, but these guys would be on a slightly different tier. Almost like the belts in the mortal land version of martial arts. Imagine Madoc entering a room full of yellow belts, the basic level of fighting knowledge, and taking them out all the same way. But imagine we single out 10-15% of the yellow belts to train up to black belt. Throw the yellow belts at the attacking army and they get complacent with the perceived level of capability, right?"

"Yes, so when they see the level of training they assume it is all around training." The Bomb says.

"Exactly, so imagine the complacency if they manage to beat out the majority of our army. Then we throw a spanner in the works by hiding a few black belts in the ranks. Selected soldiers that receive a harder, more intense training with different strategies, offensive and defensive moves and a higher knowledge level of what Madoc is capable of. It would all be need to know that they receive different training but I think it could work." I continue, gesturing to the folders she's finished looking through.

"I agree, we will run it by the Roach but this is a great idea Jude. One thing though, Officer Nihelm should be added to this pile. He is fast becoming a force to be reckoned with in this championship. He is definitely more than capable." The Bomb tells me.

I reach for the remaining files in the pile in front of me and see that Nihelm is right on top, I spin the file toward the Bomb. "This one? He was next on my list should one of those I chose turned out to be not suitable" I tell her.

"Yes, him." The Bomb nods at me, watching as I draw a star on the front and hand the file to her to add to the other selected.

"So these ones are the rest of the guard, these guys will follow the base routine. But there should be a checklist of traits shown that could fast track extra guards into the intensive program." I say, picking up my notebook, pointing to the page. "You two will be able to come up with a better trait list I'm sure. I wasn't really sure beyond the obvious; motivation, ambition etc"

"We can put a list together for you, no problem. Anything else?" The Bomb asks, looking over the list I made.

"Not really, I was just getting acquainted with the personnel files and singling the ones out for the intensive course." I give her a sheepish smile, feeling like that question meant they expected some more from me.

"That is excellent Jude. This is a good idea, and may help to turn the tide in our favour. I do wonder why this was not implemented before though." The Bomb says, looking to me expectantly.

"Oh" I realise she's actually asking me why. "Maybe because Madoc doesn't believe in subordinates being at different levels. To him either you're management or you're managed. Keeps things black and white."

"Makes sense." The Bomb nods as the Roach re-enters the common area.

The rest of my day in the Court of Shadows was just hammering out the finer details of the course and going over the candidates with both the Roach and the Bomb. For the most part they keep my suggestions, only swapping a few. From there I collect the gridded maps and bring them back to the table. Placing one in front of each of us.

"So this is my proposed plan for finding Grimsen, by gridding it up it makes it easier to do and I've colour coded for each of us so no place is searched twice. Green for me, red for you Roach and blue for you Bomb. I've also put in suggestions for when it should be done by, our first priority should be to find him." I explain, point out squares as I go.

"That is right, we have given a description of Grimsen to our spies. We did not divulge why we are looking for this faerie though. " The Bomb says, tracing her fingers over her squares on the map.

"Ok, that's good I suppose. One thing we do need to talk about is the weather. Why has the King not taken steps to improve his mood?" I ask "If the weather were to improve it would be easier to do our search."

The Bomb regards me for a moment, seemingly on the verge of answering before she closes her mouth and leans back again. "Maybe something you could ask at our meeting with the King?" She muses.

"If I must" I sigh, obviously they have both broached the subject with the King before, to no avail. So I guess it is on me then.

Before long I'm on my way back to my room. After the disaster that was my last brilliant idea about parties, I know better than to decide I'm going to attend the one on tonight. I'm around the corner from my room when a throat clears behind me. I inhale deeply, count to ten and exhale before I turn around.

"Can I help you?" I plaster a smile on my face, if I'm polite enough, maybe I can leave quickly. If I'm being honest I didn't realise anyone except the Roach, the Bomb and the King knew I was back.

"No, definitely not." Nicasia sneers at me. I scan the corridor. Hidden guards indeed, there's no sign of them unless it's the green faerie cleaning the floors a little ways down from us. "But maybe you can. Leave."

"Well that's easy enough" I smile and turn to leave.

"No, stupid" she snaps, I turn back to her frowning "Faerie. Leave Faerie."

"No" I say, making to leave again when she steps closer to me, causing me to pause.

"I am not going to waste my time trying to glamour you, we both know that is not a possibility. So I will just say this. You are punching way above your station." She says slowly in a low voice, stepping closer.

"I don't know what you mean" I say, lifting my chin and maintaining eye contact.

"That is a handy skill, I do know you are lying though. But you are entertaining thoughts of the King. Thoughts that will not end well for you. In case you are unaware, Cardan added a Throne to the throne room, and everyone thinks it is mine and so do I. The King is coming around to the notion of taking me for his wife." She smiles a cruel smile at me.

"Yeah, that's not exactly true is it? I know that your little "I have not given up on us" speech didn't work. It fell on deaf ears." He face falls and I smile then. "Yeah, I was told about that. It's quite the juicy piece of palace gossip" I lie.

The Princess recovers quickly though "It did. Cardan paid little attention to my impassioned speech" I scoff and she narrows her eyes at me "But that does not mean he did not hear it. Since then I have been moved into rooms closer to the Kings rooms and we have grown closer. It reminds me so much of the beginning of our first courtship, he was as distant to me then too." She gets a dreamy look on her face then "He does not know how to deal with his emotions well so he pushes them away. That is all this is. And you are repeatedly getting in my way."

"I've been back a matter of days. There is no way I'm that much of a hindrance." I scoff. But her words about the King not dealing with his emotions well keep repeating in my head.

"Simply the fact you are mortal is what makes you a hindrance. Doubly so because even before your return you were causing problems between me and Cardan." She snaps "I do not care how long you have been back, I saw you wandering just now and honestly thought you had just returned"

"So why do you want me to leave? Obviously in this case out of sight isn't out of mind" I retort. She's making zero sense. And from what I heard from their interactions she shouldn't be able to say any of this, because it cannot be true. But then, I did leave them alone that night in the corridor. And she's had numerous interactions with him that I have not been privy to. Doubt begins to niggle and I'm once again wondering of my pardon was simply a segue for a divorce.

"No, it likely would not be. But now the stakes are higher, with the arrival of the Queens throne I feel I am close to getting through to him and I need you to disappear." Nicasia looks me up and down, stepping towards me again. "You would not be missed. Your sister could not care less, which is why she has not replied to your letter. And the King is no longer fascinated by you, he said you bore him" She laughed then.

And my heart started pounding as I remember all the times I was humiliated during school by the four of them. How many times they had needlessly zeroed in on me as a target and forcing me and Taryn apart by making her agree to no longer offer me help. And now it is happening again. Nicasia has zeroed in on me again and, unaware that I'm current Queen of Faerie, she has managed to make me question everything as well as managing to make me feel like a child seeking approval and attention again. I need to leave now before I do something stupid, like what happened with Valerian.

Pulling all the fake bravado I can I laugh at her. Plastering a fake smile on my face. "Wow, how it must feel to be so entitled. But also a little funny that not that long ago the King encased you in a tree. I won't be bullied into leaving my home, Nicasia. And you would do well to remember what happened the last time one of your friends tried making me disappear"

With that I turn on my heel, head high and return to my room. Once I'm back inside, I close the door and press my back against it. Utterly humiliated. How dare she? Why does she think she has the authority on land to force people out? And a small stab of heartache pierces through my chest as I remember her words about Taryn, that she had received my letter but decided to not reply to it.

And who cares if Nicasia thinks the Throne is for her, that has not been confirmed and the King would have to divorce me first, which he hasn’t mention or even alluded to. His behaviour actually says the opposite, though her words echo through my head again, she was right that he does not have a handle on his emotions. And I wonder what that means for me, I hope it does not entail a second exile.

Once my heartbeat and hurt subside, a plan begins to form in my mind. I think it's about time everybody knew I was back. I head to my wardrobe, pulling the doors open and extracting the red dress. The second of my only two dresses. It's a deep red colour with a velvet fitted strapless bodice, that dips between the cleavage and tapers along the hip line to a point in the middle. The skirt is a beautiful full A line with multiple layers falling in waves to the floor and a top layer of a gauzy fabric sitting on top. I stand for a full minute staring at this dress, trying to imagine myself in it and I flush hard. I'm not this ostentatious and as perfect as my plan is, I am not sure I can put this on.

Brainstorm, I'll have some liquid courage. Digging through Vivis package again I pull a couple more bottles of wine out and start swigging while I sit at my vanity and begin my work on my hair and make-up. The liquid courage works wonders and I am less worried about the statement I'll be making tonight. Satisfactorily buzzed and happy with my head I pull off my dress and bra and put the strapless dress on trying to avoid looking in the mirror until I'm completely dressed to avoid chickening out of it. I did through my remaining shoes and pull out my KG heels. I sit on the edge of my bed to put them on and stand up, finally looking in the full length mirror attached to the inside of my wardrobe door and actually smile at myself. It's the 2 bottles of wine sloshing around my stomach I'm sure but I very much like how I look right now. The only thing that I regret a little is how washed out my skin still is, from both my stint in Undersea and from my poisoning I haven't quite regained my usual pallor, instead I have a slightly washed out version.

My hair I've gone simple with, it is curled and piled over one shoulder, showcasing the ugly purple bite mark on the other side of my neck. I have lined my eyes in kohl creating a catlike flick at the edges of my lashes, applied copious amounts of mascara and painted my lips a deep red. I appraise my reflection and declare myself almost ready as my eyes land on my necklace in the mirror. I look down at it deciding I would prefer to have my shoulders, neck and chest unadorned by jewellery, so I lift the chain carefully over my head and bunch up the ring and it's chain and tuck it into the space where the dress begins on my sternum, ensuring it is secure there. And as a last minute addition I dig out Heathers gift and attach them to my ears, it isn't really visible on my right side where my hair is piled, but it is on my left.

Finally ready I pull my cloak on, gingerly place the hood atop my head and grab a fresh wine bottle. Leaving my room I make a beeline for the entrance to the rafters that overlook the throne room. I perch out of sight for a while, sipping my drink and watching as the room fills up with revellers. It's a miracle I don't fall from my perch with how much everything is beginning to sway.

I wait until Locke and Taryn arrive and Nicasia too, surprisingly she decides against a grand entrance tonight. Maybe she's getting complacent in her fantasy world. By the table my bottle is mostly empty the King finally deigns to arrive, moving swiftly through the crowd to take his place on his throne. A faerie immediately attending to him and handing him a bottle of Faerie wine and a small golden pot of Nevermore. Now is my chance.

I move from my perch as finish off my drink, leaving the empty bottle in the passageway leading upstairs along with the cloak I strip off on the way down. I walk quickly to the entrance doors of the throne room eyeing the guards stationed at the door as movement to my left catches my attention.

"You do not have to do this Jude" The Bomb implores, staring at me as she stands to the sides of the doors.

"I know that" I clip at her, sparing her a side-long glance as my attention focuses back on the door and those behind it.

"Then why are you?" She asks me.

"Because I want to" I say simply as I force open the throne room doors. Perhaps with a little more force than necessary. Oh well, I have their attention now.

I step into the room with my head high and my chin up in a show of defiance. Glancing around at the gasping gentry with a smile on my face. The music sputters to a stop and the faeries dancing halt their steps to stare at me. I take a deep breath and begin my walk toward the dais, outright ignoring where I last saw Locke, Taryn and Nicasia, moving forward as the revellers splitting apart to make a path for me. Since the music stopped the only sounds in the room are my heeled footsteps and the whispers of the faeries that are following me. I approach the dais and shut out all the other noises as my focus zeroes in on the King. He is still sat slouched on his throne but the rigidity in his posture is easy to see. I smirk at him as I drop into a curtsy without bowing my head as is protocol. Instead deciding to keep my head up and my gaze locked on his. Smirking even more at the anger on his stupid perfect face.

"My king" I say as sarcastically and low as I can. Rising out of my curtsy before I am permitted to by his majesty. He knows as well as I that I may do as I please but the shocked gasps and renewed whispering behind me from the gentry is like music to my ears. He eyes trail my face and my clothes before zeroing in on the bite mark he left on my neck, his eyes flashing in fury again as he meets my gaze once more.    

I hold his stare long before I turn on my heel and look around the room, my eyes landing on Nicasia. I narrow my eyes at her before moving on to another familiar face. I make a beeline for him, approaching him with a sweet smile on my face.

 "Hey, I remember you! Rannoch, right? How are you?" I ask, it's about time I make some friends here and who better than one of the guys I'll soon be training and working closely with. I glance around to see the gentry still watching me, the King still fuming on his throne. I turn back to Rannoch to see him gulp,, cutting a glance around at our audience.

"I am okay, Lady Jude." He says awkwardly. His posture too stiff.

I place a hand on his arm. Hoping it'll relax him some.

"Lady?" I laugh "No thank you, just call me Jude." I don't give him a chance to respond before I move on, leaving him gaping, over to the spread of food laid out on the table at the back of the room. Finally the music starts back up and the gentry return to their own business. Well, mostly, some still turn to watch me occasionally.

As a dance starts up, Nicasia stops in front of me, looking down her nose with her hands on her hips. I sigh, wondering what rubbish she's going to spew today. "Nicasia! How good to see you." I over-enthuse, smiling prettily at her.

"You are pathetic to do this" She sneers, gesturing to the bruise on my neck.

I lift my hand to my exposed neck. "Oh, I hadn't realised" I lie. I lean in a little further toward her "Do you want to know a secret, Princess of Undersea?" I stage whisper. Meaning to actually whisper but the alcohol making it impossible.

Nicasia furrows her brows and studies my face, so she knew that was a lie then, but I can see she's curious. "I do not believe that. But I will hear your secret, Daughter of mud." She laughs. And it makes me laugh too, if only she knew.

"The King of the Land did this" I whisper, gesturing with a flourish to where the bite is. Her face goes red and she tenses.

"I find myself getting tired of your lies. You would do well to not make me mad, worm." She snaps.

"Oh, I think you do believe it. That's why you're clearly so angry, you do believe it. This is the Kings bite, and as you've probably suspected by now, that cut on the Kings lip? That was my bite." I tell her gnashing my teeth at her in emphasis. I turn to leave not wanting to talk to her anymore when I turn back to her "And don't for a second think I've forgotten about what happened in Undersea." I smile at her, figuring that would annoy her more. I works, she's mad as hell.

As I'm doing another lap of the room I see Taryn and Locke dancing. And decide to cut in, making a path through the crowd I walk right up to them. "Time to change partners, oh déjà vu." I pause, thinking back to that night as I push Taryn away without sparing her a glance. Moving to place one hand on Lockes shoulder and one hovering in midair until he takes me hand and places his other on my waist beginning our dance. I'm still thinking up my opening line when he speaks first.

"You look enticing this evening. And it seems as if someone has tried to take a bite." He smiles down at me and all I want to do in that moment is punch him in the mouth. But I know I cannot, not yet.

Instead I smile sweetly at him, ignoring the creepy compliment. "How have you been arsehole?"

He laughs, spinning us around the dance floor with the other dancers.  "Good, I am cleaning up on a bet. I am sure you have heard by now that the gentry is all for Nicasia as our next queen. A real one I mean, not one of mirth." His gaze flicks up to my head like he can see the mushroom crown there and then down my dress, eyes lingering on the bodice before coming up to my face again. Prick.

"Hmm, I hadn't heard about that." I smile at him again. "What I did hear though that your darling wife received a glamour from that king of ours. I do wonder what that was all about" My smile widens into a full out grin as his face drops

"How is your leg doing?" He growls at me, oh I've struck a cord there. But he's the one who allowed it t to happen. His grip on my hand and waist tighten until it feels tight enough to bruise, the alcohol making it easy to keep the pain off my face.

"Oh, it's good! How kind of you to enquire after it! It actually inspired me to weave a story about it. You like those right?" I ask, fluttering my eyelashes at him. Enjoying that he looks annoyed that I'm not outwardly showing discomfort.

"Your story is no longer of interest." He clips, funny he avoided referring to himself in that statement. My story is still very much of interest to him, especially seeing his eyes flick down to the bite. Again.

"Oh hush, you'll never be bored of my stories. I bet I keep things interesting where your wife is just so good at pretending to be docile. Must be boring." I sigh dramatically like I'm put out by my twin and her complete personality difference to my own.

His brow furrows "Pretending?" He asks.

"I said hush." I snap, taking a deep breath and smiling once again. "Now, how is this for a story little fox? A little fox and his little woodland friends go for a hunt. They think they've corned a delicious sheep and they injure its leg, almost killing it" I punctuate that word by digging my nails into his shoulder and hand, hard enough to pierce skin. "But low and behold, it wasn't a meek little sheep at all, but a very pissed off wolf in sheep's clothing. One that now has the little fox at the top of her list of adorable forest creatures to skin."

"Are you threatening me Jude?" He asks, smiling down at me sardonically.

I sigh again "Oh dear, if you're questioning it, it must mean I didn't do it properly. Should I try again?"

At least he has the decency to look a little put off by my outright threat.

 "How's this then? Locke attacked Jude. So Jude will make Locke sorry he ever met her." A slow smile spreads across my face as he starts to look angry. Not the best thing for pride, a fae being threatened by a mere mortal "Better?"

"I think you are all talk." He snaps at me. His steps halting our dance.

"Oh no, what will I do without your belief in me?!" I cry out, sighing dramatically before laughing again. "You'll get what you deserve Locke. I'm only sorry that what kills you will probably hurt my sister. Speaking of, how has that traitor been?" I briefly look around, not seeing Taryn but noticing the throne is unoccupied. "Glamour aside?" I add, looking back at Locke.

He looks stunned. Opening and closing his mouth, no doubt unable to find any words he would be able to speak, but knowing I'm more clued in than he thought. I release him and take a small step back, my hands going to my abdomen as I bend over a little laughing.

"Wow, you should really go on tour with that fish impression. Hilarious." I laugh. He growls at me again then. "What's the matter little fox?" He snarls at me and then moves a step toward me but a hand on my hip pulls me to the side at the last minute so when Locke lurches forward toward me he slams into the couple dancing behind us instead.

I turn to look up into the very angry face of the King. He's staring at Locke over my shoulder. "Enough" He says to him, Locke straightens and glares at me once more before moving over to where Nicasia is stood. Taryn too.

The King looks down at me before addressing the gentry who have once again paused to watch. "Well, well, it looks like this mortal is once again back causing problems and almost getting herself killed." He pushes me forward a little, releasing my hip. I turn around to face him again. "If you wanted to be our entertainment Jude, you need not be so obvious about it. And there are much more fun ways we can help you pass the time." Oh I bet he thinks there is, his face is harsh and his eyes furious still. "Perhaps you would like to be our dancer? In that dress you would be sure to draw everyone's attention" My expression falters a little and I blink away some of the alcohol haze. None of the words he's saying are humiliating but the way he's saying them has the court laughing. I laugh with them. If you can't convince them, confuse them, right?

"My, what a excellent idea my King, would you do the honours of spelling me to be your dancer?" I step closer to him, my skirts swishing, to place my hand on where his shoulder meets his neck. I smile prettily up at him. "After all, unless you can force something onto someone there's just no fun in it, is there?" I look to Nicasia and Locke then, smiling at them too.

"In those clothes you look like someone who would only give out lap dances." Locke pipes up. That would be a feat and a half, giving a lap dance in a full skirted gown, but I don't voice that.

Instead I step up close to the King. "If I were, I bet you would want the first one. Am I right my king?" I purr, lowly up at him. Enjoying the fury in his face, fury because there's no way for him to answer. He won't say yes in front of everyone, like he wants to, and he can't say no, because it isn't true.

I almost think he isn't going to speak at all when he starts to grin down at me, it doesn't comfort me any. He still looks very angry and I decide I'm not going to like what comes next.

"I do not think your brand of entertainment is for anyone here" He sneers at me. The audience snickers and whispers to themselves. It sounds like he's carrying on the subject of exotic dances, so they are all laughing. But I know better, he means violence. He abhors it and it definitely isn't for everyone. That was not actually as bad as I was expecting.

However, seeing their King is not going to humiliate me, Locke and Nicasia take it upon themselves by repeating a lot of what they've said already, only this time for all of those in attendance to hear.

I start toward them, unsure what I plan to do without Nightfell but I'm too angry to let it slide. I get two steps in their direction when the King steps in front of me, very closely, gripping my upper arm. "That is enough, I think you best retire for the night before you do something stupid" He growls in my face, close enough I can see the ring of gold around his irises, before turning and dragging me out of the room along with him.

He doesn't stop until we're outside my room. "That was foolish Jude, even for you." He snaps, releasing my arm and taking a step backwards. "You are on very thin ice as it is. Attacking Locke and Nicasia would not have done you any good."

"Except instant gratification" I mutter, glaring at him.

"No, Jude." He snarls at me. "Had you attacked a member of court and the Undersea Princess in front of everyone, exile would not have been a option this time! What do you not get about 'Watch your behaviour?'" He admonishes me. And I don't like that I feel like a petulant child again.

"Are you kidding me?" I shout "You saw what they were saying. You would not let that slide, so why should I?" I don't mention why I shouldn't have to let that slide, but he gets it all the same.

 "Because, wife, have you not heard the saying 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'? I have to keep them content. It would undo months of work to have them up in arms now!" He snaps, crossing his arms.

I'm suddenly stilled into silence, my next argument fizzing out on my tongue. What? I'm still staring at him unblinking when he sighs and rubs a hand down his face.

"I am not a fool Jude. Things have happened these past months that you are not yet aware of. But I am aware of where everyone stands. I am not simply overlooking their ties with Madoc. I am keeping them close for a reason and you attacking them would likely do more damage than you expect." He looks back at my face, unrelenting determination in his features with a tinge of fury still. A prickle in the air fuels my anger further as he says "You are forbidden from attacking them. You may not harm them or unjustly engage them otherwise."

Had I been completely sober I may have understood why but instead I get incredibly angry, how dare he? I step closer to him, poking him hard in the chest "You're really doing this, right now? You know you cannot glamour me! And bossing me around? Really? Do you not understand what they have done? I am perfectly within my rights to do with them as I please!" I yell the last bit at him.

"What they have done?" He asks, confused. "What did the-"

I cut him off, holding a hand up and shaking my head. Glaring at him. I turn from him and walk into my room slamming my door closed in his face.

Breathing hard, I perch on the edge of my bed. It will be really difficult to not be able to act against them, but now I'm calming down I understand why. It's more prudent to keep them both where we can watch them.

But still I am angry. I am so angry that he chose to intervene allowing them the last word. And that he ordered me to not take action against them and tried to glamour me? How dare he? He was trying to take my choice. Screw that! Furious with him for whole new reasons, I spend the next two days sneaking around and avoiding him. Going as far as dressing as a guard to ensure I don't have to see him. I go about my days and even get a start on my search squares, finding nothing but ice and earth. I even make a larger copy of the gridded map to tack to the wall in the Court of Shadows so we can mark where has been searched. 

On the second day I wait in the Court of Shadows until the revel has started to leave to go back to my room. Keeping my head down I make it back to my room in record time, breathing a sigh of relief when I'm safely back in my room. I sit at my vanity to remove my shoes and doublet leaving me in my breeches and vest top when I hear my door click. I jump to my feet and silently move over to the door, grabbing Nightfell on my way and wait on my side to see who the intruder is. When the door clicks again I realise what has happened, someone has locked it from the outside. I drop my sword, grabbing for my door handle and twisting trying to open my door. It doesn't budge, so I pull my key from my trousers and jiggle it in the lock twisting the handle again, I start to panic as that doesn't work either.

"Open you stupid door" I mutter. Pulling harder on the handle, abandoning the key as it's clearly not working. But the pulling stops too when I hear a low chuckle on the other side. That's when I start banging on the door. "Open this door right now!" I shout at him.

"You wanted to avoid seeing me, now you do not have to" He says, it sounds like he's enjoying this. I stop my banging.

"What did you do to my door?!" I snarl at him.

"Just locked it and disabled your handle. You will not be able to get out until I let you out. But do not worry your little mortal head Jude, I know you have food in there." He laughs. A dull thud signals him moving to lean against the door.

"Let me out!" I yell again, banging on the door.

"See you later wife" He chuckles, I hear movement then and I know he's left.

He's left me locked in my rooms for gods know how long. Yes, I have food but that's not the problem. How dare he? Locking me in my room! I pace around for a little while, half expecting him to come back and unlock the door but the longer it goes by with no tell-tale click the more I start to believe he isn't returning tonight. Perhaps tomorrow? I hope so.

When the music drifting in from the revel stops I stop pacing to listen for noises at my door, again as the minutes pass with nothing but distant conversations I lose hope and get into bed. Perhaps he'll be by tomorrow morning to let me out.

The next morning I try  my door again, but it doesn't budge. I get sorted for the morning, not bothering to get dressed, grab my notebook, a pen and some snacks and move to sit against the wall next to my door so I can get on fine tuning my training program while listening out for noises outside. The entire day goes by with no one coming to see me or let me out, not even the Bomb or the Roach which leads me to believe the King told them I was indisposed. I had hoped they would come to find me to find out why I hadn't attended the audience with the King or at least to catch me up on what happened at it but the whole day goes by with no visitors. Once again, I resign myself to trying to leave again in the morning and get into bed.

I fall asleep to the sounds of the music from the revel but I am awoken some time later by a thud on my door. I jump up from my bed and press my ear against the door, trying to hear if anyone is out there. I don't hear much but I do think I hear rustling.. Clothing perhaps?  

"Is someone out there?" I ask hesitantly. Pressing my ear harder against the door.

"I likely should not be, but here I am" I hear in a quiet voice. I sigh and lean my back against the door, sliding down it to sit down, it’s easier to hear his voice down low it filtering up from the crack in the bottom of the door much easier than hearing it through the wood.

"Let me out of here" I demand. But the tiredness and boredom of being stuck in here all day make it come out more like a plea. And I hate that.

"No, you wanted to avoid me" He points out, he also sounds resigned.

"For a reason" I reply. Leaning my head against the door.

"And that is?" He asks, I hear sloshing and assume he has drink out there with him. Fantastic.

"Because I have a feeling attacking the _King_ so soon after my pardon wouldn't bode well for me." I say sarcastically, he's right there, he can let me out. Not that I would want to go anywhere this time of night but I'd like the option in the morning.

"No, I imagine not." He pauses there. "Believe it or not Jude, but I noticed your absence each day you were not here."

"Not absence, you exiled me!" I correct.

"No, that is not only what-" He starts but I don't let him finish.

"You can say exile you know." I snap "It isn't a dirty word, no matter how many times you all skirt around it."

He sighs and then is quiet for a while.

"Let me out!" I try again, this time with a little more venom in my voice.

He remains quiet and then sighs again "I cannot do that" He says quietly, the sloshing noise is back again.

"Why the hell not?" I shout, he may want to be quiet but I sure as hell won't be.

"Because of many reasons wife" He replies, his tone even still.

At that I turn and slam my fist on the door once in temper.

"Now now, you will injure yourself" He mutters, almost half-heartedly like he expects I'll do it again anyway. I don't, not yet.

"Tell me why" I demand.

It's quiet again and I almost sigh thinking he isn't going to answer me, then comes his reason "I am still angry at you"

"You didn't seem it when I was first back" I pointed out, remembering that night in the throne room. He hadn't seemed angry in the slightest.

"Other things were at the forefront" He says "You probably remember that I am not a slave to my emotions"

"Must you be so vague, it's infuriating." I complain, this would all be so easier if the double talk stops.

"You did not seem angry at me when you did not kick my from your bed. I too put wants above needs in the moment." He explains and I get it then, I had wanted to be selfish that night he snuck into my bed. Maybe he wanted to be selfish the night he saw me in the throne room.

But still "That's not much of an answer" I sigh, half tempted to just go back to bed.

"All in good time Jude. In the coming days, that conversation will come." He laughs again, probably at the absurdity of what he's saying.

"While you're drunk" I scoff

"No, that is why I am trying hard to remain on this side of the door. That is a sober conversation." I hear a thud then and it vibrates through the wood, I assume he's dropped his head back against the door.

"Like I said" I point out. Because I did, I already told him that twice.

"Yes" He simply states. Not arguing with me still, I'm getting bored.

"Why are you here now then?" I question.

"I do not know" He admits, and I'm surprised he would admit that rather than stay silent.

After that though, the silence stretches on again for a few beats. Until I hear shuffling clothes and movement "Get some sleep" he says to me, his voice growing quieter as he walks away.

I stay put for a few more minutes to see if he returns before I get up and return to my bed, thankfully managing to  fall back into slumber quickly.

\------------------

The next morning I wake up slowly stretching out leisurely. No point in rushing to get up even though it is likely later in the day than I intended to rise. I have nowhere I can be today unless my door is unlocked, which I now doubt. Deciding I would once again spend the day fine-tuning my plans and writing to Vivi, I get up, grab a fresh set of pyjamas and head into my bathing room to wash (With cold water, I might add) and change into my shorts and tank. I finish up at my own pace and head back into my room, freezing as soon as I take a few steps toward my bed.

There on the edge of my bed is the King. Dressed head-to-toe in black, but missing both his crown and any form of shoes. He's just in a fitted back shirt rolled up to his elbows and fitted black trousers, his tail limp beside him. I look up to his face and see it's clean of any gold and his damp black hair is falling about his face. My eyes cut to the door quickly before returning to him and I consider making a break for it to avoid him, after all it must be unlocked now as he's in my room. But he notices my glance.

"There is no point in entertaining that thought any further, I locked us in. You will not get through the door" He says casually, like he's commenting on the weather and not the fact I am still locked in my own rooms - only now he is in here too.

 I furrow my brow at him "What the hell are you doing in my room, husband? And where are my things?" I decide to start with. I wouldn't be stood here in mortal pyjamas if my stuff hadn't been moved from my room.  

"When you left I had them moved" He says, leaving it at that. He is infuriating.

"You mean when you exiled me?" I snap.

"If you wish to get technical" He murmurs his eyes drifting from my face over my clothes and back up.

"I wish to get realistic" I say, moving to lean against the chest of drawers.

"Jude, if you insist on having this argument right this second, can you please put some damn clothes on first. I cannot pay attention to any of the words you are likely to be shouting at me while you are dressed that way" A pointed look to my bare thighs and midriff.  His gaze snagging on the scar from the arrow, he looks back up at my face with icy rage in his eyes, making them glitter menacingly "Do not think I forgot about that injury from the wedding. I will be asking about that once this nonsense is out of the way." He promises as I pull on trousers over the shorts I'm wearing.

"That doesn't mean I'll answer your questions, my King" I reply, his eyes narrowing as he studies my face. "I have some long overdue questions of my own"

"Such as?" He asks, getting up from the foot of my bed to sit on the left side facing me.

"How could you allow yourself to be poisoned?" I ask, one of the questions I had repeating in my mind often throughout those four months. I thought about it so often I wasn't 100% sure when I would return that he would still be here.

"I did not allow anything" He says, cocking his head and I internally groan at my own choice of wording.

"You are infuriating!" I snarl. "I forgot just how much. So let's make a deal, yeah? We all know you love those."

His eyes narrow again "Go on"

"You forget all your faerie misdirection bullshit and tell me the truth without me having to clarify things you already know and I will tell you the truth, with none of my mortal lying bullshit" I say.

"And you forget wife, that while I want to trust you, and wanted to trust you before you left-" He starts.

"Before I was exiled" I interrupt him with my correction.

He raises a brow and continues on. "But you keep too many secrets. And I need to learn to trust you again, the same as you need to learn to trust me again"

"So, that's a no?" I ask, confused at his reply since it didn't really answer my question.

"I did not say that Jude. I will be straight with you and I am hoping, from now forward, you will return the favour" He levels a stare at me that has me nodding.

"I will. So, why do you allow yourself to be dosed?" I repeat, testing him with the same wording.

He smirks slightly, catching on "It was not on purpose. I am not yet accustomed to having to monitor my food. And I still have not managed to pinpoint exactly what contained the wraithberry."

"And what did you mean when you said you may have dosed yourself?" I ask him, remembering his confusing wording from that night.

"Did you know I spent a lot of time those first days of my rule staring at your face? I was planning your punishment. You think I did not start to notice the odd colouring on your nails and around your lips? The purple hue under your eyes and your increasingly pale complexion." He asks "Even for a mortal you were too peaky and you had odd colouring that you should not have had. You did not think I would notice what it was that you were doing to cause that? I smelt it on you and I could taste it on you too, kissing you used to make me a little lightheaded. Of course, King of bad decisions and worse ideas decided that might be an idea for myself too, after all most of the attempts on my life would likely come in the form of poison.  That night I think I was slipped a bit extra of wraithberry on top of my own dose at some point, like I said I have not managed to pinpoint when" He finishes.

I nod, moving on to my next question "How long had you planned to exile me?"

He is silent for a few beats "A little longer than a morning. Balekins murder served as good a reason as any to do it."

 "So the marriage?" I ask.

"That is not a proper question." He pauses and I stare at him until he continues "But I had that planned a little longer."

"Why?" I ask

"Because of reasons I told you when I summoned you to my rooms that night." He states simply. So to get out of our agreement and out from under my thumb.

"The ring?" I question, trying to control the urge to reach for it where it is tucked against my sternum again.

His gaze dips to my necklace around my neck, briefly landing on his bruise, and then following the chain to where it disappears into my tank. "It was your ring"

"I know that" I huff, my self control failing and my hands going to my necklace.

"I thought it time to give it back" He says as he shrugs one shoulder.

"Right" I watch him closely as I tuck my ring back into my top.

"You really should put that on" He says, still eyeing my necklace.

Why the fascination with my ring? I wonder to myself. "How did you find out I was in Undersea?" I ask instead.

"Orlagh sent a message with Nicasia, two weeks after you disappeared, I almost did not believe it. I thought it was a tactic to try to force my hand for hers in marriage. She then arrived with a message from the new ambassador of the Undersea, I'm sure you remember who that was. He wanted to meet at the shoreline to discuss terms of your release." He stops then.

"Why did you agree to those terms?" I ask, not needing to expand on my question further.

He stays silent for a moment staring at me, weighing his words. "There was no other choice."

"There is always another choice" I snap.

"This time there was none. They spared me no detail on your keeping conditions" He frowns, looking to a point just over my left shoulder rather than at my face.

I scoff at him "I very much doubt that" There's no way Balekin told him of everything. Time to change directions before I let that stuff slip from its lock box in my head. "Did they ask for anything else?"

He just sits and stares at me, unmoving. Were it not for his blinking I would have thought he was stone.

I rub my forehead "You agreed to answer my questions" I snap at him.

"I did no such thing. I agreed to be straight with you. I said nothing about answering your every question" He replies.

I groan out loud then "Always a sting. I didn't miss that" I snarl. "So, why them then? Why the Court of Termites?"

"I assume it is because the fealty given at his banquet. There was little purpose in attacking Severin, as a exiled kings son, he has a small court and the members are few and far between it would have been a bigger effort to attack them. The court of Termites is, for the most part, all in one place. I did send out messengers with a warning, I had hoped at least one would make it to them to prepare for the undersea attack. Since, I have helped with the rebuild effort in the days following the attack. Roiben says you made a bargain for his fealty that night. That you bargained with a favour from the crown? I assume that was after you had already decided to crown me in place of your brother?" He asks and I can tell by the tone of his voice he is starting to get angry too. This will soon be the argument I expected it to be.

"Yes" I say simply. I don't feel any need to expand on that.

"And what was that favour wife? What did you promise them?" He asks me.

"I heard nothing of what it was to be, until after the attack. Dulcamara found me and said the favour is that I have to kill Balekin. They knew it was him that ordered the attack on them." I reply.

"Did they specifically demand it be you?" He questions.

"They did come to me with it, not you, so I assume so" I point out.

"So you did it? As easy as that?" His voice takes on a quieter quality and now I am sure he's reaching the end of his tether.

"There were contributing factors, that all added up. But yes. As easy as that." I stare him down, knowing this argument is moments from blowing up.

"Well, let's hear them then." He growls.

"Hear what?" I ask, batting my eyelashes innocently at him.

"The contributing factors" He snaps.

I tap my chin a few times, feigning thought "Hmm, let's see.. He murdered basically his entire family, the _royal family_. Had he known about Oak he would not have hesitated to have killed you, had you been on that dais -" I stop as he suddenly stands up. Shouting at me and gesticulating a lot with his words.  

"So you are a one woman judge and jury for crimes against faerie now? Was it not enough I was your puppet king because of that for 5 months! You also had to kill one of the remaining members of my family too? All because an unseelie lord sent a lackey to demand it of you. Did you come to me first? With this favour from the crown? The crown that was on MY head, not yours. Did you even try to talk to someone, anyone to see if there was another way? Do you even realise what you did? Killing a prince of faerie is treason. Treason! It would not have been the tower of forgetting for you, the punishment for that is death, and on top of that he was Orlaghs ambassador. Gods Jude, you have no idea how many times following your exile the undersea demanded your head! They even sent soldiers looking for you there! I sent you away, and even that almost was not enough to save you from your stupid mistakes..-"

I stopped hearing after that, every word out of his mouth a glowing ember adding to the rage growing inside me, the corners of my vision started growing hazy and there was such silence in my head, such pressure in my chest, growing and pressing in on me.

"Enough!" I shout back, causing him to pause, he's breathing hard and there's fury in his face and his entire body "He was a terrible person. I'll be damned if I'm going to just sit here and listen to you act all haughty and all knowing about something you have little insight into."

"Little insight?" He yells, incredulous. "He was MY brother! MY family!"

"You want to know why? Huh?" I snarl, standing up as well, no longer leaning on the drawers and stepping toward him. "Fine! Because it made me so mad to see him enchant a mortal to beat you while you were down. I know that because I was hidden under a table in the tower when that happened. It made me mad that he was likely the root of why I had to suffer at your hands! And don't even pretend at least some of those scars are not from his punishments." I yell, pushing him until he was sat back on the edge of my bed. "You like mortal tales, have you heard of Beauty and the beast? Because congratulations Princess Belle, you have Stockholm syndrome. He abused you, he belittled you and beat you and you acted like the sun shone out of his arse. That's right, I know all that, he bragged about his brand of your upbringing in Undersea. But 'He's my brother, he cared for me, he took me in' do you realise how dumb that sounds? How naïve it makes _you_ sound? He took you in because he knew Eldred would not choose him for King in a million years! He knew he'd need someone of Greenbriar blood to crown him and he probably thought 'Yeah, why not the damaged one, he was already kicked out of the palace'." He flinches and I almost backtrack, but I'm seeing too much red to care much. "You were young enough that he could brainwash you. You even said yourself, once at Hollow Hall you became the worst version of yourself because of him. I'm not even sorry that I think he should have been killed long before I had the pleasure of doing so! Because it made me angry that he killed his family and would have murdered you as well if he had the information about Oak."

"You do not know that he wou-" He tries to interrupt me, but I don't allow it, cutting him off.

"Because when I was in Undersea and I had to pretend I was glamoured to survive, you know the most common demand from him? 'Kiss me as though I were my brother'." I make a face, shivering in disgust as the King freezes, no doubt hearing this for the first time. So much for Balekin spared him no detail. "Do you even realise how disgusting that was? How dirty that made me feel?  How many times I wanted to rip out my own tongue when he made me tell him I was his? To with as he would? Sometimes I wish I could be glamoured just so I wouldn't have to remember that, so I wouldn't have to remember ANY of that. So I wouldn't have to remember when it was me that was ordered to kill you. And how easy it would have been too." His eyes widen in alarm, but I don't care, I continue on, yelling still. "If they had me glamoured - if it was even possible for me to be glamoured - I got into your room easily. You were in there alone and when you awoke to me there, you relaxed! Do you realise that? You pulled me across you into the bed even after hearing I had been sent to murder you where you slept, you took no precautions to move away from me. I wasn't the strongest in the days following my capture but had I been glamoured I would have been able to do it and you made it _so_ easy. And then at the revel, when he realised the vial of poison he had provided me to give to you wouldn't be used, he set me up to fall for the attempt on your life. _That_ is treason too, he thought I was his puppet but it was his treasonous attempt on your life that I would have been executed for. You think that would have stopped had I actually been executed? You think it would have been 'oh that poor mortal girl with her head on a spike, best not try again. Tea anyone?' No! The attempts would have kept coming and you would have been dead too before long."

He opens his mouth but still I continue, shouting at him and angrier as ever. "He was a horrible brother and son and a worse person. I am not going to apologise for being the one to bring a end to him. I'm only sorry I didn't kill him the first time I snuck into Hollow Hall"

My rage burned out with the last words that I'd held in for nearly half a year. Keeping them bottled up had been akin to a physical pain these last months and, as much as that pressure is gone now that I've spoken them, I feel empty now. My rage is gone, my anger is gone, I feel nothing but exhaustion as I slump back against the drawers. But don't expect that to last once the King starts to speak again.

Things are quiet, too quiet and my throat feels raw. But I keep staring him down, eyes narrowed and arms crossed over my heaving chest.

"I have, so many, questions" He breaks the silence, his voice not loud but not normal conversation volume either. His posture still tight with anger but his face is thawed a bit to what it was at the start of my yelling. "I need a drink"

"No" I respond immediately, my voice cracking but still loud "This is a sober conversation"

And it gets quiet again. So now it's my turn to stare at him unmoving, it prompts him to start speaking again.

"That was their plan? Glamour you to murder me and should that fail, use it as a reason to execute you?" He asks, still not at normal conversation volume.

"Yes" I clipped, my voice breaking so I clear my throat "It would not have stopped with me"

"And you remember your whole time in Undersea?" He questions, holding eye contact.

"Yes, every second. You are aware I can't be glamoured" I snap.

"But I did not dwell on that too much" He says, igniting my anger once again.

"Always thinking of yourself" I snarl at him.

He looks shocked for some reason "I thought the same of you"

"What?!" I yell at him, pushing off the drawers, outraged.

"Those first two weeks you were gone, I had assumed things had gotten too hard and that you had run. For two weeks I thought you had turned your back on Elfhame and left. And then when Nicasia said you were a guest in Undersea, my first thought was that you had defected and only after you were ransomed did I realise that you had not left of your own will." He explains and my anger thaws a little, not a lot, but a little.

"Why would you think I had run off? I put time into my job! I basically single-handedly made changes for the good around here, no, no, I single-handedly _ruled_ Elfhame. Not only fixing whatever you did but made plans for things to be in place for Oaks rule." I shout, or try to anyway. After my earlier monologue it comes out barely above normal volume.

"Your sister is why" He answers, his volume matching mine "She approached me at the wedding and informed me that she planned to take you back to the mortal land with her, that she had run the idea by you already and she said you were thinking about it. That the attack on you the night before had changed your mind about staying." His gaze falling to my covered leg.

It actually makes sense that Vivi talked around my denial to leave and made it sound like the attack had me running scared. I knew she wanted me to leave but I had no idea she would go as far as that to ensure it.

"That was never my intention. Why would I leave when I was making was for Oak. If my torment at your hand all those years, and Valerians attempt at murdering me didn't make me run, there's no way I would allow Locke the pleasure." I laugh, but it isn't by any means a happy sound.

"What?" He snaps.

"Huh?" I ask, trying to backtrack once I realised what I had said.

"What does Locke have to do with this?" He snarls at me, daring me to repeat myself.

I pause, regarding him closely. "Why ask? You heard me fine."

"I did" He confirms "But I want to hear you say it"

"Well I'm not going to" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

Everything halts as we just stare at each other, neither of us wanting to be the first to break.

"So, it was my Master of Revels that attacked you?" He eventually asks.

Still I say nothing.

"We will be coming back to this then. Balekin forced himself on you?" He asks through gritted teeth.

Again, I stay silent saying nothing and doing well to control my words but not the nauseous look that crosses my face.

"I see" He says, his face unreadable but his posture stiff "You broke into Hollow Hall?"

"Yes." I confirm "Before your family was killed."

"You saw one of his _lessons?_ " His face still showing nothing.

"Yes, I was in the tower to rifle through his things at Dains behest. Balekin wasn't happy I beat you at that tournament" I shift uncomfortably as the King flinches, maybe remembering that day I'm talking about.

After a moment of more silence he speaks again "That day was rather tame in comparison. That was also the day my book went missing." He muses "You took it?"

"I did" I confirm again. Remembering my surprise at finding it in his rooms.

"I should have figured after the mortal stories quip. I cannot say I am familiar with Princess Belle though" He growls.

"The Parchment?" I ask, he just looks at me, but I give him a look that makes it clear I will not except feigned ignorance.

He exhales loudly "A exercise to clear my mind of you. Do not mistake me though, back then it was more irritation than anything. Nicasia decided she was annoyed with Locke and his new conquest and he lead her to believe it was you. Sparing your sister, his true conquest, the brunt of Nicasia and her infamous rage. Of course your sister caught on that Nicasia had made a mistake targeting you, but she did not say anything to correct her. Which caused your ongoing torment" He explains.

"Taryn knew?" I ask, almost not wanting the answer but knowing it already, even before he nods a confirmation. "Get to the point!" I snap, ignoring the small stab of pain at the depths of Taryns betrayal.

"I was bored and it was fun" He summed up. "But, it led to you being on my mind a lot" I remember he did say that to me one, that he thought of me often and his disgust at himself over the fact he couldn't stop it.

"Are you ready to tell me why you exiled me?" I ask again.

"I told you why" He states, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Tell me the other reasons" I demand.

"I think I will not. I have told you the one I am happy to share with you" He replies, smirking at me. And my blood boils.

"Why won't you tell me?" I yell.

"Because I am angry at you. Why should I be more forthcoming?" He yells back. The second wind of the argument is incoming.

"You're angry with me?" I scoff, " That's hilarious" He's angry with me? How dare he? He ejected me from my home like a bad organ on a whim with a sorry arse excuse like protection.

"Yes, I am angry at you." He confirms. When I don't speak he continues. "You killed my brother. And yes he was not the greatest person but he _was_ my brother. After all  your sister has done, how would you feel if I killed her?"

My brow furrows at him, "Had it just been you approaching Taryn and murdering her, yes I'd be pissed and probably murder you. But it wasn't like that. We had a duel where if I had not struck first your brother would have killed me. It wasn't even his first attempt and I don't know how to make that any clearer." I shout.

"You do not need to make it clearer" He yells back, standing again. "I know that had you not killed him you would have perished instead. Do I know Balekin was a monster? Yes, perhaps better than most. He was a terrible person and a terrible family member. He abused everyone, he cheated, stole and murdered to get what he wanted. I know all that. But that does not lessen the grief I feel for my brother.

I'm stunned into silence. I had assumed the Kings anger stemmed from my part in his brother's death. Maybe the anger I thought was wholly directed at me was just a manifestation of his grief? Coming to think of it, his first few months as King his attitude was much the same - he was grieving then too and he's right, he isn't a slave to his emotions and maybe by pushing them down they bubbled up as something other than grief. Of course that doesn't absolve me, I did play a major part in Balekins murder, even if the Prince had initiated the duel. So I shouldn't really be surprised but I still need to know why I was exiled. I feel like it's imperative I know why so I cannot make the same mistakes again and possibly be exiled again, for good this time.

And I certainly don't believe it was to 'protect me' as he claims or at least not wholly. In my time in Elfhame I have been robbed of my parents, of a carefree childhood, part of my finger and the ability to feel much else but fear and anger. I've pushed myself to assimilate but still been rejected and mocked at every turn. I've alienated myself from both my twin, by going against our pseudo-father, and from Vivi, by refusing to heed her warnings about the danger I'm in here. I've purposely poisoned myself and impaled myself by driving a blade through my hand of my own volition. I have survived crazed members of the gentry bent in my murder and the massacre of the royal family and the subsequent revel. I have survived a one-on-one with Madoc, formally General of the Kings army, survived captivity in Undersea and a duel with the disgraced Prince of Faerie.

I shadow-ruled Elfhame for five months! Five months of council meeting and fixing the Kings messes. So I have more that proved I can handle myself and anything Elfhame can throw at me. I am not some fragile female with a delicate constitution.    

       

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update the notes tomorrow about the changes to canon... If I remember correctly there's quite a few in this one.
> 
> Sorry I left it where I did! Agan, In my haste to upload I stopped there as it seemed like a good place. And also being 1.20am I haven't read through it prior to posting. There's probably mondo amounts of mistakes!! I will fix them this is just the bare bones of the chapter as I didn't want to hold off any longer than I have!
> 
> Anywhoo, inspiration for Judes entrance dress is this beautiful one:  
> https://www.sherry.london/bmz_cache/d/de55d30166a11dfb4667cd5d4f214748.450x675.image.jpg
> 
> And Judes shoes in that scene:  
> https://www.amazon.co.uk/KG-Kurt-Geiger-Womens-Surge/dp/B00CRX4QN0
> 
> Yes I own those shoes. Yes they are as beautiful as that in real life. Yes they cost me almost £200.... :O:O:O:O:O:O
> 
> Corrections and the second part of this chapter to come soon. The continuation of the argument and some very fun bonus POVs. I owe you guys a few of them now!
> 
> Ta, lovelies  
> <3


	9. Of Wording and Writing Letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a few things I need to explain here.  
> 1, This chapter took so long because after the overhaul I went chapters ahead so I could have some in the 'bank' so to speak. This way I'm again a few chapters ahead of my uploading and I hope to stay that way. (And I should be able to. Now I have the backbone of the story sorted again, I don't think there's going to be any more major overhauls on my part) I have the rest of the chapter outlines completed now too. If I stick to that there is another 12 chapters until the end. If I go over expected word count I will split chapters so there may be slightly more. But no less than that. 
> 
> Also it might be worth noting that another reason this one took so long is because I made a minor change in this chapter that made no sense unless I edited a few parts from previous chapters. And hopefully by getting ahead of myself I won't need to edit posted chapters anymore. It shouldn't be as long between updates for now on.
> 
> 2, The last chapter came over my most recent binge watch of Brooklyn 99. As such I had it in my head that faerie talk would be very much like Holt. So I cut all contractions if it was fae speaking. That was stupid and didn't fit in with the previous chapters. This chapter goes back to them using contractions.
> 
> 3, On that note I haven't beta'd my previous chapters yet, but that is on my list. Rereading myself I've noticed SOOO MANY mistakes and things that don't make sense. I apologise.
> 
> 4, I tried to hold off on swearing. Honestly lasted longer than I thought I would but I've officially changed the rating so I can swear. 
> 
> 5, The added warning…? Yeah THAT one. I was going to wait until the chapter it happens to update and add that but it's come to my attention that not everyone likes fanfics where characters die? So this is a advanced warning, if you're one of those people, to not get too attached to this story because it happens. It's been in the story from the start and there's no way I'm changing it. I will put a warning in the author note at the start of the actual chapter it happens in too as a final warning.
> 
> 6, You've probably noticed I don't really write bathroom trips or eating. It's not because they aren't eating or cleaning or peeing. I just don't want to write it every time. Assume they are doing it all.
> 
> 7, The extra POVs! They are coming! I'll update them in the appropriate chapters as they're written. They are next on my list.
> 
> It's an immediate continuation.. (Unbeta'd)  
> Enjoy

I stare the king down and he arrogantly holds my stare with one of his own. Our argument tapered off after his confession of grief. I find myself wanting to question him on his motives for my exile again but my first few attempts didn't go well.

"May I have a drink now?" He asks, breaking the silence we've been sat in for the past 15 minutes. His expression changing from unreadable to longing as he glances around my room and then onto disappointment when he doesn't spot any alcohol.

"I said no" I snap. "I'm still no happy with your half-arsed excuse for your decree of my exile. Tell me something real and I'll find you a drink"

He rubs a hand down his face "Why are you pushing so hard on this?" He asks "This is a awfully boring conversation to have sober."

"Did you forget that's why you're here? That's why we're having this argument. For me, it boils down to you exiling me out of the blue." I admit. "Yes you've done other things I'm mad about but that is my main problem"

"And for me this argument boils down to the secrets you keep from me. Continually" He adds.

"At least tell me if it was one or multiple reasons?" I ask "Because I sure as hell don't believe it was solely for my protection."

"It was for your protection. I told you that already" He says, skirting around the question entirely.

"We both know I can handle myself. You had other reasons then" I cross my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Oh, just so I know are we pretending the fox hunt and the Undersea captivity didn't happen then?" He asks, with a pointed look to where my scar is underneath the fabric of my trousers. When I don't answer him, he sighs again "Yes I had other reasons."

Finally! "Tell me one" I demand. Managing to keep my face blank because I know he would rather make me angry than talk if I showed any of the smugness I feel.

"Tell me a secret" He smirks at me. Of course, this is an-eye-for-an-eye Elfhame after all. I should have expected this and I'm angry at myself that I didn't. I weigh my options; Lie and risk him knowing or tell the truth and risk him refusing to tell me anything in return. Or any combination of the two. "Start small if you must. A show of faith that you are willing to trade information. Or maybe we can make a game of it?" He adds.

"What kind of game?" I ask, eyeing him warily.

"Every time you lie to me you remove a item of your clothing" He smiles at me, his gaze moving down my clothes before back up to meet my eyes once more.

"How about no?" I snap "I'm not playing strip truth or lie with you. Anyway, how would you know if I lie to you? You were never very good at that part" I smirk back at him.

"I have my ways." He says simply. I open my mouth to question him but he cuts me off "So, tell me a secret then"

I pause. "I've been back over a week" I confess. It's a small enough truth that I'm sure I would have told him eventually anyway. Most likely in anger.

"A week?" He repeats, his face falling into a mask of stone, unreadable "I really want to believe that's a lie. But I feel not"

I remain silent, desperately trying to keep from expanding on my secret. If information is my currency - I'll spend every penny wisely.

He regards me closely, as I see understanding dawn on his face. "Oh. Your sister really didn't know about that night in the corridor. That was you" It wasn't a question but I give him a curt nod anyway and he laughs quickly. "Here I was thinking she was just a exceptional actress when she feigned ignorance when I confronted her."

Still I say nothing. Pressing my lips together.

"But I checked?" He says. Confusion in his voice as his eyes dart to my hand and back up to my face. "I made sure I checked"

"You checked the wrong hand. You were drunk" I remind him. "Very drunk"

"So I needn't have gone to the trouble of glamouring the twin then" He muses.

"No, although that was actually helpful. As I'm sure you know Taryns loyalties are questionable." I explain "That glamour will prevent her from relaying too much information to Madoc. Or Orlagh" He nods, his eyes on my face but unfocussed, seemingly lost in thought. "You owe me a reason"

His eyes focus once more "To protect the Throne." He says, I stare at him expecting him to continue but he remains quiet. Not elaborating at all. I close my eyes and count to five. He's being purposely annoying, but two can play that game.

"So to be clear, a secret I've been keeping from you will get me a small snippet, a little more of your reasoning for my exile?" I ask, making a show of uncrossing my arms and playing with my hands in a nervous manner.

"Yes. A secret you're keeping from me will get you another part of why I exiled you" He confirms.

Sucker. I think with a triumphant grin. "Ok, that wound on my leg? It really starts to ache in the cold weather" I say, raising an eyebrow at him to prompt him to speak.

"No dice, wife" He says simply, smiling back at me.

"Did you know that then?" I ask.

"I did not" He confirms slowly, his smile slipping marginally.

"Then that's a secret I've been keeping from you. You owe me more" I grin at him as his smile vanishes completely and his jaw clenches.

He doesn't speak right away, no doubt either too angry at being played or trying to find something vague to say. So I purse my lips and wait. "In case something were to happen to me" He finally replies.

"What, you think I was going to attack you?" I scoff, incredulous. I pause as my rage rises once more "After everything?!" I yell at him, stepping forward a step and clenching my fists at my side. He opens his mouth to reply but I've had enough. Again.

"My last night before you exiled me I was straight with you!" I yell, stamping my foot, needing to move to prevent me lashing out. "I told you what the Undersea, and your brother, tried to make me do. I was weak and confused after returning from them and yet I jumped out of my window and scaled up to yours. That was NOT easy, not even a little. Yes, I duelled your brother and didn't tell you but I had no plans to attack you. I told you as much that they couldn't make me do it. You are being infuriating! You really believe after everything that I would be a risk to you? That I would have threatened you or hurt you of my own volition?" I shout, my voice getting gradually louder as my pulse pounds in my ears and my vision returns to being red and hazy. "How dare you?! I risked everything. _Everything!_ And yes, it started as a necessity for Oak, but along the way that started to change. I alienated myself from my family. I made myself  a target, not only for every entitled faerie with a superiority complex over us humans but also to my pseudo-father. He warned me though, he told me when the Undersea is no longer a player in this game we're all playing, it will boil down to me Vs him. And I don't expect to get lucky against him a second time. I know that. I've accepted that." My voice goes quieter then. "You're far more stupid than I thought if you think that I would make myself a bigger target than I already am by murdering you." I narrow my eyes at him at the end. Annoyed even more that his face has remained the same blank expression it was when I started.

A angry laugh escapes me, "This is just going to keep going in circles. A complete waste of both our time" I snap, moving over to the door and yanking on the handle again, determined to get it open.

"To protect the throne"  He repeats quietly. I halt my pulling and rest my forehead against the door, closing my eyes. There's shuffling and then his quiet voice is much closer. "I sent you away to protect the throne, in case something were to happen to me. In the months following my brothers end, things were bad here, Jude. Even following my show the day you left-" I tense and he sighs "-the day I exiled you. We were on the verge of war, on more than one front, and we still are. I meant what I said though, Jude, I wanted to trust you. And you're right, those first months you more than proved you _could_ rule, but that didn't mean you _should have to._ That last night, after the wraithberry wore off, I was up a lot of the night. I couldn't sleep _._ " He pauses, his hand moving to cover mine over the handle of the door and removing my hand from it, turning me around to face him and keeping hold of my hand. I open my eyes, focussing on his mouth as he continues to talk. "And I realised three things. One, Had you not been there, I likely would have laughed myself to death." I open my mouth to protest, to say that the Bomb or the Roach would have realised but he presses a finger of his free hand against my lips, shushing me. "I would have. It's a miracle you even realised what was happening to me." I flush as I remember why it is I realised, that damn kiss in front of everyone, when I tasted it on him. "Two, I was not going to be taken seriously as a ruler until I took it seriously. And I realised that there was no way I could achieve that while you were in control of me so wholly - body and soul. So I needed to be out from under your thumb." He says, dropping his finger from my lips and pulling me over to my chest of drawers, propping me against it before resuming his space on the edge of my bed.

"But I could not allow you to go far. I realised I needed out from under your control but I still needed you around. That night could have been the end of my reign, with someone else taking control of the throne. I will not bore you with my thought process from there but it boiled down to this: You proved you could rule, I wanted to trust you and I needed a contingency plan in case the next attempt on my life was successful. And then the solution; Marry you and make you my Queen. I would be my own person again and you would be able to rule should I be removed."

My brow furrows as he pauses and I think that through. So my exile wasn't just a harsh reminder of my fragile mortality and my unworthiness of Elfhame. It was actually the opposite?

"Of course, I had already been considering exiling you. And by then it seemed like the only option, by removing you from Elfhame I was protecting you and protecting the throne. Even if there were no further assassination attempts on my life, I knew there was a chance I could perish in this war. And should that happen you would be far enough removed from it to be able to return and rule in my stead." He explains, staring at me the whole time.

"But how do you know it would have worked that way? That I would have been able to step up and rule? If anything happened to you surely the Throne would be a free for all?" I question. Aside from Mab I can't remember the last time Elfhame even had a  Queen, let alone one that ruled in her own right.

"Our vows, wife" He smirks at me then "I understand you may have been overcome in the wake of my proposal and actual follow through of that proposal, but surely you remember them?"

I think back, a little annoyed that something in his cocky expression makes me think there's something I'm missing. "'…And the Crown has passed from our hands'?" I ask, thinking over the wording.

"Yes. I know Faerie wedding vows are a private part of the ceremony so you may not know any better. But those are not common vows for a King to make. The marriage part was mostly conventional, but Elfhame hasn't had a Queen in thousands of years. Perhaps not since Queen Mab herself" He says.

"Kings don't take Queens here?" I ask, incredibly confused and annoyed that I don't remember more of my faerie history lessons from school. A glint still in his eye that tells me there's more I've missed.

"No, Kings here scarcely take wives and even when they do those wives become 'King consorts'. Or just 'consorts' if there's no marriage involved, like my father's companions." He says. "I added in the part about the Crown passing from _our hands_. Ensuring you wouldn't merely be a King consort but Queen and, furthermore, my equal in every way." He pauses then, his smirk growing, so I'm still not getting something "So, that means as Queen you have a crown of your own. Meaning, amongst other things, should I be disposed of the throne would be safe in your hands and no one would be able to just take it for their own. Sending you to the mortal land made it harder for any successful overthrow attempts." He says, still eyeing me like he's waiting for the penny to drop.

"Amongst other things" I repeat. "A crown of my own…" I trail off as it snaps into place. " _Until and unless she is pardoned by the Crown"_ I whisper, remembering his words on the shore that day. "Are. You. Kidding. Me?!" I shout. He smiles wider then and that confirms it. I shake my head "I could have pardoned myself this whole time?" I screech, rationally outraged.

"You could have, yes." He says, confusion in his tone and his face.

I'm stunned into silence. So angry I can't bring myself to put any of it into words and unsure if I even could. I take a few deep breathes as I gather my thoughts enough to make coherent sentences once more. "So those months in the mortal land were completely unnecessary? The rejection and anger and despair I felt for _months_ could have been avoided? The faeries that tracked me down to attack me needn't have gone out of their way?" I snap, a little louder than I intended.

"Attacks? What attacks?" He demands, standing. "Which faeries?"

"I don't believe this! You sent me away as a back up? Do you not realise the danger I was in? Someone tried to eat me! I was in a unfamiliar place. At least here I would have known it was coming and I could have defended myself better!" I shout.

"What attacks Jude?" He demands again, taking a step closer.

"I don't know who they were or who sent them" I snap, then close my mouth, unwilling to continue. Except one last jab I can't hold onto "At first I thought you had sent them" That wasn't actually true in the slightest but I couldn't stop it escaping my lips. Not caring that he flinched and stepped back once as if I physically struck him.

He slowly sits back down "No, it wasn't me" He growls at me "Obviously" When I don't reply "I have more reasons. I want to hear relevant secrets." He stresses the word relevant.

I almost want to tell him to leave instead. But I don't want to drag this out any longer, I'm growing tired of it. "I was masquerading as the Roach at a few revels this past month" I sigh, moving around to flop down on my bed behind him. Laying on my back, staring up into my canopy, the bed moves and I look over to see the King spin around and lay next to me. I return my eyes to my ceiling.

"Which revels?" He asks, looking up to the ceiling too. "Or maybe, what is it you've seen?"

I look over at him, studying his profile. "Taryns glamour, I was stood behind you as you did it" I say, I see his lip twitch.

"I put a little too much magic into that one" He murmurs.

"Nicasias grand speech about not giving up on you. Lockes betting. Your company request from the kitchens, that was me you asked" I list things off, he tenses at the last one but doesn't speak.

"Why were you sneaking around? Why not just come back?" He asks.

"Why wait four months to pardon me? My ability to do so myself aside?" I question, still watching him.

"I asked you first. But I will allow it." He pauses there, his eyes sliding over to me before going back to the ceiling "I thought it was too dangerous to have you here right now. If you had discovered you could pardon yourself and had done so, that would have been your choice. I convinced myself if you came back of your own volition that I could not be held responsible if something befell you. That I wouldn't be able to blame myself for it." The end of his tail brushes lightly over where my scar from the arrow is before falling back onto the bed between us. "On the verge of war, the betrayal from your sister and the Undersea after your head after your kidnapping, I knew you would be a distraction if you were here and I needed to prove to the Undersea that I am no push over. When nothing seemed to be changing, except my mood, I saw no reason to keep you away any longer. I figured your ability to hold onto your anger over your exile would help you here."

I soaked that in, he definitely has a way with words. "As for why I didn't return immediately, I think that was the plan when the Roach came to collect me on the 6th. But I was too weak to get out of bed shortly after my return and then I didn't want to face anyone in a weakened state." I pause. Wondering if I should save the reason for information. "Because I accidently overdosed on poison."

His head whips toward me, his eyes wide as they lock on mine. "Pardon?" He snaps.

"Relax, I was fine after three days in a teeny coma. That night you thought I was Taryn? When Nicasia interrupted us? That was the first night I was feeling okay again." I say, breaking away from his angry stare to look at the canopy again. "You owe me one now"

"I'll be coming back to this" He warns. "I broke the terms of your release from Undersea" He murmurs, he shifts and his tail brushes my hand. I flex my fingers toward it and it coils around my fingers and wrist.

"But Roiben was attacked? And Balekin was absolved and back in Hollow Hall?" I say, a little confused. "Unless there was more?" I look over at him again. His lips are pressed tightly together and he's frowning.

"They each had a demand" He says simply.

"They? Orlagh and Balekin?" I ask.

"And Nicasia. Apparently she was less than happy with some information you provided them with in those first days." I turn to him again to see a smile tug at his lips before he frowns again. I don't want to but think back to those first days in Undersea, coming up empty, before I banish the thoughts from my head. "Balekin wanted revenge on the Court of Termites. Orlagh wanted Balekin absolved of his crimes so he could live in Hollow Hall and serve as her ambassador." He stops talking then.

"And Nicasia? What did she want?" I push, not caring he doesn't want to spill. I study his face as his tail tightens around my hand.

"She wanted you gone" He says, looking over to me. I sit up quickly inadvertently yanking on his tail. "Ow!" He winces, scooting closer to me.

"You exiled me because of Nicasia?!" I snarl, lifting my hand to slap him or push him off my bed or _something_. I don't figure out what though because quick as a flash he sits up and his hand wraps around the wrist of my free hand.

"No. Make no mistake Jude. When Nicasia said she wanted you gone, she did not mean exile of imprisonment" He says quietly.

Oh. _Oh!_ I swallow hard. She wanted me executed? She wanted me executed! What information could have pissed her off that much? "What information?" I ask, running through my interactions with Nicasia.

"She wasn't forthcoming on why." He says, his brow furrowing as he studies my face. "What did you say to her?"

I think back. And I figure it out. "She asked me about you." I say "And more recently she's implied I'm in her way. She still wants me gone." I break from his hold on my wrist and lay back down. His tail finds my arm again and I allow it. "This is a problem, surely she wouldn't do anything bold though. I know I'm not longer seneschal and she doesn't know I'm _crowned_ Queen of Elfhame. But she does know I can't be glamoured away. I have to watch my back" I conclude.

He follows along easily enough, laying down again. "And ensure your temper is kept in check. My brother is one thing, but you cannot murder the Princess of the Undersea"

"I know that" I snap "But if she attacks me, I'm just supposed to do nothing? I have to let it happen?" My mind whirling with scenarios of ways the Undersea Princess could come at me and all end with me just standing there and letting her kill me.

"No. No! Not even a little bit." He rushes out, he reaches out to grip my chin, turning my head towards his. "Defend yourself by all means. You just cannot kill her, harming and maiming is perfectly fine with me. But we may have to let the Crown out of the bag" He muses, letting go of my face.

I think on it. It would make my personal Nicasia problem go away. But, it would cause a whole load of problems and make existing problems much worse. I look back at the King to see he's already looking at me. "No" I say, he flinches. "That would solve my problem but cause more. We keep that to ourselves. Outing me as Queen will probably just make me a bigger target for Nicasia and the Undersea" I nod as I realise that's our best chance here.

"I suppose you're right, she'll definitely want you gone." He agrees "No coronation for you then" He finishes there but the way he's looking at me I can almost hear the 'yet'. "Another secret, I have more to tell you"

"No, wait. You said you broke the terms?" I ask, my look daring him to pull some faerie bullshit about my vagueness. Wisely, he doesn't.

He is quiet for a minute. "You wanted you executed upon your return.. When that didn't happen I decided your exile would be a suitable alternative for her. But as I said that almost wasn't enough and from what you've said that was definitely not enough. I had hoped inviting her to continue to be fostered in my court would sweeten the alternative a bit, but it did little." He turns on his side toward me. "Another"

I think about my plans in the Court of Shadows that involve him and his kingdom, but instead I blurt "I thought I was pardoned for a divorce."

"I did consider that" He confesses, to my shock. "But that wouldn't solve anything. Besides faerie divorces are mutual, or most are, so how exactly did you think I would be able to force you into agreeing with that?" I raise my eyebrow at him and he frowns "You would agree willingly?" He mutters, his frown deepening more when I laugh.

"No. But I assumed the wicked King would have ways." I stop, bits and pieces of my dream flash through my head clogging my thoughts. "This is a random question, but have you heard of the story of King Adrean?" I ask him.

"The faerie king and his mortal wife? Yes, I have heard it, every faerie child has I would think. I've actually thought about that tale a few times in this past year." He murmurs.

"The past year?" I sputter. I shake my head, putting a pin in that for now. "The Bomb told me the story, while I was recovering from my overdose. It inspired a very weird dream" I admit, my mind again running through the story as it was told through my dream. I'm broken from my daydream.

"But no, my intention was to pardon you simply for your return. Not to enable a divorce. There would be little point in marrying you, for reasons, including to protect the crown only to remove that protection when things get rough" He says.

I nod along with him. "I told you a secret. Your turn to- " I stop abruptly as his finger lands on my lips shushing me again.

"But just because we aren't doing a formal coronation for you doesn't mean we do nothing. We have to deter her from trying to get rid of you." He says, moving his finger.

"I honestly don't think there is one. Seneschal didn't stop Locke. And I very much doubt the title of Queen would stop Nicasia, especially since she thinks that title belongs to her" I scoff.

"Well, you can have your seneschal title back, I find myself currently in need of one." He says, shuffling closer.

"For four months you haven't had one?" I ask, confused. I assumed my post would have been filled immediately after my exile.

"Oh. No, I had one. Then another. Then another. I even tried Val Moren since he served under my father for so long. But he enjoyed talking of just how often he _served under_ my father" He visibly shuddered "Then it was a steady stream of 'I know someone's and 'highest recommendation's that all bugged me to no end or were inadequate." He pauses and I look up to his face again. "Most of all, I had no desire to take any of them into the receiving room behind the throne" He jokes. But my mind wanders to the mortals he's been keeping in his company these past months. He notices the change. "Relax, wife. No one measured up and so I'm in-between right now"

"Didn't you have your meeting with the Li's?  We have a different role in mind for me" I say, confused to be offered my job back.

"The Li's?" He repeats, he knows why I called them that but I humour him anyway.

"Lilliver and Linden" I answer "They said they had a audience with you. One I was supposed to attend" I snap.

"So, that was you. Ooops?" He winces theatrically. "Yes, we had that meeting. They didn't mention a job for you though?"

"They probably didn't want to speak about my plan while I wasn't in attendance" I snap again. "You know, since you locked me in here so I couldn't attend"

"I get it. What was the plan?" He asks.

"I want to be the interim general of what's left of the High Kings army" I rush out. He doesn't speak for a minute.

"I will take it under advisement. But I really think you should take the seneschal position" He says.

"So, no then" I growl at him. "I'll consider the job" I smile sardonically at him. If he won't appoint me, I'll petition the Living Council. Or just do it anyway. I look back at the ceiling.

"I needed to send you away for myself" He admits, and I look back at him.

"What the hell does that mean?" I ask, though actually it makes sense. I had commanded him to not send me away. So of course it would be the one thing he does when that command is rescinded.

"Those first months you ruled and I was just the public figurehead. So those months you were in Undersea, I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do at all, because it wasn't me doing any of it before. I didn't know what to do without someone ruling for me or without that someone. You must understand how confusing it all was? I needed you… away." I stiffen and frown when he uses that word again. "The main reason I needed that was because with you constantly around to lean on I would never know what kind of King I would be, Kind and just or Wicked and Cruel." He smiles then, referencing the Faerie tale.

My thoughts catch on "The main reason?" I ask.

"No. I've given you one. Your turn." He insists. He sits up suddenly. Alarmed I sit up too. "What is that?" He asks pointing to a letter now sat atop my vanity. Vivi must have just replied to my letter from yesterday.

"A letter?" I say slowly.

"But it just appeared out of nowhere" He says as I lay back down. Pulling him down with me.

"Yeah, Vivi gave me a charmed letter set, it'll send a letter to anyone it's addressed to." I say around a yawn. I forget about the letter, resolving to reply later, and think about all the secrets I'm keeping and all the ones I've told him already, and come up empty. Too wary to continue with this back and forth we have going. The majority of the anger I've been holding onto was spent when we first started this argument. Now it's just at day-to-day faerie bullshit level that I've come to associate with this place.

I shake my head. "No, no more. I'm tired of this now." I say yawning. I shouldn't have laid down, that coupled with my days of inactivity have made me sleepy.

"You realise I have more you will want to hear?" He asks me.

"I do, but I don't particularly want to keep sharing right now" I say, with a sigh. Plus, I think, I'm happy enough with the reasons given, for now.

"Then I'll share, I meant it when I said I sent you away for your protection. And I mean it when I say you should take up the seneschal job again. It will be the best chance to avoid a confrontation with Nicasia." He says, getting up off the bed. "As it is, leave her to me"

I prop myself up on my elbows to watch him. "It didn't stop her before" I mumble. His eyes lock with mine and his flash with anger that he's managing to keep off his face.

"That will not happen again." He snaps, leaning right down into my face.

"No one could stop it the last time. Let me be interim general." I say, determined. "That way I'll be surrounded by soldiers all day, every day"

"That could be remedied easily, wife. I'll put a protection detail on you." He smirks, bumping my nose with his and then getting back up and walking to the door.

"You wouldn't!" I gasp, that would completely fuck things up. "How would you even explain that?"

"I don't need to explain anything, love" He chuckles pulling his key out of his pocket to unlock the door. "I'm the King, I don't have to explain myself." He unlocks the door, pulling it open a little before turning back to me with a small smile on his face. "You should nap or something. You look tired. And I need a drink"

I groan and flop back down onto the bed as he leaves. When I don't hear the telltale sound of the lock once the door clicks closed I wait for another minute. Still not hearing it I jump up and walk to the door, placing my hand on the handle and turning it slowly. When it snicks open I stick my head out of the door looking right, in the direction the King was likely to have gone, only to be startled by a small chuckle. I whip my head to the left to face him. He's leaning against the wall beside my door facing me, his eyebrow quirked and a smirk on his stupid face. "You would have heard me out here if you were wearing your ring" I furrow my brow and look down at where my wedding ring is against my skin. "I decided against locking you in again. But I do stand by the nap suggestion." He smiles, pushes off the wall and walks away. I close my door and head back to my bed stripping off my trousers before collapsing back on top, I pull out my ring and slide it onto the ring finger of my right hand I immediately hear little noises I didn't before, footsteps somewhere in the hallway. The drip of a tap in my bathroom, the smallest rustle as I shuffle on my bed.

I'm imagining things. Maybe a nap isn't a bad idea.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that afternoon, I head down to the Court of Shadows, kind of surprised my door remains unlocked. I'm once again in a ridiculous deep red silk dress and hoping the Bomb has tracked down my things. Still wearing my ring I marvel at how much clearer the smallest sounds are, and I realise he must have enchanted the ring.

Entering the Court of Shadows I see the Bomb and the Roach sat silently at the table in the common area, a spread of meat and crackers in front of them. I sit and make a plate, salting it before tucking in.

"Good afternoon Jude. Glad to see his majesty has seen fit to let you out of your rooms" The Roach says.

I pause my chewing. Swallowing my food and looking between them "Wait, you guys knew he had Locked me up?" I ask, annoyed.

"He told us at our meeting with him that morning" The Bomb says, looking away guiltily. "He also said we had to leave you be until we saw you back here."

"We had hoped it would be soon. We're already behind in our planning. And we've requested an audience with the Living Council this evening, so it's fortunate you're free" The Roach adds.

"The Living Council?" I ask "I take it his _highness_ didn't take the request to appoint me interim general too well from you guys either"

"Either?" The Roach asks.

"I… talked to him" I say simply.

"Talked?" The Bomb raises her eyebrow sceptically at me.

"Fine. I argued with him. Well, I shouted and snapped at him and for the most part he sat and took it" I amend, staring the roach down, expecting a telling off for shouting at the King. Nothing. So I continue. "He offered me my seneschal job back. I said I want to be interim general. But he seems to think general wouldn't be a good enough deterrent for Nicasia or Locke."

"Deterrent for what?" The Roach asks.

"We think they'll try to attack me again." I state. Digging into my food again. 

"Maybe..-" The Bomb starts, then cuts off. We both turn to her to see if she'll continue. "Maybe we get them to appoint you as both."

I think on that. As much as that sounds like a lot of work it's not actually any more than what I was doing at the start. And with the King actually ruling this time and not making messes for me to clean up, I wouldn't have nearly as much to do. I could totally do both.

"That would work" The Roach says before I can speak so I nod along instead. "It would cause the princess and the revel master to pause. And Jude would be able to oversee the troops and sit in on the council meetings. Freeing us up for other business. Yes, this is a good idea. This is what we should push for at the audience this evening."

"When is that going to be?" I ask, pushing my plate away from me. "I feel out of the loop again. What do you mean you're behind?"

"We're close to the next stage of the championship. Once that's finished it's the final round. We don't have long, especially if we have to fight the council on this" The Bomb says.

"We need you appointed immediately" The Roach adds. "And the audience starts when their agenda is done with"

"We should head up soon, so we're ready. Jude do you remember what you wanted to say? Or should we go over it?" The Bomb asks me, as she stands.

"I remember" I say, getting up. I'm more determined than ever after my argument with the King that this is what I'm doing. I will start the new training regime. And we will stand a chance against Madoc.

As we approach the doors to the Living Council chambers they open for us. Two guards stood on either side of the doors beckoning us inside. Time to do this then. We walk in and see two seats free on the side of the table closest to us. The Roach leans in to the guard closest him inside the door, whispering something. The faerie guard moves to the corner of the room to grab a chair. By the time he sets it down on the corner of the table the Bomb and the Roach have both taken the available seats leaving me to take the now empty chair between the Bomb and the King. Fantastic.

I sigh inwardly and take a seat looking around the table. The Living council has remained largely unchanged in my absence, all except Madoc being missing and the two new faeries sat around the table, one male and one female. I make a mental note to ask about them later. At last my eyes land on the King and he's staring at me with a furious look on his face. I feel a little bit smug that he's obviously not happy I'm here. I smile at him and he clenches his jaw, his eyes drawn to my ring finger before meeting my eyes again. "Good girl" he breathes out.

"So, you are here to petition us?" My gaze is drawn away from the King to the new male member of the council. "You may proceed with your presentations" 

I look to the Roach who is shuffling papers and to the Bomb as she starts with what we practiced on the way up.

"We are her today to petition the King and Council for the returned Jude Duarte to be reinstated as seneschal" The Bomb says. My eyes dart to the King to see him still watching me, a smile on his face now. Though when I smile back, his falters a little. Good.

"You needn't petition for this, it is our understanding that the King is already on board with this. That our best bet at this point is for Ms Duarte to resume her post as she held it for longer than all the others his majesty has had since combined." Randalin says in a monotone.  

"Yes. I already approached Jude about this. I believe it would be her _best option_." The King empathises the last two words as he focuses on me again.

 I cock my head at him as Fala begins to speak. "So it shall be then. If that is all…" He trails off. Allowing for our exit. Only we aren't taking it.

My eyes still on the King and his on me, I hear the sliding of paper and assume the Roach is giving out my reports, flicking a folder to each member of the council. Flicking the Kings folder past me, I put my hand on top of it, stopping it from reaching him by halting it in front of me instead.

"Actually, I'm here with a petition of my own." I start, the King minutely shakes his head in warning his eyes flashing with rage but I look away from him, to each of the council members around the table. "I would like to be appointed interim General of the remaining army."

The King lifts my hand at the wrist and using his other hand slides the folder toward him, placing my hand back on the table. I fight the urge to look at him, no doubt all I would see in his face is ire that I went behind his back with this. "We talke-" He starts.

"I know Madoc took approximately half" I speak over him until he stops talking, since I'm not here to speak with him I address the remaining council. "And I knows there's a trial of sorts to determine a permanent General. That will all remain in place. I am simply asking to fill the gap."

"And why would you want to do that?" Fala asks, he gaze darting to the King before settling back on me "It is a mere matter of months until the trials conclude a winner."

"If you look at the reports in the folders the Roach has passed you. Then you will see my proposal for the new training and drills. I spent time going over the personnel files of each remaining member of the guard, I know the weaknesses and strengths of each. I even selected some guards for a more intensive training program." I say, pointedly flipping my folder open.

"And why would they need new training?" The new female asks me. Her eyes not leaving the folder in front of her, her red hair almost creating a curtain around her.

"If I may be frank?" I ask, she looks up, orange eyes meeting mine as she nods curtly once and returns to perusing the files. "You guys cannot be stupid enough to send your Madoc trained army against Madoc in a war. Engaging Madoc while our army is using his training and strategies will not end well, he will see all their offense and defence coming a mile off and he will not hesitate to wipe them out." I say, looking to each of them as they study the pages. All but the King, I can feel him staring at me and I'm not ready to meet his gaze yet.

"No, Ms Duarte. The new general will have that at the top of his list." Fala says.

"That is not good enough" I snap. "War is coming. Months down the line will be too late and Madoc will prevail against us. Because he taught them. Let me be interim General, let me start the training they will need against him and Orlagh" I falter a little, the king is angry. His anger almost palpable to the left of me. He shuffles in his seat and that draws my eyes. His left leg is hanging over the armrest and his right elbow is resting on the right armrest, his thumb under his chin and his pointer finger resting on his temple and his remaining fingers curled by his mouth. His face is unreadable and he's masking his anger. He must have reached his boiling point so he's hiding it from the council, but I can still see it. The fury in his eyes, the tic in his jaw and the rigidity in his posture, even though he looks relaxed. The council start to talk quietly amongst themselves and I can hear every whispered word so I work hard to tune them out, my eyes stay on the King. He's looking at me, unblinkingly and I realise he's going to deny me. "So much for you could never deny me" I snap quietly at him.

"We talked about this Jude." He snaps back, just as quiet. I still hear him though.

The shuffling of paper and then sudden silence draw my attention back to the table. They look at each other and then to the King. I turn back to him too.

He smiles briefly, not a happy smile. A triumphant one though. "No" He says. As simple as that he's condemning anyone who gets in Madocs or Orlaghs way.

"I see no reason why I can't?" I reply, desperately trying to keep my voice even.

"No" He repeats, still smiling at me.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Why not?" My voice climbing in volume without my say so.

"I am King. I do not need to explain myself to you" He says, a small bite to his words. Oh, he's getting mad.

"I'm perhaps the best person for this right now. You are being irrational" I snap at him.

"I said no. I mean no. That is the end of it" He says, his voice wobbling with barely restrained anger.

"Like hell." I snap through gritted teeth "Why. Not?"

"You know why not"" He snaps back at me. I turn to the other council members, Bomb and Roach. All are wearing similar expressions of confusion. I look back at the King and see the exact moment he realises what he's done. His face falls into neutrality and he presses his lips together. He's alluded to a reason I can't be General but he isn't sharing it with them in order to sway their votes. He has two choices now, let the crown out of the bag and give Nicasia a reason to attack or allow me to become General.

I turn to the rest of the council trying to ignore the daggers being stared into the side of my head.

"Anything you wish to share, your highness?" Fala asks. I tense, not looking back at him, wondering if he's mad enough to out me here and now. "I see" When Fala speaks again I realise I missed something.

"Miss Duarte makes a good point" Randalin adds.

"She is the best person for the interim position. Her knowledge of the previous general will be invaluable, as these plans show. It will be the turning point for us in the upcoming battle."The new male member of the council says, nodding his head, dislodging his perfectly coiffed orange hair.

"I agree, Flare. And what is the harm as the trials will be over with soon. It may not be a bad idea to get started on this sooner" Randalin adds. I note the new council members name, Flare. "Thoughts Pandora?"

When the new female speaks I note her name too. "I have to agree. I apologise your majesty, but if you do not wish to share with us the reasons behind you vehement refusal, we have no choice. She is the best option for the post in the meantime and to say this file is impressive is a understatement." She waves a hand to the file in front of her and I feel proud of myself. Imagine what she'd think if she saw the whole thing. We decided in the Court of Shadows that until we can definitively prove loyalties no one but me, Bomb and Roach will see the full plans. Just enough to show what I want to do without the wrong information reaching Madoc.

"All in favour?" Fala asks. A chorus of 'Ayes' wave around the table from almost everyone, including the Bomb and the Roach. "All against?" Everyone including me looks toward the King since he didn't vote in favour.

He briefly looks at each council member before looking to me again. Disappointment and anger on his face. "What's the point of saying 'aye' now? It seems to be unanimous." He sighs and rights himself in his chair. "Jude Duarte, is the interim General as well as my new seneschal. Congratulations Ms Duarte." He says with a blank look on his face, still looking at me, I hold his stare. "If that's all for this evening, I have a revel to get to. Dismissed." He gets up then, stalking from the room.

We all sit in stunned silence for a few minutes before the council start to chatter amongst themselves, again I tune them out. The Bomb and the Roach having a quiet conversation too, but I listen in on theirs as I continue to stare at the Kings empty chair. Everything turns over in my head as I try to make sense of it. He admitted if I'm outed as Queen - Nicasia will attack. And he knows being seneschal was not enough to stop her or Locke last year. He has no reason to be so against my appointment as temporary General. Queens can lead armies.

"Miss Duarte?" I'm pulled from my musings by Pandora. I look up to her. "We were just discussing your plans. These are very impressive. You may start as soon as you see fit to"

 

I thank her and get to my feet before I've fully decided what I'm doing. "Jude?" The Bomb asks. I look to her then, she's smiling at me. "We did it, you'll have to start as General tomorrow but I'm confident you can achieve it all very quickly. We actually might stand a chance now"

"Yeah" I say, only half listening. "I'm going to go and…" I trail off unsure where I was headed with that anyway. And leave the room, to the quiet chatter of them all behind me.

I think over and over all the king has said and still cannot make sense of it as my feet stop moving, I finally pay attention to my surroundings and see that I'm outside my bedroom door. I blink a couple of times, looking to the guards stationed on either side. That's the last straw. I slowly make my way to the throne room, I see the revel has started but the King is nowhere to be seen. So I keep walking, until my feet stop and I'm now outside the Kings door with no guarantee he's even inside. I estimate that it's been about an hour since he left the council chambers.

I eventually realise I've been stood here quietly for long enough and make a decision, only one person can explain why he's being so impossible. "I'm seneschal" I manage to say stepping closer to them, they look at each other a silent conversation passing between them before they nod at me. I step up to the door and I place my hand on the handle to turn it and open the door, I briefly question what I'm doing before I push the door and walk in. Only for my breath to catch in my throat and I stop in my tracks as I realise why the guards were reluctant to let me in.      

I'm not sure where to look first as I stand in the entryway to his rooms feeling stupid in this ridiculous dress. I look down at myself before checking to make sure I'm not stood on any debris. I look back up and my eyes do a sweep of his destroyed rooms. The bed in disarray, his bedding ripped and over the floor. Pieces of broken furniture and ceramics, that likely used to be ornaments of some kind, litter the floor with broken wine bottles. Clothes are ripped and strewn about everywhere and the walls have gauges and stains on them where things seem to have been thrown against them. And tiny white flowers strewn about the floor. None of that is that bad though, as my eyes move back to the right of his room where his sitting area is. A sitting area I've used before. A sitting area that is currently occupied.

I can't do much else but stare at the scene in front of me. Nicasia, who is partially dressed and stood in front of one of the single arm chairs between a pair of long, black clad legs, leaning over the chair. While the King is reclined on the chair, jacket off and shirt unbuttoned, his legs spread on either side of Nicasias, one elbow resting on the armrest with his hand on his head and the other sprawled over the edge of chair with a gold smeared bottle of wine hanging from his fingers. Both hands have cuts and scrapes over the knuckles and fingers.

Nicasia places one hand on the armrest and one on the skin of the Kings exposed chest, leaning further over him. Her unbound hair falling over her shoulder and brushing against him as she brings her face closer to his. I suddenly have the urge to take the ring off my finger and throw it at them as I hear Nicasia whisper to him "Let me make you feel better" She ducks her head to the left side of the Kings neck and my pulse rages in my ears as his head drops to the side so he's facing me fully as she leaves open mouthed kisses up and down his throat. His eyes are closed, his hair is dishevelled and he has streaks of gold over his mouth and right cheek. A small groan escapes his lips and he brings the bottle up to his mouth, swallowing the last of it before throwing the bottle away, it lands close to my feet, smashing and I wince at the amplified noise. The Kings hand rises to rest against Nicasias shoulder, his eyes slowly open as he pushes her back a bit, his gaze immediately finds mine and he freezes for a second before he pushes her the rest of the way back.

He opens his mouth but I narrow my eyes and shake my head at him as I turn on my heel and walk out the door. Briefly stopping I spin toward the guards "You couldn't have warned me?" I snap. Once more turning and walking down the corridor toward my bedroom. I honestly don't know what else I expected from him. He's one way when we're alone and another when there's people around. I'm not even around the first corner from his rooms as I hear "Wait!" I'm yanked backward by a hand coiling around my upper arm, I spin around lifting my hand to slap him in the face. It doesn't stop him though, his free hand flies up to his cheek but his other hand keeps gripping my upper arm.

"Let go of me" I snarl at him, pulling my arm away but he holds fast.

"No. Just let me explain" he slurs. I look behind him to see Nicasia stood in his doorway watching us.

"You don't have to explain yourself,  _my king_ , remember?" I snap, he flinches and drops his hand from my arm. I turn and start walking again. Hearing him following along, he steps in front of me, reaching for my hand. "Don't touch me." I warn him, tucking my hands into the folds of my dress.

"Please. Just.. just listen." He implores me. But I'm too angry to think of much but getting back to my rooms.

"Get out of my way" I push past him and hurry along. He keeps pace with me.

"It wasn't what it looked like." He says, stumbling but righting himself at the last moment to avoid tripping.

"Oh really?" I laugh "So it wasn't that you destroyed your rooms and then decided to entertain Nicasia in there?"

"No.. I mean, yes.. I lost control. But no, I didn't decide to entertain Nicasia" He slurs at me.

"See, when you said leave Nicasia to you I didn't think that was what you had in mind" I say. Coming to a stop outside the doors to the Throne room. He stops too, wobbling on his feet. I look him over. "Just how drunk are you?"

"I... Very." He answers.

"You know how I feel about having arguments with you when you're drunk" I shout. Drawing the attention of the revellers by the doors.

"Yes, you run away from them.. me." He murmurs, blinking too many times.

"This time is no different. Come find me when you're sober" I say, clenching my fists at my sides.

He frowns. "You. You'll talk to me then?… Let me explain?"

"No. It's just no fun yelling at a drunk person." I snap, leaning forward and shouting "Hey! It's the King!" before pushing him through the doors to the revel. He's immediately swarmed by drunk courtiers. And I turn and make it back to my rooms undisturbed, sighing at the sight of the guards still at my door.

"Seriously? Can you please go elsewhere? Somewhere you're actually needed?" I snap at them.

"We're to remain here, Lady" One says, I vaguely recognise him from the guard files.

Not in the mood to argue I head into my room and close and lock the door behind me. Then as a extra precaution I prop my chair from my vanity under the handle stopping it from moving. Confident the King can't get in I take off my ring and my dress before getting into my pyjamas, climbing into bed and pulling out my writing kit. Writing a quick note:

 

**Go find the King.**

**He's at the revel, drunk off his arse and making terrible decisions.**

**Sequester him in the Court of Shadows overnight.**

**Lock his sorry arse in if need be.**

**He didn't take my appointment well.**

**I'll explain in the morning.**

**\- J**

  I finish up and stuff it in the envelope. And scribble **_The Bomb. (Court of Shadows)_**  on the front and watch it disappear. She doesn't leave me wondering for long. Just under 10 minutes later I get a reply.

**_Jude Duarte ~~The Bomb. (Court of Shadows)~~   _ **

**_Got him._ **

**_He's sleeping it off in the Court of Shadows._ **

**_I'll make sure he stays out of trouble tonight._ **

**_See you tomorrow._ **

**_\- B_ **

Sending letters reminds me of the letter I received earlier from Vivi. I decide I'll open it tonight but reply tomorrow. I get up from my bed and walk over to my vanity, I grab the envelope and return to my bed, getting under the covers once more. Flipping the envelope over I stare at the front, finally reading the words.

**_~~Taryn Duarte.~~ _ ** **_Jude Duarte._ **

Taryn has finally replied.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added in the attacks from the synopsis and the cannibal thing.
> 
> A lot of the groundwork for the future of this fic is in this chapter...  
> (FYI Cardan knows he likes Jude btw.)
> 
> And yup, drunken speech still makes me super uncomfortable.
> 
> Comments? Questions? Critisism?  
> Leave a comment :)


	10. Of Hard Truths and Heart to Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OFF A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BESTIE!! She's currently reading this fanfic now that she's read both books (And the Novella) That's GREAT NEWS for you guys! Because she finished what I've written so far just last night and was already on my arse to update :L :L :L
> 
> Secondly this is a shorter chapter as I wanted to include the next bit all in one go rather than break it up.
> 
> The next update will be next week/Bank holiday Monday latest!
> 
> UnBeta'd as ever..  
> Enjoy!

 

**_~~Taryn Duarte~~ _ ** **_Jude Duarte_ **

The next morning I reread Taryns letter once, twice, three times before I put it down and try to cast it from my mind. I have things I need to do today and have no time to try to decipher Taryns motive for replying now, even though I want nothing more than to mend bridges with my sister - my twin- immediately, if Faerie has taught me nothing else it has taught me to be suspicious. And Taryns timing is suspicious to say the least, given her sudden attachment to Nicasia and all I've learned about her recently is part of what gives me pause in believing a single word of that letter.

Pushing thoughts of them all from my mind, I shove the letter underneath my mattress, as cliché as that is, and get ready for the day. Exiting my room I wonder what state I'm about to find his majesty in down in the Court of Shadows and what I'm about to face from the Bomb and the Roach for dispatching them to deal with the King. They know that I'm aware that his near constant level of drunkenness is nothing new and yet last night I was insistent on intervention, that will likely come with questions. As I cross the threshold of the Court of Shadows I decide I'm going to answer some of their questions. I don't really want to trust them, not after the Ghost, but I realise I have little choice.

The Court of Shadows common room is empty so I take a seat at the table with my training plans and wait for them to arrive, hearing heavy breathing and shuffling in the back room - The King is still here I guess. Today it doesn't seem like I'll have time to start in my official role as interim general so the least I can do is tweak and fine tune my plans for when I actually can get started. Unfortunately I don't manage to get too far into it when the Roach arrives in the common room.

"Jude" He greets before walking past me to the back area of the Court of Shadows, disappearing through the door. There's low conversation and he returns a moment later with the Bomb.

"Morning, Jude" The Bomb yawns, taking a seat as the Roach does the same. "Care to explain the note that appeared from thin air in front of me last night?"

I sigh and then launch into my practiced explanation. "Morning yourself. Yes, upon arrival here after my exile I saw that Vivi had packed me a care package. Amongst other items, there was a enchanted writing set that I can use to send letters to whomever I like, as long as I address it correctly to them. As for the content, following the council meeting I found the King in his rooms and it was all smashed up, Nicasia was also there with him. Has he done anything like that before?" I ask.

"The King has set fires, smashed a vase or two, spilt wine all over the place but never destroyed his entire rooms before to that extent. And certainly not for reasons we haven't been able to ascertain before. Regardless we can have his rooms fixed by tonight" The Roach replies, trailing off at the end while keeping eye contact with me in a way that makes me think he's prompting me to let them in on why the King behaved how he did.

"As you probably know, he was less than happy about my appointment as interim general" I say.

"Yes, we are well aware of that. But why?" The Bomb asks, finally joining in. And I pause, not 30 minutes ago I had decided to come clean but now I'm in the moment I'm tempted to keep my mouth closed. "Jude, we understand why you didn't tell us in the council room but now we are asking you again, just us. Why?"

Again I pause, they say the best lies are based on truth. "A lot happened following my Undersea capture." _True_ "You noticed the difference in the King because of it?" I ask, they nod so I continue "He was insistent he wouldn't allow it when I broached the subject -" _True_ "- and his reasoning was based on that time. I get the impression this was based on my fragile mortality"

"So you don't actually know why?" The Roach presses.

"No, I don't." _True- being Queen shouldn't prevent me from leading the army_ "From what he's said I could guess well enough though" _True_ "At the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I'm important to the immediate future of Faerie. I'm in a unique position where I know the main threat to the throne perhaps better, over my short period of time with him, than anyone else. I guess training the remainder of the troops puts me at risk for attack, and if that were to happen I would no longer be able to help against Madoc" _True_ "It's okay that I create the plans for the overhaul but not okay to actually be involved in the implementation of them" I say, embellishing a little, but not too much.

The Roach looks at me sceptically for a moment but the Bomb seems to accept my explanation, good. "But why would stepping in to start the new regime be dangerous? Surely being surrounded by officers would be the safest place for you?" The Bomb asks.

"Because we are still unsure of where certain loyalties lie." The Roach answers before I can. "While the Princess of the Undersea, and the Master of Revels and his wife are hanging around the palace we cannot be sure what information is being passed on. If they realise Jude is retraining the army not only our element of surprise, in terms of the new training, will be lost but there may be increased attempts on Judes life to prevent her from succeeding in providing us with a defence against Madoc."

"Then we must keep this to ourselves. Continue ahead as planned, but we will petition the council to ensure this stays need-to-know" The Bomb agrees.

"Is he still here?" I ask, glancing over to the door leading to the rooms containing the cots.

"He is, I collected him shortly after your note arrived, however he wasn't at the revel. The Undersea Princess was in the process of escorting him to her rooms, so I intervened. He continued drinking once he was down here and he's still passed out back there." The Bomb says, rising from her chair and walking toward the door, I get up and follow her "I stayed awake most of the night in case he attempted to leave."

We stop at the door to the rest room, I look in to see the King passed out and sprawled over a cot. I shake my head at the mass of empty bottles by his side. "You look like you want to kick him" The Bomb says, I level a look at her and she follows me as I return to the table without sitting down.

"Can I have some space for when he wakes up? I need to speak with him privately" I ask, glancing back at the door.

"That's actually perfect. I need a nap" The Bomb yawns again, before moving toward the door "I'll see you in a few hours" Before leaving the Bomb looks back expectantly at the Roach.

"I'll catch up" The Roach says as he watches the Bomb leave before turning back to me "Have a seat Jude" His tone leaves little room for discussion so I quickly look back at the door to the rest room before I take a seat in the chair I vacated.

He doesn't speak for a minute, instead regarding me closely while I shrivel a little under his gaze. I feel like I'm about to be told off again. "There's something going on between you two that you aren't sharing, and neither is he. I'm not going to pretend that I know what, but it's been a long time and you have every right to be angry at the King but there was a lot you didn't see while you were in Undersea. Your imprisonment was not easy for him. And I doubt the decision to exile you shortly after was either. Now, I don't know his reasons for that but I know he had reasons that went beyond your duel with Prince Balekin. I believe you would agree this weather is testament enough to that?" The Roach asks, still not having looked away from my face.

I nod, distractedly. "He told me that. He said it wasn't just because the duel" I sigh and rub my forehead, another headache starting in the front.

"You're angry, that's plain to see, but maybe you're allowing that anger to mask other things, hmm? Because it's easier to feel anger because you can put a name to that one" The Roach carries on like I didn't speak. "You were robbed of your childhood and forced to grow up awfully quickly in order to survive here."

"I sense a but coming?" I ask sarcastically, unsure what I make of this turn of events.

"But.." He pauses to give me a unimpressed look "..You are only 18 still." _Bingo._ "I wouldn't call you a child, despite your behaviour sometimes and the comparison of our ages, but you are young still. This had been your home for longer than the human land was and suddenly you were ripped from the place you called home for the second time in your, so far, short life. And yes, that made you angry, but do you think maybe you were sad about it too? Perhaps even confused?"

When I don't speak he continues. "I don't call myself an expert in any way, however I did spend a lot of time around your kind. And I think you've held your  anger too long, it’s preventing you from realising the root of your problem. I also think you have a few things you've not yet confronted from before your capture." He says, leaning forward onto his elbows on the table.

"Well yeah" I scoff "That was a rough few weeks! My sister's husband and his friends hunted me like game, shooting me in the leg. The male I called father told me that at the end of all this it would be me Vs him on the battlefield and believe me I don't have any illusions that I will walk away from that a second time. Then that _same day_ I was betrayed by someone I thought I could trust resulting in my imprisonment in Undersea, where I was forced to act like I was being treated well when it was anything but. I had to listen to their plans for me without reacting and on top of that Balekin was.." I trail off and try again "He.." _Nope._

"He what, Jude?" The Roach asks gently.

"Well I was forced to be a willing participant in a manner of abuse." I snap. And breathe deeply. "I was basically his pet for that entire time and the days after. I was starved, mistreated and was to become a traitor to the crown and against my home had I been able to be glamoured. Then I was returned, weak and found out I was basically solely responsible for an attack on Roiben, Kaye and their court. I was told the King didn't want to see me so I jumped from my window and scaled the side of the palace to get back in" I pause and wait for him to catch up, then lean back in my chair and continue. "I had to return to Balekin,  even after I was freed. The King was poisoned and Balekin tried to get me executed before duelling where he would not have hesitated to kill me if I didn't strike first. I return from that to find out I had _once again_ been betrayed by someone I thought I could trust - this time my sister. She went behind my back, pretending to be me. Then I got married, hooray for me, but my husband promptly exiled me from my home. Just like that." I snap my fingers to punctuate my point. "So yes. My anger is covering other emotions. I'm confused as all hell. I'm sad too - I'm so sad that most days I don't want to wake up, much less get out of bed and because of that I decided I would rather be red with barely contained rage than blue with crushing sadness, this is Faerie remember, crushing sadness could get me killed where as rage will keep me alert and alive." I say.

"Sadness and rage? Are you sure there's nothing more?" The Roach asks quietly.

"Of course there's more." I snap. "I feel guilty. So incredibly guilty because I pushed my sister away and because I was responsible for an entire court being attacked. All that injury and loss of life was _my_ fault. And I feel guilty because I had to kill the Kings last remaining family member, I killed his brother and yes, he would have killed me and I'm not sorry I did it, but that isn't erasing the guilt. Oh and while we're having our Doctor Phil moment here I might as well confess that I also feel guilty fir being happy I'm back. Elfhame is on the verge of war and I'm partly, if not fully, to blame for that. This place is in complete disarray and I'm over here _happy_ to be back. And also guilty for feeling happy to be in the place that drove my mother out and enabled her murder. I'm _happy_ even though I'm living amongst murders and abusers of my kind. So there you have it, confusion, guilt, happiness, sadness and probably loads of others of those pesky emotions I push down to help my survival here and actually more than that, all emotions I would rather push down than feel every damn day." I stop there and relax in my chair.

The Roach also leans back, withdrawing his arms from the table. "Ok, that was a lot of information to get at once." He blinks, quiet for a moment. "First off, don't call me Dr. Phil. I watched that show and I didn't enjoy it. Second you were not responsible for the Court of Termites. That was Balekin and the King. Third, it won't help but you are well aware by now that Faerie is kill or be killed. Your mother knew that too, and you can perhaps take comfort in the fact the you avenged your mother by killing Balekin. He was the one who fed the information about your mothers location to Madoc. As for Madoc you are perhaps the one person with a chance of walking away from a confrontation with him, like you said you have before." He pauses there and I nod, refusing to get my hopes up, even after hearing that from someone who cannot lie. "So let's talk about your husband exiling you." He levels another stare at me as me face freezes.

"Did I say that?" I think back. I hadn't meant to say that.

"Yes, you did. Like I said before it's okay that you feel sad about having to leave and now you are back it's the right time to confront that and move past it. I doubt it'll happen again now." He says.

I think about that and he's right. I have my own crown, figuratively, so the King won't be able to exile me again.

"You cannot continue to allow you anger to guide you. Before it ensured your survival but now it'll guarantee your downfall. You must keep a level head if you're to go up against you're father and Orlagh. They will no doubt try to provoke you to make you act rash and make a mistake. Now.." He pause, shaking his head slightly "I don't particularly want to talk about this, so I very much doubt you do. But as for the husband part, I seem unable to determine a reason you would fabricate such as thing so I'm going to assume it's true?" He asks, I nod "That actually clears a few things up. As well as causing more questions. But that is unimportant for now. I understand how that must have added to your feelings of betrayal and anger but it only cements my point that your imprisonment and exile were hard for him." The Roach says.

"Did the King not share his reasons with you?" I ask.

"No, but I don't doubt his reasons were valid." He replies, I feel a flash of anger then that must show on my face because the Roach holds his hands up in front of him. "I am perhaps not the best one to speak with about this."

"I've already asked his majesty and that didn't end well" I say.

"Again Jude, consider your emotions and your mask of anger. Maybe that is causing your problem here. Anger often has a way of making us irrational and from what you've said, now you're King Consort" I open my mouth to correct him but close it again deciding to let it slide "You no longer need to threaten or manipulate to get the results you want" He says, not noticing or at least not commenting on my almost interruption.

"So talk to the King? And no matter how annoying his is and how much he riles me up I have to try to not turn it into a argument?" I ask, unsure I can do that.

"Yes, you are in a unique position here, Jude. King Consort, interim general and seneschal. You need to let go of your hang ups because you will no longer need to work extra hard to get results." He says.

"But why?" I ask, confused "Being his highnesses' seneschal didn't get me anywhere before? I was still kidnapped and exiled. And being the Kings consort didn't stop him from exiling me, and I'll only be interim general a matter of weeks. Besides no one knows of our marriage." 

"That shouldn't matter. Yes, separately those titles don't really mean that much, but together? Regardless of how many are aware of the full story, you are already different. Have confidence in yourself and your position and watch how differently others will respond. But you must first release your anger. It is getting in your way." He explains. He watches me for a moment "I have some questions if I may?" I nod.

"Who initiated the idea of your marriage?" He asks.

"The King" I reply.

"Who was the target in your sisters betrayal?" He asks me.

"The King was, she pretended to be me to get him to release half the army for Madoc" I explain.

"Who was it that agreed to and is therefore responsible for the attack on the Court of Termites?" The Roach asks.

I pause. Oh, I see what he's doing. "His majesty" I reluctantly reply.

"Right, who was it that decided to keep your marriage in place upon your return?" The Roach asks.

"I suppose that was me and his highness" I say slowly. Wondering where he's going with these questions.

"I see. And finally, when was the last time you said his name? He asks me.

"Pardon?" I ask, confused.

The Roach shakes his head a little and repeats his question "When was the last time you used the Kings name?"        

"I use his name all the time. That's how I specify who I'm talking about." I say.

"No, you use his title. Or a variation of his titles. When was the last time you called him, or even said, 'Cardan'?" He questions me, leaning forward again.

I think back. Huh. "I think, during our vows?" I say surprised myself.

"Interesting." He murmurs.

Then things are quiet. Lost to my thoughts I realise that I regret saying so much, I regret that I shared my marriage to the King, but at least the Roach thinks I'm King Consort and not Queen. But I know what I must do and I don't particularly want to do it, so I rush forward with it before I can second guess myself or talk myself out of it.

"You know you can't speak of this to anyone." I say. His gaze snaps to me, a frown on his face. I take a deep breath "I'm not ready for anyone to know. So I mean it, you mustn't speak of this to anyone, you mustn't imply or in any way share anything I've told you here today Linden, with anyone or anything. I forbid it." I keep eye contact almost wincing when he startles at my use of his true name. He doesn't speak right away.

"I understand" He concludes. "I'm not happy you used my name or that you even know it, but I understand why you don't want this shared. Even if you hadn't forced me to hold my tongue, I wouldn't share."        

"Thank you. And thanks for listening this was helpful." I smile at him, but it feels wrong on my face. One more thing I can add to the list of things to feel guilty for. When I woke up this morning I didn’t think I'd be on the receiving end of a heart to heart with the Roach.

"Well, I've said what I wanted to say. Remember you can speak with me if you need to, regardless of the kibosh you put my ability to say too much" He assures, rising from his seat to leave. "I'll see you later Jude. Good luck with your conversation" He glances to the door to the back room and promptly leaves.

I'm still sat at the table for a few minutes after the Roach has left. And then I get up and make my way into the rest room at the back at the Court of Shadows, entering the room I take a seat on the cot next to the Kings and wait for him to wake up. It doesn't take him long. My head turns his way as he groans and rubs his forehead, _yes I imagine it does hurt after that much drink._ He swallows a few times and groans again. _That'll be the cotton mouth._

I sit quietly and wait for him to notice me, I'm not waiting long but he doesn't even look over at me first.

"If you're going to yell at me, can you whisper yell?" He asks, wincing.

I stay quiet unsure where I'm going to start.

"Oh, the silent treatment? Groundbreaking" He whispers. Rubbing his temples with both hands now.

"It's not silent treatment. I'm trying to not get angry again" I confess, leaning forward on my knees with my elbows. What I don't say is that I'm not sure if the next prevalent emotion is going to be helpful or hindering.

"Why? I know you must be dying to yell at me about what you see last night" He whispers again, this time cracking a eye open to look at me before promptly closing it again and screwing his eyes closed. "Ouch"

"No, I'm really not. I've had enough now, I can't keep going round in these circles anymore with you." I say quietly, I can feel the blue spreading where I used to hold the red. And his eyes shoot open as he turns his entire body toward me.

"What? What does that mean?" He demands, wincing at the sudden movement, the volume of his own voice or the light or something. It takes him a moment but soon enough he's sat up in the cot facing me, his knees inches from mine but not making any move to touch me. He's squinting at my face but I can't tell if it's his mood or if it's the light.

"It means exactly what I said. I don't want to do this anymore." I say, realising just how much I mean those words. This song and dance between us has gotten old now and I need to focus on other things.

He doesn't speak for a moment, the silence dragging on as he adjusts to being awake and the light levels clearly playing havoc with his retinas. "No, I don't accept that." He growls.

"It's not yours to accept though. I'm done with it and for my part I will do my best to stick to that decision." I tell him. Feeling smug at seeing him squirm a little.

"So, what? You tell me you thought I was going to be the one to end this marriage and then you do it? Based on a messy room and a few seconds of a interaction you have no idea about?" He snaps at me, closing his eyes briefly in pain and bringing a hand back to his head.

"Don't forget your temper tantrum at my intention to be the interim general" I remind him.

"Well I don't agree wife, and we both have to do dissolve this marriage." He's back to whispers again.

"Dissolve this marriage?" I ask, shocked. "I told you I didn't want that!"

"But… you just said!" He stammers. _Well, he's fun when he's hung over._ I don't think I've ever heard him stammer before. Maybe I should get him a cup of coffee or something.

"I said I don't want to do that anymore, I've had enough of it." He looks at me blankly and I'm honestly tempted to smack the stupid look off his stupid face. "You said about me dying to yell at you, and I said I don't want to do that anymore."

"You mean you don't want to yell at me anymore?" He asks, understanding lighting his face. Before a suspicious look takes over "You don't want to fight anymore? That's it?"

"No I don't." I confirm. "It's too much arguing you with day in day out. I'm not saying we'll never argue but I'm going to make a conscious effort to not get pissed off with everything you do"

"O..kay" He says, nodding slowly until he winces and stops.

"Starting from now. Rather than me yelling at you for being stupid and reckless I'm going to let you tell me what happened last night without shouting at you, getting angry at you or otherwise interrupting." I say, leaning backward again and making myself comfortable on the cot. When he doesn't start speaking I raise a brow at him. "This is the only chance I'm going to give you to tell your side of this husband."

"You said you wouldn't argue anymore" He says.

"I said I wouldn't argue, but just because I don't want to argue with you anymore don't mean I'm going to suddenly be the docile trophy wife, husband. What is it wives are supposedly the best at?" I ask, a small smile on my face when he doesn't answer. "Ignoring their husbands when they're being a jackass. And as I've already proved, _honey,_ I am more than capable of ignoring you. So start talking"  

"Touché. I already explained why I didn't want you to be general and you saw how that went. Once that meeting was over I returned to my rooms via the kitchen, picking up a few bottles of wine on the way, and did what I do best - I got rip roaring drunk. And once I started in on the Nevermore that was it, I think I went way past my threshold for alcohol and drugs. Because then I threw a bottle I had finished with and it felt good - it felt freeing. So I started throwing other things, then when there was nothing else to throw I started breaking things and even when I started breaking skin I didn't stop. There's so much I'm keeping in that being able to break things and throw things was cathartic." He says, alternating between rubbing his temples with one hand and both.

"I actually get that." I admit. I've broken and thrown things and it did make me feel better.

"At some point I collapsed into my favourite chair with a fresh bottle. And then Nicasia was there." He sighs and pauses for too long.

"And her state of undress when I arrived?" I ask, clenching my fists together. Unsure if it is the position I found them in that angers me or just the fact Nicasia was there.

"That was how she arrived to my rooms. I didn't even know she was there until she touched me. And that's right about where you arrived." He finishes off.

And I'm annoyed because I have little choice but to believe him. Turning his words over and over there's no other way to interpret them but straight up, no twists or meaning hidden in plain sight. So I move on to the thing that may possible anger him. "Now we find out if you will make a similar decision to mine that we shouldn't argue as much" I say.

"Arguments with you are fun, don't get me wrong, really fun. But I do actually prefer civil conversation wife." He tells me. "What are you keeping from me now?" He asks, narrowing his eyes at me.

"The Roach knows" I say, holding eye contact.

"Knows what?" He questions.

"About our marriage." I answer him.

"I was under the impression you didn't want anyone to know?" He says, and when I don't answer him right away he asks "Am I wrong?"

"I don't want a coronation. There's a difference" I insist.

"So I can tell everyone you're my Queen then" He challenges.

"No. The Roach thinks I'm King Consort and I've bound him from saying anything. While things are as tenuous as they are I do not want this getting out. Not only would it make me a bigger target than I am, but it may also call into question you and your decisions as King. Is that something you want? Or something we need right now?" I ask him. "Not to mention the Undersea. As Queen I am telling you I do not wish to be known at this time. With Madoc in hiding and loyalties in question Nicasia, Orlagh and the Undersea are our most imminent threat and that would get so much worse when they realise their goal of the Queens throne is unfeasible. Therefore our best option moving forward is to keep Undersea happy until we determine the endgame, and the best way to do that is to make them think you are considering their demands to entwine land with sea by marrying Nicasia."

He smirks at me then and I frown, narrowing my eyes at him. "I may not agree with the council and their decision to overrule me by making the general. But I can see why." He exhales loudly "Very well, my Queen, we'll proceed as you say. Until the moment the endgame is determined."

"And then?" I ask, suspicious he's agreeing so readily.

"And then we plan your coronation" He declares. "Or would you refuse then too?"

I stay quiet, I probably would though but I know saying that now would cause nothing but another problem. "You need a cup of coffee, or something to eat. And I started a new job, it'll be nice if I could clock in before lunchtime." I say to him.   

"Is that an order, my Queen?" He smiles at me.

"It's a heavy suggestion. Get something to eat down here, and a coffee. Stay off the alcohol for today - I mean it." I say, pointing my finger at him. "It's about time you catch yourself up on everything we've been planning these last few weeks and I _heavily suggest_ you do that sober. I will return at the end of the day to see how you've gotten on and to start my duties as seneschal. By bedtime tonight your rooms will be back in order, you may return to them then."

"Yes, wife. For today while you are off playing soldiers, I will play house husband and sequester myself to the Court of Shadows, studying up." He laughs, laying back down "After a nap, I'll study after a nap. See you later, Jude."

I rise and exit the room, blowing candles and lamps out as I go. Once I get to the main level of the palace I fully intend to head toward the barracks but instead my feet carry me back to my room and over to sit on the edge of the bed. My conversation with the Roach comes back to me and I think about what he said about confronting things, I've confronted the King - I'm not expecting that to be fixed in one day.

My next instinct is fixing things with Taryn or at the very least confronting her about her appalling behaviour, I reach under my mattress where I stashed her letter and reread the words once again.

 

**_Jude,_ **

**_I apologise my reply has taken so long, these last months have been very difficult for me. I have come to regret my choices last year and what I did to you that last day - that I let myself become so caught up in familial obligation that I forgot who my actual family is._ **

**_That you are my family._ **

**_I'm so sorry I missed our birthday, Jude. I spent the entire day in bed, I was feeling so blue, I thought you wouldn't want to see me after everything._ **

**_Now I know things between us aren't as dire as I feared, will you meet me? So I might explain how it all happened and explain my side of this? Locke will report my break in routine so it will have to be in the middle of their night so I can sneak away._ **

**_Please, say you'll meet me. I can't bear to think of us as emancipated. I need my family Jude, I need you._ **

**_I hope you'll find it in your heart to give me a chance._ **

**_Taryn._ **

**_P.S Happy birthday for November Jude. I truly hope you had a nice day._ **

****

I fold the note and put it back under my mattress. I'm not stupid enough to believe this at face value but I don't think I can deny her a chance to explain, even for the selfish reasons that I want to know why she did what she did. But if I decide to indulge her and we are to meet, it will be on my terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...? 
> 
> Shorter chapter but important happenings. The last part (Minus Taryns letter) was quickly written this evening to top off the chapter and replace the parts I wanted to save for next chapter. There is a reason I have chosen Roach to be the one that finds out... All will become clear.
> 
> Thought, feelings, comments?
> 
> 💕


	11. AUTHOR NOTE. NOT A OFFICIAL CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter - a explaination.
> 
> Please read.

Hey guys!

 

It's been a while! And there's a reason for that. I came off my meds so i've found myself in a little bit of a hole. (I didn't think it had been thhat long since I'd had them but it's been little over 2 months.)

 

And then as I was getting back into the swing of it, I had a family bereavement earlier this week.

 

I've tried to pick this story up and immerse myself in it so I'm not doing too much unhealthy thinking but it isn't working out that way i'm sorry.

 

 

However, before this happened the next chapter was already a monster. 19k words and counting. I'm hoping that once I manage to get some closure I'll be back to posting again. Until then I will continue writing, then I can edit and post once I'm up for it.

 

Again, i'm so sorry.

 

Watch this space. This story WILL be back.

 

Thanks,

WN

<3


	12. Again, not a chapter!!

Again not a chapter.

Thank you for being understanding while I've had things going on in my personal life.

And you should be very happy to know the next chapter is well on it's way to being finished and uploaded. To show my appreciation to you guys this next chapter is a MONSTER. On Word where i am currently typing up the hand written chapter (Remind me to get a speech to text app of some sort!), it is already 30 pages, that 23K words and I still have 4 action packed (In-story) days to type up! (Including the inciting incident and the first thought and original idea for this story!!) That should be done fairly soon, Sunday at the latest but I'm hoping to get it done by tomorrow evening.

Thanks again guys!

You're all amazing!

Love Whiskey.

<3


	13. Of Revels and Reveals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***I haven't proof read this one, eager to get it posted! I will be printing tomorrow to proof read it (And the other chapters) I briefly scanned it, no spelling or grammar mistakes flagged up, and I usually put editing notes in red so I can remember to delete them, but sometimes forget to do this so some may have slipped through. If they have I apologise for that.***
> 
> \- Thank my bestie, she's been on my case about this chapter so much that at the beginning of this week I emailed her the first 11 pages to read lol! 1part of the reason I tried to get this done quickly.
> 
> \- This chapter jumps around a little. I figured I owe you guys for my extended radio silence by giving you the remaining chapters until the inciting incident in one great big monster chapter.
> 
> Enjoy! This sucker is 45 pages long! And I can tell you typing up 35,781 worth of handwritten words takes loooooong.
> 
> Thank you for being understanding of my absence <3

I change into a black shirt, fitted trousers and boots. I appraise myself in the mirror and scoff thinking all I need is a mask and I'll be the Dread Pirate Roberts, still chuckling I grab my folder and my cloak and make my way to the barracks. Usually I wouldn't strategically plan my outfits but I feel in this case, were I to turn up in a dress instead it may impede my authority. However temporary that may be. And I manage to make it to the barracks shortly after lunch, even after getting distracted walking through the palace gardens, the flowers are in full and bright bloom despite the cold bite to the air and the overcast sky.

I enter the barracks and see soldiers lounging about the room. By quick glance I count 50 guards in here, 60 tops. Confused, I scan the room for a familiar face and find Rannoch. Ignoring the stares cast my way, I hold my head high and confidently approach him.

"Hey, Rannoch. Mind if I have a word?" I ask, jerking my head to a unoccupied corner.

"Sure, Lady Duarte" He says politely, standing up and leading the way. I follow after him realising I would once again have to correct his address to me. If these guards are going to take me seriously, I cannot be "Lady" anything.

We stop in the corner "Firstly, as I've previously asked, please drop the 'Lady' I am no Lady so I don't wish to be addressed as one. You may call me Jude or Duarte if a first name basis is too informal for you. Understand?" He stands straighter and nods at me. "I would appreciate it if you were to spread that to all guards so they are aware. I don't want to have to repeat myself. Now, secondly, is everyone who is supposed to be here present?" I do another quick count of the males in the room as Rannoch nods his head once more. "But, where is everyone?"

"Everyone? This is everyone La- Jud- Miss Duarte" He replies, glancing around himself.

"I count 50, maybe 60 troops here. I thought General Madoc only borrowed half? Having, what? A 500 strong army prior to that? There should be three times the amount of males here" I explain.

"Oh, no Miss Jude. This is all for today. There's 57 guards here, including myself. We have 6 in the infirmary recovering from the last challenge and 35 are on duty, in the palace - they rotate every two days. That is all the men we have left." He tells me, quickly and efficiently. I admit I'm impressed and can see why he is the likely victor. I wonder if I had chosen to speak with another if they would know the numbers as specifically. I need to keep him on my side, he will likely encourage the others to accept me as interim general.

I tally that up. "98? That's still less than half. Where are the rest?" I ask again.

He watches me for a moment before he looks a little uncomfortable and I worry what is coming. "If I may, Miss Jude, why are you here today? Asking these questions?"

"Have you not been told? I received a promotion recently" I prompt him, crossing my arms across my chest over my folder. Of course no one would have told the guards of my temporary role, they left it for me to do. I wonder if this is a test? To see if I can get them to respect me enough to actually listen to me and allow me to do my job.

"Oh yes, of course. My apologies my Lad-, Miss Jude. Congratulations, how are you finding re-acclimating to being Seneschal? Are you here for a check of some sort?" He asks.

"Thank you. And well, no not really, I mean I am Seneschal to the King again but that's not all. The Living Council appointed me to be in charge of your training, starting from today." I explain, watching confusion then anger then disappointment cross his face.

"Are the trials over then?" He asks, disappointment evident in his tone making his words slightly louder, gaining the attention of a few of the closer faeries. He must have heard the rumours he's the frontrunner for the gold. And now he thinks a young mortal girl has pulled the rug out from under him - that explains the anger and disappointment.

"No! Nothing like that" I assure, my voice hushed and the faeries watching us turn back to their conversations. "Your trials will continue until the new general is left standing. I am simply here for the meantime, to begin the newly proposed training and exercises for you troops. I will be working fairly closely with the victor afterwards anyway." I say quirking a brow at him, he visibly relaxes.

"I see." He murmurs. "May I ask why we need a new regime? Our current one works well for us."

"Look, I'm going to level with you here. We all know who is likely to be the next General. That being said you are not the General yet and so I have no idea how much I can tell you, but there is more to this than simply refreshing the current drills. If you do not trust me then trust that the King and the Living Council are involved and they are the ones who ultimately made this decision." I say confidently, not breaking eye contact and silently daring him to find issue with what I'm saying. Everyone knows mortals are liars but will my role as Seneschal grant me some trust in this case? The worst thing I could do is have to get a higher up involved, it will be seen as little more than getting someone else to fight my battles and that won't do me any favours.

"Fair enough, should I assemble the troops, Miss Jude?" Rannoch asks.

"No, that's okay. What is it you usually do at this hour?" I question him, scanning the faces of those assembled to see if any of my elite squad are here. I spot 4 of them before he answers my question, drawing my attention back to him.

"Very well. Usually after lunch we run our outside laps and the endurance course." He tells me. "Is that still the plan?"

"Yes, it is. Who usually leads that?" I ask him, uncrossing my arms and opening my folder to scribble that down.

"I do, My La-" My eyes cut up to him quickly. "My apologies again Miss Jude. This will take some getting used to"

"Well I appreciate it." Scribbling his name next to the PM itinerary I just added. "Obviously I'm new to this. As such for the next little while I will observe only to get a feel of things, today and tomorrow for sure, maybe the day after. It's one thing to read about personnel and current training and another thing entirely to see it in action. Just pretend I'm not here and go about business how you normally would"

"Yes, Miss Jude." He agrees, turning and walking to a spot in the middle of the room, hooting to get the attention of the guard. A few of them eye me curiously, still stood off to the side, before turning to listen to Rannoch. "Lunch time is over and you've had a rest. Now, outside for 20 laps of the palace perimeter! Go! Go! Go!" He shouts, they hasten to get up and begin jogging out of the door to start their laps. Rannoch stays behind to watch all but 3 of the guards go.

"Where would be the best place to situate myself to watch the endurance course?" I ask curiously, I don't think I've seen this course before and I have no idea where it is.

"If you go out the front of the barracks you will be able to watch some of the laps, enough to make observations on placement and speed of the guards. The course will be set up for when the laps are completed, around the back of the building." He answers, striding beside me and gesturing to the 3 guards remaining to hurry up. "They will set the course up and join the laps once they are done."

"I see" I note that down and carry on walking beside Rannoch as he exits the door. I look left and then right to spot the rapidly shrinking forms of the guards and then glance around for a patch of clear grass to settle myself on, finding none I take off my cloak and lay it down. "I'll be waiting here then. See you in 20 laps" I sit, crossing my legs underneath me and open my folder fully as Rannoch gives orders to the 3 guards to set up the course to Level 4 before running after the others. I jot down 'Level 4', to remember to ask about it later and pull out the one page overviews of the guards I have in my folder.

Scanning through the pictures quickly I find the ones I've definitely seen this afternoon and place them on top of the folder, 38 in total and the ones I'm not sure of I study closer. There's definitely more than 98 personnel profiles here altogether so I need to figure out which ones are here, which are recovering, which are on duty and what happened to the others. I set the maybes to one side and quickly make notes about what I have seen and heard so far. Only just finishing when the first sounds of the guard group start up to my left, I look up surprised that they've made a lap so rapidly and that despite Rannoch's delay, he's at the front. I quickly make a note to bring a stopwatch tomorrow.

As the guards pass me, without stopping or even slowing, I scan their faces to whittle down my 'maybe' pile a little more. Managing to add 9 more pages to the 'present' pile. By lap 4 I'm impressed the 3 guards that were charged with setting up have joined the laps and situated themselves toward the front of the runners. It's between lap 5 and 6 that I have all those present in the right pile, so I file the maybes back into my folder and fan out the guard profiles left. I then spend the remainder of their laps jotting little notes on the back of the guards consistently at the front and those at the back. When lap 20 is completed I watch closely as all the guards slow to a stop and then either bend over and brace their hands on their knees breathing hard or flat out just allow themselves to fall to the grass. They don't get long to relax though, Rannoch is once again hooting for attention from the males around us.

"Go and grab a drink of water and then return back outside immediately. We start the endurance course in 5 minutes! Go!" He yells, once again causing the guards to quickly right themselves and head into the barracks. I collect my papers together, rise to my feet and walk over to him.

"Do you not need a drink?" I ask him, I noticed how he was constantly between the middle and the front of the laps, but without following them around I can't tell if he was giving his all or falling back occasionally to motivate the remaining guards. Doubtful that I could complete 20 laps like these soldiers I made a note to acquire a horse for tomorrow to join the laps, in a way, and get a better idea of them.

"No, Miss Jude." He says simply not moving his eyes from the entrance to the barracks, with not much of a trace of breathlessness either. He is definitely the right choice for the permanent post. Even if his physical stamina and obvious strength didn't come into it, so far he's doing a good job of rallying the troops and they seem to actually be listening to him.

"Can I ask a question, Rannoch?" I ask, uncertain if I should or not.

His gaze cuts to me, in curiosity. "Of course"

I pause, to figure out the best, and least insulting, way to word my question. "With the trials ongoing, and with it being a actual competition, how is it you seem to have the respect of the guard? I would have thought the trials would have caused similar to a power grab, I guess?"

"I'm not sure I understand your question" He cocks his head to the side furrowing his brow.

"May I be frank?" I ask slowly. Shuffling my folder between my arms.

"Are you no longer Jude Duarte? My apologies again, Ms Frank" He asks, eyes widening at some faux-pas he probably thinks he committed.

I'm not sure I've ever face-palmed before but I can't help myself now. "No, that's not what I mean. It's an expression, it means can I speak freely?" I explain, and he relaxes a small amount.

"You can speak more freely than we can. Our laws do not govern mortals in the way they do us." He says, fully serious.

I almost laugh in exasperation but I rein it in. "Forget what I said. I would have thought a competition between the guards for such a coveted position in the Kings army would have caused some strife within the ranks. Because that's what it is, right? A competition for the General job?"

He thinks for a moment as the guards begin to file out of the barracks looking a little more refreshed than a moment ago. "Right, to the course!" He orders, the guards immediately heeding his command and turning to our left and disappearing around the back of the building. He gestures for me to start walking beside him as he follows the guards "I see why you would think that, Miss Duarte. But this is no regular guard, we have trained together, lived together, fought together and some of us have died together. We are akin to a family and as such, we are very transparent with each other. Just as I have heard rumours of the likely victor, so have they, and they wholeheartedly."

I process his words and grasp his meaning as we clear the building. "Wait, so why have the trials at all? Can you not vote for the next General if everyone is in agreement?"

"We could. But that is not how we do things here, there's traditions and protocols to follow in these situations so we have little choice but to do it this way. While we are all in agreement, as you say, I still have to prove myself to be a worthy leader. And the others are using the trials as a competition between themselves to determine who is to be my second in command." He explains before he hoots again, twice in quick succession.

I look away from him then to the troops, scrambling into a neat line at their leaders signal, and the course beyond them. And I am speechless. Taking in their course I stop walking, it looks like a bigger, scarier version of the courses you see in the movies montages of army men completing while a motivational song plays over it. I look from the course to Rannoch who has stopped beside me. "That looks dangerous" Is the only thing I can think of to say, no matter how stupid it sounds.

"It is, Miss Duarte. But we are trained for this kind of test of speed, smarts and endurance." He looks over to his men and then back to me. "Make yourself comfortable, this is one of the easier ones but it will still be a while before we are all finished." Then he strides off to the front of the line of troops.

I quickly follow after him, pointing to the line and the end we're headed towards "Is this an order line for the course? So he will be going first?" I ask.

"It is in order of turn yes, but I shall be going first." He says.

"Can I have a moment to put my profile pages in this order?" I ask gesturing to the line. He nods at me and stands at attention at the front of the line while I make my way down it, asking the soldiers for their names so I have my pages in the order that they will be going in to make it easier to make notes. The first solider I ask for his name looks at me like I'm mad and then I remember about the Fae and their names, so I correct myself by just saying "Surname?" After that I have no problems but I do get a few more than curious looks. Once my pages are in order I retreat back to the side of the building in a spot I can still see the entirety of the course laid out in front of me. I sit cross-legged, once again on my cloak, and place my folder on top of my right knee with pen in hand and Rannoch's profile on top ready to make some more notes. By the time they're finished I think I have enough notes to go on for now and I decide I will start afresh tomorrow. Before leaving, I approach Rannoch one last time as he finishes his post endurance pep-talk.

"I think I have enough for now, I'll be back tomorrow. What time does your day start?" I ask, brushing off my cloak from where I was sat on the floor and spinning it over my shoulders and checking the sky for signs of rain.

"Around 7.30am we meet in the barracks" He says, looking over at me. "But that largely depends on what you mean. For guards in the palace shift starts at midnight. For us in the training room, when we aren't participating in a trial, we start at 8am and train through 8pm."

Yowch. "Okay, since I'll just be getting involved with the training aspect I'll leave the palace guarding be and focus on the barrack training program. There will be some changes but I plan to work closely with you on everything. If you could just keep my involvement quiet for now, I would appreciate it." I ask, checking the sky again. I really want to get indoors before it rains. 

"I will keep your involvement to myself, yes, but when you finally address the guard be prepared for questions." He warns. But it's nothing I haven't already thought of.

On my walk back to the Court of Shadows I shuffle through my papers, allowing my feet to carry me to the right place without really paying attention to my surroundings. Based on just a few hours this evening I may have to change my elite squad a little. I'll sit down after dinner and make notes for a new plan. As I walk into the Court of Shadows I look up from my folder and freeze. The scene before me looks so… domestic. Everyone is sat around the table, a platter of food in front of them and the Bomb and the King are both laughing at something the Roach is saying. I stare for a moment before I shuck my cloak and place my folder and papers on the drawers before taking a seat in the last empty chair.

I pull a napkin toward me and start filling it up with toasted bread, cheese, cold cuts and fruits, happy that the toasted bread is still warm. I salt it all with a packet from my bra, getting a odd look from the King when I reached in to get it, and tuck into my food, tuning into the conversation.

"You'll be pleased to know I haven't left the Court of Shadows all day." The King says, and I continue munching until I notice it's quiet and look up. He's looking at me expectantly, oh, I point to myself "Yes I'm talking to you, you are the one who _heavily suggested_ I spend my day here. Studying" He says 'studying' with a sour look on his face.

"And?" I ask, before eating more bread.

"And, I'm impressed. As I told the Bomb and the Roach, it's a fantastic plan, I've proposed a few changes but the majority is solid. It's a solid plan." He nods, picking at the apple slices.

"Changes?" I ask him, glancing to the Bomb, who is delicately making cheese and apple sandwiches on her napkin, and the Roach, who is looking curiously between me and the King - either because of the impending conversation or because of our previous one.   

"Are you capable of saying more than one word? Or is that the extent of your vocal abilities now" He asks me, quirking a brow.

"Yes" I state simply, pausing my chewing long enough to stare him down until he starts talking again.

He sighs "For a start, the guard numbers are off. We haven't as many guards as you've stated in your plans. So, instead of sending 6 regular rotation troops to the household adjoining your sisters maybe just send 2 of the more elite troops. It not only reduces suspicion but it also allows for us to keep more of our troops here."

"That's a point. Where are all the troops gone? Madoc supposedly took half?" I question, finishing up my dinner and pushing the napkin away from me.

"He did." The King replies, looking to the Roach. I follow his lead and turn to the Roach.

"But between injuries from the trials and the amount of guards we sequestered to the Court of Shadows that went missing when we sent them to spy or search, we're down to little more than ¼ our original numbers." The Roach explains.

"That complicates things" I sigh, rubbing my hands together, I turn back to the King. "What other changes?"

"Nicasia." He pauses then and I realise it means I'm probably not going to like what's next. "We need to relax her guard. If we think she's up to no good on behalf of her mother she will won't show her hand while she thinks she's under such scrutiny. If we relax her guard or even just have guards trail her at certain times or in certain places, she'll grow complacent and slip up sooner."

"That is crazy! Why allow her the opportunity to betray us sooner in the first place, she needs a tighter leash if anything!" I argue.

"What Jude probably means, your highness, is which are the times and places you mean?" The Bomb interrupts me, giving me a 'calm yourself' look.

"No guards overnight. Her rooms are close enough to my own that the guards stationed at my door should be able to cover hers too without actually being stationed outside her door. In addition, no guards during revels or the hours leading up to them, once again she is often in her room getting ready for hours and then there are guards at the revels anyway. Perhaps we should add in some Court of Shadows members in formal attire to circle the revels and be on the listen out for anything suspicious." He says clearly having put a lot of thought into this. "Meal times, those are also guarded as standard. As for her ventures into the gardens or into the grounds, guards can remain but she will assume that is because we worry for her safety."

I hate to admit that actually sounds reasonable. But still, I make a mental note to increase guard numbers and rotations within the palace. That way if she slips her guards someone is likely to see her. "Next?" I say simply.

"You need a guard detail" The King says, voice even and eyes intense on mine.

"No. Not happening." I shake my head.

"I hate to say it Jude, but with things so unsure you need the protection. We already know you are a target and your return from exile will have made that target bigger." The Bomb says, but I keep my eyes on the King, lifting my chin and crossing my arms.

"I agree" The Roach adds in "And you know why"

His addition is ambiguous enough but I catch his drift. I flick my eyes over to him and his gaze is as intense as the Kings. Great, he's siding with him on this one then, even though he thinks I'm just the Kings plaything. Albeit a permanent one.

"You may keep the guards at my door overnight, and I will agree to one, _one_ " I stress, putting up my pointer finger. "guard accompanying me to the barracks in the mornings but I do not need one while I am there and I can get one to accompany me back to the Court of Shadows when I'm done."

"I'll agree to that for now. But it will be constantly reviewed and subject to change." The King says. "How did your day at the barracks go?"

Thankful for the subject change, I uncross my arms. "It was interesting, I have a few changes to make to my original plan but nothing too major. And I begrudgingly admit Madoc did well with them, they are all in peak shape and it shouldn't take too long for them to pick up the new routines."

"Oh, good. Plans moving forward?" The Roach asks.

"Observe for a few more days. Get my notes in order and finalise my picks for the elite squad - today has caused some questions." I say "Then I'll address the guards, explain what's going on and introduce the new drills."

"That all sounds good. We have a council meeting in a fortnight, will you have a update on progress by then?" The Bomb chimes in.

"I will" I confirm, grateful for the opportunity to change the subject off of me I push forward before I'm asked another question myself "What have you been up to today? Anything interesting?" I look to the Bomb as she's the last one that directly addressed me.

"I spent today crossing off squares trying to find Grimsen and his hideout." The Bomb says, pulling out her scroll map and spreading it out on the table. I nod looking at her map, about to ask how far she got when I'm cut off.

"Crossing off squares? Is that a inside joke?" The King is looking between the three of us, leaning forward, his elbows on the table.

"Jude gridded up a map of Elfhame and we each have areas to search for Grimsen. Or anything suspicious, or out of place." The Bomb answers, gesturing to the map and pointing at four squares with little stars in the corners. "I crossed off 4 of my squares today, it likely would have been more had the weather been less treacherous. But as it was I found nothing"

"Suspicious or out of place." The King repeats. " Like?"

"Troop movements, signs of our missing spies, signs of spies that aren't ours, given everything that's happening around here we have to pay attention to the smallest of details. And hopefully locate Grimsen and the blood crown." The Roach answers.

"Speaking of the weather, is it likely to return to normal soon? We need less ice and clouds if we are to complete our search in a acceptable timeframe." The Bomb asks, her attention on the King.

"Have you had a productive day, Roach?" The King asks instead. I narrow my eyes at him, curious why he's avoiding the subject of his mood.

The Roach doesn't answer right away, instead looking from the Bomb to the King then to me before back to the King. "Yes, your majesty, I have observed both Madocs estate and the waters surrounding the Undersea. Both are unchanged from the last report. I also managed to cross off a couple of my squares." He points to a couple off the squares not marked on the Bombs map. "It does concern me how we have yet to see or hear of Grimsen though. Had he started on a blood crown at Balekins behest last autumn, it would be long finished by now." He muses. "We need to step up our search, if the General or the Undersea don't have Grimsen already, it is imperative we find him before they do."

"Perhaps I should be given some of these squares?" The King asks, peering down at the map and touching the squares slightly North West from the palace.

"No" Echoes around the table from each of us.

"That's a no then?" He smirks at us removing his finger from the map as the Bomb rolls it back up, and I frown at him.

"Of course it's a no. We aren't only out there to look for the Smith, we're trying to get a handle on the situation out there. Which you should know from your studying. How easy would it be for them to grab the High King of Elfhame if he's out wondering about in the woods? You know as well as I that Madoc and maybe even Orlagh will have spies out the same as us." I say to him, not bothering to keep the ire from my tone.

"There must be something I can do though? If being here all day reading has proved anything, it's that I seem to not be as involved with the behind the scenes stuff." The King explains.

"Well there is no need for you to be 'behind the scenes', leave the dirty work to us _your highness_." I say with a wry smile.

He glares at me for a moment. "If that is the case, perhaps it's best you take a more surface role then, hm?"

"Pardon?" I ask him, my smile frozen on my face.

"You heard me Jude" He says, his face mirroring mine but I want to smack his grin off his stupid face.

"I did hear you, I'm giving you a chance to change what you said." I cross my arms across my chest and lean back in my chair.

"I'm not changing what I said. I fully believe you are too involved with too much. You have your fingers in a lot of pies, I think is the mortal expression?" He turns to the Roach, who is looking between us with a amused expression on his face "I got that right? Fingers in pies?"

"I believe so" He agrees, nodding. Meanwhile my mouth hangs slightly open, what did he do? Pick up a book on mortal idioms?

"Good. Well, I have to get ready for my appearance later. Don't stay here too much longer Jude, your job as Seneschal begins in an hour." The King stands up, nodding to the Roach and the Bomb before his eyes settle on me briefly before he leaves.

Once he's definitely left I groan into my hands "I really don't want to go to tonight's revel." I whine "Remind me again why we thought _that_ was a good idea?"

"Because you'd be able to sit on the Living council as Seneschal." The Bomb answers

I peer at her through my fingers. "It was rhetorical. Besides, as general I can sit on the council too."

"But not for long term. Once the trials produce a victor, your General seat will be given to its rightful occupant." The Roach says.

"Once Rannoch wins? I don't understand why people are dancing around this because everyone knows how it'll end, right?" I ask.

"Yes. We all know how it'll end. But we have customs we have to follow, and you know as well as I that anything can happen in Faerie and we may be surprised yet."

The look the Roach is levelling at me makes it clear what it is that he's alluding to but I brush it off. Realising that no, this is not really news to me but it is in this context. "Are we expecting to be surprised?"

"Perhaps by who the silver goes to, yes. But barring the unexpected, not the gold, no." The Bomb says, glancing between me and the Roach her brow furrowed.

"And on that note, I have to be off. I want to get cleaned up before tonight's festivities" I say the end with false enthusiasm and rise from me chair happy, but kind of guilty, that the Bomb would have better luck getting blood from a stone than the information about me the Roach knows that she doesn't.

It doesn't take long to get washed up and then I'm on my way to the revel. I hear it before I see it and pause closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths - I decide to stay by the side of the throne and listen intently to anyone seeking an audience with the King. Perhaps offer some advice, if need be, but if I'm being honest I am unsure how to be Seneschal and _just be seneschal._ The last time I was doing this job I was shadow-ruling Elfhame.

I guess we'll see.

I open my eyes and continue walking. Stepping into the grand hall, I take a look around and see things are as in full swing as they sounded on the way here. It doesn't take me long to spot Nicasia, Locke and Taryn all stood off the side of the dais.   

I cut through the crowd on my way  to the dais, thankful after my last attendance that I chose to remain in my fitted trousers and black shirt. A dress would not only be a hindrance when I'm trying to squeeze past drunken faeries but also so I'm more unassuming than I was in the red dress. It wouldn't do for me to give them any further reason to not take me seriously back in my new but old role.

I'm a step off the dais when Taryn steps up in front of me and I chide myself for not being more aware of my surroundings, I didn't even see her coming my way. I go to step passed her when she steps in my way.

"Good evening, Jude, did you receive my letter?" She asks with a big smile on her face.

"I need time Taryn." I snip, stepping past her onto the dais.

I walk toward the throne, not letting my gaze stray to the other side of the throne in front of me - to the Queens throne.

"Wife, you're late" The King slurs, raising his glass to his lips to take a sip.

" _My King."_ I give a shallow bob that could pass as a curtsy if you squint a little. "You're drunk! How is that? I saw you an hour ago and you were sober"

"A lot can happen in an hour, my Queen" He stage whispers. But way too loud.

I glance around to see if anyone else heard but no revellers are close enough or paying attention. My eyes flick upwards, without moving my head up. Yes, there's the Roach in the rafters. I wouldn't have seen him up there if he hadn't waved his fingers at me. Excellent, he heard then, perhaps he'll assume it's a nickname or endearment.

"That's enough, _your highness_ " I snap, dropping my gaze to the drunkard on the throne. "I suggest you stop drinking now, if anyone wishes for an audience it would not do for you to be indisposed this way."

"And I suggest you have a glass of wine and loosen up a little, well _a lot_ , seneschal of mine" He grins at me over the rim of his glass as he takes another sip.

"No, I shan't." I cross my arms and move without leave to stand off to the side behind his throne, again refusing to look to my right and see that chair.

The King glances at me over his shoulder and I watch his profile as a slow smirk overtakes his face. "If you're going to stay up here perhaps you should at least take a seat" He tips his head back in a point to the companion throne next to him and flashes his teeth at me as I dart forward to get in his face.

"No" I snarl, raising and watching as he takes another gulp of his wine. I snatch the glass from his hand and step back with it. "And I said that's enough, if you want me to be your stupid seneschal again you'll listen to my advice"

 He raises two fingers in some kind of signal and stands from his throne, taking a couple of wobbly steps toward me. "Now now wife, if we're to keep things civil and keep the screaming matches to a minimum I need a distraction." He whispers, close enough to me that I can see my angry reflection in his black eyes and see myself getting beyond angry when I see the gold flecks. At least that explains how he got so drunk in such a short time "And since you have no interest in getting in our marital bed, my mistress is my wine. Or something equally as lame, but amounts to - I'll have to entertain myself"

A faerie with golden hair and pale skin steps onto the dais as the King turns back to his throne and hands him two fresh bottle of wine, I scoff to myself and decide what will be will be and to leave him to it. The King places one bottle at the foot of his throne and pops open the other, swigging from it before turning back to me. "No one is here for a audience tonight, so I'll make some rounds instead." He winks at me and steps down off the dais.

Even though I'm not here on protection duty, at least I don't think, I keep my eyes locked on the King while he circles the floor, stopping occasionally to chat, laugh and clink his bottle with the attending gentry. Using the glass in my hand as a excuse I turn my back on the revel, flick my eyes upward and then lean down to place the goblet on the floor against the wall behind the throne. Satisfied that the Roach is still watching the King I take the opportunity of being stood on the dais to survey the attendees tonight, even so my eyes flick to the King every few minutes or so. There's a lot of faces I don't recognise and a few I do, I mainly study each face to see if I recognise any faces from when I was Madocs ward. But none that spark that kind of recognition, just faces I remember from the months in the palace before I was exiled.  

My gaze skips over the revellers and I scan the area I last saw Locke, Taryn and Nicasia, finding Nicasia and Taryn stood off to one side deep in conversation. Nicasia laughing as she's talking and Taryn looking at her intensely while she speaks, I narrow my eyes and try to work out what they're saying but I never was too good at lip reading and even with my wedding band the noise from the party is too much to hear them unless I get closer. My attention is soon drawn away from them though as I hear a cleared throat on my left, I turn my head toward the noise - my hand going to Nightfell on my hip. Once more pissed off as someone has yet again got a jump on me tonight and approached without my noticing it.

I raise my brow and leave my scowl in place as I wait for him to speak and not just stand there staring at me.

"Jude" He greets, with a nod.

"Locke" I return, removing my hand from Nightfell and crossing my arms across my chest already bored and annoyed by his presence.

"Why are you here?" He asks me, still just staring at me. I hope my face doesn't show how disconcerting I'm finding it.

"I'm seneschal again, apparently" I add the last part quietly, lowering my brow but keeping my scowl.

"I don't mean tonight, I mean in general. Why are you here?" He clarifies.

I'm a little taken aback by his question that it takes me a moment to answer, "Well, as a child this big scary male came to my house and killed my parents. Apparently some kind of rage retribution thing? Anyway from there he kidnapped me and my sisters - one of which was your future wife - and brought us here. That was _years_ ago though so I guess long story short, I kind of like it here and that's why I'm here."

"I didn't miss that" He mumbles, looking unimpressed with my answer.

"My quick wit? Or my sarcasm?" I ask, smiling sweetly at him.

"Either, or. It doesn't matter. What matters is you won't be here much longer" He says, the side of his lips pulling up in a sardonic smirk at me.

"Excuse me?" I ask "So you're now either a psychic or threatening me again?"

"Oh no, neither of those. I just know the story, I've seen it time and time again before." He says "You aren't the first mortal to come to Elfhame and you won't be the last. It happens to you all, or most of you anyway." His gaze cuts from me to his wife, while mine find the King once more before settling back on Locke as he looks back at me.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"It's the same story, the mortal who gets swept up in the magic and adventure of Faerie." His eyes trail down to my feet and back up to my face and he cocks his head. "Perhaps even entranced by the beautiful but cruel faerie prince, like in so many of your fairytales? You spend time here, enamoured by it all but eventually like all the others you'll find that Faerie was not made for mortals, in any capacity. And you'll wish you had left sooner. So my question is why are you here? If you were smart you would have stayed gone following your exile, regardless of a pardon."

"This is my home. I am not going anywhere anytime soon, so get used to me being here" I growl at him, the audacity of it.

"Then you are far more stupid than I had you pegged for. It's a shame really." He muses, I don't want to find out what he means by that but I can't help myself.

"A shame?" I ask, hating myself for not being able to let it go at his last ambiguous comment and for giving up my upper hand.

"Hmm? Oh just that those that don't leave of their own volition, often get returned to our earth in the end. And that would be a shame. My wife would get terribly upset upon your death and that would be a cause of mild inconvenience to me"

"Charming!" I snap "You will find out that my story won't end that way. Though you best watch yourself or yours might"

"What are we talking about up here?" I look away from Locke to see the King step up on the dais, wobbling worse than when he stepped down.

"Nothing of consequence" I smile, looking over to Locke and daring him to contradict me. He doesn't. Wise.

"Good! That's what we like to hear. It wouldn't be good for General Jude to shed blood at her first revel as a Faerie official." He chuckles and sits on his throne with a flourish.

Locke startles at that. "General Jude?" He asks, looking at me suspiciously. I smirk at him, seeing him realise that maybe my story won't end the same as those mortals.

"Yes, General Jude. Well, interim-General Jude but that's a bit of a mouthful" The King smirks through his slurs. "Who would have thought a _mortal_ would be training the High Kings army? Certainly not me. Actually, I am of the opinion **_anyone_** but her would be better" He laughs then and my smirk falls. How dare he?!

"If you'll excuse me" Locke interrupts my stream of expletives I was planning on unleashing on the King, and without waiting for a reply from either of us, he gives a small bow and steps from the dais making a beeline for my sister and Nicasia. I glance at the faces around them and don't see anyone who is part of Court of Shadows or even the Bomb who must be here somewhere.

I make a note to arrange more spies to hover closer to those three while I strain my ears to try to pick up any words but I get nothing but a quiet chuckle from behind me. I ball my fists at my side and whirl on him.

"How dare you?!" I growl at him, stepping closer and lowering my voice. "I get that being an arse is second nature for you but could you at least try to not embarrass me? Especially in front of them!"

"Why would I do that?" He asks, sitting straighter and cocking his head at me. "'Especially in front of them'"

"Because they already think I'm a joke." I whisper-yell. "You keep harping on about them, all of them" I gesture to the attendees "thinking I'm a target and here you are treating me like a joke too. If you keep going like this they'll never take me seriously. And I refuse to be entertainment. I have more than earned my place here."

"That’s exactly what I'm doing" He confirms

I glare at him and turn to walk away when he reaches forward to grab my arm, standing up unsteadily to tower over me. I glare up into his face and try to snatch my arm back. He holds it tighter.

"That's exactly what I'm doing" He repeats. "For some reasons you're important - to Faerie. And you're insisting on making yourself into a bigger target by taking up this role as General and not to mention your attitude toward everyone. So yes, I'm treating you like a joke. Maybe they will then too and then maybe you'll survive the season." He snaps, pushing my arm back towards me.

"I'll survive the season and more and it won't be because I'm the court jester!" I yell back.

He stares at me for a moment too long in silence. "You appear to be in not the best mood" He says, still watching me closely. "We'll start your reintegration small. You are relieved for tonight" With that he returns to his chair.

I step after him getting in his face "You humiliated me and now you're dismissing me?" I ask, leaning a hand on the armrest of his throne.

"Very astute of you, wife" He says, picking a piece of fluff off of my sleeve and picking up the bottle of wine by his side. "But as far as humiliation goes, I've asked you to rethink your current profession and you've stubbornly refused. So, if I can't convince you that you're on the wrong path perhaps I can force your hand by ensuring you aren't taken seriously. That should prevent anyone else from taking you seriously as a threat" His gaze flicks from me off to the side, behind me.

"Your majesty" I hear from Nicasia.

I close my eyes and drop my head briefly before opening my eyes and looking back up at the King and leaning into his face "This is not over" I growl at him before I push up from the throne and without even glancing at Nicasia, I turn and leave the revel.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next few days go much the same, guard observing in the morning through the afternoon. Dinner with the Court of Shadows and a few hours of seneschal duties at the revel. I haven't yet managed to complete a full night as seneschal because the King continues to humiliate and bait me about my choices. I try, I really do try to not rise to him and argue but some nights it is near impossible.

Three days later and barely two weeks since I started as interim-General I decide I've seen enough of the guards daily routine and I've asked Rannoch enough questions about their ins and outs to get a good handle on the majority of their day to day routines.

I start my morning much the same as the past few days though still not used to the near permanent shadow true to his word the King ordered one of the guards who is usually stationed at my door to 'escort me' to the barracks. I sit in my usual space and allow them to complete their warm ups.  Once that’s finished I stand up with my clipboard of notes and move to stand on the bench against the back wall, Rannoch moving to stand at my side.

I cough loud enough to get the attention of the guards, when I'm satisfied they are paying attention "Good morning, most of you know me but for those who don't I'm Jude Duarte, former ward of General Madoc. And I'm sure you've noticed me around here the last few days?" 

As small sound of acknowledgement and agreement ripples through the room. Along with some confused looks directed at me and some quizzical looks directed at Rannoch. I give them a few seconds but then the murmur begins to grow louder I push forward.

"I am here today as interim General. To get you all started on some new drills and training until the champion of the trials can take over." I say, remembering to look at each guard instead of staring at the same few.

A guard raises his hand, I nod to him. "So the trials are continuing?" I vaguely recognise him from my guard research, Mhendelson? I think is his name.

"Yes, the trials will continue on as before. Once the champion is sworn in, he will take over from me. Continuing on this new regimen that I'm here to get you all started on" I answer.

Another guard raises his hand, again I nod for him to ask his question. "Why do we need new training?"

"I'm not sure how much you have all been -" I pause as I notice the King slip in the back of the room, behind the assembled guard. None of them notice, except Rannoch who stands a little straighter as the King props himself against the wall beside the door and smirks at me. "Ahem, I'm not sure how much you've been told but with Madocs departure went half of the guard. And in the months following guards were sequestered for different roles within the palace leaving less than one quarter in active duty. Because of the fewer numbers, different training is more advisable. The living council also decided during the tenuous times with the Undersea, that a shake-up is in our best interests for defence anyway." I conclude as another hand goes up. "Yes?"

"Is there something you're not telling us?" A confused guard near the front asks me.

I ponder that for a minute before I decide to be 'faerie' with them. "There's plenty I'm not telling you" I say, glancing at the King. Arsehole, he's still smirking, he must be loving this.

The same guard speaks up again. "But surely we need to know what's going on? As it's part of our job?"

"Yeah" Interjects another to his right "This affects us too and we've all heard the rumours"

"Are the rumours true?" I hear from the back.

"Has General Madoc defected?" Pipes up another.

In front of me Rannoch tenses up. "Quiet!" I say loudly over multiple questions and comments. "You know there is more going on. But until the Living Council decide its pertinent for you to know all the ins and outs - I am neither confirming nor denying anything."

Another hand goes up as voices start to overlap again. I look back at the King expecting to find him full of glee at my discomfort but instead he's frowning at me. Perfect, he's getting proof I'm not cut out for this. I look away quickly.

"Where are our guards? They aren't all in the palace"

"Why is a mortal in charge of us?"

"Officer Amendiel is missing"

"Commander Rannoch, why are you not interim?"

"Is Madoc aligning with Queen Orlagh?"

"Is war coming to Elfhame?"

"We deserve to know"

I try to look at each person as they're talking but too many voices are overlapping each other. And then - silence. I look over and see the King has pushed off of the back wall and is walking toward me, commanding the attention of the guards - who have stood to attention now they realise their King is present.

His majesty raises his eyebrow at me before stopping in front of me and turning to face the assembled guards. "You may not understand this decision or like that you are being left in the dark with certain information but this is what the council have decided. So this is how things are going to go, until the trials are over Jude will be overseeing the new drills and training and you will be told things as we see fit to enlighten you" He says in a voice I have rarely heard from him. I shake off flashbacks of that morning by the sea and look at the guards "Understand?"

"Yes sir" They all say as one. The King turns back to me and sits on the bench at my feet.

"So if that’s all, we should begin. For the most part your warm ups will remain the same. The stretches and then the laps, followed by weight lifting, crunches and push-ups. But I would like to add in some sparring between yourselves." I shuffle through my papers and pull out my list of pairings and hand it to Rannoch. "Rannoch has the list of partners that you will be working in. These are not your usual pairings but there are reasons for this." I step down from the bench "This exercise has a twist though, before you start decide which of you will follow your old sparring moves and which of you will freestyle, fight dirty, improvise - whatever you have to do to win against the other. Barring anything that will cause serious or fatal injuries. When one of you wins, you will switch methods." I say "Off you go" I wait a moment while the guards break rank and approach Rannoch who lists off pairs.

When all pairs are spaced out across the floor talking amongst themselves, I approach him "Please can you supervise them while I speak with his majesty?" I ask. 

"Sure, Miss Jude." He agrees "But if I may ask what is the purpose of this?" He looks around the barrack training room to the pairs that have started to spar.

"I'm going to level with you here, but this is need to know, classified - whatever you want to call it" I say pulling him out of earshot and lowering my voice. "You know Madoc took half the guard. If he aligns with Orlagh there's a real chance we will be fighting them. It will not be easy for you to fight your own, so small doses of seeing the others as the enemy may make it, marginally, easier" I say. He nods at me and walks to the pair nearest us circling them and moving on.

I walk to the King and sit beside him, watching the guards. "I didn't think you approved" I murmur, seeing him turn to me in my peripheral vision.

"I don't" He replies simply, I turn to him then in confusion.

"Then why?"

"I don't approve. But that doesn't mean I'll allow them to disrespect their Queen." He looks at them then back to me. "Surely their reaction is proof of why it should not be you doing this? You have outlined the new training in more than enough detail for someone else to do it"

"No, I am doing it. Stop trying to make me quit" I snap at him. "And you cannot blame them for the disrespect, they don't know better"

"And whose fault is that?" He asks, clearly irritated.

"I will earn their respect. And it will be because I deserve it and not because they have a obligation to give it."

"That's admirable" he says. I pause then because his words are nice but his tone sounds sarcastic. I open my mouth to say something but I get cut off. "But completely unnecessary. Someone else can do this job and you can earn the respect you so desire another way"

I stare at him for a moment before deciding to keep my retort to myself. He is being vocal that he's not happy with the council's decision. If I rub him the wrong way he can make this harder, he can't stop it but he can make it a lot harder. Which I'm actually surprised isn't his go to anyway. Instead I say "Why are you here?"

"Why are _you_ here?" He asks me instead of answering and I almost scream in frustration. I breathe deeply through my nose to stifle the noise trying to push its way up my throat.

"Is this how it's going to be? You're going to get on my nerves until I do what you want and quit?" I ask annoyed.

"Maybe. Maybe not. I guess it would all depend on the day" He murmurs.

I lean forward and get in his face trying to control my temper "If you aren't going to shut up, then leave. Now."

He leans forward slightly getting closer to my face. "Very well, wife" He whispers, his breath fanning across my face. I'm angry when I realise the sickly sweet smell means he's already on the wine "But this isn't over yet" He says, repeating my words back to me. Then he gets up and leaves without another word.

My mind keeps running over his words throughout the rest of my day with the guards. It's hard to push them from my head but I do my best. By the time I leave I'm satisfied where the guards are at with my additions to their daily routine and thankfully, and only a little grudgingly, there are no more questions for me.

I decided toward the beginning not to bring up the 'elite' squad until the guards are further along my timeline, so for now they are all on the base training. And especially since some of the guards are swapping out with the palace guards tomorrow.

I pull Rannoch aside and ask him to finish the cool down I set out 30 minutes ago and slip out the door unnoticed, my chaperone none the wiser that I've already left. 

By myself, I take a leisurely but brisk walk back to the palace and quickly make my way to the Court of Shadows for my tea before I have to see what state the King has gotten into in the hours since I've seen him. The Bomb and the Roach are nowhere to be seen when I reach the common room but there is a plate of food under some cheese cloth on the table. I sit, salt and stuff my food down quickly, wanting to change before the revel.

I don't see anyone before I leave the Court of Shadows so I leave a note that I'll try to catch them tomorrow. I head to my room to change and slip into my clean fresh trousers, a fresh doublet and slowly make my way toward the noise from the throne room, wondering what I'm in for tonight. Even if I am only in attendance for an hour or so.

\---------------------------------------------------------

The days begin to pass in a blur of drunken gentry and guards. Had it not been for the added task of my interim-General duties it would feel much like I had never left. The constant feeling of anger and suspicion have easily become my second nature once more, well more like my first nature. My days mostly filled with training with the guards and then more and more hours a night as seneschal. Some days I barely have time to catch-up with the Roach and the Bomb.

Things with the King are much how they were pre-exile. He's often cruel to me, because I haven't quit and I'm often mad at him, because he's trying to make me quit. Before I know it it's the last day of March and things are just as busy as they were at the beginning of the month - more so really with all the activity in the palace over the last few days. It seems like there's a whole host of new staff, deliveries of ingredients and wine everyday and much more hustle and bustle.

On my way to the Court of Shadows after a longer than usual day at the barracks, I pass yet another delivery of crates of alcohol, and so I decide to ask about it. Walking into the Court of Shadows I'm surprised and relived to see the Roach and the Bomb sat at the table, empty plates in front of them. I take a seat, realising I'm getting back too late for dinner.

"What's with the increase of activity around here?" I ask them.

 "Good morning to you too" The Bomb chirps "And all the extra activity is for the Kings birthday"

"I'm confused, I don't remember his birthday being celebrated before" I say my brow furrowing.

"He wasn't exactly.." The Bomb cuts off searching for the right words.

"In favour" The Roach completes for her. "You may know Faerie customs are unlike human ones. Here the multiples of seven are celebrated above all others. Given our reigning monarch has had little choice in this, his 21st is going to be a big event, whether he likes it or not."

"21?" I question. I know he's around my age but I didn't know his exact age. I also don't know his exact birth date.

"Yes, in a few days it's his majesties birth day" The Roach confirms. Giving a look to the Bomb. Before I have a chance to question it the Bomb speaks up.

"How is the training going, Jude? Are the guards getting on well with your new regime?" She asks me.

"They are doing fantastically" I say proudly, pleased with their progress. "I still haven't separated the elite. I figure once they've completed the basics I'll switch them up."

Again they exchange a look. "I think they're doing really well. Honestly, it's a testament to you Jude" The Bomb says.

"You should indeed be proud of what you've accomplished here" The Roach adds.  

I frown, turning over their words. And it clicks.

"So really" The Bomb starts, here we go. "You could focus on your seneschal duties now and things would be like before for you"

"Really?" I ask her, incredulous that he would outsource his stupid opinion like this. They feign confusion. Liars.

"Yes, you've done more than enough for them to be getting on with you would easily be able to take a break" the Roach replies, wait for it. "Or step back completely" There it is.

"When did he talk to you?" I ask quietly. Trying to not get angry at them because the King asked, or forced, them to oblige him and his crusade against my choices.

Neither say anything. "Gotcha" I mutter. "You can tell him, like I did I might add, that he can shove it up his arse. I'm not stepping down, or going to back down or take a break. I will continue on as I am doing until the trials are over."

"Calm down Jude, you of all people should understand why he has this 'crusade' against this role you've taken on." The Roach says slowly as the Bomb looks between us confused. 

"No, I of all people don't understand. He's ambushed me about this twice already this month and now he's got you involved! I'm allowed to be annoyed. What is his problem?" I ask rhetorically.

Receiving an answer anyway. "He's under a lot of pressure. He doesn't act like it but he -" The Bomb begins. I hold my hand up and shake my head at her.

"I know I asked but I don't actually care to hear it. Just drop it." I snap. "Sorry" I mutter afterwards. The Bomb doing a fantastic Bambi impression. I watched that as a child and then once again recently as part of Vivis 'Human kid 101' immersive experience for Oak.

"We get that his majesty can be trying at times, but really Jude, this isn't going to stop anytime soon so you may want to consider what he's saying. Especially since you know as well as I that he can make things very difficult if he wants to." The Roach says to be, rubbing his chin.

"No, end of discussion." I say firmly. Crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in my chair again. "So why so much alcohol? Just for a birthday party?" I ask trying to steer the conversation away from the topic of my quitting.

"'Just a birthday party?' This is his 21st, so it'll be a three day party, one day to celebrate each of his seven years." The Bomb tells me. "Should it be like any of the previous ones, it'll be drinking from dusk on day one to dawn on day three. You should prepare yourself Jude, these parties get out of hand."

"More so than any other?" I scoff, but seeing they both remain serious I guess that's a yes. And I don't want to ask but I do anyway "Which day is his actual birthday?"

"April 2nd" The Roach tells me and I startle, 2 days from now. "Did you not know that?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I knew" I snip. "I'm not sure though, I might have been told it at some point but I don't remember" I say softer. "What does this mean for us? We're to work 3 days straight?"

"Not you, no. We can't risk a mortal being present for it all. You will be up on the dais like any other night as seneschal, but you will go to bed at dawn, that way you can return the following night and so forth" The Bomb says "It will likely get raucous and it's best you leave before that point."

"And if I don't want to leave?" I ask.

"Then you will be forced." The Roach cuts in, staring me down. "You are mistaken if you think you have any choice in this. We have orders to remove you before dawn breaks each night."

"Seriously?" I sigh, who does he think he is? My mother? Still, there are ways around that, I smile to myself.

"Yes, seriously." The Bomb says "No matter our loyalty to you, his orders still outrank yours."

I can understand that. It's annoying but I can understand. "Fair enough" I concede. "So when is this to start?"

"The night of the 2nd. It will run right through to the afternoon of the 5th, which is why there is so much extra wine being imported into the palace." The Bomb tells me, and her eyes light up "Foods too, there is to be a grand feast on the last night."

"I will be mostly up in the rafters and the Bomb will be covering the floor, you are to stay on the dais as if it were any other night. Complete your duties and then leave, like any other night. We are trusting you to follow this simple order or else we will have to intervene." The Roach says. And I nod at him. "Another thing, attendance each night is mandatory and we will have someone drop off what you're to wear in the afternoon of each day."

"Why can't I wear one of my dresses?" I ask, confused.

"Because there are customs we have to follow, even down to what is worn to such celebrations." The Bomb answers. "I have had all 3 of my outfits picked out for weeks." She smiles at me and I smile back, some tension slipping.

I yawn and move to stand up "Well it's about time I hit the hay, it's been a long day." I yawn again "I'll see you guys tomorrow? If not the next day for sure." I grumble.

I don't think I even hit the pillow before I'm asleep.

\--------------

The next day the fuck-up fairy is one step ahead of me all day. I wake up late, feeling like I barely slept due to tossing and turning all night. I remember I had a bad dream but I can't seem to remember what it was about.

Then I tear my cloak after getting it caught in my bedroom door. So I have to wear a thinner one out to the barracks. Once I arrive at the barracks I realise there must have been another trial as, after doing a quick head check, I see we're down 12 guards, completely screwing up my plan for today. So I have to repeat yesterdays training, which the guards apparently have no problem with being negatively vocal about to my face. And on top of that while I'm observing the sparring pairs, I get caught by flying fists and feet more than once, so much so that I'm sure my legs are started to look like bruised bananas now.

I leave the barracks late again, and take a slow walk back, feeling harassed, hungry and tired I almost don't bother changing to go to the revel, wondering what would happen if I were to just blow it off. But realising if I were to blow it off to sleep I would likely just toss and turn anyway. So I change and drag my feet to the throne room for the King to pull me aside as I'm about to walk into the revel.

"I'm about done with today so don't start with me tonight, your highness" I sigh, hoping for once he'll actually leave me to it.

"This won't take long" He says "I feel you should know that I have started preparations for your coronation"

"You what?!" I snap. "I don't want one. I told you I don't want one"

"That's too bad" He shrugs, leaning against the wall.

"What exactly are you hoping for here?" I snarl "To piss me off more than usual?"

"That's just a bonus. What I'm hoping for here is that once Elfhame is aware of their new ruler you will be unable to continue as interim-General" He says pushing off the wall.

Then it clicks. I should find it funny but instead I'm beyond angry instead.

"You know it's bad luck to do this after midday?" I snap, taking a step toward him, my fists balled.

"Pardon?" He asks, confused. But not stepping back from my advance.

"I'm not stupid _highness_. And I don't believe you would go through with a 'coronation' no matter how you prepare one." I snap. "How dare you try this bullshit with me?!" I step forward closing the space and raising my arms to shove him back a step, but he grabs my wrists before I can land my push.

"What are you talking about?" he growls, stepping closer to me and struggling to hold my wrists still as I keep trying to shove him. I end up flush against him as he spins us and traps me against him and the wall I'm pressed against.

"I have had a horrible day. And you couldn't leave well enough alone? When will it stop, when are you going to stop trying to beat me down?" I snap, struggling to get free of him. "Let me go"

"What is happening here?" He asks, pressing against me more.

"Nothing" I snarl, trying to push him away, but not having the energy to do so.

"It is something. What is it?" He asks again, moving back a step.

I sigh, now 200% done with today. "I wish to be excused from my duties tonight, I'm very tired. I'll return tomorrow night."

He steps back again, studying me. "You are excused. But you are to make sure you do not miss tomorrow night." He warns.

I don't even wait for him to finish before I turn on my heel and stalk back to my rooms, I lock the door and strip off to my underwear before collapsing on top of my covers. 

I sleep better than I did the previous night. A such I wake up on time, have 'breakfast' alone in my rooms and head to the barracks. There's more guards in today and so I decide to get back on track by combining my plans for yesterday and today. Deciding it's probably a better idea to clue them in I  stand on the benches at the back and call attention, Rannoch comes to stand in front of me as is usual as all heads turn to me and the group moves to crowd around me.

"Good morning, today I will not be taking questions. I will say what I need to say and we will get on with it. We're already behind on my training schedule, so we'll just write yesterday off and start fresh today. Things will be fast paced today and I hope you all prove yourselves, because not only do we have to make up for tomorrow being missed but the next 3 days for the festivities too. So, this morning I want you to complete your warm ups as usual and then split into pairs - any pairs will do as you'll be rotating partners at 5 minute intervals for 45 minutes. This is sparring much like you have already been doing, take them down by any means necessary barring serious injury or death. Then your laps. Once you've completed them we'll have the obstacle course set up, and I want you all to participate in a observation exercise by watching the others carefully. Try to zero in on any weaknesses or strengths of your fellow guards, should I ask you at the end I expect you to be able to tell me some." I say looking around at them all. "I'm sure you're aware those of you not on duty at the palace are given the next 3 days off of training but I will still be here should you want to train on those days, regardless of a sovereign birthday. Let's go!" I jump down as the guard begins to start on their warm-ups.

Barring one little accident I call today a relative success, I've managed to get them a little ahead of schedule so the 3 days won't set us back too much and their little observation exercise actually leads on to what I have planned for them in a few days. Overall I'm happy with them and rather impressed they responded so well to my pushing.

I arrive back at my rooms to find a dress laid out on my bed that I didn't place there, so I assume that's what I'm to wear tonight. I head into my bathroom to quickly bathe, drying off and getting dressed afterwards I take a seat at my vanity and start on my hair and make-up.

I'm contemplating pulling a sicky, and not because the bruise, when my door swings open. Knowing I definitely locked it I remain seated at my vanity flicking my eyes from my reflection, specifically the purple bags below my eyes, visible even through the bruise darkening around my left eye and cheekbone, to look at my door in the mirror to see the King walk through. We lock eyes and his steps falter as his gaze finds my cheekbone and his eyes narrow.

I grit my teeth and pick up my powder brush and concealer to try to cover it up as the King steps closer and snatches the brush from my hand. I close my eyes and sigh before I open them again and spin around on my stool to face him. "Out with it already" I demand, steeling myself.

"What in hells happened to your face?!" He snaps.

"Training accident" I clip. Snatching my brush back.

"Training accident?!" he repeats "Why was I not informed?"

"Why would you have been?" I question, turning back toward my mirror when he doesn't answer.

He spins me back around with a single hand on my shoulder. "Why was I not informed?" He says very slowly like he's speaking to a toddler. Each word making me angrier.

"Why. Would. You. Be?" I ask with equal slowness, shaking his hand off and standing.

"Because I am reigning monarch here. If there was a accident in training, I should have been informed" He growls,, stepping up to me so I have to tilt my head back to glare at him.

"That's a bullshit answer" I snap.

"It was a bullshit question" He smirks down at me. Before his face drops completely back into a mask of rage. "What happened?"

"Training accident" I repeat.

"Ah. So I need to get Rannoch then?" He smiles before turning and striding for the door. _Crap!_ I take off after him, pressing my back against the door as he goes to pull it open and I successfully keep it closed.

"You know I can't let you do that" I snarl at him.

He steps up to me again "Why not?" He asks, cocking his head.

Because he's the one who gave me this bruise, I think. "Because he didn't want me to be as involved as I got" I say instead, tipping my chin up. "And it would not be fair for you to punish him for something I forced."

"Then why did you? Get as involved as you did?" He asks, leaning closer.

"I outrank him, he had no choice." I snap.

"Tell me what happened, wife?" he says quietly, brushing his nose against mine and leaning his hands on the door beside my head.

I raise my hands to press against his chest, trying to push him back. He doesn't budge. "How about a trade, _husband?_ " I grit.

"How very fae of you" he  smirks, dropping his hands but not stepping back. "Terms?"

"I will tell you what happened, unfiltered. And you will not take action against anyone, but me." I propose. For a second he looks like he'll say no. so I lean forward a little, he isn't the only one who can crowd someone into compliance. I lower my voice. "No questioning anyone about it, no approaching anyone about it and no punishing anyone for it." I say quietly, slowly lowering my hands, his eyes dropping to watch as my fingertips brush against his chest and ribs before dropping to my sides and bunching my skirts.

He blinks once, twice. His eyes still on my skirts before trailing his eyes up to the bodice. "You look.." he starts, but he cuts himself off. Raising his eyes to mine. I arch an eyebrow at him "Why are you dressed so?"

"I was told dressing up is mandatory" I say, still annoyed I'm unable to just wear my comfy clothes. Instead wearing a emerald green strapless ball gown that was delivered to my door a couple of hours ago. I'm not sure who is responsible for my outfit but I'm about ready to throat punch them. I do like the simplicity but the colour is awfully ostentatious. Though not as much as the red one is.

"Well, you look.." He trails off again, his gaze dipping again to the dress before moving up my chest and shoulders looking to the hair I have draped over my left shoulder before over to the right, trailing up my exposed neck and to my eye and cheekbone again. He raises his hand and his fingers ghost lightly over my bruises, aside from a cool sensation it doesn't hurt. "I agree to your terms" he says dropping his hand.

"There was a communication barrier with a training method I implemented" I say. "I ordered Rannoch to help me by demonstrating it to the others."

"You said unfiltered. What were you doing? And what happened?" He asks, his face revealing nothing but I can see the tension around his eyes and mouth.

"A sparring method. I couldn't explain it so I had Rannoch demonstrate with me and I ended up, rather forcefully, on the barrack floor. Before you ask, I made him participate as he would with any of the guard" I explain.

"Face first?" he asks.

"Well, no" I answer.

His eyes dip to my hair pinned over my left shoulder, up to my eyes again as he brushes my hair gently back over my shoulder. I hold his gaze right up until he looks at my uncovered shoulder, his mouth turning down at the purple and blue blossoming bruise there.

"I'm not happy about this. But I will uphold my end of our bargain." He says, leaving my shoulder bare and placing his hand on the door again. "But this should tell you that you are in above your head here."

I groan and duck out from under his arms, walking a few paces away my dress swishing, as I turn to face him. He hasn't turned to face me, rather leaning forward his brow against the door. "I can't keep going around and around like this. I am not quitting. I get that you don't think me capable but they are doing fantastically regardless."

He finally turns around, leaning back against the door. "That's good. So quit while you are ahead. They know your drills, Rannoch can take over from here."

"No, I will see this through." I yell. "It's the same thing again and again. Are you not getting tired of constantly trying to talk me into quitting."

"No" he says walking forward toward me. "I'm not getting tired. But you are being foolish and reckless." He reaches out for my face again. "Next time you are that stupid you may get yourself killed."

"And?" I question, before I can stop it from escaping my lips and I immediately regret it.

 "I told you, you're important" he says simply, doing an annoying one shoulder shrug.

My brow furrows as I take in his words. He actually believes I'm being stupid and for some reason that offends me. Then I'm shocked that I seem to care enough about what he thinks to be offended. Rather than face that I brush it off. "Leave. I have to finish getting ready, so I'm going into my bathroom. Don't be here when I get back out" I snap. Taking a step out of his reach.

"That's it?" he asks, confusion colouring his words. But his face revealing nothing.

"Yes. I told you I don't want to fight anymore." I say as he takes a step forward reaching for me again. I step backwards out of his reach once more.

"Jude, I'm trying to stop-" he starts, but I cut him off.

"I said leave." I repeat, and his face drops. "Please" I add on, after looking away from him and walking to the bathroom and shutting myself inside.

\--------------------------------

I finish up my cats eye eyeliner and mascara, deciding not to cover my bruises after all, I leave my hair off my shoulders and don't apply the concealer to my eye. But I do apply a practically nude lipstick from Vivis care package to make my eyes pop more. Declaring myself done I pop my head out of my bathroom door, relieved to see the King did actually leave, although I am unsure when as I didn't hear him leave.

I drag my feet to the throne room wishing attendance wasn't mandatory. And double wishing attendance for all three nights wasn't mandatory. I step into the throne room and have a quick scan, it appears to be like every other revel. I roll my eyes and walk up to the dais to take my place behind the King, trying to ignore the stares.

I get to the dais and see the King is already sat on his throne, wearing black slim fit trousers and a black fitted shirt with a green skinny tie. I grip my dress in my hands as I look up at his face. The usual sweep of eyeliner and silver across his cheekbones, his hair in the usual disarray that were it not for the crown on his head resting just above his pointed ears, he would look human. So, so human.

So mortal I hesitate with one foot up on the dais and one on the floor and just stare. My eyes scanning his outfit once more before my eyes land on his face again. That’s when I see he's staring at me, the corner of his mouth pulls up drawing my eyes and I see the small shimmer of gold at the corner of his lips. Snapping out of it, I resume my steps, still aware of the eyes on me I have little choice but to curtsy to the King.

I make it quick, swinging one foot behind the other I use my hands still fisted in my dress to hold out my skirts and dip. Slightly bowing my head but keeping my eyes on his and my scowl firmly on my face. And his amused look never leaving his "You're so lovely until you open that wicked mouth of yours, wife" He says just loud enough for me, and me only, to hear.

I raise without being bid to "Prick" I growl at him "You're in higher spirits that earlier." Literally, if he's already been on the nevermore.

"And the snipes begin, my love" He laughs "I see you're owning your stupidity by not covering those bruises after all" He looks at my shoulder, lingering there. And it bothers me again that he really does think I'm stupid.

"Don't be an arsehole. It would make standing here all night _very_ difficult" I snip, walking past him to take up my regular spot.

A faerie waitress arrives and brings with her a slightly dusty bottle of wine. The King takes it from her and takes a long sip, before turning to me "This is a birthday celebration. There's no need for a seneschal." He takes another gulp of wine as Locke arrives, separates himself from my sister and Nicasia and settles himself on the steps of the dais within earshot.

"You're dismissing me?" I ask incredulous, "I was told I had to be here, that attendance was mandatory"

"Not at all. Attendance is mandatory. You have to stay but I have no need for a seneschal." He replies, that damn smirk is back.

"Fantastic, but I would prefer to stay here" I snap.

"I feel special" The King says, eyelids shuttering and taking another gulp.

I ignore that and he faces forward engaging Locke in idle chitchat. I look to Locke to see he's drinking from a dusty bottle too. With more being delivered to the Kings feet and after 30 minutes I get too curious to keep quiet any longer.

"Why are the bottles dusty?" I ask unable to help myself.

"It's from the year of his highnesses birth. Customary for reigning celebrations. Though I doubt anyone thought these would be used." Locke muses "Won't you have some, hmm?" he asks extending his bottle toward me.

The King replies before I can and I grit my teeth in annoyance that he answers for me. "No, she won't. did you bring what I asked?" He asks Locke. Locke nods once, signalling a faerie across the room, before the King turns back to me. Crooking his finger, summoning me forward. I almost don't move forward. "Stop being a bore, it's your Kings birthday. I would have thought someone with such a short lifespan, in comparison, would want to have more fun" The King says, confusing me because his tone holds its usual cruelty but his face is completely at odds with it. He must be well on his way to passing out.

Nice try. "In case you forgot, or are just too stupid to remember, mere mortals with short life spans can't have faerie wine." I say sweetly, throwing his words back in his face. And I watch in satisfaction as his face falls and he gets angry. Good! Join the club.

"Locke" The King calls for his master of revels, eyes staying on me, angry and making me feel mad too. "Give her the bag. Maybe she'll finally loosen up some"

"May I have one for my wife?" Locke asks, taking a jute bag from the faerie he signalled. The King merely nods at him, not even looking over at him as he answers his question. Locke removes one bag from a set of six inside the bag and places it at my feet before leaving the dais. I open one of the smaller bags to see what’s inside, surprised to see a bottle of Three Mills Rose, mortal alcohol?

"Drink up" the King says. Still staring at me with a angry face, narrowing his eyes slightly before turning back to the revel and ignoring me again in time to greet the Undersea Princess as she steps up to the dais and curtsies at the King.

He allows her to rise and she approaches him, swiping one of the bottles and kneeling at the foot of the throne. "Do you remember your 13th birthday?" She asks him, a coy smile on her lips as she raises the bottle and takes a small ladylike sip. He outright laughs at some memory and that's when I tune them out, sliding my ring from my finger and tucking it against my sternum, my hearing once more dull and the reminiscing in front of me easier to ignore.  

I last maybe an hour of the silent treatment from the King and the laughter with Nicasia before I open the first bottle, one couldn't hurt right? The Bomb and the Roach are likely here working so there's not really a need for me to be on high alert, and it may lessen the throbbing in my face and shoulder. I take a tentative sip before a outright gulp.

Things get out of hand and before I know it I'm midway through my second bottle and quite happily buzzed. My face feeling normal and my shoulder not hurting at all. Even better - the wine helps to completely block out the trip down memory lane happening in front of me. Though I cannot help old habits and my eyes occasionally move over to check the King before returning to either my bottle or the revellers. Annoyed that somewhere around the Kings 17th birthday Nicasia moved up from the floor to sit upon the arm of his throne, blocking most of him from my sight and no doubt believing the next logical place for her to sit is on the Queens throne. I take another gulp.

"Would you like a glass for that? Or perhaps a straw?" the Bomb asks from slightly behind me. Huh, I console myself on not hearing her by remembering she's abnormally quiet, even for one of them.

I giggle. "I'm good as is" I raise my voice a little over the reminiscing. "No time for glasses with such a short lifespan" the laughter cutting off abruptly with Nicasia looking over her shoulder from her perch and scowling at me. Before making a production of reaching into her corset and removing a small compact. She opens it and rubs her finger in the contents before putting it in her mouth and offering the compact to the King. I scoff as he takes it from her and I turn back to the Bomb looking down at her dress. "You look beautiful" reaching out clumsily to touch the poufy tutu skirts of her gold bandeau dress.

"Thank you Jude, you do too" She says, leaning closer and dropping her voice. "Do you not think you should be taking it easy on the drink though?"

"But why would I? I have to have fun while I still can" I stage whisper.

"But I really think-" the Bomb starts.

"Bomb" The King calls over his shoulder, she looks over to him. "She's under Kings orders to celebrate. Consider her off duty for the remainder of the festivities"

"Yes, your majesty" the Bomb says with a small incline of her head. Before leaning in to speak in my ear "Please be wary Jude and remember when you _must_ leave" With that she leaves, no doubt to go about her Court of Shadows duties.

I frown as she disappears into the crowd. Wary of what? I finish my bottle and open another deciding I've had enough of the standing vigil, I look around for someone to escape to, my eyes land on the door to the receiving room. I hesitate briefly, looking at the throne. From where I'm stood I can't see the King at all anymore, the Undersea princess is blocking him sat with her back to me.

They're still laughing and joking, so, quietly I gather my remaining bottles and walk over to the door, opening it and letting myself in. I close the door and press my back against it, locking it behind me. In my drunk haze I remember when I was last here, kind of anyway, that crazy overdose dream and that faerie bedtime story. And then before that when I was in here with the King and we crossed a line. A moment that changed things in ways I haven't allowed myself to dwell on and having no intention to start now I shake my head of the thoughts and kick my shoes off, moving over to the chaise. I place the bottles on the floor and hitch my skirts above my knees before I sit down and then recline onto my back, somehow managing to not spill my wine all over myself as I tip the bottle and take a sip. It's so quiet in here I consider putting my ring back on but decide against it, enjoying the silence in this little room too much to ruin it with super-fae hearing.

I'm so lost in my musings- mentally running through my General duties I've yet to complete and messed up fantasies of inflicting pain on Nicasia and Locke that I don't notice when I'm down to my last bottle. Two previously full bottles now empty on the floor by my side, leaving just one for me to drink. I wonder then of I was supposed to save any of these for tomorrow night or the night after? But I figure if that is the case he should have told me so.

Given I've apparently been in here long enough to finish two bottle I wonder just how long that is. And if the revel is still going? With no windows in here just stone and lit sconces I have no inkling on time, though I am tired enough through my buzz to believe it's been a couple of hours at least. Grasping my remaining bottle tightly I move to sit up before a wave of dizziness overcomes me and I fall back on the chaise giggling quietly to myself. I roll onto my side to set my bottle carefully on the floor beside me before I roll back onto my back and stretch out, figuring here is as good a place as any to sleep. I'm alone in here and I've locked myself in so I shouldn't be bothered. I lay my hands on my abdomen and wiggle, getting comfortable before closing my eyes.

I'm not sure how long has passed but when I open my eyes, I'm apparently outside now and it's night time. I sit up confused as there's no snow or ice either, though I am a little chilly in my green dress. There's a lot of trees and shrubbery in the clearing I'm in and looking around I don't actually recognise any of my surroundings. I'm about to stand up and wander around until I recognise where I am so I can find my bed, when a hiss sounds from in front of me. I whip my head to look at the source of the sound as a huge, shiny, black snake slithers from the bush a couple of feet in front of me. I freeze in horror as I take in just how long this snake is, it reaching my shoeless foot before its massive body has fully cleared the bush and I will my heartbeat to relax as I try to figure out how to get up and away before it can grab me. I can hear nothing except my raging heartbeat in my ears as I quietly and slowly breathe out and place my palms flat on the ground behind me readying to spring up.

I don't manage to psych myself up in time before it reaches me and my breathing halts altogether for a moment as its head raises up to hover over my ankle before it begins to slowly slither up my exposed left leg and my mind blanks. My breathing resumes as the cool sensation of the snakes scales sliding over my skin brings me back to the matter at hand and I glance around looking for a way out of this. I lean back a little planning to use the momentum of righting myself to get up to my feet and hold my breath as without the next step of my plan I steel myself to enact step one. To get up.

The snake is reaching my knee now and I know I'm running out of time to move, the hissing getting loud enough that I begin to hear it over my racing heart. But just as I rock myself backwards, I'm lurched forward and the scene around me changes.

 My hair and my dress are floating around me and I clamp my mouth shut to avoid breathing water into my lungs. I look around to see I'm utterly alone before lifting my head to see a wavy, bright moon shining brightly through the water above my head. Running out of air, I move my arms trying to propel myself upwards to break the surface before my oxygen runs out but I find I'm not moving anywhere so I grip my skirts to try to rip them off so I can swim upwards. I soon find out though that my dress, water-logged and heavy as it is, isn't what is preventing me from moving, because I've moved my skirts enough that I see my left leg and where the snake just was around my leg there's now seaweed coiling up my calf and keeping me in place. I grab at the weeds, only causing them to tighten more as I hang on to my breath, my chest aching. I make a small sound of frustration and some of my remaining oxygen escapes from my mouth before I quickly clamp my lips again, watching the bubbles float passed my face and above my head raising all the way to the surface.

I don't think I've ever wished for that damn Undersea princess to appear as much as I do now but I figure she's not going to as surely she would have appeared by now. I stop pulling at the weeds and allow myself to straighten out before I begin to wildly thrash and kick in a last ditch attempt to free myself only for another strand of seaweed to appear and coil itself around my right foot too, effectively trapping me under the water. I look up to the moon, above the surface of the water allowing it to fill me with a peacefulness I'm likely to not fill in a moment. And just as I give up on escaping this, whatever _this_ is, I startle when a portion of the moon goes dark and a disturbance in the water blocks out part of my view. The object in the water growing closer and closer to me as it takes the shape of the King. Who is reaching for me, my brow furrows as I see him mouthing my name before my face relaxes and I let out the last of my breath, water filling my mouth and nose, pushing its way down my throat as I black out.  

I lurch forward and as I brace my hands on the floor in front of me coughing up water, I notice the scene around me has changed once again. My dress and my skin and my hair is dry, but the water still streaming from my mouth and nose is making the front of the bodice wet. The water finally stops coming and I cough a few more times, moving my hands from the floor  to clutch my ribs as they ache and ache and ache with each cough. When that subsides I keep my arms around my chest and lean back on my heels, taking in my new surroundings. I'm in the Kings old room, the one he destroyed and set fires in when Nicasia attacked him through the secret tunnel. I look to the wardrobe, the tunnel visible through the open door but dark as none of the sconces in there are lit and then to the door, only where the door should be is a brick wall. I get up and walk over to it, lifting my hand to touch the brick, it feels different to the existing walls and it's definitely newer as it's darker and not worn at all. Why is this bricked up? Why am I in this room? What's going on here?

I turn and look for another door that isn't that dark creepy tunnel finding a door I walk to it and open it up, disappointed to find a bathroom and not a way out. I close the door and turn to the room once more, my eyes falling on the bed, it's made and pristine but instead I zero in on a small black box, no bigger than A5 size, sitting by itself in the centre at the end of the bed. My heartbeat begins to race once more as I contemplate the pros and cons of opening that box as I walk slowly over to the bed. Pro: It's too small to hold a massive snake. Con: Maybe it's bees instead. Pro: the amount of water in there couldn't possibly drown me. Con: It's incredibly suspicious just sitting there.

It feels like my heart is in my throat as I reach for the box, trying not to breath to heavily as my chest still aches and my hand wraps around the cool black box, lifting it slowly. And I hold my breath as I pull the lid off, relieved to see it's just a box of little white flowers, I breathe a sigh of relief and then a memory hits. A memory of being in this very room, the King stood up and telling me someone shot at him; someone nicked him with a crossbow. The bed, rumpled and used, dotted with small white flowers, flowers that bloomed when the Kings blood was spilled.

The same flowers in this box in my hands, in my shock my fingers release and the lid slips from my right hand followed shortly by the box of blood flowers in my left hand. I watch as it hits the floor at my feet, the flowers spilling out onto the floor around me, more flowers than could possibly be held in that tiny box. More and more and more flowers spilling out like a tidal wave, wrapping around my bare feet piling up past my ankles now and still coming, somehow still tumbling from that box. I panic and try to step backwards but the flowers hold fast like cement around my legs holding me in place. This is getting to be a running theme here, some horrible situation where I'm unable to move, stuck in place as things go horribly wrong. Over and over and over again.  

I struggle again trying to loosen the hold, my breath heaving and my chest aching with the effort to get air into my lungs. To be able to clear my head enough to figure out a way to get out of this one, but not finding one. Before I know it the flowers are still leaving the box, the already spilt ones stir on a phantom wind whirling around me, climbing higher and higher pressing in on me until I can no longer see the room around me. My vision completely obstructed by the blood flowers, my breath is coming too fast, my head is swimming, dizziness is taking over me and everything is going black once more.

My lungs burn but breathing is coming much easier now. My eyes shoot open and I look up, once again somewhere else and I calm marginally as I realise I'm looking at the vine covered ceiling of the receiving room and likely safe. I can't imagine there's massive snakes, a risk of drowning or random flowers in here. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, a lingering ache in my chest signalling whatever this is, it might not be over just yet. My panic calms completely and I relax back into the chaise, but that's when I hear a hissing noise and a cool pressure on my left leg. The snake? My eyes shoot open and I sit up looking to my leg, finding a hand and not a snake, my gaze flicks to the side and on the amused face of the King. He's sitting by the side of the chaise, one pale hand grazing my left ankle and a small smile playing on his lips while he shushes gently at me. "Have you had fun tonight, my Queen?" He asks me.

I laugh briefly with relief and flop back onto the chaise. I brush off the flashes of the snake and the water and the flowers and smile at him "I have"

He's quiet then for a moment staring at me and I stare back, pieces clicking into place. In the first there was a snake, a shiny, coal black snake that went for my left leg, I look down and it's the same place the King is idly brushing his fingertips along. In the second, I was underwater and just as I was drowning who showed up? He did. In the third, I was in his old bedroom and the flowers that bloom when he bleeds were in that box. And now, I'm back in the room I locked myself in and he's here with me. My smile falls as I wonder why my mind keeps summoning him to me.

"What's wrong?" He asks, I look back at his face to see his brow furrowed, the ring of gold around his iris stark against the black of his eyes and the purple bags beneath them.

So much, I think, though troubling dreams aside this one doesn't seem so bad. "Do you ever think about this place?" I ask instead. Expecting some kind of unnecessary question for clarification.

"Bold of you to assume it's ever far from my thoughts" a small smile pulling up his lips.

"I don’t understand" I say.

"Understand what?"

I turn my head to the left, looking to where the King is sat by my side, his hand on my shin and I lift my hand to brush my fingertips along his cheek lightly. His hand on my shin still, grasping my forearm and leaning into my hand "You" I answer.

He moves his head to press a light kiss on my wrist above my pulse point. "Care to dance?" he asks.

"There's no music" I laugh

"So?"

I stare at him, waiting for him to take it back but he doesn't so I get to my feet, stumbling slightly. The King shoots to his feet catching my arm as I throw it out to regain my balance. He slips his free hand around my waist and the one on my arm trails to my hand and grasps it as he begins to move us in slow small steps. And I almost can't stand it. The quiet. The waiting for something to go wrong.

"You bit me in here" I blurt out, noticing the Kings eyes on my bruised shoulder.

"I did no such thing" he whispers, briefly meeting my eyes before his gaze dips to my cheekbone.

"Well, not _you_ you. Other dream you" I say, lowly, trying to wrap my head around that.

"Do you dream of me often, Jude?" he smiles.

"That time I did" I admit

"Tell me about it" he says

"I already did. The Faerie fairytale" I chuckle at the words, how they came out.

"Tell me again" he demands, his voice soft.

"The Faerie King and his mortal bride" I raise an eyebrow at him "The Bomb was telling me about it, while I was recovering from my overdose"

"Ah" he interrupts "I forgot to ask about that. How exactly did that happen?" he asks, his gaze narrowing and his voice taken on a hard edge.

"I was just unused to dosing myself, I ingested too much in one go. It was nothing." I say as he spins my out and back in under his arm. Pulling me close.

"You may have been joking about it earlier, wife, but you seem to forget you are mortal. You cannot afford to be so careless with your life." He murmurs his nose in my hair by my ear.

"My mortality is not a joke, it's a unfortunate fact. But what if it's not my stellar personality that rubs the others up the wrong way? What if it's that?" I quietly voice what I've been wondering for a while. "Not that I'm mortal as much as a fragile mortal is doing better than them, has more power and holds more of the Kings attention."

"But you are so good at holding my attention, Jude." He breathes into my ear, his nose tracing the round shape and a shiver shoots across my shoulders. "Tell me a story Jude, tell me what happened in your dream, as that faerytale was told?"

I stop my steps and pull back a little, looking up into his face. "Why do you want to know?"

"Curiosity" he smiles down at me. Moving us once more, my skirts swishing over the floor as the Kings steps are bigger this time.

"It was the Bomb first, I think, she was in my room as I woke up there. And she started the story as there was a flash of light, blinding me. Then we were outside on the grass watching the stars as she recounted the part about the prophesy, that King Adrean could go either way. Then it was Taryn at a revel, a really early one that I actually remember attending. She was talking about the Princes birthday and the snuck in handmaid." I say, thinking back to my still vivid drug dream. The King lowers his head and his hand on my hip, slides around my back to pull me closer to him as he keeps up our movement. "You took over from her, we were dancing and you were telling me that the Prince was enamoured by the mortal girl."

I feel a small chuckle vibrate through him where our chests are pressed together. "And then?" he asks me, spinning us around, me feet leaving the floor for a second.

"Then Lockes garden party, do you remember that?" I ask.

"I do, things got messed up that night." He says vaguely "Locke became your story teller?"

"Yes, he was telling me that the Prince was starting to have outbursts, rage, violence, unfair punishments. He was telling me things were starting to get bad. Then Valerian took over, in the tower, the one he tried to make me jump from last year." I tell him, trying to remember what Valerians part was. The King tenses up and I carry on quickly. "He basically said that the Prince was sorry so it was brushed off. Then the Bomb, she told me the Prince told the King of his intention to marry the mortal and that wasn't taken well."

"That's a understatement" The King laughs. "The story I heard as a child was a little more illicit and violent than the one you were told"

I brush that off, sure I don't want to know what they subjected him to as a child. "Then -" I pause.

"Then?" He asks, his nose and mouth trailing lightly down the side of my face to my jaw line.

"Then we were in here, you were distracting me" I tell him, closing my eyes and tilting my head to give him better access. Another quiet chuckle as his moth moves down my neck, not quite touching. "You bit me so I would pay attention to the story. You were telling me that the Prince and the mortal wed in secret." I sigh as his mouth finally makes contact, a light open mouthed kiss against where my neck and shoulder meet. Training up and down in small, quick touches.

"What then?" he asks, as my eyes pop open, startled.

"Then, the King orders her away, the Prince kills the King, he's crowned and he starts his search for his bride." I mumble. Losing interest in telling him a story he knows, as the hand holding mine moves up my arm to hold the other side of my neck as he continues to lightly kiss. "Erm, then the council, they say that the King locked her up."

The King still has us moving, dancing but I'm stumbling more and more as I stop paying attention to my feet and my words. My hand on his shoulder sliding up into his hair and gripping on. The King moves us around until my back is pressed against, what I'm assuming is, the wall or the door. "Locking up seems the go to for Faeries." He mumbles, his lips moving against my shoulder as he talks.

 "Nicasia was next, she told me that the mortal was returned to the Prince, sickly and weak. Then it was you again. You told me that she died not long after and he was so overcome he destroyed himself and his kingdom." I tell him, pressing against him and pulling his hair a little.

"And what did you make of the story, Jude?" He asks me quietly, trailing up my neck again.

"I made of it what it was, Cardan. A fairytale." I answer.

He leans back to look at my face, his brow furrowed slightly before he leans forward again. His lips touching lightly against mine, then he kisses the corner of my mouth and starts to pull back so using the hand in his hair I pull his face back to mine. This time his kiss is not so gentle. He tightens his arm around my middle, not breaking the kiss and pulls me against him as he moves us away from the wall, his lips trail down to my neck again and I open my eyes as he leans us over the chaise, laying me down on it and climbing on it himself. He leans up on his knees, pulling me with him as he manoeuvres us so he is laying on the chaise and I'm leaning over him, I lower my head, kissing his neck and nipping a line up it to his mouth.

"Happy birthday, your majesty" I whisper against his lips, his hand moves up into my hair as he runs his fingers through it. I lean up, giggling at his noise of frustration of my stopping my ministrations on his neck, he moves up with me and in my attempt to keep this little game going I lean too far to the side and tumble off the chaise, taking him with me.

We fall in flashes of green and black.

\--------------

I'm awoken from my dreams of swirling golds, greens and blacks slowly and painfully. Why did I drink so much?! Underneath the dry headache and cotton mouth there's a slight buzz, so apparently I'm still a little drunk. Pushing my dreams from my mind, to be examined later, I open my eyes.

Realising I have no idea how long I've slept for or what the time is, I ignore the dizziness and push myself up. Rushing to get dressed to head to the barracks and oversee training. Finally ready in a pair of black leggings, a oversized black tee and my cloak I pull open my door. Levelling a look at the guards stationed there, as always.

I clear my throat. "What time is it?" I ask squinting through the candle light in the corridor.

"Almost 5pm, miss" The one on the right answers. I can't focus enough on him to figure which guard it is.

"What?" I've missed the majority of the day! I'm not even going to get to the barracks now, if anyone had turned up they'd be long gone. "Why did you not wake me?" I ask, hand on my hips.

"You asked us not to, miss" The left replies.

"What? When?" I ask, rubbing my temple, trying to remember anything from last night after the receiving room.

"When you returned here about 7 hours ago, miss" The left speaks again.

"Oh, okay, thanks. Carry on" I wave my hand at them and storm off down to the Court of Shadows. I'll be pissed if I've missed dinner.

Getting to the Court of Shadows I decide that following this morning's (Afternoons!) developments that I'll spend as much time as I can here. If I can't physically be at the barracks continuing on with the newer aspects of the guards training and drills, I can at least catch up on the paperwork side of things, I know enough of the guards now that I can make my notes and small changes while I'm stuck doing nothing. Well that and I've spent a embarrassing portion of my day trying to remember details of last night, unsure what it is I'm missing but feeling like it's important, that there's something niggling at my memory.

I finish up my paperwork just as I hear the beginnings of the revel starting up above my head. I groan and massage my temple, willing the headache I feel coming away. Dragging my heels I reach my room to change into a dress, again one that was delivered to my rooms - this one a rich purple colour and then slowly walk to the revel wondering how much of tonight I will manage to retain tomorrow.

Just as I enter the throne room and quickly survey the revellers I realise I have no idea what to do with myself. There's no real need to be stood vigil on the dais and I have no desire to stand amongst the, increasingly, drunken gentry. I'm not pondering my choices for long before a delicate cough sounds behind me, I turn around already deciding I can't be asked with Nicasia right now and hope with everything what she has planned is quick and she leaves me alone.

I don't bother to speak, knowing she'll likely just interrupt me anyway, so I just stare at her until she speaks. I don't have to wait long. "You should leave" She sneers.

"I can't Nicasia. Attendance is mandatory" I reply, hoping my tone, my body language and my face betray to her how utterly bored I am.

"Not tonight, fool. I am saying you should go home. Now" she corrects, standing a little straighter and looking down her nose at me.

"Bold of you to assume I'm not already home." I say sweetly, smiling at her, though I feel anything but cheerful.

"No worm, your sisters' home in the mortal lands. The one where your brother is hiding" she chuckles, the sound harsh and cold. And I know she's trying to bait me into revealing where, exactly, that is. Maybe assuming I'm hungover enough to not realise or to let something important slip.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not" I say, sighing. I had hoped she would have left me alone by now. I glance toward the dais, at the King lounging on his throne, wine in hand. He's looking at a Faerie who is stood in front of him and talking, gesticulating wildly. I startle and then notice the Bomb in the shadows behind the throne. She'll be more than fast enough to diffuse a situation should one happen.

"I see why you are moon-eyed" Nicasia interrupts my observation of the dais, obviously noticing where my eyes strayed to, and to who, though she may have misinterpreted why. I turn back to look at her, she too is looking at the King, still relaxed and drinking on the throne.

"I'm not" I say, I'm not moon-eyed. I'm doing my job, despite being told I'm not on duty until after tomorrow.

"You are." She says, finally turning toward me. "I know that look. And I get it, he tastes divine."

"You have a good memory" I snip, my eyes straying back to the throne before returning to Nicasia at her quiet giggle.

"Last night was hardly that long ago that I would have forgotten already." She smiles coyly, fluttering her eyelashes and cocking her head slightly.

"You're lying" I know better than to accuse one of the Fae of lying, but I don't understand how she is doing it.

"How would that work?" She giggles again "I can tell you all about last night if you wish?"

I pause, thinking over her words and finding no double meanings. Then thinking back I can't recall anything after the dance, maybe he went to track her down? She must think my silence means that I want to hear. "He was all sweaty and panting." She begins, he eyes glazing as she appears lost in a memory. "Pulling at my clothes and my hair and my skin - name breathless on his lips. He tasted so good. Delicious, just like he used to."

"Stop" I snap. Turning her words over and still finding no way what she's saying could be false.

"Leave." She smiles again "Do us _all_ a favour and be gone"

"Not a chance. I'm not here for him, so you'll have to try harder than just bedding the second easiest person in Elfhame." I snap and turn to walk away. I barely take a step before she leans forward to grab me and spin me around.

"Second?" She asks, confused.

I almost don't answer, but I know it'll give me a moment of brief satisfaction. "Well, the King, Locke, probably Valerian at some point? Grimsen, the King again… That makes you the first." I laugh, walking away. Unable to stop myself looking at the throne, I catch the Kings confused stare wondering what he thinks from watching my interaction with the Undersea princess, but deciding right now that I couldn't care less. I look away and settle myself on one of the empty sofas at the back of the room, far enough from the main body of the revel but still in the room and therefore in attendance still.

I watch as the King summons a Faerie from the edge of the dais, whispering something in her ear before dismissing her. Not too long after the same faerie appears at my side placing a bag by my feet, curtsying and then leaving as quickly as she came. I open the bag and partly wanting to refuse this offering from the King but the larger part wanting to drink the wine now in front of me. I deliberate for only a moment before I randomly pick a bottle and open it, taking a sip and then a gulp. Removing my shoes and settling myself back against the fluffy cushions behind me.

I spend the rest of the evening getting rip roaring drunk and ignoring _his highness._ He tries to engage me in conversation multiple times but I pretend he's not there until he gives up and leaves. So by the time I manage to crawl back into my bed, I feel like I'm about ready to sleep for a week.

When I awake the following morning I have such a hangover I decide on screwing everything on my list today and I end up just staying in bed all day, nursing my hangover by napping and reading.

\------------

I come to slowly the next morning, feeling so much better than yesterday morning, but still incredibly sleepy and realising that probably has to do with being alcohol free for over 24 hours. I roll over and stretch out on my bed, my ankle brushing something solid and warm. My eyes pop open and I sit up startled, relieved to see it's just the King. Then I wake up and wonder why he has let himself into my room, and sat on my bed while I'm sleeping, watching me.

"You're being creepy" I monotone, pulling my sheets up. "What are you doing here?"

"Are you avoiding me again?" He asks, completely ignoring that I've even spoken apparently.

I yawn and rub my eyes, wondering if I'm having a nightmare. "Not actively, the fact I haven't seen you in a while is just a happy accident" I admit.

"A happy accident?" He repeats, sounding annoyed. "What, pray tell, have I done to offend you this time?"

I scoff and throw myself backward, rolling over and pulling my pillow over my head.

"Come on wife, for a marriage to work communication lines have to remain open" He says sarcastically. Regardless of his sarcastic tone, I lift the pillow and peek a look at him.

"Where the hells did that come from?" I ask, amused he would use those words in that order. Perhaps I was wrong, perhaps it's not the Roach that is the faerie equivalent of Dr Phil, maybe it's the King instead.

"I have more mortal books than just the one you stole. One turned out to be a self-help book" He says, sheepishly.

"Oh" I sit up again and stare him down. "And you believe that? That in a 'marriage'" I use air-quotes and he flinches "communication is important?" I ask "That maybe secrets are toxic?"

"I believe so yes. Why is avoiding me a happy accident?" He asks, still looking at me.

"Why is the Undersea princess spouting her mouth about your _very special_ birthday gift from her?" I ask, unable to help myself.  

"The pearl handled dagger? I am unsure why that would make you this annoyed" He says, raising a eyebrow at me.

"She said it was a gift of a more personal nature." I snip "And it's disgusting that you're still acting like such a man-whore"

"Man-whore?" he asks, cocking his head to the side.

"Easy, promiscuous, slut, tramp, harlot.." I list off. Getting cut off by him leaning forward and his hand closing over my mouth.

"I am no such thing. And she did no such thing." he grits out, eyes flashing with rage, at me? At her?

Now it's my turn to be confused, I reach up to move his hand. "But she said..?" I say.

"You can't trust what she says, she's had 22 years of working out ways around our laws. She knows how to misdirect much better than even I can." The King tells me.

"I'm honestly too tired for this shit, what time is it?" I yawn, flopping back down on my bed and stretching.

"Somewhere around 6am" he replies watching me before kicking his shoes off and laying next to me.

"You're up early" I say surprised, stifling another yawn with my hand.

"I haven't been to sleep yet. When exactly did Nicasia tell you this?" Then understanding lights his eyes. "The second night of the party, right? I knew I should have interrupted. When did she tell you that happened?"

"The first night" I whisper, closing my eyes, ready for sleep once more.

"The first night of the celebration?" I don't speak, I just nod. "The night I was with you?"

My eyes shoot open at that. "Pardon?"

"In the receiving room, we were dancing and you were telling me a faerytale..? Did you drink too much to remember, wife?" He chuckles, turning on his side as I watch him.

That wasn't a dream then. That part anyway. "I don't remember after falling off the chaise" I say, my cheeks heating.

"Ah, well you passed out I think. I left to get you some water or a cloth or something and when I returned you were gone. So I went back to my rooms." He says as his eyes close, covering a yawn with his hand.

I close my eyes again, yawning my own yawn. "Tell me another faerytale?" I ask quietly, feeling sleep approaching quickly. I don't even know if he obliges me or not, I'm back asleep that quickly.

\---------------

I startle awake at a loud rapping knock on my door. I shoot up in my bed, momentarily confused and then I see the King sprawled out on his front beside me and it rushes back. _Crap!_ I jump from my bed, scrambling to find my robe and shoving my arms through barely pausing enough to wonder who is at my door, who is knocking on my door, again. I look around my room and realise I have no options but to not allow my visitor into my rooms or too much of a view either. I leave the King sprawled on my bed and walk over to my door, placing my foot in the path of the door as I open it to prevent it opening too far.

Slightly relieved it's just the Roach and the Bomb. But then panicking a bit. "Hey guys, what are you doing here?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

"It's 4pm Jude. I thought you were to be returning to your duties today?" The Bomb asks, leaning slightly to the left trying to see in the room, I close the door slightly and move into the gap, blocking her view of the room and hoping the King doesn't choose to pipe up now and make things awkward.

"No, no." I rush out "I'm taking one more day to rest and recuperate, tomorrow I am returning to my usual duties" I explain. "If you'll excuse me I'm going to get back to my nap, I won't be at tonight's revel so I'll check in with you guys tomorrow? Great"

I go to close the door but the Roach places his hand on it, preventing it from closing. "Who's in there Jude?" He asks.

"I don't know his name" True. I don't know his true name. "If that's all?"

They continue to watch me for a moment and then they nod "We'll check in with you tomorrow" The Bomb says as they leave. I close the door and press my back against it, locking it, closing my eyes and tipping my head back against the door. Then realising I really do want to go back to sleep, I slip out of my robe and back under my sheets, turning on my side and bending a arm under my pillow, beneath my head. I close my eyes, relaxing into my mattress as I feel the Kings tail brush against my fingers, I stretch my fingers out and then feel it wind around my fingers and hand to my wrist.

"You aren't attending tonight?" he asks, his voice muffled and sleepy.

"No" I mumble, feeling sleep come closer and closer. "Sleeeeeeep"

"What a great idea" he says, a smile in his voice as he trails off at the end and his breathing deepens once more.

I smile to myself, content, and then fall asleep once more.

\---------------------------

When I awake the next morning the King is gone. I push myself up to get ready for the day, groaning that I have my work cut out for me at the barracks as we're now 5 days behind. Even with the progress they achieved on the 2nd, we're still so behind. I quickly get dressed in my black trousers, a simple black shirt and my doublet and leave the palace with my escort - as there's no way to sneak past the guards at my door I haven't managed to shake off the chaperone out to the barracks yet. If there's a way to do it though, I will find it.

Overall, I'm pleased that things are back to day-to-day. I plan to spend the majority of the day at the barracks - expressly forbidden from involving myself in the physical aspects of the training. And I'm actually a little peeved that the King talked to them about the training accident, or more likely - since he couldn't- had someone else do it.

Today, I have them complete their warm ups, followed by a hour long spar today, switching partners every 5 minutes. And then I try something new, the obstacle course. I tell them they're to run it twice expected to do their best both runs, with the first being another observation exercise for those watching, like how we did it on the 2nd. Once they're all through with their turn on the course and after some quick questioning to ensure they each watched the others, I tell them the twist on the second run. That they're running again, in pairs this time. Not quite a simple race though, I tell them that they have to use what weaknesses they saw of their partner to sabotage them from completing the course first. Specifying that it is barring anything that would cause serious injury or death. And once again, I'm trying to get them to see each other as the enemy.

I sneak away again during the cool down so I don’t have a escort from the barracks to the palace. As I've not had a hard day I don't feel the need to change first so I go directly to the Court of Shadows for my dinner. I walk in and see it's empty except a plate covered by a cheese cloth. I breathe a sigh of relief at the emptiness and move over to the table pulling a salt packet out as I go. I sit and pull the plate toward me pulling the cheese cloth off, gaping at the mountain of food piled on the plate and quickly assume its feast leftovers. I quickly salt it and tuck it, enjoying the food immensely after so many days of barely eating proper food. Just as I'm too full to continue the Bomb walks into the room and takes a seat at the table.

"Good evening Jude." The Bomb chirps, picking at the leftover son the plate, despite the amount of salt on there.

"Lilliver" I greet with a smile.

"Can I ask you a question Jude?" She asks hesitantly.

"Sure" I drag the word out, unsure where this is going.

"What is it the Roach and you know that I don't?" She asks, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"That.." I pause, caught off guard. "That's just a personal issue I had in my last few days before my exile and something I struggled with during my time in the mortal land"

"Can you tell me about it?" she asks.

"I would rather not right now. But I am sure you will be one of the first to know when I'm happy to share."

"But if you told the Roach, surely it wouldn't be much different than telling me too?"

"Been busy today?" I ask, ignoring her questions.

"I got a few more boxes checked off now that the weather is better. And spent a lot of this afternoon helping the council prepare for the delegations arrival tomorrow" The Bomb says "Speaking of, we're having a pre-meeting beforehand so you will be briefed on what to expect"

"Pardon?" I ask, confused "That's completely unnecessary because I won't be attending the delegation meeting"

"You must, you are part of the council two-fold. Seneschal and General, both must be at the delegation meeting, regardless of the Underseas personal prejudice against you" The Bomb tells me

"Personal prejudice doesn't quite cover it Lil. They wanted me dead, after they tried to get me to murder the King." I say incredulous that I'm expected to attend this meeting.

"They are claiming Balekin was behind that." The Bomb says, obviously not quite believing it herself "For the sake of peace, we have little choice but to take them at face value."

"That's ridiculous" I mutter.

"You are still expected to attend, Jude. I realise it will be uncomfortable but the King is quite insistent. As I'm sure he'll tell you tonight" The Bomb says, still picking at the plate.

"Of course he is, he just loves it when I'm uncomfortable." I grumble "Tonight?"

"At the revel, the King will likely fill you in then. I'm just notifying you now, in case he decides to spring it on you tomorrow"

"Another revel? Seriously? We've just had 3 days of those" I complain, unsure I can bothered with another few hours of drunken gentry and a inebriated husband.

The Bomb just shrugs and stands from her chair. "I'm on rafter duty tonight so I have to be going. I'll see you there."

I'm still sat at the table long after the Bomb has left, reluctant to go to the revel tonight. Though I can't tell if it's because today has been weird or because things with the King are weird or because I'm just extremely annoyed that he's making me go to this damn meeting. Eventually though duty overpowers everything and I get up to drag my feet to my room to change into a simple but pretty black dress and make my way to the revel.   

It turns out not as bad as I was expecting. The King fills me in on the details of the pre-meeting tomorrow before the delegation and insists I arrive on time so the entire council can debrief me on what to expect from the delegation meeting. Apparently they're expecting a few issues to start. I guess I'll decide tomorrow if I am going or not.

The King then completely blanks me for the remainder of the night and after a few hours I get bored and take myself off to bed. Unable to sleep right away imagining all the ways I can hand the Undersea Princess her arse at tomorrow's meeting.

\----------------------------------

The morning of the Undersea delegation I'm still thinking at some point someone will tell me it's a joke and I'm not expected in attendance after all. Well, thinking… hoping… same difference, right?

I go through my morning distracted, sure that anyone and everyone who approaches will bring me news that will free me from having to go to this meeting, no such luck though. I drag out my inspection of the guards, noting their progress and then find a shady spot to sit while they run their laps. Usually I would go with them but with the weather, which is getting better and better every day, today is cloudy but humid and I very much doubt I'd last long on the laps with the sun making more and more appearances out from behind the cloud cover and thawing the residual ice.

Just after 3pm Rannoch approaches my side. "Miss Jude?" he asks, I look up as he squats down. "His majesty asked me  to ensure that you leave in time for the council meeting prior to the arrival of the Undersea. That would be now, Miss."

"I have more to do here yet" I insist making no move to actually get up. "Feel free to carry on with your warm up"

"His highness was rather clear I am to ensure you make it on time" Rannoch repeats, looking a little uncomfortable.

"Then why is he not here to drag me away himself?" I ask, feeling a tiny bit bad he's uncomfortable but that is far outweighed by my desire to not go to this meeting.

"His majesty really was very clear that-" Rannoch starts

"As I am being clear that my intention is to stay here." I smile at him.

"Miss, I am under orders to -" Rannoch starts again.

"I am your General, officer Rannoch, no matter how temporary that may be, and I am staying here" I say forcefully. And just as I relax slightly at his lack of reply.

"And he is my King. I am very sorry Miss Jude, but I really must insist you leave the rest to me and that you go attend your  meeting." He says, not forcefully but leaving little room for argument.  

Seeing as I have little choice but to hand over the rest of today's exercises and be on my way. I get up handing the folder to Rannoch "Just follow this please, and switch up the sparring pairs." I smile briefly at the nod of acknowledgement and turn o leave quickly, while my chaperone is busy.

I idly walk through the gardens, daydreaming about being late enough that I'll have a dramatic entrance when the path ahead of me is blocked out by a person stepping in front of me, I look up not as surprised as I should be that Locke has tracked me down and cornered me again.

I'm running really low on patience today and the longer he just stands still, watching me, the worse my mood becomes. I'm about to snap at him, straightening my back and making my expression one of boredom.

"I didn't think sheep were allowed out alone?" He questions and I see red fog in the corners of my vision.

"I didn't think husbands went around purposely trying to make their wives widows?" I ask him, smiling sweetly up at him.

"You've always been fun Jude." He chuckles "I will definitely miss that when you're gone."

"Threatening me again? Does it not bore you? Constantly dealing out ignored threats?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Not a threat no. a warning. Things around here are going to get bad, for you especially. And you should be gone before that happens." He says, throwing me off that he sounds sincere? Almost imploring?

I stare dumbly for a moment "What?"

"I told you. Your death would be inconvenient for me, so I'm warning you. Leave Faerie, before you are forcibly removed." He says, taking a step forward.

"That sounded like a threat" I snap. "I'm not leaving"

"If you're staying for the King it's a lost cause, me and your sister were there the night of his birthday. With Nicasia, she told you about that already didn't she? I can't tell you what happened though as the King requested me and Taryn leave them." Locke says, smirking at me "And you know as well as I how far Nicasia will go to keep him in her grasp."

"Like I told her. I don't care, I'm here for my own reasons that have nothing to do with anyone here. And I am not leaving" I say slowly, not getting why no one is getting this, it's simple enough to grasp.

"Jude, I'm trying to do right by Taryn. She will be awfully upset if your stupidity and inability to heed a warning gets you killed." He growls at me, stepping forward again and gripping the top of my left arm so hard, I can already feel it bruising. He gets in my face and bares his teeth at me. "Promotion or no, crush or no, leave Elfhame before you're murdered." He snaps.

Had enough of him and of people telling me I'm stupid, I place my hand on his shoulder and bring my knee up hard and fast into his groin. He releases my arm to cup between his legs and I push him to the floor where he adopts the foetal position. I feel much better "Don't talk to me again" I snap, walking away.

And then, likely due to my wedding ring, I hear "You'll get what's coming to you sooner than you realise, worm" I almost stop walking and whirl on him, but I would rather just brush it off as a idle threat and get on with my day. Despite how creepy that was. 

 Arriving at the council meeting and seeing that the table is half empty I realise I'm early, even with my dawdling. Fala, Randalin, Pandora, the Bomb - sat at my left, and the Roach are all sat around the same side of the table and within 15 minutes every seat is filled - the King is the last to arrive, as per, and he sits at the head of the table, the chair to my right, looking at me in surprise, which I'm offended about, before he begins the meeting.

"Welcome all to the pre-delegation meeting. We have convened early as Jude Duarte is sitting in on this month's delegation, you were all made aware of this fact prior to this meeting and now is not the time to continue voicing your concerns." The King, says. "What can Jude expect of this meeting?" He asks around the table.

"More marriage proposals" Pandora grumbles.

"Peace talks" Randalin admonishes her, "Ways to continue the growing and strengthening bonds between land and sea during the new Kings reign."

"Further talks on introducing fostered gentry from land in the sea. Similar to what we do for Princess Nicasia." Fala says.

"Good, good. What else?" The King asks, leaning back in his chair and draping his leg over the side.

"Continued evading of questioning regarding Madoc." The Roach adds.

"They'll bring up the land/sea celebration again, most certainly." The Bomb says, nodding her head.

That one gets me, "Celebration?" I ask her.

"Yes, Orlagh wants to have a festival celebration to celebrate the reuniting of land and sea. I think she expects other kinds of reuniting to happen at this festival also. We're holding it off." The Bomb says.

"Also expect yet another ambassador to show up. Orlagh cannot seem to settle on one since one was murdered." The King says, looking at me. I look away quickly

"I worry that the majority of this meeting will be diffusing the Undersea and their reaction to our newest member." Fala murmurs earning nods around the table. "Of course for our agenda we have introducing the newest General and Seneschal. A brief overview of the trials. The con-"

"Wait, what? Why are we telling them that?" I ask, startled that would be on the agenda.

"In the interest of peace Miss Duarte. The Undersea have taken an interest in our customs, especially those to do with the trials. Should they ask, we will tell them." Randalin answers.

"That's ridiculous. You realise this is a farce, correct? That in the upcoming war they will be on the opposing side? So why are we telling them all our military secrets?" I ask abashed they're being so blasé with information that could turn the tide in war.   

"I do hope you plan to keep these opinions to yourself during the delegation, Jude" The King smirks at me.

"Why? Why would I? This is crazy, I hope you're not expecting me to tell them all about our new training. I refuse." I snap, wondering why they're all ok with this.

"Because at the last meeting, one which you were not a part of, we came to a unanimous vote. That -" The King starts, I silence him by shooting to my feet.

"No, I will not be a part of this meeting if you're all going to screw us over." I say.

"Sit down Jude." The Roach says calmly. I almost wonder why he's so calm, surely being the defacto leader of the Court of Shadows he should be taking issue with this, the Bomb too. I take a seat but don't tuck my chair in.

"As I was saying" The King says, raising a eyebrow at me "We voted that should any questions come up about the guards, their training, the numbers etc, we thought it might be best as you're the new General, that you take those questions."

"So it's not bad enough that I'm pissed you're telling secrets but you want me to be the one to do it?" I laugh, short and harsh. "No, no way"

"That's not it, Jude." The Bomb interrupts, I turn to face her "Hear him out."

I look back the King, waiting for the 'ha-ha' I hope is coming. "Officially we cannot ask you to lie when you answer these questions if they come up. So we won't, but if you could _do your best"_ he stares intently at me "to answer the questions as truthfully as possible we would appreciate it"

Ah, they want me to lie my arse off, because I'm the only one here that can do it. Easy peasy.

"Do you understand what we're asking of you Jude?" The King asks.

"I do." I replies and he smirks at me then, his eyes flicking to my ring.

"Good, usually we would ask for a progress report but it's perhaps best that comes after this meeting." Flare chips in, probably for the best since they won't be able to give true updates if they don't have them.

"Any questions Jude?" The King asks.

"How many will there be?" I ask, wondering what size party usually shows up.

"They usually have 4 or so, from varying positions in Undersea hierarchy. Never the Queen though." The Bomb tells me. "She wouldn't grant us an audience until we agree to her terms of marriage."

"An audience with her? Does she not understand how this is supposed to work?" I ask, wondering why they're allowing her to delegate her business to others. "That actually reminds me, I would like an audience with you after this meeting your _highness_ , in regards to the newest restrictions on the guard training" I say, giving him my best annoyed look.

"Of course, seneschal of mine. Once this is all over and done with, we will remain here." The King answers with a smile, as 2 guards enter the room. Officers Orville and Hudson, I'm rather proud of myself that I'm finally learning their names.

"Your Majesty, the delegation has arrived." Hudson says as he and Orville begin to arrange chairs on the other side of the table. 7 in total, only 4 less than our number. And 3 more than what they said would be likely.

"Fantastic. Show them in" The King says, waving a hand in the air toward the door.

The guards return to the door, opening them wide and I watch as 5 members of the Undersea enter the room. They all have skin of varying shades of greens and blues, common for the Undersea folk. And all dressed in white and blue - the undersea colours- all with sashes of gold, to show their higher position and importance in Undersea. The 2 at the front have the same hue of sapphire blue skin and pastel peach coloured hair that I assume they are related and possibly twins, one female with long flowing locks and one male with shaved sides but long on top style, both wearing a similar style white toga-like outfit and no shoes but both adorned with gold pearl based jewellery. Then there's a male walking in behind them with iridescent green slightly wrinkled skin and pure white hair that brushes his chin as he walks, he's wearing a white shirt and linen like trousers with golden bangles on his right wrist and a gold pearl earring in his left ear- he is also barefoot and walking with a limp. Behind him are 2 females, walking together, arms linked. But they look the complete opposite of each other, one has sparkly skin of such a light green she looks pale as a ghost, with pretty glittering long emerald green hair, the other has beautiful shiny emerald green skin, with long pale iridescent hair. Both are wearing white maxi dresses with gold accents, they have no jewellery on and they're also barefoot.

I watch as they all walk toward the chairs, each taking a seat but leaving 2 in the middle empty. I lean toward the Bomb about to speak but she shakes her head slightly and nods toward the door. I turn to look in time to see Nicasia walk in, she's got her crown of pearls in her loose hair and a blue gauzy dress. There's a male walking in with her, this one looks a lot like her, he has light blue skin almost translucent, and a darker blue coloured hair which is up in a man-bun type hairstyle. He's wearing a blue version of the toga the 2 at the front are wearing, he has a golden shell necklace and a matching ring on his finger and also barefoot. He's talking quietly to Nicasia, I can't make out any words, but she giggles, placing her hand on his arm.

" _What is she doing here?"_ I hiss toward the Bomb. I wasn't told the Undersea Princess would be taking part.

"I don't know, she doesn't usually come to these meetings." She whispers back.

Then she looks toward the table, freezing as she sees me her smile dropping instantly. I want to smile at her but I don't think that would go over well. "What is she doing here?" Nicasia fumes, still standing in front of a seat in the centre of the chairs set out, the male she walked in with taking the empty chair next to her.

"Miss Duarte is on this council now, Princess Nicasia. Is that going to be a problem?" Fala asks, calmly. We knew this would be an issue, we didn't know Nicasia would be in attendance.

Nicasia lifts her chin, "Yes it's a problem. Remove her immediately."

"Unfortunately not, Princess. Could you sit so we can begin?" Randalin asks her politely.

"Cardan, please ask her to leave." Nicasia implores the King.

"I cannot do that Nicasia, please take a seat so we may begin." The King replies. For a minute she doesn't do anything but stand looking at the King then slowly she takes her seat.

"Good afternoon everyone, we are here to resume our peace talks between land and sea." Fala takes over introducing the meeting. "Following the last meeting we will continue to discuss the possibility of a fostering programme, the celebration Queen Orlagh wishes for and any other incidences or concerns of either party. Agreed?"

A round of 'Agreed's echo around the table. Then a high, soprano sounding voice from the Undersea side, speaks up "It seems you also have a few introductions to make as you have a new face at your table, Fala." I look to the source of the voice and it's the female peach haired twin talking.

"Thank you Anahita, Introductions was indeed first on our list, Princess you are already acquainted. So ladies and gentlemen of Undersea this is our returning seneschal Jude Duarte" Fala starts, a few murmurs and looks toward me at my name. "She is returning to a new role in addition to that, as the new interim-General of the High Kings army. Jude, this is Anahita and her older brother Rialta, they are part of the Underseas version of our own living council." She holds her hand out to the peach haired twins. Then next to them the male with the chin length pure white hair. "This is Zale, he is the Undersea seneschal, he is here to stand in for Queen Orlagh. Princess Nicasia you know, next to her is Prince Destan. Princess Nicasias cousin and General to the Undersea army." Fala moves her hand over to the last 2 females, the ones still linked by the arm. "And these are the Undersea twins; Talise and Zarya. Talise here-" Fala holds her hand toward the dark haired twin "- is Prince Destans second in command and Zarya here -" Fala holds her hand out to the light haired twin "- is head of Undersea trade."

"Now introductions are out of the way do you mind explaining while you have given _this mortal_ a place on your council?" Zale asks, his voice gravelly and deep. "You are well aware of the Queens distaste for this particular girl, no?"

Nicasia smirks at me, perhaps assuming I'm about to be kicked from the meeting after all.

"We are aware yes, but as has been discussed previously - on more than one occasion- we have punished Miss Duarte already. She was exiled from Elfhame for her crimes, crimes that are not purely her own." The Bomb answers.

"Yes, we get that" Talise says, her voice low and silvery. "So why is she back in Elfhame?"

"She was pardoned." The King says simply.

"But why?" Zarya questions, her voice high and very singsong like.

"That was at my discretion and I do not wish to share my reasoning at this time." The King says forcefully. "Let's move forward with this meeting, shall we?" He asks it like a question, but sounds like a statement.

"Of course" Anahita chimes in with her high clear voice, "Queen Orlagh sends her regrets for not being able to attend."

That's crap. The Bomb said she never attends.

"Do you wish to go first or should we?" Destan asks, looking from Nicasia to the King.

"Proceed, Destan." The King replies, not bothering to even look at him.

"My aunt, Queen Orlagh wishes to express her keen interest in forming a strong alliance between us in the sea and you on the land. As such our first item of business is to, once again, broach the topic of a possible marital alliance." Destan says.

"Marital alliance?" I scoff "As in Nicasia? Or Orlagh herself?"

"That's _Princess_ Nicasia and _Queen_ Orlagh to you" Rialta snaps at me, his deep voice the bass to his sisters soprano.

"Princess Nicasia of course, Queen Orlagh wishes to unite the courts, in a much stronger way than any we wish to achieve here, by a marriage between the children." Zale adds.

"I'm hardly a child, Zale." The King laughs.

"You were also told no" I add, annoyed they're trying this again.

"Apologies, your majesty." Zale inclines his head slightly and completely ignoring me. "It is merely difficult for a old man such as I to reconcile the boy so enamoured with our little Princess with the King before me today. You have both grown so much, surely with the history, a marriage would not be the worst thing to consider? Especially if it can help to unite our people once more?"

I wonder how the King plans to answer this question, as he can't lie, if he's asked will he give another reason for his vehement refusal? I look to the Bomb and the other council members, out of the fae on our side they're the only ones who can answer as both the Roach and the King know that a marriage between them is practically impossible. When the King remains quiet and no one else answers immediately, I decide to.

"Unfortunately as you were told already, the answer is no" I say again, louder and more forcefully.     

"While we understand why you are here, if you could sit quietly for the remainder we would appreciate it." Talise says to me, her eyes narrowed.

"How about no? When you are asking stupid questions and no one else is speaking up, of course I'm going to" I snap at her, looking to every member of the High Kings council and wondering why they are all staying so quiet.

"As what? Seneschal, General or a little girl with a crush on her King?" Nicasia Laughs. And all the Undersea delegates laugh with her. If only they knew, so I smile widely at them all and they cease laughing, confused. Nicasia opens her mouth again.

"This matter is still under discussion within our own council. We will notify you when we have decided." Pandora interrupts whatever Nicasia was about to say. "But don't expect a answer immediately, there is a lot to discuss."

"Of course, take your time. There is no need to rush into such an _important_ decision" Destan agrees. Not even trying to be subtle apparently. "Though I do hope this matter is being discussed by the right members of the council, and not just anyone" He was definitely looking at me when he said that part.

"I am a member of this council" I tell him, a smile on my face. The Bomb nudges me with her knee under the table but I ignore it.

"Jude, if you would keep your remarks to yourself, that would be helpful" The King tells me.

" _What?_ " I snap at him. "They are being ridiculous"

He leans toward me and whispers low in my ear "Politics is a game, Jude. You _will_ have to learn to play at some point." A pointed look and then he leans back into his chair once more. I don't think I want to learn to play this game.

But as soon as they're off the marriage talk I take the hint, I remain quiet - for the most part. And tune them all out, talking about fostering, trading and the feast. Then a while later the topic of conversation turns to the military and my attention is drawn back to the talks.

"- we've lost a percentage of our guard. We sent them out on scouting missions and they never returned." Prince Destan is saying. "Previously you've said you lost guards this way? Is that continuing to be a issue on land?"

"We have ha-" Flare starts, but I silence him by talking too. This is my area now.

"No, that is not continuing to be an issue. We have had previous problems with disappearances within our guard but numbers are pretty much remaining the same more recently." I say, looking to the Undersea General.

"If one of you could confirm that?" Destan asks, looking to the other members of the council.

"Why would you need that? I am General of the army currently. I am the one with the information" I say to him, leaning forward and resting my arms on the table.

"Apologies, Miss, but mortals are known to lie. It is important for true and correct information to be shared in these meetings." Zarya answers for her prince. Probably to have him avoid basically calling me a liar.

"Unfortunately Jude has yet to update us on the recent workings of the guard. We know as much as you at this point. Besides, Jude is under orders to do her best to give all information as truthfully as possible. She knows the consequences should she not heed our warning." Randalin tells them, I guess coming from him it would sound more legitimate, given his status within the council.

"I see. So you're numbers are remaining strong? Well as strong as they can be following the departure of General Madoc with - half, was it?" Talise asks.

"They are, barring the guards uncounted due to palace rotation our numbers are steady." I confirm.

"Noted, how are you dealing with the cut in numbers following that departure?" Destan asks, I'm immediately suspicious.

"The training was obviously a little more difficult with such a quick and dramatic loss of numbers, and then more that followed in the weeks after, with the guards going missing. But luckily General Madoc did such a good job with them in the first place the loss of guards hasn't caused too much of a problem." I answer, trying to be vague as possible to limit the amount of lying I need to do.

"So you've kept largely to the same structure as General Madoc had?" Talise asks.

"Yes, as you probably know, I am not a General. The reason I took up this post was because I was ward of General Madoc for a long time and therefore the best person to carry on and oversee his work in his absence. From what I've seen of his methods I think I'm doing pretty well to keep our guards in tip-top shape" I say, they nod along and again I'm annoyed they're accepting that so quickly.

"That makes sense. And you are just general until the trials produce the new general, correct?" Destan speaks again.

"That is correct, we are expecting the trials to last no longer than 8 weeks. The guard should have their new General by the next season." I confirm.

"And this General will continue on with the current training?" Destan asks. And I almost smile, what an unfortunate choice of wording.    

"That I am unsure of as I will step down once the new General steps up." I say, looking to my other council members.

"Once Jude steps down and the new General takes up the position, he will continue on with the current training yes. The new General, though having proved himself through the trials, will have more to prove before he can make any major changes." Flare confirms.     

"I think this concludes today's meeting." Zale announces. "We have to return to the Undersea now but we have a lot to think about before our next meeting."

Our members and theirs begin to stand and file out of the room. Leaving just Me, the Bomb, the Roach and the King on our side. And Anahita and Nicasia on theirs.

"Nicasia, if I could see you for a moment afterwards before our return, you too your majesty." Anahita says looking to the King and standing. "We have to discuss a _problem_ " She adds looking at me.

"Excuse me?" I ask, outraged. "I am not a problem"

"You are outspoken, quick-tempered and foolish." Nicasia snaps at me "You are a problem"

"And you are immature and pushy. That's a problem too." I snap back at her.

"I am a Princess of Undersea. You will watch how you speak to me." She sneers at me.

"And I am a member of this council. You would do well to remember that and remember the fact that you are currently on land. Not in Undersea." I remind her, getting more and more mad.

"You are a joke and your position on this council is a joke." She laughs.

"No, Nicasia you are a joke. I warned you once to not think that I have forgotten what you did, what you _all_ did to me in Undersea." I grit out at her.

"Are you threatening me?" Nicasia gasps, mockingly.

"Of course not _Princess_ " I snap. Standing, glaring at the King, who has remained infuriatingly silent _again_ , and then I storm out.

 I'm a few angry steps down the corridor when the King falls into step beside me. "Jude, you need to mind your wording in front of so many people." He says quietly.

I scoff "What? No.. 'Don't talk that way' or 'Don't threaten the Undersea Princess'?"

"No, why would I? I've told you, whether they know it or not, you have every right to voice exactly what does through that head of yours" he tells me, grasping my arm lightly to stop me from walking, but I still wince because it hurts from Lockes grip earlier. His eyes widen and he drops my arm quickly. "What-?"

"It's nothing. I'm not doing that again." I snap, pointing back to the council chambers.

"You have to, you're on the council now. Because _you_ wanted the General job you have no choice, as seneschal you could have skipped them." The King tells me, getting in my face. "Luckily for you, the next one isn't until next season unless they call one early."

"Your majesty" Nicasia interrupts, I hadn't even noticed her follow us, I turn to look at her, she's stood by the door to the council rooms. "We're waiting for you."

"Oh, fuck off Nicasia." I snap. "He's busy."

"Such ladylike language, Jude" Nicasia laughs. "When you're ready, Cardan" And then she disappears back into the room.

"I have to go, go calm yourself down. You're excused from seneschal duties tonight." The King says.

"You don't _have_ to do anything and don't patronise me." I snap. "I'll see you later"

And I storm off again, this time I'm not followed. Despite my declaration earlier I don't bother to go to the revel, annoyed the neither the King, the Bomb or the Roach bothered to speak up with me and just let the Undersea humiliate me like that. 

Instead I stay in my room all night reading and then sleeping.

\-------------------------

The King finds me the next morning as I'm on my way to the barracks with my escort.

"Officer Everdeen you are excused, please return to your post. I will escort Miss Duarte the rest of the way." The King says, dismissing the guard. I don't wait to find out what he wants, instead I continue my walk at a slightly faster pace than before. I've had all night to stew on my annoyance and anger that them. At them all and today that means I'm not in the best mood. 

"Jude." The King greets. I don't bother to acknowledge it. "I see, I'll just say what I have to say then. You need to stop baiting Nicasia. The Undersea already sees you as a problem, because of last year. They likely still want you dead or at best imprisoned and you will not change their minds if you verbally or physically attack their princess."

"You have no right to order me around." I snap, hating that I caved and spoke to him.

"I do, I am your King. Regardless of your title, you still have to follow my direction." He tells me, keeping pace with my rage walk.

"That's a nice way of saying 'orders'" I snarl. "They humiliated me! You humiliated me by staying quiet, you, the Bomb, the Roach"

"I'm sorry, I am sorry you feel that way, but I told you, politics is a game. In that meeting there was little we could do, and we did try to deter you but you were having none of it." He says, sounding exasperated. "We need to keep them placated. I thought you understood that!"

"I do understand that. But why allow them to be placated while treating us like that? What's the point?" I snap again.

"The point is to stave of war as long as we can. If we piss them off now and they decide to attack, with Madoc and with the current state of our own guard we would be decimated." He says, his voice low. "While they're still visiting for these delegations they won't attack and whether you like it or not you have no choice but to be a part of this now. They win if after one meeting you don't show again, because of them"

"Don't tell me what to do!" I yell. "That's all it is with all of you! Leave, quit your job, leave, don't do this, don't do that. Enough already"

"Leave? Who is telling you to leave?" He questions, looking startled.

"Who is not important. I'm so sick of being told what I can and can't do. I'm so sick of relying on people who have no intention of having my back. I'm so sick of being humiliated and beaten down because I'm not seen as good enough. I'm so sick of it all at the moment." I vent.

"You're being childish." He says, stepping in front of me.

"And you're being an arsehole." I counter, actually feeling childish having said that.

"I thought you had learned all your lessons about surviving in faerie. Above all, the only one you can trust 100% is yourself. The Bomb and the Roach learned to play the politics game many years ago, that's why they wouldn't - couldn't back you up yesterday, their hands were tied, figuratively." The King says, I can tell he's trying to remain calm but I know my attitude is getting him mad too.

"Nope, I don't care for your excuses. And I don't care what they think, I am not going to another of those meetings." I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. I know I'm being childish, I get that and I wish I wasn't coming off that way, but I'm so angry I could care less.

"And I don't care for your attitude. I've tried to coddle you but -" He counters and I scoff again, coddle me?. "If this is the way it's going to be, fine. You are behaving like a child and I'm not sure I can trust a child to manage my guard."

"What are you saying?" I ask, my brow furrowing.

"I'm saying I'm putting you on a suspension of sorts. I will not have you flouncing around as General while you are this bitter about things that are nothing new. If any of my other staff behaved this way, they would also be suspended" He growls at me. "I cannot make allowances, even for you."

"My exile was proof enough of that!" I scoff, side stepping him and continuing down the path. "Any of your other staff?" I laugh is that what I've been reduced to? Staff?" I laugh harder, stomping along the path now.

"That is not what I meant" He sighs behind me and then matches pace again. "But I mean it Jude, go back to your rooms or the Court of Shadows for all I care. You are not welcome at the barracks today."

"Like hells I'm not. I'm going to do my job, since I'm staff and you can't stop me." I say bitterly, determined I will have my day at the barracks.

He steps in my path again and as I try to sidestep him he matches my movements, blocking me. "I can stop you, wife. And I will. I say you are suspended so you are suspended. If you happen to have a little adjustment of attitude somehow overnight then you may return to your post tomorrow."

"You've got to be kidding me." I grumble.

"I am not. Yes, you are held in a slightly higher regard but that will not stop me from doling out the same punishments for this that anyone else would get. If you continue to be difficult I will extend your suspension and I will continue to extend it as I see fit, understand?" he snaps, leaning closer to me.

I lift my chin, refusing to cower and ball my fists at my sides. "No. Screw you."

He shakes his head at me. "You are suspended today and tomorrow, want to go for the trifecta?"

I keep my mouth shut, but glare at him. I can't believe this, further humiliation. How dare he?! He steps back and lifts a hand with a 2 finger salute to no one in particular. I'm about to ask what it is he's doing but 2 guards arrive at our sides.

"Take Miss Duarte back to the palace, do not allow her out here again because she's banned from the barracks for the next 2 days, see to it she doesn't go there." The King tells them. When he sees me planting my feet on the ground and crossing my arms again he adds "Feel free to use force to get her to cooperate. No excessive force though."

I stare at him in shock as the guards round on me, finally looking at them I recognise them as Officers Black and Bardugo. "I can walk myself" I snap at them, throwing one last glare at the King.

"See you tonight Jude." The King calls out to me as I'm walking away.

"No you won't, your _highness._ " I yell back at him.

There's no way I'm going to tonight's revel. If he wants to suspend me it will have to be across the board. No duties for me until he lifts it. I walk to my rooms not bothering with the Court of Shadows followed by the 2 guards, as we approach Officer Black moves forward to speak with Officer Everdeen who has indeed resumed his post at my door.

"The King has ordered that Miss Duarte not attend the barracks today or tomorrow. We're to stop her if she tries to go there." He tells him, and I roll my eyes. It's a shame as their interim general that my word cannot trump his.

"I'm going in my room" I sigh, fed up now. "Please ensure the kitchens send me my lunch and dinner as I will not be leaving anytime soon."

After getting a nod of acknowledgement I head into my room and lock the door behind me. For good measure I wedge the chair from my desk up against the handle and go to sit on the stool at my vanity, where I left my letter from Vivi. Deciding I'll reply later as I'd probably end up venting to her and her reply would be to return to the mortal land, which isn't very helpful.       

I spend my time reading on my bed and eating at my desk when my food arrives. Right about when the revel is due to begin I run a bath and spend well over an hour soaking in it, using some salts and bubble bath I found in Vivis care package, staying in the bath until the water grows to cold to remain in it. I get out soon after and then considering I was up a lot of last night stewing over the Undersea meeting, I change into pjs and get into bed. Falling asleep almost instantly.

\-------------------

The next morning I wake at my usual time and sit up yawning and stretching. I'm just about to get up as I remember the events of the day before and realise I have nowhere to go to today so I lay back down, turn over and go back to sleep. I waste a lot of my day walking around the palace, I do get close to the doors to the gardens but Officer Halpert and Officer Beasley have been stationed there, likely for this reason so I wander back toward the palace halls.

I poke my head into the open rooms and find lots of nooks I never noticed before, which is fun. I don't go anywhere near the Court of Shadows but I do head up into the rafters for a little while. Only overhearing boring palace gossip about the Undersea meeting and some fancy party that's happening soon - the palace maids are wondering if it's a coronation. Sigh.

I'm up there so long I see the maids start to set up for tonight's revel. Putting the tablecloths on the tables, then loading them up with nibbles and faerie wine, a quick sweep of the floor and the throne room is deemed fit for guests. When the first of the gentry arrive, I come down from my perch and hightail it to my rooms.

I pot about in my rooms, wasting as much time as I can by having a long bath, reading for a little while in my towel and then trying on all my clothes before I settle on a dress for the nights party. Satisfied that I'm ready I head out to the throne room, dragging my heels, almost turning around and going back to my rooms a few times before I step into the throne room.

I walk up to the dais and step up, briefly curtsying to the King before rising quickly and taking my place behind him. I spend a few minutes watching him, wondering if he's ignoring me before it dawns on me that he's so far gone already that he probably doesn't even realise I'm here. It isn't long before Nicasia and Locke step up on the dais, Nicasia curtsying and Locke bowing, talking to the King like he's coherent enough to actually take part in the conversation.

"I hear your new General was suspended, is that true?" Nicasia laughs.

"I heard the same, that doesn't bode well for the new General does it?" Locke laughs. I look around for Taryn but she doesn't appear to be present tonight.

The King makes a weird noise in the back of his throat, blinking rapidly but otherwise not really adding anything.

"Does that not just prove that, _that person_ , has no business being General?" Nicasia asks, haughtily.

"That maybe _that person_ isn't cut out for it?" Locke adds.

"Erm, I can hear you." I snap, stepping forward. The Kings eyes are glazed and switching between focussed and unfocussed as he tries to look at me.

"We know." Locke says "You should have taken my warning when I offered you it."

The Kings head perks up then "Huh?"

"Locke, don't be silly. It's not too late for her to leave just yet." Nicasia giggles, placing her hand on his arm.

"Wow, so you guys only speak in idle threats and nonsensical declarations of love" I laugh looking at Nicasia for the last part, feeling anything but jovial. I look to the King to see his head lull on his shoulders. I doubt he'd speak up in my favour even in he wasn't too drunk to do it.

Nicasias eyes cut to the King before settling back on me. "He won't help you now, he's way past his point of no return. You really are smitten, aren't you? I mean, it was a joke when I was first saying it, a little light teasing but it's true. This is hilarious" Nicasia laughs again, putting her hand up at her chest and looking at me like I'm a wounded puppy doing a trick for treats. It's insulting.

"No." I say firmly. "It's not like I was told to my face that he's not interested and then proceeded to harp on about how I won't give upon our love just because he has, how I'll help him remember we are good together." I smirk at her as her face drops when she realises I must have been there for that unfortunate and embarrassing moment for her. "That _was_ you though, right? I mean, _you did_ do that."

"And you were exiled. Are we busting apple bags? Because we have a lot more on you than you have on us, worm" Locke adds in.

"Did the King trap me in a tree though?" I ask her, my face probably betraying my anger now.

"Did the King allow Nicasia to be crowned Queen of Mirth, showing everyone what a joke she is?" Locke asks, when Nicasia is obviously too angry to talk. I'm glad I'm at least getting to her.

"Did the King force a glamour on Nicasias spouse?" I say directing my ire at Locke.

"That is none of your business." He snaps. He takes a breath, exhales it and smiles at me condescendingly. "Will you still insist in staying when you see Nicasia crowned Queen of Elfhame?" he asks me.

"Kings consort, you mean?" I ask him looking over to the King before back at Locke. "Surely you know Elfhame history better than I, so you know there's been no 'Queen of Elfhame' since Queen Mab herself."

"I am a Princess in my own right." Nicasia snaps at me. "I would likely be Queen of Elfhame."

"Oh, 'likely'? You're not even sure are you?" I laugh, that's funny. "I very much doubt you would ever, _EVER,_ be crowned. That throne -" I point to the Queens throne "- is not for you." I say forcefully.

"What would you know?" She sneers at me.

"Apparently a lot more than you do, let's not forget I'm on the council now. I have been privy to meetings you probably don't even know where held. And let me tell you there is a very good reason why he is evading your proposal." I smile once more, turn on my heel and leave. Wishing I didn't hear them laughing behind me as I leave.

How much humiliation do I have to endure before I can act upon it?

\-------------------

The following day, I'm still banned from the barracks, but provided I don't annoy or further anger the King I should be able to return tomorrow. My day goes much like the day before, I read, I read some more, I write a few letters to Vivi, who is urging me to reconcile with Taryn and then I go for a wander. I'm on my way to the Court of Shadows when the King catches up to me.

"Are you feeling better today, my queen?" He asks. Since I have nothing nice to say I ignore him completely, carrying on my way. "Jude?"

He goes to move in front of me but I quickly manoeuvre around him. "Will you just talk to me?" He asks. I don't reply. He follows me all the way trying to get me to talk to him, but I'm still furious. As we walk into the Court of Shadows I see the Roach and the Bomb sat at the table eating from a platter in the middle of the table. I take a seat at the table silently, staring at the King. "Can one of you please get her to speak? Thank you." And then he turns and leaves.

"Good afternoon guys" I say once I'm sure he's gone.     

"What's the matter Jude?" The Roach asks.

"I'm glad you've asked. I'm extremely pissed off no one had my back in that Undersea meeting this week. And I feel humiliated." I say, glaring at them both. At least they look a little bit uncomfortable. "And when I voiced this to the King I was suspended from my job for 2 days for behaving childishly, so that was fun."

"We're sorry Jude, there are things we have to do and not do at these meetings. Especially since we're not on the council anyway speaking up at the wrong time could get us kicked out of future delegations." The Bomb explains.

"I understand completely why it went the way it did. That does not stop me from feeling angry about it." I say "Anyway, I've spoke my piece, I'm going into the office to get some paperwork done. I will not be at the revel this evening."

"We actually have to get going. Do you need anything?" The Roach asks, as they rise from their seats.

"Can you get some fresh food for me please? Maybe just have it sent down if you don't have time, thanks" I ask, rising from my own seat and walking into the office. "Happy partying" I call out to them behind me.

I'm sat in the office maybe an hour before the Bomb returns with a plate of food for me, I have her set it on the desk as I continue with my next steps for the guards. I've had enough time observing them and they've made enough progress that I am ready to implement the elite team in the next few days. So I compile a file with the profiles of the guards I'm going to approach for the elite squad and how I'm going to integrate their higher level training around the basic training they are all having to partake in. I figure I'll have all the guards doing the same between 8am-2pm then the elite squad will split off with Rannoch after 2pm. If I can outline what I want to Rannoch he can take care of the elite squad while I continue to oversee the guard and occasionally we can switch up so I can get in time with both groups.

I finish up the paperwork and turn my attention to my food, I salt the plate of cold cuts, warm buttered bread, cheeses and fruits and tuck in. I scoff it all down so quickly I barely have time to taste it and only when I'm done do I realise there was something different about that food. I lean back, content with a belly full and about ready to sleep as I yawn and then suckle a little on my lips trying to place the taste, like a herb? Or a spice? It wasn't smoked, and there was no new foods I'm unfamiliar with on the plate. Maybe a garlic butter on the buns? I lean forward to look closer at the butter still on the plate, it looks thicker than butter, I think. And more of a golden yellow than a butter yellow. I put my finger in a bit of the butter that spilled on the plate from the bun and hold it up to my face, it glitters in the light. Does butter usually glitter in the light? Then I panic, nevermore? Did someone put nevermore in… I lose my train of thought. I yawn, my brow furrowing as I try to remember what I was doing. My eyes fall on my plate as my eyelids grow heavy. I yawn again, as I realise something was in my food.

My heart beats too fast, my head feels too heavy and I try to stand up to get in the main room, but after one step my eyes close and I fall to the floor as the dark swallows me up.

\-------------------

I awaken I'm not sure how much later, but as I come to an open my eyes I see I'm now in the sleeping room on one of the cots, laying on my side with my right arm tucked under my head.

I yawn, still sleepy as I wonder if I've fallen asleep at the desk again and that's why I'm in the sleeping room. I try to figure out what the last thing I remember is, coming up blank. I open my eyes and roll onto my back, groaning at the stiffness in my arms and legs. Then I realise it isn't stiffness, it's where I fell, where I passed out on the floor. Because there was something in my food. I shoot up on the cot panicked and patting myself down.

"Need a hand with that?" I hear at my side, I turn my head, the King is laying on the cot next to mine.

"What happened?" I ask around a yawn, my voice still thick with sleep. "How long have I been out?"

"About 8 hours. Well, it's been about 8 hours since the Bomb dropped the food off. So I assume it's around 8 hours. As for what happened, your food was dosed and you passed out" the King says "I already patted you down, you seem to be in one piece. How are you feeling?"

"You patted me down?" I ask outraged.

"Yes, I had to see if you had any deathsweet on you." He says, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the cot.

"Deathsweet?" I ask, yawning again. Wait.

"Yes, that's why. There was some on your plate, it didn't come from you so the Bomb and the Roach are off trying to figure out where it come from." He explains, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Someone dosed my food with deathsweet?" I ask, swinging my legs over the side of my cot.

"Yes. Had you not been dosing yourself with it, there was enough leftover on your plate to have you asleep for _a lot_ longer than 8 hours. So gods only know how much you ingested" He says, looking at me critically, his eyes scanning my face. "How are you feeling" He asks again.

"Sleepy, a little nauseous. But otherwise good, I think" I say, yawning again. Hopefully that will stop soon.

"Good, you should go upstairs to your rooms and sleep the rest of this off. You'll feel a lot better once you've had a little more rest, it's likely still in your system so the best thing you can do is to literally sleep it off." He says, standing and offering me his hand. I take it and he pulls me up, I wobble a little so he holds onto my elbow, steering me from the room.

I definitely need to sleep I think as I allow the King to help my back to my room, he walks me into my room sitting me on my bed as he steps back. "I have some things to take care of so I'll leave you to get some sleep." And he leaves the room.

I don't know if it's the poisoning, Vivis insistence or my increasing feelings of loneliness and disappointment but I write a quick letter of reply to Taryn.

**_~~Taryn Duarte.~~ _ ** **_~~Jude Duarte.~~_ **

**_Taryn Duarte._ **

**_Do you still want to meet?_ **

**_I am willing to hear you out._ **

**_Jude._ **

I close the letter, and wait for it to disappear before I move over to my bed. I make quick work of stripping off to my underwear, getting under my covers and falling back to sleep.

\-------------------

I follow the path from my rooms to the palace gardens on autopilot lost in wondering why Taryn is being so cloak and dagger with her last reply to my letter saying I would meet her, pulling it from inside my doublet to read again:

**_Jude,_ **

**_I'm so glad you will meet with me! I'm happy you are giving me this chance to explain my side and I can't wait to return to where we were before all this nonsense._ **

**_If I may, can we meet in the palace gardens? Say 2pm? I can ensure we use our rooms at the palace tonight so I can sneak away from him easier._ **

**_There's a lovely bench surrounded by flowers on the west side of the gardens towards the edge of the fountain. Meet me there?_ **

**_I hope to see you tomorrow,_ **

**_Taryn._ **

I put Taryns letter away when she comes into view as I round the fountain and see the bench she mentioned. I pause for a second before she spots me, she is wearing a gown in a similar colour and style to my own, looking down at her hands. I follow her gaze and see she's playing with a small tin of rosy lips Vaseline balm and get a small thrill that she is nervous.

I continue on approaching as she looks up at me and I take a seat next to her. "Taryn" I greet, unsure how I'm supposed to act but knowing I'm not comfortable enough jumping right back into sisterly affection with a hug, luckily Taryn makes no move to hug me either.

"Good afternoon, Jude" Taryn greets a little too enthusiastically "I'm so happy you 're giving me a chance to explain. It's been weird around here -"

"Can we just get on with it? You said you wanted to be able to explain your side and I have somewhere to be" I interrupt her, planning to check in on the guards after I'm done here.

"Sure Jude, thanks again for hearing me out. Basically last year I was still residually upset that Locke made me prove myself to him by allowing him to date you, too. It upset me that he was so enamoured with you as well, even when he had already told me of his intention to marry me. And then the whole thing with the Royal family, I think I was in shock. And then you moved out of the house and we drifted apart, I thought at my wedding we had begun to build bridges again but you disappeared and during the time you were missing I had a lot of time to think. And I came to a conclusion, growing up we always talked about how cruel and wicked Cardan is and you were spending so much time with him Jude, I thought he was rubbing off on you. Madoc said there was a way we could get you away from him but I needed to pretend to be you to do it. I was so caught up in helping our foster father with his plan that I forgot to take a step back and remember you are my family. I should have put you first, even when it was a plan to bring you back to us" Taryn tells me, fidgeting with her tin of Vaseline. "And we thought we'd got you back when you returned from Undersea, when Madoc had you banned from the palace. That was supposed to bring you back to us, but it didn't work. I think I just got desperate."

I nod to her. Okay, I kind of get all that, but still. "Well, honestly Taryn, following that I'm not sure I'm happy to just forgive you straight off, a lot of your explanation involved going behind my back when you could have just come to me about it."

"I understand. I'll do whatever it takes for your forgiveness" Taryn implores me. "May I ask why now? Why did you want to meet me now? Has something happened?"

She asks so gently, placing her hand on top of mine that I spill everything to her. Well not _everything_ but a lot of the recent things that have been weighing on me. The humiliations, the feelings of loneliness, the near constant anger and also Vivis insistence. No specifics, but a overview of why I finally replied to her letter. "I guess, it's all just on top of me at the moment. And sitting here with you feels kind of like old times. And maybe the fact I'm so closed off all the time where you're so open all the time is where things went wrong for us before? I'm still not ready  to forgive you, but I think I could. I guess to sum up, sometimes I'm tempted to just up and leave"

"Jude, you definitely should! After what you’ve said to me, you shouldn't have to put up with that, it's completely unfair and so bad for your health to always feel so down. I know things were difficult and you had a hard time adjusting to living with Vivi but maybe that's the best place for you? Even if it's just for a little while to get your head sorted? You really do have to look after your mental health Jude, it's so important to be head happy" Taryn gushes, still holding onto my hand with one of hers. "Vivi cold be here to collect you within an hour! Is that enough time to pack your things? Do you want me to help you gather stuff up?"

I shake my head at her. "I can't just leave Taryn, there's a lot more going on, more than you realise so I can't just up and leave." I say "It's just good to vent sometimes."

"Well, maybe you could come live with me and Locke? Just separate yourself from the palace and all that crap happening there." Taryn suggests, "Oh yeah! You should come live with us! It'll be just like when we were younger, we could have girls nights again, oh Jude it'll be so much fun."

"I'm sorry Taryn, I can't do that. Thank you for offering but we're only just talking again after everything and I'm not ready to forgive you yet so I don't think I can come live with you." I say, looking up at the time, trying to estimate the time. "I have to get going now, if I don't get going I'll be late"

"Remember you will always have a place with me and Locke. Will you meet with me again?" Taryn asks me. Moving her hand from mine and fiddling with her lip balm again.

"Sure" I nod and smile at her while standing up, she stands with me "We'll start small okay, next week?"

"That sounds perfect, thank you again for hearing me out Jude. Can I hug you?" Taryn asks.

I pause then, unsure how that would make me feel but Taryn looks so sad that I have to leave that I find myself nodding.

Taryn pulls me in, her arms wrapping around my shoulders as I wrap mine loosely around her waist. I wait for the comforting smell of my twin to overwhelm my senses and when it doesn't I assume Taryn must not longer bathe in lilac and freesia now she lives with Locke. And even with her fidgeting, from her nerves I assume, I don't get any whiffs of that familiar scent, but instead there's something sickly sweet but vaguely familiar is overpowering it, maybe she bathes in a different flower now? It tickles my nose so much I pull back slightly about to ask her what perfume she's using now to see small flecks of gold in her hazel eyes, confusing me, they weren't there before. Then she smiles at my softly and my eyes are drawn to her mouth to see a small smudge of gold around the corner of her lips.

Nevermore? I pull back further, panicking, tensing up and trying to get away from Taryn as I remember something about Nevermore. _It's a glittering golden powder so concentrated that it stupefies faeries and **gives mortals the ability to glamour one another**._ And then Dains geas runs through my mind ' _…from this day forward no **Faerie** glamour will addle your mind…"_ Dain said nothing about a mortal glamour.

_"_ Stay still and relax Jude. Everything is fine." She soothes me. Glamour, definitely a glamour as my body relaxes against my will. My mind remains panicked, unaffected by Taryns glamour so I raise my voice to a shout to get attention "Help! Help m-"

"Close your mouth, stop talking" Taryn instructs, my body immediately obeys. "I want you to spy for me. On all of the comings and goings of the King, the living council and that little spy group of yours, tell me you'll agree. You may open your mouth and speak, but hushed tones only. You mustn't shout"

I open my mouth, able to do so now. "Are you crazy?" I whisper yell at her "How dare you try this on me?! I thought you wanted forgiveness?"

"Information is more important right now than forgiveness. I know you'll come around eventually Jude, I just can't wait for that to happen organically." Taryn explains, she focuses harder on me, not blinking "You will spy for me, you will give me updates on the King, the living council and the spy group. For reasons, I can't do it. So you'll have to"

"I don't think so" I whisper yell again, scoffing.

"I'll try something else then. Jude Duarte, I want you to leave Elfhame, forever. You aren't in power here anymore Jude, it pains me to see you fall so far. He even has a new seneschal. And we know it won't be long  before he cracks under the pressure of the Undersea and marries Nicasia. How will you like to live here if that happens?" Taryn says, staring unblinking at me.

"I'm not leaving! Besides, what are you talking about - I'm seneschal. Surely you knew that?" I whisper at her, narrowing my eyes.

"Why isn't this working? I think I'm doing it right." Completely ignoring me, she lifts her lip balm tin and opens it to reveal pressed golden powder instead of balm inside. She rubs her finger in it and then rubs it on her top  gum, increasing the number of gold flecks in her eyes. "You will spy for me" she tries again "You will tell me of all -"

"I won't Taryn, I refuse" I whisper to her. "Try and try again, it doesn't work on me for some reason."

She studies me for a moment, confused. She starts moving her lips, no doubt going over whatever instructions she was given to pull this off, but finding she followed it all to the letter she still can't understand why she can't make me do it. Maybe it has to do with Dains geas? But why would she be able to addle my body but not my mind? "I didn't want to resort to this but you've left me no choice. Come with me and don't draw any attention to us" She orders me as she links our arms. "And for goodness sakes Jude, don't look so angry, smile." I get more angry but unfortunately my face rearranges into a serene smile.

I try to take notice of the path we take to where ever she is taking me, noting that we're going north-west for when I manage to get free and come back. We pass the barracks but I can't do anything but politely smile at the guards they pass us, Taryn ordering me not to speak as Rannoch approaches us.

"Miss Jude, where are you off to today? I thought you would be popping in earlier." He asks, looking at Taryn then back at me.

"I'm very sorry Officer, she can't today, I'm kidnapping her off to visit Overhill manor today. Sister bonding time, you understand?" Taryn smiles sweetly at him as I have no choice but to smile serenely as he nods, and excuses himself. "Come along Jude, keep walking" she orders quietly.

We pass a few more guards as we enter the trees, taking a path I vaguely remember, but we continue walking until I no longer recognise my surrounds and the panic starts anew as I wonder what's going to happen. Taryn slows as we approach and enter a clearing with a small non-descript lake in the centre, the dark water perfectly still, almost supernaturally so. I look around and tense up when I see Nicasia and Locke appear from the trees a few feet from us.

"Relax Jude" Taryn orders me and my body immediately relaxes. "I won't let them hurt you, they'll try to glamour you into helping us and you'll be free to go." She walks us to meet Nicasia and Locke, so close to the lake that the water is almost at my heels. "Stay stood here Jude, don't move."

"I see you messed it up then?" Nicasia rolls her eyes at my twin.

"Jude is here isn't she Nicasia?" Locke snaps at her, defending Taryn. Odd "Even if she does have a creepy smile on her face." If I could have snarled at him I would have right then. "What went wrong, my love?"

"I tried to get her to leave, or move in with us without using the powder. But she refused. Then I tried the powder over and over again to get her to spy but she kept saying no. I did everything as you said." Taryn says, leaving my side and standing next to Locke opposite me.

 "Show us" Nicasia demands.

Taryn opens her lip balm again for more nevermore then tries again. "You will spy for me, Jude Duarte, you will give me updates on the King, the living council and the spy group you are a part of within the palace." Taryn tries. "You may speak, and tell me you agree."

"Like hell Taryn. Let me go!" I whisper yell at her, through my smile.

"I see, maybe it's time maybe one of us try?" Locke asks Nicasia.

"No offence but it's probably best it be me. I owe her one anyway for breaking the glamour placed on her while she was in Undersea, that whole situation got very messy because of her." Nicasia sneers at me as she takes Taryns lip balm tin. She doesn't know then, Balekin obviously didn't find time to tell them I can't be glamoured.

"You've seemed pretty pent up recently Nicasia, perhaps use this opportunity to get some things off your chest while she won't remember anything" Locke suggests. "It could be quite satisfying"

Nicasia appears to think that over for a while. Before a slow smile spreads across her face.

"The night of the Kings birthday?" she says to me.

"Nope, no, I do not need to hear specifics." I whisper. But there's little I can do but smile at her and remain still, trying desperately to break through Taryns orders. I think I feel my thumb wiggle, and hope swells in my chest.

"He thought I was you, he came to his senses before long though and kicked me out." She snaps at me. "I talk about your crush on the King a lot because I don't like to think about Cardans fascination with you." She uses a little of Taryns nevermore as Locke pulls Taryns rowan berries off. "Taryn and Jude Duarte" she says looking at us both, as I feel a prickle in the air that I never noticed with Taryn. "Neither of you are to repeat anything you hear here." I already know that's not taken effect on me but Taryns eyes flutter as the force of the glamour hits her.

"Did you know when you were ransomed back to the land there were three of us who had a demand of the King?" She asks me, cocking her head.

"Yes" I whisper.

"Do you know what they were?" She asks again, another smile on her face.

"Yes" I repeat. Remembering what the King told me.

"My mother wanted Balekin absolved of his crimes and for him to be our ambassador." Nicasia gives a pointed look to me then "Balekin wanted his Hollow Hall mansion to be his again and for revenge on the Court of Termites. Were you told my demand?"

"You wanted me executed" I whisper.

"That's what you were told? Exactly that?" She asks, full of glee at whatever it is I'm missing. I just nod at her, hoping she'll fill in the blanks. "I did want you executed and part of my conditions for your release, was that Cardan be the one to kill you."

What? Why didn't he tell me that?!

"From your silence I assume Cardan did not tell you that part, hmm?" She laughs. "Mother was not terribly impressed of course since you were glamoured to murder the King and should he murder you first it would render weeks of glamours and plans moot. But I would have gotten so much pleasure from that. Even after he exiled you, we begged for a opportunity to see you punished. Even secretly sent a few faeries after you in the mortal land, obviously that amounted to nothing though."

"He didn't tell me that, no" I whisper.

The air prickles as Nicasia focuses all of her attention on me. Taking 3 steps toward me. "I don't know how it was broken from before, when you were in Undersea, but you, Jude Duarte - daughter of mud, are to stay away from Cardan Greenbriar. You will not speak to him, or look at him, you will actively avoid him" She takes a breath, following a nudge from Locke. "Furthermore, you will spy for us and report on all palace activity. Especially those involving the living council, the High Kings spies and anything said about the Undersea. Do you understand me?"

"I understand you" I whisper, she smiles and turns to give Taryn a look but whips her head back to me as I continue speaking. "But I refuse to spy for you. And I refuse to stay away from the King. That would make my job rather difficult."

Nicasias lovely pale face goes red with rage. "You are getting in my way, worm. I will be Queen and for that you need to be gone."

I ignore her, instead asking the question I can no longer keep in. "Is Taryn glamoured?"

"Yes, you just see me do that, correct?" Nicasia laughs.

"I meant, this whole time. Did you glamour her to betray me?" I clarify. Mad that I am unable to raise my voice.

"No, she's on our side. She isn't happy about this but understands this is better than the alternative." Locke answers for Nicasia, looking over to his wife. "She's the reason this took so long. She convinced us to try to make you leave Elfhame off your own back before it had to come to this."

"So you're just going to kill me when I can't fight back? How fair of you" I laugh, though actually now all those conversations make sense.

"None of this is fair!" Nicasia snaps "Were it not for you and your interference, I would be Queen of land and sea by now" I want to laugh at how she doesn't realise just how true that is. Or how true it will remain. Even after I'm gone. "But no, we aren't going to kill you, we have no intention of killing you"

"So you'll continue to have Taryn glamour me into stillness?" I realise how ridiculous that sounds as I say it.

"Oh no, we won't have to worry about that. There will be no need to waste our energy on you, you'll be gone from here soon enough" Nicasia says offhandedly. I panic, that does sound like they're going to kill me. Or get Taryn to do it. "We are not going to kill you but we cannot allow you to stay here."

"You don't have the authority to exile me. And his majesty won't do that again." I snap at them. 

"You seem awfully confidant of what my Cardan will do. But you are right n both counts, there is a reason we are here though. You are smart enough to have been our shadow-ruler for half a year, have you not figured it out yet?" Nicasia asks, gesturing to our surrounds and the Lake behind me, I look back at the still eerily still surface. It clicking that they are definitely in cahoots with Madoc.

"Surely during your 'reign'" Nicasia says that word with a sneer at me "You familiarised yourself with Elfhame topography? You no doubt heard of, or maybe visited the Lake of Masks? How about its sister lake? The Lake of the Lost?"

My panic doesn't show on my face, but my heart starts a gallop in my chest as I look over at the lake again "What?" I ask quietly.

"You are fond of that word." Locke interjects from behind Nicasia.

"You have one last chance, worm, spy for us. And you can carry on about your pathetic little life. Decline and you'll be one of the few to find out what it is that the Lake of the Lost actually does to people." Nicasia says, stepping right up to me.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to decline. Go to hell." I snap at her. Getting me wet is hardly a punishment, my arm twitches, the glamour from Taryn further wearing off.

Nicasia growls in my face and then she stomps over to Locke. "Glamour her! Now! Mine isn't working."

"I very much doubt mine would work either Nicasia, if you're doesn't. I am nowhere near as practiced at it as you are. Just go to plan B" he shrugs, looking over at Taryn, dropping his voice so she won't hear him. I do though. "Wipe it from her memory though, do not allow her to walk away from this with those memories."

I panic, wondering what they're about to do to me, and whether I should have pretended to be glamoured like I did before. Nicasia walks over to Taryn as I manage to wave my left hand. Just a little longer and I should be able to move.

The air prickles again and my attention is drawn to Nicasia "Taryn Duarte, once we are through here you will go home to bed and sleep until dawn. You will not remember anything from today when you awaken tomorrow and will be none the wiser to what happened her or what happened to your sister." Taryn blinks rapidly as the glamour settles over her. "Now, go and push your sister into that lake." Nicasia orders, stepping aside to let Taryn pass. Taryn walks to me, her eyes glazed as she reaches up to place her palms on my shoulders.

My body relaxes and unlocks and my face falls from its frozen on smile just a moment too late as Taryn pushes with all her strength and I stumble back and fall into the water. I break the perfectly still surface of the lake, rapidly sinking as the water around me gets darker and darker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Yes Cardan is well aware (mostly) of what is happening between him and Jude and why. She's a little slower, but don't worry, it smacks her square in the face very very soon. Because Jurdan is endgame. So that is happening. 
> 
> \- That dream scene is inspired by the photo of Holly with the promo snake that is floating around the web. And the underwater scene is inspired by RosieThorns88 picture of Jurdan from TWK on Tumblr. I'm honestly so in love with that artwork it perfectly sums up that part of the book. 
> 
> \- Yes all the Undersea have water based names, in case you're curious:  
> *Anahita - Persian meaning 'water or river goddess'.  
> *Rialta - Italian for 'deep brook'.  
> *Zale - Greek(?) for 'strong sea' or 'power of the sea'.  
> *Destan - French for 'By still waters" I thought it was a ironic name given his profession.  
> *Talise - Native American for 'lovely water'. Additionally Tali means 'dew'.  
> *Zarya - In Slavic mythology, this is the name of a water priestess and protector of warriors. 
> 
> \- I think I've messed around the timings a little bit? Like in the beginning the day was the Faerie night but Jude on the guard schedule is more like night is the faerie night… continuity 8_8 
> 
> \- Line about the Nevermore is in TCP pg 111.  
> \- Dains geas is pg 88
> 
> \- Also please take heed of the tagged warnings… that is going to happen. And soon.
> 
> Again thank you for being understanding of my absence <3


	14. Of Searching and Sinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has 2 POVS. To build a little more suspense before I reveal Judes fate. And get to the very first idea of this fanfic that popped into my head. 
> 
> And this is more like another .5 chapter. 
> 
> I am already well on my way through the next chapter. it won't be as long as the previous one, they'll be about 3k-5k words each I think. And updated on Sundays. (As I'm starting a new job this week. and Sundays make the most sense.)
> 
> Unbeta'd and not checked for grammar.
> 
> Like I said in the AN of the last monster chapter Cardan knows how he feels for our Jude.

Cardan POV:

She's avoiding me again. Jude. I haven't seen her all day and the last I saw of her I was putting her to bed to sleep off the effects of the Deathsweet. I left her, sleeping, in a hurry to go help Lilliver and Linden track down the person responsible for the attempt on the Queens life.

After some pushing we followed a trail and found out it was a glamoured mortal from the kitchens, without knowing who did the glamour for certain there's nothing I can do but ensure the Queens safety by supervising her food being prepared, which I order Linden to do. His presence is one that should deter any further attempts. And I reassigned the mortal in question. Of course I know who is responsible, but without proof my hands are tied.

Rather than go hover around Jude myself, feeling that would annoy her more than anything, I send Lilliver to her rooms to sit vigil and to pass along instructions to Black and Bardugo that they're to not allow her to go anywhere unaccompanied. It's the best I can do until someone sees something I can act upon.

I retire to my rooms rather than attend the revel tonight. Unable to sleep immediately due to the racing heartbeat and lingering rage at the guilty party that I've had since I found Jude out cold on the floor of the Court of Shadows office, poison on her breath and not responding to my attempts to wake her up.

Instead I find myself thinking over the weeks since Judes return to Faerie. I meant it when I said she is important to Faerie, even if my behaviour of late has said otherwise. I realise that perhaps the approach I took to trying to get her to be more responsible with her life was the wrong one, maybe because I seldom allow myself to consider why she must be more cautious.. her words from the revel echoing through my head _"..such a short lifespan"_

My musings are interrupted by a delicate knock at the door. With no patience to deal with Nicasia tonight, especially with her likely involvement with the attempted poisoning, I ignore it. Eventually she gives up and leaves.

My thoughts quickly return to Jude. Almost tempted to go for a visit, but I'd run the risk of running into Nicasia. Sometimes I think Nicasia is more aware of the situation between me and Jude than Jude herself is. Holding onto her anger over her exile and her inferiority complex, though I've not helped that, is blinding her to the small changes in our relationship that lead me to a startling revelation. I don't think she realises there's been a change and I refuse to be the one to force that on her, she has to come to the realisation herself and it seems no amount of hinting or wordplay works.    

The following day I expect her to seek me out, or at least for Lilliver to give me a update, but with evening quickly approaching I make the decision to go and seek her out rather than wait for her to find me - whenever that may end up being. If at all.

Getting to her rooms I'm relieved both Black and Bardugo are stationed outside, meaning she must be inside. I nod an acknowledgment to their salutes and proceed into Judes rooms, to find it empty. I return to the door.

"Where is she?" I ask, confused and a little annoyed.

"She went for a walk this morning with the faerie you sent to watch over her last night, they're yet to return, your highness." Black replies.

"You got my message she was to go nowhere unaccompanied?" I ask, losing my patience now.

"We did, your majesty" Bardugo confirms.

"So, why are you both here? Why is one of you not with her?" I snap.

"She was accompanied, the female faerie was with her. Miss Jude said she would be fine with just her" Black shifts uncomfortably. Looking to Bardugo.

"Which way did they go?" I ask sharply. Bardugo points and I assume they went to the Court of Shadows. Without a dismissal I turn and stalk down to the Court of Shadows, ready to berate Jude for once again being reckless, only to find the Bomb sat by herself in the office.

"Where is she?" I ask her, looking around.

"She returned to her rooms a few hours ago. She said she still felt sleepy so was going for a nap." Lilliver replies, not having to ask who and finally looking up at me. "Why?"

"I've just been to her rooms, she's not there." I tell her, then I groan. "What are the chances she snuck off to the barracks this afternoon?"

"Given you told her she's banned from them I'd say that’s probably where she is." Lilliver smirks at me. She obviously knows my wife as well as I.

"Search the palace regardless, if I don't find her at the barracks, I want her found. Immediately" I sigh "And change the guard rotation on her rooms, she's getting too good at slipping her escorts."

I make my way to the barracks through the gardens, on the way I see Taryn and Locke sat on a bench, enjoying the last of the sunshine as the sun sets and laughing to themselves. "What's funny?" I ask as I approach them.

Taryn smiles up at me "The butterflies in faerie aren't so afraid of people as the ones in the mortal land. When they land they tickle." She giggles.

"Simple things, eh?" Locke smirks at me, a joke at the expense of his wife, his smirk changing to a smile as he watches Taryn hold a hand out for a monarch butterfly to set down on it.

"Have you seen your sister today?" I ask Taryn.

"No, not today. She was supposed to meet me but she never showed up." Taryn says, frowning briefly.

"Perhaps she is not yet ready to forgive you, my dear. We all know Jude can hold onto a grudge." Locke placates her.

That annoys me, but I politely chuckle, finding that's all I can manage before I excuse myself and continue on my way. I get to the barracks as the guards are cooling down from their day of training, through the salutes I spot Rannoch and approach him, all the while scanning the room for Jude. "Have you seen Miss Duarte today?" I ask him, not finding her present.

"Yes, I saw her earlier this afternoon, with her sister and they were off to Underhill manor. Is everything okay, your majesty?" he replies.

"Taryn? I just saw her, she said she hasn't seen Jude at all today." I murmur, confused.

"She looked happy enough, my King. They said they were going to have a sisters day of some sort. Perhaps that involved drinking and they each had too much?" Rannoch suggests, that actually makes sense with Taryns behaviour.

"Perhaps" I agree, "if you see Miss Duarte, ensure she comes to see me. Even if you have to escort her yourself." I order before I go to find Taryn once more, only as I get to the bench they were sat upon they are no longer there.

And Jude doesn't show up that night. Or the next. Or the next.

Or the next.   

 

Jude POV:

I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Despite being able to move now, no longer under Taryns glamour, I can't seem to fight the rapid sinking and flailing my hands is having little effect to slow my descent to the bottom of this Lake. It actually feels similar to what I imagine falling through custard would feel like, or jelly.

Bubbles push up from underneath me, floating to the surface where the spot of light is shrinking, growing smaller and smaller as the water gets darker and darker. My lungs start to burn and my head begins to pound. They lied, I'm going to die in this strange lake and my estranged twin sister will have been the one that murdered me. Well, maybe they didn't lie, they can't after all, but I doubt they actually knew what would happen to me in here. That the magical Lake of Masks is nothing like it's sister lake. That the Lake of Masks shows life, it shows you the faces of the people who have previously looked into it, full of life, ones old and new. But this one - this one takes lives. And it's going to take mine.

As I'm still desperately trying to hold onto my last breath I realise that without fresh oxygen getting to my brain the hallucinations have started already. The water no longer illuminated by the sunlight above the water, but illuminated by a strange glow below me. My head lulls to the side and I look beneath me and see a green orb of light. I move my fingers toward it, my fingertips brushing the warm, smooth surface watching it grow bigger after I touch it. I'm definitely hallucinating, no longer able to keep my breath in it escapes from my mouth, but instead of floating up in the direction of the surface the bubbles push past my face, sinking underneath me - as all the other bubbles around me are now doing too, all pushing past me disappearing beneath me. I briefly wonder if I've somehow turned or reoriented in the water but in the darkness I realise I have no idea which way is up anymore.

And then I'm being pushed up, or down? The blackness pushing in on me swallowing my vision and most of my consciousness as the pulsing pain in my lungs becomes too much to bear, and water pushes into my mouth and up my nose. I stop being aware of much but I have the odd sensation of breaking the surface of the water and I'm thrown from the water, the force expelling the water from my chest, as I take a dizzying breath and hit the ground. Quickly losing consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's just to build some suspense. Before the next chapter which will be a full length one.
> 
> Also, i'm not sure how the next will go down with everyone so I've decided (Since it wa sthe inspiration for this fic in the first place!) that i am going to include it, but i'm structuring the next couple of chapters so that chapter 15 can be read as part of the story or not if it's too 'out there' it doesn't make much impact on the rest of the story... if that makes sense? Since i'm uploading today the next will be next Sunday now, unless i get it finished up in the week (Which i'll try as i should really do the next 2 uploaded around the same time incase 15 is writen off.
> 
> ALSO exciting news! i have the next 12 chapters summerised. i just need to expand them and clean them up a little! that will lead to the next inciting incident and there will be a number of chapters more after that. i have summerised them though so I'm not sure how many will be after that. 10 more at least for sure.
> 
> Thanks again for reading loves!  
> <3


	15. Of Whimsy and WTF?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter is a little 'out there' (Well in comparison) but it is the very first thing that came into my head of this fanfic and what the original one-shot was based on and I had to write it, so I couldn't not include it. Its whimsical though, I think anyway. Those of you that this is 'too far' for I'm going to try my best so that while this is a non-negotiable part of this fanfic, it can be ignored for the rest of the story if need be.**
> 
> Aren't you guys lucky?! 2 chapters in one go! It was finished early hours of this morning and I figure I need to be nice to you lovelies, because shit is about to hit the fan… So there's that. Most of the next chapter is written. I just need to write the starting part and clean the rest up a little (There's still writing notes all over it aha) That'll be up next Sunday or sooner if I chicken out of holding it off longer.
> 
> I'm also considering uploading my writing playlist..? Just songs I love that I listen to as I write the story, it's actually mainly the same ones and probably the reason for all the angst tbh.
> 
> So Fala is a dude canonically? I think I mixed the names up, that'll be fixed at some point. And also the talking in riddles thing.. that I completely forgot about.. that I'm not doing now.. That's a change. Yeah. 
> 
> Also I've noticed an annoying habit of mine that I sometimes refer to it as the Palace of Elfhame and sometimes the Castle of Elfhame. I don't actually know what it technically is as it's under a hill? Though in the map it's labelled as Palace so I'll try to stick to that.
> 
> Unbeta'd and grammar not throughly checked.

I wake up, confused and try to remember what happened. Why I'm lying in grass near a lake by myself, soaking wet but not cold as the high sun is beating down on me and why I'm clutching a strange green stone. And then I remember. Nicasia and Locke… and Taryn. I push myself into a sitting position, scanning the clearing for them, wondering what they'll do since the Lake obviously failed to kill me. Not seeing them I marginally relax, but I know I need to get out of here before they come back. I look at the stone in my palm, it's small about the size of my pinkie fingernail and kind of reminds me of an emerald a small amount of dark liquid sloshing about in the hollowed out middle of it. And I consider letting it drop to the ground but I decide to keep hold of it, it's kind of pretty. I tuck it into my wet bra and push myself to my feet, my chest protesting the movement.

I know when Taryn lead me here we were going north-west so my best bet for finding the palace again, would be to go south-east until I recognise my surroundings. It takes me longer than I will willingly admit to anyone for me to recognise where I am, from there I make it to the palace rather quickly. The sun is still high in the sky and I estimate there's a few hours yet until the palace starts to stir and everyone wakes up ready for the fae 'day'. Should be relatively easy to get into the palace, if I keep my head down hopefully I won't invite too many questions and it won't get back to the King that I'm waltzing into the palace only slightly damp, due to the heat and the sun, and unescorted.

I approach the kitchen door, figuring it's my best bet to avoid anyone that will tattle on me. I keep my head down as I planned but it doesn't escape my notice the guard stationed there laughs quietly. I don’t bother to look up at him, instead I grit my teeth and stalk into the palace, avoiding eye contact with everyone until I find myself in a empty corridor with a mirror.

I look at my reflection and sigh. My hair has dried wavy so I pull a hair band from my wrist and roughly put it up in a messy bun, emphasis on _messy_ bun, ignoring the pull of my sore chest muscles when my ribs expand with the motion. My clothes are still slightly damp and a little uncomfortable but not nearly as much as they were when I first awoke. I rub a hand over my face, deciding I'll get out of these clothes, nap and then deal with them. I pick up my skirts and as I make my way to my rooms, I'm half tempted to deal with them myself, if I surprise them they won't get the best of me again, but I realise it will feel much better if I involve the King. That way I'll get to see their stupid faces when they realise they fucked up. Lost in my musings of how I would like that to go down I don't realise immediately that I'm now trailing down a corridor shortly behind two males who are talking away just ahead of me, neither having noticed me yet.

Neither are in guard uniforms so that could explain why I am unable to immediately recognise them, neither their clothes or their manner familiar. And their clothes are nice, well made, so perhaps two members of the gentry? But why would they be in the palace at the time of day? I move forward quietly, shortening the gap between us but remaining far enough behind to not be suspicious or suspected of listening in to their conversation if they were to turn.

"…I'm telling you. She will be nothing but trouble. Her and that child of hers." One says to the other. His voice gravelly and deep. With a strange accent.

The second fae sighs and I see him lift his arm to his face briefly. "I know that." He snaps, in a well spoken voice that is both richer and a much clearer Elfhame accent. "But the King will not take action. He is being a ignorant fool allowing her to do as she pleases with the gentry."

"Perhaps there may be something that could be done?" The first replies in a hushed tone.

"And what is it you suggest? He is aware of her games, it is why he refused to title her as a consort when they dabbled, but he has still allowed her to insert herself into court." The second growls. What on earth is this about? The King has consorts? Or had consorts in my absence, non-official ones at the very least.

"I'm told the Undersea Queen is very knowledgeable on the location of certain fungi that may help your predicament." The first says to the male next to him. Orlagh? The blusher mushroom perhaps? But why? I didn't think many people were aware of Orlaghs involvement with the blusher mushroom.

"That is talk for another place, not here." The second says quickly. "Meet me at Hollow Hall this evening. We shall talk then."

Hollow hall? Who are these people?! I narrow my eyes at them, trying to pick out anything distinguishable. Seeing the first male is in well made clothes, of mostly greens and browns, with muddy brown hair and absolutely no distinguishing features I can see from the back and the second male is taller, with black hair and very well made dark blue clothes I get a little frustrated, about to close the gap between us when the men abruptly come to a halt, causing me to pause too.

"It will be done, Prince." The first man says, raising a hand to his chest and bowing his head slightly before turning and walking my way. I mean to watch him as he passes to get a better description but as he takes his first steps away from where they stopped, the other male turns to watch him leave and I freeze.

I blink rapidly sure I'm hallucinating. Maybe the deathsweet is in my head still and I'm not awake yet? That would explain all the craziness. Or maybe I hit my head when Taryn pushed me in the Lake? A concussion or brain damage even from the seconds without oxygen? Something that can explain why I'm staring at Prince Balekin. The same dark hair, the same harsh look on his face he always had, I drop my eyes and there are the thorns on his hands that I know are up his arms too. My mind plays a short horror story of my experiences of him. Attacking the King while I hid, the abuse in Undersea, the duel that killed him. The other man passes me and Balekins eyes leave him and slide over to me, noticing my stare.

His face changes into a sneer when he sees me before it changes again as he looks me up and down, striding towards me. His fingers grasp my chin and I'm still frozen to the spot. The air prickles and I panic, whatever is happening, is my geas still working? "You're a pretty young thing, aren't you? For a mortal anyway." He turns my head this way and that, before making me face him again. "I have things to do, so run along and attend your duties. But seek me out later." My skin tingles as the glamour tries to settle over me, unsuccessfully. My face relaxes as I realise the geas still works and Balekin must take that as confirmation his glamour took hold. He releases my chin and I immediately turn the way I came and run down the corridor. Not stopping until I'm outside the palace and sat against a tree.

My breathing is coming in harsh quick pants and I'm not 100% it's just the running. As I start to feel my pulse in my head and my fingertips and nausea climbing up my throat I realise that maybe the events of the last 24hrs are maybe a little too much for me to handle. My mind races trying to come up with a plausible explanation of what I just see, stress, a concussion, a dream. It was a offhand thought earlier but maybe I never woke up from the Deathsweet. Maybe I'll never wake up.  Nope, that isn't helping. I bring my knees up, leaning forward and placing my head between my knees. This is supposed to help right? It's a anxiety trick Vivi used to make me do when I was with her for those months when I panicked.

Vivi taught me the 5 things too. Okay, so 5 things I can touch? No that's not right, 5 things I can see. I lift my head, I can see the grass. It's lush and green instead of browning like when I left there's no ice either. I can see a woman painting a short ways from me. I can see the peculiar leaves on the tree branches above my head. I can see the sun, still high in the sky but beginning to slip behind the trees. I look to my hands, I can see a tiny version of myself in my wedding ring. My pulse starts to slow, the pounding in my head easing and my chest aching from the quickened breaths.

So I keep going, 4 things I can touch. I move my hand behind my back and place my palm on the bark of the tree, it's rough but not dry or flaky. I then move my hands down into the grass, closing my eyes and focussing on the feel of the blades of grass between my fingers. My left hand finds a small stone in the grass as I run my fingers through it, I pick it up and run my fingers over the smooth surface. And finally I move my hands over my dress, the damp and stiffening cloth is mostly soft beneath my fingertips. I lean my head back, the pulsing only in my fingers and ears now and my breath coming a bit easier again.

3 things I can hear. I can hear the girl sat near me painting, she's grumbling about something but I can't make out the words. I can hear the leaves above my head rustling in the very slight breeze. And I can hear chatter, getting closer. I open my eyes to see to ladies of the court wander by on the way to the palace, once I'm sure they haven't noticed me I close my eyes again and continue.

2 things I can smell. I can still smell the lake water on me. Even if it wasn't up my nose the smell is all over my drying clothes and as the breeze gently wraps around me I get stronger whiffs of it. And I can smell… I concentrate, trying to pick out a smell. I smell paint. The girl is sat near enough that I occasionally get the smell her paints pass over me on the breeze.

And finally, as my body finally calms itself down and I feel better, one thing I can taste. That one is easy. I can still taste the lake water. It's not unpleasant but it's not something I would willingly want to drink again. My body relaxed I lean further against the tree, my eyes still closed. I briefly peek an eye open to watch the girl painting for a moment, but I doubt she even realises I'm here. She's still grumbling to herself about something. I close my eye again and sigh. There has to be a explanation for this, maybe the King has cousins? And one resembles his dead older brother. Even in my head that sounds crazy. So I guess concussion it is then, I should probably get myself checked out, unsure if I should mention to the healer that I'm seeing dead faerie Princes, if the King heard that he'd probably lock me up, the living council would for sure. Does Faerie have a sanatorium? Or would it be the Tower of Forgetting? I'm starting to panic again as my inner turmoil is interrupted by a shrill shriek, my eyes pop open and I sit up straighter as the girl who is painting shrieks again and turns, looking around, her eyes find mine and I recognise her immediately.  

"You there." She shouts at me, her voice carrying just fine over the small distance without the need for such a volume. I'm still staring at her as I realise that Princess Caelia has addressed me, I lift my finger to my chest in question, just to make sure. "Yes, you. Go take care of him. He's complaining he's thirsty. For Mabs sakes, stop touching!" I sit stunned for a moment looking at this young Caelia as she turns and snatches something from at her feet, where I'm assuming her painting case is. Her skin as beautiful and her hair just as glittering as the older version I knew, but only just brushing her collarbones at this age. She can't be much younger than I am. She's sat at an easel painting under the shade of a tree I'm sat by. I feel the prickle in the air a moment before she speaks again "Now. Go take him now, he's being a brat."

She must think I'm one of the palace servants. I guess that's what I get for choosing a spot out in the open to rest and calm down. Not wanting to let on that I'm unable to be glamoured I immediately nod and get to my feet. Turning around I look for a faerie boy who is annoying her, not really seeing anyone until I'm closer to her. My eyes settle on a little boy sat playing with the painting case Caelia has at her feet, as I get closer the little boy looks up at me and I feel my stomach drop. Coal black eyes too big for such a little face meet mine and I take in the messy black hair flopping in his eyes and the pout on his face just a moment before my eyes then fix on the tail, lashing about behind this little boy.

I almost falter in my steps as I realise this is Cardan.

I don't know what to do now, do I pick him up? Or just walk and expect him to follow? I make a quick decision and decide to gently remove the paintbrushes and paint pots from his little fingers. I then grasp his hand and pull him into standing up.

"Thirsty" He tells me, I can still hear him in this tiny boy. But his voice is quieter and softer than what it's like as an adult. I nod at him and tug on his hand, keeping my face blank while Caelia looks at me with a strange expression. He starts to follow after me as I walk and I breathe a sigh of relief as Caelia doesn't question me instead returning to her painting.

As we walk I look down at Cardan. I estimate he's about 2 years old, maybe 3? So I must be in, what? I do the metal math, 2000? If this is 2000, and somewhere around, spring I'm guessing by the weather, me and Taryn are due this Autumn. So my mother has been gone from faerie for more than 2 years at this point. I've not completely ruled out  a concussion or a poison coma so there's a chance she may be wandering around here somewhere. I shake my head gently, pain rattling through at the movement but wonder what crazy thing will pop up next? Perhaps Taryn is here? Or Grima Mog? I've not seen her since our duel. But that apparently means nothing as Balekin was here earlier and I'm currently holding a tiny version of my husband...

I walk baby Cardan through the palace entrance, where I figure he would have been taken had anyone else had to see to him. The guards not saying anything as I hold my chin up a blank look still on my face as I walk past them with Cardan trailing behind me. Since he's thirsty I turn towards the kitchens, wondering what he drinks at this age, I know his favourite drink as an adult but I can hardly give a toddler faerie wine. I get to the corridor that leads to the kitchen when I hear someone call out. 

"You there, stop" I immediately recognise the voice as Lady Asha. Cardans mother. I turn, expecting her to ask about why I'm carting her son off somewhere but pull up short as I notice the glass of wine in her hand and the gold around her irises. I immediately cast my eyes down, blank faced and quiet. The last thing I need is her realising my similar appearance to my mother.

"There you are Carridwen." She sighs, I peek up, she's addressing Cardan. "I thought I'd left you in the throne room with your brother." Wait she doesn't even know her child was outside? I had heard she was a terrible mother but I assumed she'd cared at least a little.

"What are you doing with him?" She asks, and I realise she's talking to me now. I glance up before lowering my head again.

But before I can speak. "Thirsty." Cardan says again.

"Very well." She sighs in irritation and I feel a prickle over my skin. "Take him to Catalina. She'll be prowling around here somewhere."

"Yes, my lady" I nod my head and briefly look up at her, hoping my face doesn't betray my anger at her parenting methods. I go to turn, carrying on the way we were going.

"Wait" Asha snaps, I stop, without looking up at her again. "Tell me your name" she demands, the sentence punctuated by a prickle against my skin again.

"Charlotte, my lady" Lie, I was stupid for looking up, Asha was friends with my mother, maybe she thought she saw a resemblance.

"Your full name girl." She snaps again at me.

"Charlotte Martinez, my lady" I answer, it was the name of a girl that was at Roses slumber party and the only name I can remember right now through my panic that she'll look at me too closely.

"Thirsty!" Cardan demands, his voice a little louder than before.

"Hmm, off you go." She tells me. "And pick him up, foolish girl. He has an annoying habit of slipping away" With that last order Lady Asha leaves.

"Carridwen? Catalina?" I sound out, confused by most of that conversation. "Is Catalina the cook?" I ask, crouching down to Cardan. Placing my hands under his arms I pick him up and rest him on my hip. Much like how I used to hold Oak when he was little. "So you're Carridwen?"

"Cat. Cat" Cardan says excitedly, grasping the top of my dress with one hand as he wiggles a little. I hold him tighter to make sure I don't accidently drop him.

"Seriously?" I ask him, rolling my eyes, I had heard about that too. "No." I tell him, he briefly stops wiggling looking at me with a odd expression and I wonder if he's actually ever been told 'no' before.  I don't go looking for a cat, if Lady Asha wishes him to have milk he can have some from the ice box. Instead I take him to the kitchen, thankful to see it's empty. The staff must be out gathering supplies. I find a cup and place it on the side, setting Cardan next to it. Then I go to take some milk from the ice box and see a plate with half a fruit cake on it. I look back at Cardan, who is watching me curiously, before I decide fruit is one of the recommended 5 a day, so why not - I grab the plate too. I set the milk down and the plate looking for a knife, I see one in the wash pot and quickly wipe it on my skirts. I pour a glass of milk and cut a slice of cake, putting the knife down on the far side of the plate.

I crouch down a little and Cardan looks at me, his eyes quickly going back to the cake and then back to me. "Carridwen, you're not to tell anyone of this, okay?" He watches me, looking slightly unsettled as the command settles over him. He eyes the cake then me again. "Go ahead, I won't tell if you don't"

He immediately grabs for the cake, trying to shove the whole slice in his mouth. "Yum yum" He says, a mouthful of half chewed fruitcake visible as he talks. He swallows quickly shoving the rest in his mouth too. He chews quickly and picks up his cup of milk slowly and takes big gulps of it, swallowing the cake back. He lowers his cup and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, giving me a big grin.

"Can I ask you a question? And you'll answer me honestly?" I ask him, wondering about something. Unsure he'll be able to tell me, or want to tell me honestly. He nods slowly at me as I take a pinch of cake and pass it to him. "What's your mother's name? her real one? Like you know how people saying 'Carridwen' makes you do things you don't want to do? Do you know your mothers one?" He nods slowly at me again, seeming reluctant. "Can you tell me it?"

He doesn't speak right away. And I wonder if he's already been taught about the importance of these real names. "Aethelwyne Asha Ayanna" He tells me, his pronunciation perfect. I repeat it and he nods. I wonder if that's actually it?   

"You know, you're almost bearable like this" I coo at him, reaching out a hand to tickle his little belly as he giggles. "You're actually kind of adorable" I pull my hand back, fully expecting him to vomit if I continue to make him laugh like this so soon after basically swallowing a slice of cake whole. I cut a smaller slice this time and pass it to him, booping him on the nose "Slower this time, Carridwen. Otherwise you'll be sick." I lean my arms on the side next to him as he starts to take smaller bites of this second slice. He watches me with a funny look on his little face for a while as he finishes up, draining the rest of his milk. I pour a little more into his cup, and pinch off another bite of cake, handing it over to him. He immediately shoves it in his mouth.

He swallows and the air prickles. "Take me. Take me away" He says and my heart breaks a little for him. I realise that someone showing him the smallest bit of affection and care is something he isn't used to so he's trying to glamour me. To take him away from here, and look after him.

I shake my head sadly at him "I'm sorry, but I can't do that, little one."

He reaches up to my ears and runs his little hand over the curve. He stares at me concentrating "Take me away" He demands, his little voice forceful. I shake my head at him, pinching another bit of cake for him to have.

"Berwies?" He asks, looking to my necklace, confusion on his face as he sees no rowan berries.

"No, no berries. I'm special." I whisper to him, before I continue at a normal volume. "If I were 1000% sure this is some crazy coma dream I would whisk you away from this place and these horrible people. But on the off chance this is somehow real, there's a way this has to go. I'm so sorry Cardan." I explain, ruffling his hair a little and then brushing it out of his eyes.

"Car… Cardan?" He tries out, his little face focussed as he sounds out the name I know him by.

"It's your name, isn't it? The other one you use?" I ask him, softly.

"No, Carrwidwen." He points to himself. "Car-dan" he tries the word out again and grins at me. Obviously he likes it. Then it clicks and Ooops, did I just rename him? With his name? Oh well, I figure he'd have come up with it at some point anyway.

"I would take you if I could, I really would. There's a lot of struggles and pain to come for you, little one. And it'll all start with the untimely death of a mortal in favour with Val Moren, you know him right?" He nods at me, confused. "That incident isn't going to help your opinion of us mortals." I sigh, and give him another pinch of cake. "Just try to remember that it isn't your fault. Your brother is an arsehole." He cocks his head and swallows quickly. A second later I hear the footsteps too. I push off the side, throwing a nearby cheesecloth over the remaining piece of cake on the plate.

I turn as the person enters the kitchen and see it’s Princess Elowyn. I quickly dip in a curtsy. "You, _Asha-_ " She spits the name "-has requested Carridwen be taken to Underhill estate. The children are having a gathering of some sort and I don't wish to subject myself to that. Take him there, immediately." She promptly turns on her heel and leaves. I'm relieved she didn't question anything. I turn to Cardan.

"Come on then Cardan. Let's get you to Underhill estate." I say cheerfully. If I can keep him in my care. at least just for today I can make sure he's fed something other than cat milk. The only problem - If this is a dream, I don't know when I'll wake up. I push the thoughts from my head and place my hands under his arms again, hoisting him onto my hip once more. Rather than go the way we came, and risk running into his 'mother' again, we cut through the kitchen and out through the servant entrance. From there it doesn't take long to walk through the gardens and across to Lockes estate. On the way I try to do some math to try to figure out what I'm walking into but I realise I have no idea of their ages or birthdates. I only know Cardans because I asked about it last month.

"Why don't you tell me about your friends while we walk over?" I ask Cardan, smiling down at him as he looks up at me.

"Log is my friend." He says and I figure he's saying 'Locke' he looks off in concentration and then says 'Val too, he's mean. And Nica, she's a fish" I laugh at that and he frowns at me.

We approach the door to the house and it swings open. A beautiful faerie with autumn coloured hair and pale skin waves us in. "Prince! How lovely you could join us." I stare at this beautiful ginger faerie and realise this must be Liriope. Lockes mother and consort to Eldred _and_ Dain.

"Cardan!" He grins up at her, pointing to himself. "Cardan!"

"Prince Cardan. How nice." Liriope turns to me, smiling prettily at me. "The children are all playing in the garden, remain with him please. I am expecting company" She ushers us forward, pointing down the hall and closes the front door, I figure I'm dismissed so I continue down the hall and out into the garden. I set Cardan down and he goes running off to the group of kids gathered around a small pond.

Toddler Locke, Valerian and Nicasia - and a few other kids I don't immediately recognise as toddling counterparts to faeries I know. I look back over the 3 I do know and get an irrational urge to kick them all, hard. I shake my head, realising I cannot kick children, even these arseholes. I turn and see a line of humans and a single wraith standing up by the wall in the shade, all with their heads down and I walk over to join them. But I refuse to bow my head, instead continuing to watch Cardan as he interacts with toddler versions of the faeries I hate most.

The only time when I do bow my head is when Liriope emerges from her house, followed closely by Prince Dain. It hits me all at once that out of everyone here, whenever here is, he's the one that's the most danger to me because his glamour would work. I keep my head down until the sounds of Liriopes giggles have long faded. I raise my head again, and search for Cardan. Finding him quickly, they're playing tag now, Cardan running and giggling his head off as the others chase him. Valerian is the closest to him, but not fast enough to catch him, even though he looks older than Cardan is. Nicasia is stumbling a lot but trying to run after him, a little pout present on her face every time she falls, I wonder how long she's had legs at this point? If she was fostered here from the beginning or if it's a more recent thing. And Locke is staying by her side, reaching to pull her up each time she falls.

My eyes find Cardan again just as Valerian gets a smug look of determination mixed with victory on his face and he runs, jumping toward Cardan. He may not beat Cardan in speed but he's a lot bigger and by the looks of it a much better jumper than he is a runner. He grabs onto Cardans ankle as he lands and Cardan goes down, a look of sick shock on his little face as he realises what happened quickly, throwing his hands out in front of him to catch himself. He whimpers a little and kicks at Valerians hand, freeing himself as I take a step forward to do just that. I step back in line as Cardan gets himself up and brushes off his clothes, frowning at Valerian as he gets to his feet too.

"No fair" Cardan mutters. "Cheat"

"I didn't cheat" Valerian says, crossing his arms and looking down his nose at Cardan. "You just aren't good enough at this game. Tag!" he yells, pushing Cardans shoulder with more force than necessary. Cardan stays still for a moment, glaring at Valerian as he runs away from him.

Cardan may be faster than Valerian but because Valerian is bigger he climbs up things and jumps over things Cardan has to run around, causing him to lose whatever space he gains on Valerian with his speed. Locke and Nicasia still not properly participating in the game, Valerian turns to torment Cardan wiggling his fingers at his nose and Cardan growls at him, starting to get frustrated. As he turns around I see Valerian eye up the patch of grass in front of the nannies and I smile wickedly as I realise what I'm going to be able to do. Valerian feints left as Cardan gains on hm again, Cardan going to cut him off by going left at a diagonal but at the last moment Valerian turns right instead, causing Cardan to have to completely change direction to catch up with him.

I wait, holding myself still for a few more moments and then as he's close enough I quickly stick my foot out. Valerian doesn't see it as he's turned to torment Cardan again and he hits my foot and goes sprawling to the floor. Cardan focuses and pushes himself a little faster, jumping slightly and landing on valerian yelling "TAG!" while laughing. I laugh with him as he turns and grins at me. Cardan stands up and moves back a little as Valerian gets to his feet and in Cardans face.

"No, you didn't win. You cheated by getting the worm to help you" Valerian sneers at him.

"Did not!" Cardan protests. As Valerian rounds on me.

The air prickles and I try to bite back my smile, failing miserably. Oooh he's going to enjoy this. "Get on your knees, kiss my feet and apologise, worm." Valerian demands, a self-satisfied grin on his face. How old is he?

"She's not worm. She's Charlotte" Cardan yells as he tries to pull Valerian away from me. I just smile wider at the little blonde brat in front of me.

"Is she deaf?" Valerian shouts, angry I didn't immediately hop to I guess.

"No" Cardan replies as he stops struggling with Valerian, finally turning to face me and relaxing as he sees I'm not on my knees. Nicasia and Locke catch up and look confused at what the commotion is.

"On your knees!" Valerian yells at me again, the air prickles against my skin and he stares at me unblinking.

"She's special" Cardan whispers, tugging at Valerians arm as I smile down at him.

"She's not special, she's a mortal worm. Unworthy and useless." Valerian says, sounding like it's something he's reciting from a lesson. I wouldn't be surprised.

"And you -" I bend down to get in his face, finally breaking my silence. "- are a stupid little boy that apparently doesn't ever learn his lesson. Shame really. If I find out you cheat like that again with the Prince, I'll sneak into your room at night, cut your fingers off and feed them to my dog." I say sweetly, still smiling at him. Nicasia gasps and Locke backs away from me a step. Cardan stays put though, I smile at him to before I look back at Valerian. "Understand?"

"Dogs don't eat fingers" He laughs but it sounds off, forced.

"Mine does, I wasn't careful enough once when I was asleep." I say, shrugging and lifting my hand to show off my missing fingertip. "This was eaten." That part isn't a lie and as I stare him down as I say it I know he realises that part, at least, wasn't a lie. "Understand?" I ask again, more forcefully.

"Yes" He says quietly, backing away until he trips backward over a discarded toy, turning and scrambling for the house.

I should feel bad for scaring a 4, maybe 5 year old so, but I have little patience for him, no matter what age he is. And the other 2. I look to them next. "You two as well. No cheating." I stare them each down and they both go running back to the house, following Valerian.

Cardan is still stood in front of me, grinning away and I figure that's probably the closest I'll get to a thank you from toddler Cardan, unsure if he even knows those words and their meaning yet.

"Come on. I've had enough of them now, how about you?" I ask him, he nods quickly taking my outstretched hand. It doesn't take us long to get back to the palace, but rather than take him in we sit in the gardens by the fountain. I sit him on the edge of it and tug off his shoes and socks, giving his toes a little tickle, remembering Oak used to like his 'tootsies' tickled when he was little. I kick my shoes off and grasp my skirts, stepping up on the edge of the fountain and then putting my feet in the water and sitting on the edge.

Cardan watches me curiously before he copies what I did. Turning and dipping his feet in the water too. A small giggle erupting from his throat as he kicks his feet up, splashing the water up and it turning into a full on belly laugh as I start to kick up too. We're there for ages, kicking up the water and splashing about. When I notice the sun is almost set, I need to find him some food and then figure out where he sleeps. "Are you hungry?" I ask him, stepping from the fountain. Shaking excess water from my feet before I put on my shoes once more. I hold my hand out and he takes it as I help him down, drying his feet with my skirts before replacing his socks and shoes.

"Yes" he says quickly. I laugh and pick him up once more, settling him on my hip again.

"Where do you usually sleep?" I ask him.

"Cat. Cat" He tells me.

"That won't do" I say, poking his belly as a plan formulates. If today is the only day I have to show him a little kindness in his horrible early life then I'm going to make sure it’s a good end to the day too by letting him sleep in a proper bed. I walk around the outside of the palace and enter again through the kitchen. It’s a lot busier than it was before. So I place Cardan on the floor over by the door and tell him to stay put. I begin to move mostly unnoticed around the kitchen, collecting food to put on a tray. I guess the kitchen staff must assume I'm taking it where the other loaded trays are going, a revel perhaps? No such luck though, I finish filling the wide tray with meats, cheeses, bread, butter, salads and then fruits, cakes and chocolates too, and I go to walk out of the door. Whispering "Come along, Carridwen. Stay quiet and keep up." I feel him grasp onto the skirts at my back as I walk out of the kitchen and quickly make my way to the guest corridor. I figure one of these rooms has to be empty. It takes me a few tries but I find one that doesn't appear to be in use, quickly ushering Cardan inside and following him in, closing and locking the door behind us. I place the tray on the desk and move the chair to tuck under the doorknob to stop it from opening.

As I turn around I see Cardan stood at the desk, shovelling food in his mouth quietly. I laugh "Silly boy, this is for you, you needn't try to sneak it."

He stops chewing. "Mine?" He asks, looking at the tray.

"Yes, yours. I would like a little though if that's okay?" I ask. He nods. I smile at him and pull a spare blanket from the cupboard, glad things in my time are still stocked the same way. I lay it out on the rug and pick up the tray, placing it in the middle. "Have you been on a picnic before, Prince?" I ask him, gesturing to the space opposite me for him to sit down.

"Picnic?" He asks, shaking his head. He sits down and reaches again for the food.

"Ooh it's really fun!" I enthuse. "It's usually outside but I digress. You take a blanket, and food and play games." I separate a small section and subtly pull a ruined salt packet out of my top, hoping it still works. I salt my food and begin to eat the small amount I've allowed for myself and watching Cardan scoff the rest. Before long he's finished and swaying on the spot. He must be tired. Oak slept a lot when he was this little. I get up brushing the crumbs off my dress as I bend to pick him up and lay him on the bed, at the last minute grabbing spare pillows to create a little bed-guard in case he rolls over too far so he doesn't fall out.

I notice his eyes are still open and staring at me so I do the only thing I can think of. I climb on the bed and lay down next to him and begin to tell him a bedtime story, I tell him the only faerytale I know. The story of King Adrean. I try to kiddie proof it though, even though I'm sure he's subjected to worse on a daily basis.

I barely get past their secret marriage as he falls asleep. I pull the blanket up to his chin and carefully get off the bed, trying not to wake him up. Oak was a nightmare, if he had even a 5 minute sleep he would be awake hours after before getting tired again.

I quietly pick up as much of the crumbs as I can and place them on the tray before lifting it up off the sheet. I shake the sheet out before putting it in the cupboard, removing the chair and slipping from the room with the tray, locking the door behind me. I take the tray to the kitchens, dropping it on the closest piece of empty space I could see. Before turning on my heel and slowly making my way back.

"You. Stop" I freeze as I hear Lady Asha again. I turn toward her, keeping my head bowed. "Where is my child?"

I almost scoff that she remembers she even has one. "He was tired when we got back from Underhill estate" I drone in a monotone. "I left him to eat and sleep, my lady"

"Where?" She repeats again, pushing glamour into her question.

"With Catalina, my lady. She was in the receiving room when I left him with her." I lie, figuring she's not going to go look for him anyway.

"Very well. Ensure he is returned to me after breakfast." She says with a sigh as she turns to head back to the party.

After breakfast? I am so mad I almost forget what I was doing and make a quick decision, knowing this will end badly if he was wrong. "Aethelwyne Asha Ayanna, forget we had this conversation and go back to the revel." I call out an order, she freezes up, her hands balling into fists briefly before she relaxes as it settles over her and she continues her walk back to the revel. I shake myself out of the brief feeling of fear if it hadn't worked and quickly feel a flash of surprise and triumph, it is actually her name, I know her true name! this will be very handy when I return. Walking quietly back to the room I left Cardan in and letting myself inside. Locking the door and placing the chair against it again.

Once that’s done my eye is drawn to a piece of paper on the desk that I don't recall seeing before. Looking closer I see **_Jude Duarte._** Written on the front in a script that is becoming as familiar to me as my own. I lunge for the envelope immediately recognising it as one of Vivis enchanted ones. How did it get here? She didn't enchant it for time surely? How did it find me?! I eagerly tear the wax seal open and pull the letter out.

**Dearest Jude,**

**I don't know if this letter will even find you, where ever you are, but I hope so. It has been two weeks since you disappeared and everybody is claiming ignorance - even the Roach and the Bomb cannot seem to figure out where you went or how you managed to leave the castle with no one knowing you had left.**

**I thought at first that it was perhaps just another avoidance tactic. But now I'm growing rather concerned.**

**We are still looking for you and we WILL find you Jude, rest assured if you are away against your wishes or your absence was not your choice, we will bring you back home.**

**If you are gone of your own free will and do not wish to be brought back please could you at least just answer this letter to assure us you are unharmed and that we may relax and call off the search party?**

**Yours,**

**Cardan Greenbriar.**

**P.S I refuse to believe you left of your own volition. However if that is the case I expect you to tell me that to my face.**

Two weeks?! I've not even been here a day yet! I search frantically, but quietly, for a pen or a quill and ink in the desk drawers, shooting frequent glances to the sleeping toddler Cardan to ensure I'm not waking him up. I find one at last and turn the letter over and write a quick message to my Cardan, hoping whatever got it here that it has enough to get it back to him again.

**Cardan!**

**I don't know how you managed to get this letter to me, where I am. But I'm hoping you receive this reply.**

**Either I am incredibly wacked out on either a poison or faerie fruit or _something_ or I am in the actual past. As far as I can tell it's around 2000/2001. I'm trying to avoid as many people as possible but I've already had a couple of run-ins with your mother.**

**Help me please. I don't want to stay here. It's a miracle no one has commented on my resemblance to my mother.**

**It was a lake, somewhere near Underhill estate. I was pushed in and I awoke here. I am not going to write the names of the guilty party as I do not wish for you to punish them before I can be there to help. Once I'm back I'll spill all.**

**I'll go try the Lake tomorrow. Perhaps I can get back myself.**

**Wish me luck!**

**Jude.**

**P.S I'm not so much a coward that I would up and leave without shouting at you about it first!**

I stuff the letter back into the envelope and write on the front **_~~Jude Duarte.~~ Cardan Greenbriar. _** I barely finish the dot when it disappears from under my fingers. I sit at the desk, watching the space it disappeared from expecting it to show up again, it doesn't though. Eventually I give up and resolve to check again in the morning. 

 I quickly check on toddler Cardan, seeing he's still sleeping, as I pull a load of spare blankets and sheets and pillows from the cupboard and blow out most of the lights before I take off my shoes and settle on the floor. Wiggling to make myself comfortable.

In the moments before I fall asleep I feel confident when I awake tomorrow I will either be in my own bed, recovering from deathsweet, or I will be on the shore of that weird Lake, in the right time.

\-------

I awake abruptly in the morning to little fingers poking me on my face. My eyes shoot open in confusion as my memories return and I see toddler Cardan on his knees by my face, poking me in the brow with his fingers.

"Hungry" He whines, sleepily at me.

"Okay, little one." I say, rubbing my eyes and gently pushing his hand away from my face.

I sit up, wondering what the time is and quickly push myself up to my feet, bundling the sheets together and shoving them in the cupboard. "Can you give me a moment Cardan?" I ask, eyeing the bathroom door.

Once I'm done I move the chair and unlock the door. We emerge from the room and walk to the kitchen, once we get there I smell the freshly baked bread and assuming they're on the same schedule it's likely around 7am. Seeing no one is around and likely won't be for an hour or so, I look under the cloths for a plain bread, finding one I put it on a clan tray and dig through the ice box for milk, butter and cheese. I hoist Cardan up to sit on the kitchen island as I get to work on making our breakfast. Buttering the sliced bread, slicing the cheese and laying it over the top. I hand him a little chunk of cheese when I notice he's staring intently at the food and pour him a glass of milk too.

"You're going to taste something very special now. My absolute favourite food. Cheesy toasted bread. You may have had it before, but fae don't tend to butter the bread first which is weird" I tell him as I move over to the still lit fire. Placing our bread slices on the grill, I pick cardan up and move him so we can watch as the cheese bubbles. When the cheese begins to brown and crisp I quickly put Cardan down and move the grill out of the fire. Careful of cardan, still by my side I carefully shake the bread off onto the tray and dump the grill into the wash pot, hearing the sizzle.

Quickly, I cut the bread up into little pieces and pick Cardan back up, sitting him on the side next to the tray as I refill his milk cup. I separate the little pieces of cheesy bread, giving him more than I take and salt mine before eating it and sipping my own milk.

Cardan is on his last piece of bread when his eyes dart to the door to the kitchen. I turn around too and watch as Asha comes through the door. Half empty bottle of faerie wine in her hand that makes me think she's not finished partying yet or gone to bed.

"You again." She sneers at me. "What are you doing in here?"

"Feeding him, my lady. He found me and said he was hungry." I say, dipping my gaze to the floor.

"Why did you not leave him with Catalina?" she snaps. Moving forward and grabbing for Cardan.

"I could not find her, my lady" I lie. The cat could literally be outside the kitchen door and I wouldn't leave Cardan with her. I watch as Asha picks Cardan up off the side and places him on the floor, tugging him behind her.

"How dare you lie to me" Asha seethes. "Who do you think you are to make decisions on my child? He is a Prince of faerie and you are a lowly mortal servant."

"I apologise, my lady" Lie, I want to slap her. "I meant no disrespect"

"No accepted. I have little choice but to punish you for this." Asha, lifts her chin, looking down her nose at me. Cardan tries to get out front behind his mother and whimpers when he's pushed back. "Hush Carridwen" She snaps at him.

I look to Cardan, half hidden behind his mothers skirts. "It's ok, little one." I smile at him before looking back up at her. I don't have long so I have to make this quick. "Aethelwyne Asha Ayanna, you're to stand still and let me say my piece." The command settles over her. "One, start looking after your child better! You're his mother first and a court whore second, understand? No more Catalina. Give him proper food and a proper bed. Second, make Prince Dains life hell as much as you can without causing serious repercussions for Carridwen. He's an arsehole and he deserves it. You'll agree with me a few years down the line." I almost leave it there but I need to protect myself for when they meet me again later. "Oh and also once I walk out of here, you'll forget what I look like. You too Carridwen" I tell him, the command settling over him too.

Asha throws her bottle on the ground, causing Cardan jump and quietly cry. The air prickles as she looks at me, her face a mask of rage "You're to go to Tower of Forgetting. Tell them Lady Asha sent you and they’ll find you a special 'room'" She sneers at me. "That's if you make it that far. Mortals I send don't usually arrive in one piece, if they arrive at all." She laughs.

"Can I say bye to him first?" I ask, I can't stop myself as I angle myself to see past her to Cardan, still quietly crying and holding his mothers skirts.

Asha growls at me and the glamour prickles against my skin again. "No. Leave. Immediately." She demands. Not wanting Asha to release I'm immune to her glamour I choose to leave through the door behind her so I can walk past Cardan on my way out.

As I pass I whisper to him. "It's okay Carridwen, it'll be okay." I tell him, ignoring Asha and her rapidly reddening face.

Asha pushes another glamour at me again more forcefully this time. So having little choice I leave, ensuring I'm blank faced like the glamoured servants around me, as I go. I keep that up until I'm out of sight of the palace, in the closest copse of trees, which is when I circle back and start picking through the forest to find the Lake again.

It's close to midday when I finally find it. And it's so hot, I have sweat dripping down from my hairline and down the back of my neck, so I don't hesitate to wade into the strange still waters of the Lake of the Lost immediately. I get far enough in to not be able to feel the ground beneath my feet anymore and paddle as I take deep breaths, trying to be ready for when I'm sucked under the water.

When the minutes pass and I've been paddling for nearly 30 minutes with nothing happening I sigh, almost giving up I decide to try one more thing. I take a deep breath, holding it and diving under the water. I keep kicking and kicking myself down the water feeling like just water this time, I stop holding myself in place but still nothing happens. Giving up, I kick back to the surface, sucking in lungful after lungful of air, my chest still residually aching from yesterday. There's something I'm missing, I think, as I wade to the edge ready to crawl out and regroup.  

But as I get to the part where my feet touch the bottom of the lake a hot, bright spark flashes against my chest and something coils around my ankle. I look down managing to breathe in quickly as I'm pulled under the water. I slowly sink toward the bottom, being dragged down by the vine, the water taking on that viscous quality as I watch the bubbles float above my head in the rapidly darkening water. I'm holding my breath in a hard as I can, a crushing weight wrapping around my chest and my head is pounding as I begin to feel disoriented and sleepy. The darkness crowds in on me before the water is once again illuminated by a strange green glow - only this time it's coming from me, from my chest. I look down at myself to see the expanding glow once more, elated that it's working. That I'm going back.

The bubbles shift and begin to push below me instead of rising upwards and I release a little of my air to be sure that I'm moving up, the bubbles quickly pushing across me and disappearing below as water starts to push in my mouth and up my nose. Then I quickly become aware of the pushing up, up, up, with the vine uncoiling from my ankle and disappearing. The light on the surface muted but quickly growing bigger and bigger as I start to lose my consciousness again. The black almost overtaking my vision completely as I'm thrown from the water, expelling the water that managed to push into my lungs with the force of the impact of landing on the shore.

I become vaguely aware of the cold, of the ice below my fingers and the dark grey clouds above my head as I quickly lose consciousness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to add in a true name for both Cardan and Asha. I hadn't planned to do one for Asha but reading the Prologue and Chapter 1 and 2 of QON made me mad. Dain deserves to be inconvenienced as much as possible and she deserved a dressing down for being a dick. - if you haven't read it ensure you do and you'll be right there with me.
> 
> Should this be too 'out there' feel free to ignore this chapter. It'll pick up next chapter where it'll be seamless enough to disregard this one, if need be.
> 
> Side note… I use the five things method for anxiety. It actually helps! It really grounds me in the present when things get too much. 
> 
> Thanks for your continuing support and comments, lovelies.  
> Brace yourself for what's coming for you.


	16. Of Madoc and Mortals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying a word about this chapter. 
> 
> Except it's only just 5k. It's unbeta'd. 
> 
> And I was going to wait to upload this but I'm struggling with the beginning of the next chapter and I figure uploading already might incentivise me to get it done quicker. 
> 
> Drops and runs….

I wake up, laying on the ground wet and cold on the ice that is covering the ground below me. I shiver violently and open my eyes, the sight of the supernaturally smooth surface of the lake in the bleak light filtering into the clearing chasing away the lingering thoughts of dreams of a small Cardan and long dead faerie royalty. I lay still for a moment gathering myself, the cold seeping easily through my wet dress, before push myself up and get to my feet. I look around the clearing, cursing myself that I didn't bother to check who was around before I got myself up. But sigh in relief when I realise I'm here utterly alone like the last time. I tilt my head back looking up to the sky, wrapping my arms around myself I take in the overcast sky, the dark grey clouds blocking out any sign of the sun or blue skies I just came from.

Dropping my head I take in the ice covering the ground and the wetness over the trees and shrubs. If the weather is back to crappy there's a good chance I'm back to whereabouts I left. Perhaps the two weeks or so since I left as I remember Cardan writing I had been missing a while - if that was real. If _any_ of this is real. Given the weather is so cold and crappy I decide against hanging around, knowing I need to make my way to the palace, whether that's a good idea or not. I'm so cold and so tired, my head pounds and chest aches, growing more and more with each cold intake of breath, that I have little brain power left to tell me that may be a bad idea.

So I head out for the palace and it takes me a lot less time to find it this time. My common sense kicking in just before I break the tree line and I realise I'm better off scouting or at the very least watching the palace for a few moments before I go waltzing in there. I look to my hands seeing my fingers are turning blue and hurry to hide behind a tree with a clear view of the palace. Surprised to find a large number of guards milling around the outside of the entrance and around the perimeter, my mind unable to comprehend why the guards uniforms are green, I know it was discussed changing up the uniforms  in the reshuffle but I hadn't realised they'd already implemented a change and a small part of me pipes up that 2 weeks wouldn't have been enough time to change it on such a huge scale - so I must have been gone longer than that.

I don't really have it in me to face a ton of guards likely to exhaustively question me while I'm cold and wet and honestly on the verge of frostbite. So I turn and walk through the woods a little until I come across a grand old oak that I remember from my first night back. Luckily I got around to asking the Roach how I get in this way and he showed me the gnarled knot of vines at the base of the tree. Press and push up to click open the hidden door. It takes me an embarrassing moment or two to get my fingers to work in the right way to catch the latch, and the trunk opens. I look around, seeing no one about and step in, closing the door behind me. I hold my arm out and touch the wall at my side, using it to guide my way down the passage until I come upon the Court of Shadows. It's completely empty which I'm glad about. I walk into the office, not bothering with the mess on the desk or the disarray of the wall of information I made, I go over to the desk and remove the key I taped to the underside of one of the drawers.

It's the key to a small chest I left in the Court of Shadows kip room that has a spare change of clothes and a stash of my cut up poisons. Unfortunately as I open it, all it has in is another dress and mortal underclothes. I quickly strip off and change into the dry warm dress before I take my dose of poisons, thankful all I feel is some stomach cramps and slight nausea and not sickness or unconsciousness. I mill about a little before I end up finding Nightfell tucked in the corner next to the liquor cabinet, as I reach for it I don't remember the last time I actually had my sword on me, but thankful I've found it again.

I head back to the kip room, unable to focus on anything I'm seeing and wondering idly if I'll see the Roach, the Bomb or Cardan first. I lay on a cot at the end of the room, furthest from the door as I pull a blanket up to my chin to help warm me up.

I barely feel like I've been asleep long, when I heard a massive explosion and the roof shakes, raining dust and small bits of loose stone down on me. I jump up, suddenly wide awake, and stare at the ceiling as I hear thumps, bangs and shouts. What is happening?! I grab Nightfell and strap a dagger around my waist and run from the Court of Shadows slowing once I get to the main level of the palace, looking around corners and listening for movement before I move on. Until I know what's happening I can't take too many chances.

I pop my head around a corner and immediately retreat as I see a guard in the corridor I was about to walk down. I press my back against the wall and quickly look around for an escape route if this is foe rather than friend, or either way. I don't have long though as the guard rushes round the corner, my eyes immediately focusing on his sword which is unsheathed and pointed at me, less than a arms length away from my chest. My breathing labours and I wonder how I'm going to get out of this one as suddenly the sword lowers. "Jude?" The guard stutters.

I look up then, recognising the guard in front of me and relaxing. "Nihelm!" I exclaim. Glad it's friend, not foe. I watch as emotions cross his face, surprise then relief then confusion. He's part of the Court of Shadows and a member of the group of guards responsible for protecting Cardan, who I don't see anywhere. "Where's the King?" I ask at the same time as he asks me another question.

"Where have you been?" He asks urgently, sheathing his sword and grasping my shoulders. "His majesty is overseeing the retaliation plans from Hollow hall, where have you been?!" he asks again, slightly shaking my shoulders.

Retaliation plans? Hollow hall? "I was.. I was glamoured by Taryn." I say, his face paling at the mention of my twin. "What's happening here? What was that explosion?"

"You've been gone months Jude, no one knew where you were and then the palace was attacked. It's in enemy hands. The explosion you heard was the beginning of our counter attack." Nihelm tell me, his eyes searching up and down the corridor ensuring no one is coming.

"Months?!" I shriek. Nihelm shushes me quickly. "What?" I ask quieter, unable to wrap my head around what he's saying. "Did Orlagh attack? Or Madoc? Or both? How? Why? Where's Cardan?" I voice each question as it passes through my head.

He just looks at me sadly for a moment his mouth opening and closing repeatedly before his hands leave my shoulders and grab for my hand. "Come, I'll show you" I can hear the fighting from here so when he pulls me along I follow quickly having to jog to keep up, luckily we manage to avoid anyone else and my guess is anyone that was in the halls ran to the source of the blast. He pulls me up the hidden stairwell that leads to the rafters but we don't climb onto the rafters, further into the room, instead just leaning over to watch the pandemonium unfolding below. I almost don't know where to look, my eyes flitting over so many different things happening. There's cream and gold armour mixed in with green armour and blue armour, creating a tapestry of fighting. With more cream and gold flooding in through a hole that's been blown out of the wall at the far side of the throne room. With more green and blue joining from the doors leading further into the palace.

"The cream and gold is the High Kings army. And blue is obviously the Undersea, which means green is…" I trail off my eyes moving to the dais. There sat on the High Kings throne is Madoc. My eyes look to the side the Queens throne, _my throne_ , no longer there next to the Kings throne instead it seems to be in pieces across the dais and the immediate area. I see a couple of figures stood behind Madoc. One in green armour - Locke and one in blue armour - Nicasia. Nicasia is watching the fighting with a satisfied look on her face while Lockes eyes are locked on something on the middle of the dais a few feet from Madocs feet. I gasp as I recognise the strange shape for what it is, or rather _who_. My eyes burn as I see my twin, chained and beaten on the dais, hopefully the stillness is just that she's unconscious and not dead.

"Why?" I ask, not having to explain what I mean and not having any more words to elaborate anyway.

"To lure the king" Nihelm says softly. "We all thought it was you and the King has been beside himself. We checked though, she's still alive Jude." He says placing his hand gently on my shoulder.

I relax a little and shake my head. "That won't work, he won't..-" I'm cut off as Nihelm moves his hand from my shoulder and points toward a small group of the High Kings army cutting through the fighting and moving toward the dais. My breath catches as I recognise the Bomb and the Roach, decked out in cream and gold armour at the front of the group clearing the way for another soldier just behind them. I panic when I recognise him, my breath catching. He's wearing the exact same cream and gold armour as his army, complete with helmet on his head, nothing setting him apart as the King but I'd know that arrogant walk anywhere.

"I have to get down there, I have to stop him" I panic, not waiting for a reply I run from the rafters, Nihelm quickly following behind me, I rush down the stairwell and then the corridors to the throne room. Drawing Nightfell I don't hesitate to jump into action, charging for the blue Undersea soldiers closest to the door. When one turns around and catches sight of who has just arrived he signals to the soldiers around him and five more turn to face me. I go for the right and Nihelm goes for the left.

It takes me a few minutes but I manage to incapacitate the soldiers in front of me so I turn to see how Nihelm is doing, I notice immediately that he managed to fell two but the third is still standing, stood over him while he is groaning and covered in blood on the floor. I charge toward that soldier not noticing the two in green armour that have closed in on me until I slam to the floor, a blunt ache in the back of my head. My head spins and my vision tilts and blurs as I drop Nightfell and its kicked away from me. I reach out, stretching toward where it slid but before I can grasp it I'm kicked in the stomach and my world shifts again as I find myself laying on my back and clutching my side. "Cardan!" I yell. If I'm not going to get there in time I can at least call for him "Ca-" Two green armoured soldiers  descend upon me wrapping a piece of heavy cloth around the bottom part of my face, effectively muffling my words. I look back as that third solider impales Nihelm in the neck. I thrash, even knowing there's nothing I can do for him now.

"Apologies human, your father can't have you messing up his plan" One says roughly, hauling me to my feet and escorting me through the crowds of fighting to a place I can see the dais clearly but am not likely to be noticed hidden behind a group of green soldiers. As we approach the dais I stutter in my steps as I see the Bomb and the Roach swarmed by soldiers both blue and green, leaving the King to defend himself against a group of three Undersea and three of Madocs soldiers, they try to grab for him and for the most part he manages to hold his own. That is, until one manages to grab him and haul him up onto the dais, roughly removing his amour but leaving his helmet on. That's when Madoc gets up from the throne and walks around Taryn to the soldiers, he pushes the King to Taryns feet and kicks him in the ribs, sending him sprawling across the floor. He reaches for Taryn briefly, his fingertips just making contact with her ankle before he gets to his hands and knees, with one hand holding his ribs he sits up and the other hand reaches up to pull his helmet off. He shakes his hair out, the inky black strands sticking to his neck and head, he throws his helmet behind him and I watch as it lands at the feet of the solider stood in front of me.

Just then I'm struck with a sense of déjà vu as I miss a signal that causes Madocs men, all soldiers in green armour, to surround the bottom of dais facing outward with their swords raised. A horrible reminder of what should have been Dains coronation but ended up being the day most of Cardans family was killed.

From my position, even with my ring on my finger I can't hear anything that's being said, but the King speaks and gets to his feet, his eyes still on Taryn, his face unrelenting and blank but his body tense and his fists balled at his sides as he scans his eyes over her injuries.

Madoc laughs and gestures to Taryn on the floor, looking down at her and talking. I struggle against my captors but they hold fast to me, hands digging painfully into my upper arms. I watch as Madoc moves to the right side of the dais, forcing the King to move to the left, Madoc directly across from him, and Taryn still unconscious and chained on the floor between them.

My captors quietly reposition us behind the King slightly to the side on the edge of the dais and still half hidden by a few of Madocs other soldiers. From up on the dais I can see Locke and Nicasia a little closer, stood on the other side of the throne behind Madoc, both outfitted in armour - Locke in ornamental green with a small wooden box in his hands and Nicasia in blue- from the pristine condition of them I realise it's all for show and neither one of them had any plans to actually get involved in the fighting. I find myself filled with white hot rage at seeing Locke stood by so compliant as his wife is in that state on the floor in front of him. My concentration is drawn by the conversation I can hear now I've been moved closer.

"I can see you're desperate to check on her. You may go ahead" Madoc looks pointedly to the Kings fingers, he's hand twitching like he's trying to stop himself from reaching for her. He immediately drops to the ground next to Taryn. His fingers gently brushing her wounds and the smears of everapple on her face, her chest, her arms, then running gently down her stomach and over her legs, before moving back up and settling on her neck as he whispers something to her that I can't hear. He's checking her pulse I realise, he visibly relaxes, exhaling loudly and crumpling a little, realising this girl he thinks is me, is alive still. Broken but alive.

"That's enough" Madoc snaps, calling one of his men forward. The soldier nears Taryn, drawing his sword and waving it in a motion to tell the King to backup as he reluctantly complies and backs up from her. His focus never moving from Taryn.

_Look back, just a glance. See me._ I silently beg, wishing he'd turn around.

The soldier presses his sword to a spot on Taryns neck, pressing in and drawing a small line in blood before withdrawing his sword but keeping it out. She must be really out of it, because she doesn't even stir.

"Stop!" The King snaps, taking a step toward her as the soldier raises his sword once more and causes him to pause and step back again.

"I don't take orders from boy kings in above their heads." Madoc laughs, he starts to pace on the other side of Taryn and Cardan spares him a quick glance before looking back at Taryn. "How I see it, you have options. 1, Marry Princess Nicasia and make her Queen of Elfhame. It'll strengthen the alliance with the Undersea and at least Elfhame would have one competent ruler."

Cardan looks up at Nicasia then, she stands straighter when he looks to her and doesn't bother to show her disappointment and anger when his eyes return to Taryn once more.

"Or 2, Abdicate the throne immediately and crown Oak, King of Elfhame. I sent Taryn to Viviane, she's prepared them to come upon a moment's notice for Oak to take his place on the throne. You never wanted this position, that was clear from your first months as High King. And surely being no King at all is better than being a puppet King, like you were under my dear daughters thumb, or a incompetent one much like how you are now. It's your choice, Prince" He gestures to the solider again, who cuts another line on Taryn, this time on her upper arm. "As you can see I have ways to persuade you to make your decision quickly."

"I choose neither. You would treat your daughter like this?" He raises his voice, looking to Madoc properly now.

"She knew what she was getting into before all this started" He replies offhandedly. So Taryn agreed to play distraction, I have to wonder if she agreed to all that it looked like had been done to her though.

"Either way, I'll be taking Jude and leaving. I will be thinking about your offer and will inform you of my answer in due time." Cardan moves toward Taryn again, but Madoc draws his sword now and points it at Cardans chest, halting him in his steps.

"That is not a possibility. My offer is only valid for now, option 1 or 2? I grow tired of this chit-chat and shall choose for you if you refuse" Madoc snaps. "Why not just Marry Princess Nicasia if you don't want to abdicate? You loved her once, make her Queen and this all stops"

"Because I am King, I will not be told what to do. Because you are right I loved her once, past-tense, my feelings have changed and I no longer feel that way for her. And most importantly I find I am unable to give that title to Nicasia - of all people." He says, voice still raised in anger.

_Please. Please turn around._ I beg him, still trying to slip from the grip of Madocs men.

"Why? What have you done?" Madocs face grows dark as he realises there's some information he isn't privy to and Cardan has no intention of sharing. I can see his mind whirling to come up with a plan when there's some information he doesn't have.

"That's neither here nor there. And my abdication will not work in your favour either. So hand Jude over and I'll be off, I'm not agreeing to either option and I know you won't kill me because who would crown Oak?" He asks.

Madoc smiles an angry secretive smile. He has something up his sleeve. He beckons Locke forward. Locke moves robotically, his face remaining blank and I realise he's been glamoured. My rage at him simmers a little, but not much as I'm not sure how he would have acted had he been of his own mind. As he reaches Madoc he opens the box and I see a flash of shiny black before Madoc reaches in. Madoc draws his hand back and that's when my heartbeat falters. He's got a gun. Why would he have that? Where did he even get it? I panic, even though I think he won't use it, convincing myself it's just a scare tactic. _Act a though you have all the cards, even if you don't._ As I thrash in my captors hold - my efforts to escape desperate now, I see Cardan take a step back, holding his arm out toward Madoc. I lean forward as much as I can and throw my head backwards to the right, my skull coming into contact with the guard on my right side. He's momentarily shocked and loosens his grip on my arm. It's all I need to rip my arm free of him and swing for the guard on my left, I straighten my fingers out and jab for the gap between his chest plate and his helmet. I feel my fingers make contact with the skin of his throat so I push as hard as I can and pull my other arm free.

I turn to break through the wall of the guards between me and the centre of the dais when I jump as a loud popping noise reverberates through my head. I see Cardan flinch and step backwards, bending forward slightly as his hands fly to his stomach. I push against the guards in front of me, unsheathing my dagger and slicing at their necks. They turn to me and grab my arm and my wrist, twisting until I drop my dagger and throw me to the floor in front of them. Keeping me in place by pressing a boot to my lower back before that becomes a knee and my hands are twisted behind me and held tight. Only one obstacle between me and the King now.

I look up from the floor, between the guards legs, to see Madoc smile directly at me before looking back at the King "Usually I wouldn't sully myself by using mortal weaponry, in my opinion, it is without honour. But I made a special allowance in this case." I look to Cardan still bent forward slightly one hand holding his stomach and the other loose at his side, at his feet a patch of little white flowers are beginning to bloom. "A Faerie _King_ killed by a weapon made by the mortals he loves so much. The irony was too much to ignore." Madoc laughs and cocks his head at Cardan before raising his hand again.

_No!_

He's not old enough to bleed moths like Eldred did. He just bleeds, and as the drops touch the ground they blossom into those white flowers, leaving a trail of blood on his chest and smears on his hands and clothes.

Another loud pop startles me and I see Cardan jerk, like his left shoulder has been nudged. He takes another step back and then falls to his knees with a groan, his hands braced on the floor. Madoc throws the gun back toward Locke and moves around Taryn. He places a hand on Cardans shoulder pushing him back into sitting to look down at him. Then fists his hand in his hair to pull his head back to look at him.

"Ah, see. Option 3, Dispose of you and track that pesky faerie Grimsen down. He'll have made progress with the new blood crown by now, I suspect. We won't even need to go looking for yours." Madoc ruffles Cardans hair before pulling back and kicking his ribs again. Cardan slams to the floor with another groan and doesn't move to get back up again. Madoc sits back on the throne, leaving Cardan to bleed out on the floor and waves to the guards behind me. "You can let her go now" The knee on my back and the hands that hold my arms are removed and I reach up myself to pull the gag off.

I quickly scramble to my feet and take off running. I skid to a halt on my knees next to him. Pressing my hands to his chest wound. I look up at Madoc "What have you done?" I scream at him. Briefly looking to Taryn then back up at him, glaring at him.

He chuckles "Awh, how sweet, my mortal ward and the boy King" He sneers down at me before he orders Locke and Nicasia out of the throne room, dispersing the majority of his guard from the room as he unchains Taryn and follows.

Cardan watches Madoc as he lifts Taryn and carries her from the throne room, looking back to me. "I couldn't not try."

"Shush" I hush, pressing my hands harder, my eyes flick to the stomach wound, unsure which I should be focused on, my mind a blur and my thoughts no longer making sense. His hand comes up to grip mine, I feel something cold and smooth before he closes my fingers and releases my hand. I press my fingers back against his chest, covering the gunshot. I notice his breathing is becoming shallower so I press my hands down with as much weight as I can bare and he flinches at the pressure as his fingertips graze my cheek. I have no idea what is happening around us, maybe they're still fighting, maybe they've stopped to watch what is happening. But there's such silence in my head I can't tell what's going on beyond this bubble of him and me.

"Again, I find myself… wanting to.. to lie to you" He rasps between shallow breaths "But this? This hurts. I never really understood the… guns. I know now why your wars were fought with those things." He pauses, his face pinching in pain. "You should know.. I did this aware it would likely end.. end this way."

"Shush, Cardan! Stop trying to talk. Please" I beg, more and more blood is pumping through my fingers. More and more flowers blooming around us. The blood is slowing now and I'm trying to convince myself it's a good sign, that it's healing, clotting to keep his remaining blood inside him.

He coughs and blood stains his perfect pale face. "Tell.. Tell me one more. One more lie." He whispers, his gaze dipping to my mouth as his fingers near the corner of my lips. I know which one he wants to hear.

"Don't talk like that." Something loud sounds near my ear and I startle but don't look from his face. "You're going to be okay. You'll be fine" I say nodding, even as the blood on my hands and across my skirts slows to a dribble.

He nods his hand sliding to grasp the back of my neck and grins at me, knowing full well I want to believe my lie, but that it was a lie none the less. "Give them.. hell" he whispers so quietly I lean forward to hear him "Give them hell, my Queen" He grimaces, before he lifts his head slightly, as he pulls on my neck, just enough. His cold blood splattered lips brush my cheek, a small spark passing between us, I close my eyes as his lips linger on my cheek slightly before he pulls back. I open my eyes.

"Cardan? Carridwen!" I whisper. "Don't give up!"

He smiles softly, "I'm sorry, my love" He softly exhales as his head hits the floor once more. His lips twitch up at the corner and his eyes flutter as his head falls to the side and his hand drops from my neck.

"Cardan!" I whisper urgently, moving one hand to his cheek and gently tapping.

Everything all happens at once from there, the sounds of the battle around me grow again. There's a loud clap of thunder and the sound of heavy rainfall from outside - Made louder by the hole blasted in the wall of the room. And I'm lurched forward as Cardan disintegrates into a thousand tiny white flowers. I briefly wonder if I'm in shock and imagining things, before I move my hands over the mound of flowers trying to find him underneath it but all I can feel is the ground below. During my search I notice the blood coating my hands makes the little flowers stick to the skin of my hands and the cloth of my skirts. I close my hands around some of the flowers as I jump again and am showered in small pieces of stone, dust and some bigger heavier pieces.

I'm pulled to my feet and then I'm moving, my hands still grasping handfuls of those flowers, Cardans blood flowers. I'm not sure who, or how, or why or where to but I'm up and moving. Something warm and heavy settles over me. And then the rain and thunder are louder and I'm out in the rain, drawing my hands up to my chest to protect my flowers - _his flowers_ from the downpour. The sounds of battle growing fainter and I wonder how many others we lost today. How many others we lost before today.

I hear murmuring and know they're words but I can't bring myself to hear them, much less remember what they mean. Something nags at the back of my head, a feeling these voices mean something, that I know them. I suddenly realise what this is, what's happening to me. That this numbness holding me under, just out of reach of full functionality, is shock. I'm in shock.

Minutes, hours or days could have passed and then I'm not in the rain anymore. I can still hear it though. As loud and all-consuming as before. I'm gently pushed onto a chair and I go willingly. There's murmuring again but I tune out the sounds. I concentrate on the sky. I feel like the sky is crying, but I don't remember why, I just know that the thunder and the rain is unrelenting and it sounds sad, so sad. And hearing it hurts me, even if a small part of me feels relief that I'm not the only one in turmoil- that the sky is hurting like I am and it sounds like how I feel inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. That happened. 
> 
> This was actually the second chapter I wrote for this story. It was a lot longer but I split it up a little. Remember back in the beginning where I was getting frustrated I wasn't writing the parts that kept coming to me? That's now! Everything that follows is the parts I wanted to focus on but had to build up to. Eeeep.
> 
> I feel terrible there will now be a wait while I finish up the next chapter.
> 
> Comment, like, recommend…?
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me lovelies 
> 
> <3


	17. Of Details and Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I'm incredibly glad for any returners after what I did in the last chapter... Sorry?  
> (It's for a reason I promise!)
> 
> I honestly hadn't planned to keep you waiting this long.   
> But this chapter went longer than I expected and I'm not even done with my outline for this one yet!  
> Once I got started it wouldn't stop.
> 
> Side note.. I really must invest in speech to text software since I insist on handwriting these chapters
> 
> Also, good thing I never uploaded my writing playlist for that chapter. If you guys cried/got upset at just the words I imagine the music too would have likely caused dehydration. It would have been soooo much worse.
> 
> Unbeta'd as ever.

You know when they say knowing is half the battle? They Lie.

Knowing what's happening to you helps because that way you understand why you feel the way you do a little better. They lie.

\-------------------

I come too, stretching my limbs and wincing at the soreness I feel all over. I relax myself, the aches all over dissipating except a dull ache in my chest. But I guess that's what I get for almost drowning twice in the space of 24hrs. I roll onto my back to try to ease the ache in my chest a little and once I'm flat and breathing deep it feels marginally better. I'm so tired and this bed is so comfortable that I don't really want to get up but as I think back I can't remember anything past being thrown from the lake the second time, I smile slightly as I remember baby Cardan.

I open my eyes and see I'm not in my own room and wonder if my adventure in the past was a dream. I groan a little as I push myself up, my head swimming, my voice croaky, my throat dry and sore. I blink a few times and rub my eyes with a too long black sleeve covering my hand before throwing the covers back and looking down at myself. I'm in a pair of my pyjama shorts and a long sleeve black shirt with laces keeping the top together. I startle slightly seeing bruises dotting my bare legs and push the sleeves covering my arms up to see bruises there too around my wrists and forearms. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and take in my surroundings, it takes a moment to recognise where I am. I'm in Cardans old room in Hollow Hall, which means this shirt is likely his.

Shrugging that off I get to my feet, wobbling a little bit and bracing myself on the bed until I feel steady enough to stand on my own. I walk over to the window by the desk and peer out through the Ivy vines crisscrossing the glass to the torrential rain and the thunder and lightning storm. I don't look out for long though as each clap of thunder and flash of lightning adds to the dull ache building in my chest again. I quickly turn from the window, and look around for some trousers to put on - finding none I begin making my way to the door, pulling it open and poking my head out, I see a guard stationed to the right of my door. That overbearing Fae! Though at least it's only the one.

I recognise him immediately as he turns to look at me. "Miss Duarte, you're up." He greets me stoically.

"Guard Halpert" I greet back, stepping fully into the corridor and looking around me. The entire corridor is empty except us two, but I can hear movement and chatting in the rooms and corridors beyond this one.

"The Bomb instructed me to ask you to join her in the small library on the second floor when you awake." Halpert tells me. "I would accompany you but I was ordered to remain here. Do you know where to go?"

I nod at him and set off, finding I was right, once I move to a adjoining corridor there's faeries and humans alike bustling about. The ones that catch my eye smile at me sadly, unsure what to make of that I lower my head and train my eyes on the ground in front of me and move quicker to the small library. I knock on the closed door twice, waiting until I hear 'Enter' before opening the door and walking in.

A quick glance around and I wouldn't call this a small library, it's much more like a study. The Bomb is sat behind the desk writing furiously on a paper in front of her, with papers spread out all over the top of the desk. Finally she looks up, her face changing from focus and irritation to surprise to worry then her expression becomes a carefully practiced neutral. "Jude" she greets with false enthusiasm.

"Bomb" I say.

"Sit down Jude, I'll just go get Roach. One moment." She says to me gesturing to a set of couches tucked into a small alcove off to the side. And then she leaves the room.

I look over to the chairs. Soft brown material covers a single seater, a two seater and a small matching poufy sat in the middle. I choose the single chair so they can sit together once they return. I sit slowly, curling my feet beneath me and I wait.   

I'm not waiting long before the Bomb returns with a steaming mug in her hands, followed by the Roach who is holding a plate of bread and fruits. The Bomb hands me the mug and I thank her as she sits on the two seater on the side closest to me. The Roach moves the poufy toward me and sets the plate on the top with a small salt packet. I thank him as I take a sip of my drink, some sort of herb and lemon concoction, and he sits next to the Bomb - both just looking at me like at any moment I'll break apart. I feel a small flash of anger. Fantastic! Get kidnapped once and they're all back to treating me with kiddie gloves. I scowl at them and they share a glance.

"How are you feeling Jude?" the Roach asks tentatively.

I think on that for a second, a strange fog keeping my emotions just out of reach except my annoyance, that emotion is loud and clear. "I'm a little annoyed if I'm being honest. First Halpert outside my door, again I'm being babysat, and now you two acting like I'm a china doll." I snap. Unsure where this anger is coming from, I mean, I feel annoyed but even I know this is a bit much and I seem unable to help it. They share another glance and I backtrack. "I'm tired" I sigh, looking out t he window on my left. There's no ivy vines here, instead thorns with small rose buds winding up the edges of the window, through them I can see the rain still pouring.

The Bomb and the roach whisper between themselves and if I could be bothered I would listen in.

"Where did you go?" the Bomb asks me. I turn to face her.

"I was.. displaced." I tell them. Still looking out the window. "I'm back then?" I ask.    

"Yes. You're back." The Bomb replies and I feel like she's holding back. I turn to her, sipping my tea again. My food forgotten.

"What are you not telling me?" I ask narrowing my eyes at her and the Roach.

"What do you remember?" The Roach asks me, carefully keeping his voice steady and his expression blank.

That causes me to pause. "I was displaced. Then I was on a shore, it was icy and cold and I think I passed out. Then I was here." I tell them. "Who brought me here?"

"We did" The Roach tells me, his face still blank.

 "I got the Kings message though. Where is he? I need to speak with him." I ask.

"He isn't here." The Bomb says, the Roach turns to her. Disapproval evident on his face.

"We have to tell her. There's more at play here and we won't do her any favours in the long run keeping it from her." The Roach sounds disapproving too.

"What? What am I missing?" I ask, sitting up and putting my tea down with my plate.

They don't speak for a moment, weighing their words carefully. That alone makes me nervous and I start to hearing my heartbeat in my ears and I feel it pulsing in my fingers. I grasp my hands into fists to dispel the uncomfortable feeling. "I'm getting very annoyed" I snap at them "Just spit it out already!"

"You've been gone a while Jude. On March 11th we received word that land and sea armies were gathering, preparing to march on the palace. Which is -" the Bomb starts.

But I cut her off. My patience wearing thin. "What does this have to do with Cardan?" I snap.

"Jude. You would do well to allow us say our piece. Be patient and perhaps eat something?" The Roach soothes, gesturing to the plate, untouched in front of me still.

But my anger spikes, bright red flashing through the white fog of weariness settled over me. "I'm _not_ hungry" I snarl. "And I'm not a child, don't treat me like one. If I wanted to eat I would have done so."

The Roach holds his hands up in front of him in a placating motion. "Fair enough Jude. But please allow us to finish before anymore interruptions. Please."

I sit back and cross my arms, looking out the window and watching the rain again. _Crash!_ The thunder rumbles and bangs cooling some of my anger. And I hear the Bomb resume talking but I only half pay attention to her now.

"Which is why we immediately escaped the palace to here at Hollow Hall, as Madoc an Orlagh lay siege to the palace. We had planned to retake it 2 days from now." The Bomb says. The thunder starts again outside and instead of a rumble this time, it sounds like an explosion. I hear steel on steel too. The lightning flashes and I see cream and gold clash with green and blue. I shake my head and blink a few times, refocusing back on the rain and on the Bombs words.   

"But that timeline was moved up. A fortnight ago we received troubling reports." Thunder crashes again and I hear a quick loud crack that reverberates painfully through my head. Lightning forks and I see chains. "So instead, 3 days ago we attacked the palace in retaliation." The Bomb continues. The rain pitter patters and a memory plays out in my head. _Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Running down steps. I have to stop.. I have to stop something._ My brow furrows.

The Roach takes over when the Bomb remains silent for an extended period. I turn from the window to look at them. The Bomb has her head bowed, her fingers playing with the sleeve of her tunic and I have a sudden irrational urge to slap her.

"Turns out we were mistaken and the reports we received were misleading. But we didn't know that until it was too late. We attacked as planned." The Roach says. Talking slowly. The flashes start to come more frequently. _Taryn chained. The far wall of the throne room blown out. My throne in tatters. Madoc on the dais. Cardan in the cream and gold amour of his army._

"No" I insist. Shaking my head. My breathing getting harder and the dull ache in my chest expanding out until I feel it in my head too.

"We infiltrated the palace as planned. We got the King to the dais as planned." The Roach continues on gently.

_Cardan on the dais arguing with Madoc. Madoc holding something shiny. BANG!_ I tense. _BANG!_ I lean forward and knock the plate and the cup to the floor. The metal clanging on the ground and I'm overcome with the sound of steel on steel again as the tea from my cup and the food from my plate spill across the floor. Looking at the pieces of bread and fruit though all I can see is flowers spilling from a little box that was on my bed in a dream I had. I don't care about the spilled food as I look up. "No." I say again. If I say it enough, they'll tell me I'm mistaken.

"We figured out quickly that you may be in shock. When we got you back here you were disconnected and withdrawn. Today you seem to be irritable, with difficulty concentrating and it seems either in denial or confused" The Roach says, staring unblinking and holding my gaze when I look over at him. I stay still, the pounding ache and the white fog numbing me. "Can you tell me what happened Jude?" he asks me.

It comes to me with startling clarity then. Cutting through the fog as the bright lightning cuts through the storm clouds outside. "Madoc killed him. "I tell them. "Madoc killed Cardan."

"Yes. I'm so sorry Jude." The Roach says quietly, reaching forward. I move back avoiding the touch.

"Excuse me." I say, getting to my feet and stepping through the food and drink on the floor. I don't lift my head or pay attention to who or what is around me as my feet carry me back to his room.

"I don't wish to be disturbed. By anyone" I tell Halpert as I pass him. I go inside the room and lock the door behind me. I crawl onto the bed placing a pillow under my head as I face the window and watch the storm. Utterly numb.

\-------------------------------------------

At some point when I'm watching the storm I fall asleep. Woken a while later by a knock on my door.

"Jude?" I hear the Bomb call through.

I ignore her until it becomes clear she isn't going to leave. "I said not disturbed by anyone Halpert!" I yell. "I'm being disturbed"

"Apologies Miss." I hear Halpert reply.

As the Bomb says "I have food. If you won't talk to anyone at least eat something."

"I'm not hungry" I shout.

"Jude, please" The Bomb sighs.

"Jude, I understand how you feel. But you really must try to eat something." The Roach calls through the door, I didn't realise he was there but I ignore him.

"Halpert, tell them I'm not hungry and to go away." I yell through the door. I tune out any words spoken on the other side my door after that. Instead I focus back on the rain. 3 days it's been they said. 3 days of this storm. 3 days I've been asleep and without food.

I try to remember the last time I ate and I realise it was the cheesy bread in the palace kitchen. My heartbeat stutters as I think of little Cardan and my chest aches. The last time I saw grown Cardan, _my_ Cardan, was only briefly when I woke up from the Deathsweet dosage. And before that I was ignoring him from banning me from the barracks.

My throat tickles as I realise that despite my childish behaviour and difficulty he still risked his life for me. Hundreds of years - gone. For a mortal who showed her contempt and anger at him at every opportunity. He knew that might happen too and he risked it anyway. He told me so _".. I did this aware it would likely end.. end this way.."_ I swallow hard as I squeeze my eyes shut and try to force those memories away. Now I remember though, the whole thing flutters through my mind, disjointed and unbidden.

I hold my hands in front of my face, examining them. Whoever cleaned me did a good job but not a through one. I see dried blood under my fingernails. I drop my hands to my stomach. People usually cry when someone close to them dies, don't they? I raise my right hand to my face and find it's dry. Why am I not crying? I lower my hand to my upper chest, pressing against the ache there as I fist my hand in his shirt. I turn back onto my right side and return to watching the sky outside as I let out last conversation play over and over.

\-----

A little while later I turn over in bed onto my left side. No longer able to stomach watching the storm.

"You really should eat something." I freeze and then sit up, following the sound of his voice.

"Cardan" I breathe. Seeing him leaning up against his desk, smiling slightly at me. Fantastic, I'm hallucinating now. "I'm not hungry" I tell him quietly.

He cocks his head at me, studying my face closely. "My little liar" He chuckles and then vanishes. I lay down and the scene around me changes. I'm now in the High Kings bed in the palace. The canopy above me blossoming with pretty flowers and Cardan beside me, our limbs entwined.

"The night we were married." He tells me. His nose brushing mine.

I have one hand in his hair and one gripping his shirt at his waist. I tighten my grip on both.

"Ouch" he winces "Gentle, wife." I relax my grip a little.

"Why?" I ask. Aware enough it'll be my subconscious answering me.

"I couldn't not try" he says. A repeat of what he already told me.

 "That's not an answer" I whisper.

"Because you are important" he whispers back. He's told me that before too. That I'm important to Faerie.

"My life isn't worth yours" I mumble, moving forward to press my face against his neck.

"Says you" He chuckles quietly. He grows serious quickly, his hand moving up to tangle in my hair the other remaining on my waist. "You still don't get it, do you?" he asks.

I pull back slightly to ask what I don't get. When he jerks suddenly. "Cardan?" I ask alarmed as he jerks again. Liquid slicks the hand I have in his shirt. I look down to see blood running through my fingers, my eyes shoot to his face and I see it's pinched in pain.

"I'm sorry, my love" He groans. Then he bursts into flowers and I scream.

I'm still screaming as I shoot up in bed. My scream cutting off and becoming quick gulping breaths as I look around and see I'm back in Hollow Hall, in Cardans room.

There's a pounding on my door that I mistake for my racing heart until a voice comes through with it. "Miss Duarte! Is everything okay in there?!" Halpert yells through at me. Punctuated by more knocks.

"I'm fine. I'm fine" I say back between gasping breaths, my throat sore and my chest tight. I focus on calming my breathing and slowing my heart rate. Because no. everything is _not_ okay and I lied I'm _not_ fine. Madoc _killed_ Cardan. My foster father _murdered_ my.. my husband and whatever he was. Locke, Nicasia and my twin helped. It's only fair they pay. ' _give them hell, my queen.'_ He told me. One of the last things I heard him say to me, because of them _all_  he's gone.

"Don't worry my King" I whisper, too low for Halpert with his fae ears to hear me. "I'll rain hellfire down on them all before the season is through"

I throw my legs over the side of the bed and get to my feet, I ignore the head rush and the wave of dizziness as I make my way to Cardans closet to find a change of clothes. Settling on another black long sleeve shirt and a pair of mortal boxers, _why does he even have these?_ , I change, noticing the chain around my neck has his royal crest ring attached to it, I vaguely remember him pressing something smooth and cold into my hand in the throne room. Shaking my head to pull my out of another replay of his last moments, I pull on a pair of his ridiculous wet look trousers. Only marginally annoyed they fit me fine.

I walk to the door. Unlocking it and throwing it open. I step into the hall.

"How long have I been in there?" I ask Halpert realising I've completely lost track of time.

"Just over a day, Miss." Halpert replies.

"Have you been here the whole time?" I ask him. Looking up and down the corridor I see no one about again.

"No Miss. I am primary on your guard duty but General Rannoch has been covering my rest times." He tells me. _General_ Rannoch? I make a note to ask about that later.

"Do you know where the Bomb and the Roach are?" I question.

"Yes Miss, they're one floor down in the dining room. There's a meeting happening." He replies. I turn to go. "Miss?" he calls me back, I turn back to him. "I'm very sorry, we all are. His presence is keenly missed."

I nod an acknowledgement not wanting to get into it right now. And turn once more to go find the meeting. As I approach the dining room I hear voices filtering out of the door. Not bothering to wait I push the door open, perhaps with more force than necessary and step inside. I quickly scan quiet startled faces turned toward me seeing Bomb, Roach, Rannoch, Black, Bardugo, Randalin, Pandora and Flare.

"They pay." I demand. "I'm attacking the palace with or without help. They _all_ pay!" I repeat forcefully.

"Jude -" the Roach start.

"No I'm doing this! It's the least that they deserve. Bomb, Roach I'll be in the upstairs study when you're done here." I say ignoring the stunned faces and turning on my heel and leaving before anything else is said. I make my way up to the study, sitting myself behind the desk, I briefly scan some the papers but they end up giving me more questions than answers.

I rifle through the drawers but it's just more papers and reports. In the bottom drawer is a small black box, I leave that be. I lean back in the chair and turn to the window once more. By my best guess this storm has going, unrelenting for 4 days now. Maybe 5 days. I'm just about to go back down to the dining room and demand they finish up when the door opens and the Bomb and the Roach enter the study.

"I see you're in higher spirits today" the Roach says to me, following the Bomb to the chairs again. "Had you decided to join our meeting rather that just interrupt it you would know a plan is already being made for that purpose."

I move over and sit straight-backed in the chair, my face completely unapologetic. "Given my mood" I grit out "I don't think it would have been wise joining your meeting before I have all the facts, do you?"

"She makes a point" the Bomb says. The Roach glares over at her before looking back at me. I recognise the exact moment they pay attention to my clothes and realise who's they are.

"I want to know everything" I say, settling myself in. "Leave nothing out."

"We're not sure about that Jude. Despite this clarity you seem to be experiencing you may still be in shock. We may make that worse." The Bomb says.

I raise both hands to my head, exasperated. My mood still not evened out. "My patience is wearing thin as it is. And I would like to know. Please."

"This is what we're talking about." The Roach says. "Shock can be fatal to mortals. It isn't a good idea to -"

I cut him off, dropping my hands. "Lilliver, Linden. You're to tell me what I wish to know" I command them. I assume the shock on their faces is due to my having to resort to this kind of command since both are well aware that I know their names. "How long have I been gone?" I ask them.

"11 months." The Bomb replies. "You went missing 12th April 2019" she pauses "And you returned 27th March 2020 - 5 days ago."

"5 days ago?" I ask, shocked. Then I do the math. "So tomorrow is.- " I cut myself off.

"Yes, it is." The Bomb smiles sadly.

"Taryn glamoured me. Nicasia and Locke tried to make me leave a few times and when I didn't they got Taryn to glamour me and walk me out of the palace. They had this whole plan that they would force me to spy  for them but they could only glamour my body and not my mind, so I kept refusing. They had a backup plan though. Did you know Nicasia tried to get him to kill me as a part of my release from Undersea?" I ask them.

"Yes. We're aware what was asked. He wouldn't have done it. No matter what they promised or demanded." The Bomb tells me.

"Anyway she told me that. And that I was in her way of the Land throne. Then I was displaced." I decide against telling them the truth. They already think I'm in shock and this would just sound crazy to them.

"Why did you not tell anyone you were meeting with Taryn?" The Roach questions, and honestly it's a question I've been asking myself.

"We didn't know what happened to you and 8 weeks after your disappearance the King ordered we stop looking for you." The Bomb adds.

"Because I thought I could handle Taryn." I answer, feeling annoyed that I didn't tell anyone. "I was in a bad place too. I felt alone and.." I trail off.

"Bad place?" the Bomb asks.

"I'd rather not get into it right now. Tell me everything I missed" I command.

"Well everything was pretty much normal for a long time, apart from your disappearance, the King was partying and drinking. No sign of Madoc or Grimsen. The undersea continued coming for delegations. Rannoch took over the guards after you went missing and then permanently when the trials ended and he was the victor." The Roach sums up for me, settling into his seat.

"So when did that change?" I ask, steeling myself to hear all I missed that lead to Cardans murder.

"October - 6 months ago. The Undersea insisted on twice as many delegations after your disappearance. So they were every 6 weeks which his majesty agreed with and then in October the Undersea insisted the delegation be a little later than planned, only by a matter of days, but it was clear it was for a reason other than the one Orlagh gave us - which was the Prince Destan was off on important business for the Undersea army." The Roach says.

"Orlagh said it was vital he be in attendance so the meeting would have to wait for him to be free, which of course was Orlagh purposely holding him up so the October delegation fell on the anniversary of your exile." The Bomb adds.

The Roach gives me a pointed look. "Which we know is a significant day to the King."

Ah, the delegation was held on the anniversary of the day after we were married. "They wanted to unsettle him but they had no idea. Why would he agree to more delegations?" I question.

"Because his highness was convinced Nicasia had a part in your disappearance, rightly so. He thought that if he could make her complacent enough that he could trip her up or she would just slip up on her own." The Bomb replies, looking curiously between me and Roach. She doesn't know still.

"So what happened?" I ask, wondering whether I should tell the Bomb or not.

"For the most part, nothing. It was going as it usually did. Until the Undersea again suggested a marital alliance between Princess Nicasia and the King. They launched into a whole presentation on why it would be advantageous to both land and sea. The King was quiet throughout but when they finished he declined and ordered them out of the palace and to not come back until further notice. It was unspoken but understood that may be never" The Bomb recounts.

"A little under a month later Nicasia was kicked out of the palace too." The Roach adds.

!what did she do?" I ask, unsure I want to know.

"We weren't told the complete details but she took advantage of the Kings drunkenness on another significant date." The Roach again gives me a pointed look. "And the King was furious enough he banished her from the palace."

"A little under a month after the October delegation?" I confirm.

"Your birthday, yes." The Bomb says. "The King was deliberately drunk from Dusk the day before to dawn the day after."

"It only took a couple of weeks after that for Locke and Taryn to stop attending revels or visiting the palace. Messages were sent but never answered and as a result we upped our patrols only for some newer members of the Court of Shadows to go missing. Not long after that we received word that you had shown up in the mortal lands. Of course we sent someone higher up as soon as we heard." The Roach says, moving on with what happened.

"Word from who? Vivi?" I ask them.

"No, we implemented our plan for the Court of Shadows to inhabit the apartment adjoining your sisters one." The Roach answers. "Only the member, Spencer, mistook Taryn for you. The Bomb went to confirm herself."

"While the confusion was understandable, _twins_ , I personally confirmed it was indeed Taryn, but I couldn't find out what it was she was up to. I did manage to converse with Vivian and strongly advised she take steps to prevent Taryns ability to give away Oaks location." I nod at the Bomb as she talks. "Then it was quiet. Too quiet - no reports, no movement. That lasted just over 3 weeks, then reports started. That was a month ago. There was increased guard gatherings at both Madocs estate and Lockes. So we made preparations to leave the Palace. Then came the reports that they were on the move and that’s when we made our escape to here at Hollow Hall."

Surely they would have figured out you would come here?" I ask "Why not just refocus their attack?"

"There were preparations completed months ago should we have to use Hollow Hall as a hide out and to make it a functional meeting place for the Court of Shadows in the meantime. We couldn't have that while it was still thought of as Prince Balekins. So we had some Court of Shadows members clear out the west wing, blocking the rest which we left intact. And the King held a revel here. Any rooms that were open were fair game." The Roach explains

"Fair game for what?"

"For destruction. They did a thorough job on the other side of the hall and the King ordered the building condemned pending full dismantlement." The Bomb answers me.

"And everyone just believed that?" That did explain the foliage on the windows though.

"They had no choice. The King summoned thorns and Ivy vines to wind up most of the outer walls barring entrance into Hollow Hall. He even sunk some of the brickwork and rooms into the ground. Did you notice the dining room was lit with candles? Anything below the second floor is below ground now." The Roach says and I can't say I noticed. "Besides Madoc had the palace, even f he knew we were here it's unlikely he would yield that ground."

"How are we in here then?"

"Same way I brought you back to the Court of Shadows, through the forest. The King told us of a passageway Balekins spies used to get in and out of Hollow Hall without notice. We couldn't risk them using it and getting in though so we improvised a bit. Lil collapsed the mouth of the tunnel in the forest after we split the tunnel to create a different entrance." The Roach says. "All the way to the Milkwood. It took a little while but with the kings help it went quicker. He grabbed your pack from the palace before we left in case you returned. I think he attempted to find Nightfell but he was unsuccessful. We reconvened here with as many members of staff and the guard as managed to escape too."

"How many made it here?" I ask.

"Not enough, some were volunteers - staying behind to be eyes and ears. Trustworthy members and they kept us updated. Madoc and Orlagh sent an entire legion and overtook the entire palace within a day. Accounts provided tell of very little loss of life, although more than a few 'dissenters' were thrown in the Tower of Forgetting." The Bomb, explains.

"Miraculously since the King grabbed your things we were able to continue contact with our members on the inside with your enchanted writing set without jeopardising their lives." I remember the letter I got from Cardan. I wish I had just told him what had happened to me now and who was involved. "Whispers of Madoc returning Oak beck to Faerie to marry Nicasia started then." The Roach pauses, looking over at the Bomb. Something worse is coming, the retaliation attack?

"The next day we heard you had arrived back in Faerie, that one of Madocs patrols had found you wandering wet and disoriented in the forest. We heard that you were taken to the palace and then beaten and chained in the throne room. He called it 'an example'." The Bomb says. "We made plans immediately to stage a coup to rescue you but over the following week we received increasingly worrying reports from inside the palace. Nicasia was forcing feeding you faerie fruit. Locke was torturing you, you were being starved and beaten for the amusement of the remaining gentry and Madoc was allowing it all. And perhaps to his own and the Underseas entertainment too."

I close my eyes. That can't have been easy for my twin to endure. Had Madoc not said ' _she knew what she was getting into'_ I'd have thought this was forced on her. I open my eyes again, looking to the Roach as he speaks next.

"One of our members got to her at the beginning and tried to glamour her to sleep through it all but it didn't work. We were mindful that there was a possibility that it wasn't you but after that report the possibility seemed smaller. We knew you couldn't be glamoured and with no signs of berries on Taryn it was a simple enough explanation that it had to be you. Besides Taryn was still in the mortal lands. The Bomb went again to check she was still there."   

"What happened to that spy?" I wonder out loud.

"She was thrown in the Tower of Forgetting but we broke her out." The Bomb assures me. "But word spread that you couldn't be glamoured. Many disbelievers then changed sides, sure it really _was_ you. Roach even snuck in the palace to confirm."

I look to the Roach then. "It really seemed like it was indeed you. The King didn't take my assessment well. The more reports we received, the worse the King became. He -"

"Worse?" I interrupt.

"Angry, agitated. He kept pushing for the rescue to be moved forward, not wanting to wait. Kept repeating 'It's Undersea all over again' and he seemed to be losing it." The Roach continues "It was difficult to make him wait any longer, we tried to tell him it could still be a trick though we weren't sure how."

"Until we relented and moved it forward. So we planned the rescue on a slightly more urgent timeline. I made the bomb that blew through the palace wall myself, once that was done, we attacked." The Bomb tells me.

"Why did you let him take part in the attack and rescue? He isn't a trained solider" I snap. My anger raising again.

"He was our best chance of getting you back. 'You', or Taryn as we now know, were the trap set to lure the King. Anything less than him and we would not have succeeded." The Roach answers.

"But he would be alive!" I yell.

"But you and your sister may not be." The Bomb placates. As if.

"He should not have been allowed to participate." I insist, my anger still flaring.

"He didn't give us a choice Jude." The Roach tries to explain.

"There is always a choice. Always! My life is not worth his! Why did no one tell him that before he threw his life away?" I demand.

"Personally I was unable to tell him that." The Roach gives me another pointed look and I hear what I commanded he not be able to say in front of others 'the choice between a Kings life and a Queens is a difficult one'. "But the council did, on more than one occasion during those days we planned. He did not agree with them."

I don't speak, furious at them. They should have tried harder.

"We made our way through the room and we were quickly overcome. You were there by then. But we didn't know that, not until you skidded to a halt at the Kings side. Madoc left the room and you were still with the King. Talking. We didn't listen in on your conversation but when it became clear you weren't paying attention to your surroundings and the fighting still going on, we moved closer to keep you safe." The Bomb tells me.

"Why didn't you try to save him?" I demand.

They look at me with pity and sadness. "We have been around long enough to know a fatal wound from a non-fatal one. Nothing could be done for him, I'm sorry." The Bomb replies.

"Besides Princess Nicasia returned shortly after Madoc left and she was hysterical. She ordered the Undersea troops to kill you , Jude, while you were distracted. So we had our hands busy holding them off." The Roach adds. "We gave you as much time as we could after the King died. But we needed to leave before Madoc returned too or Orlagh arrived."

"How did we escape?" I ask, feeling the fog seep into my limbs hearing the words spoken out loud. My limbs going numb and my anger fading quickly.

"Some of Madocs army ceased fighting when the King was shot the second time. It was only a select few of Madoc loyalists and the blue Undersea army that continued fighting, which was how we got through to you. Because of those who didn't know the plan was to kill the King didn't clear out when Madoc gave the order, they just stood there. Which helped is as it caused a barrier almost between us and the Undersea. So once I'd blown another hole in the wall nearest us, we escaped fairly easy."  The Bomb answers.

"Though not before I passed along a message to any want-to-be defectors." The Roach adds.

"What were our losses?" I question, I only know of 2 - Cardan and Nihelm. "What will happen now, without him?"

"We're still unsure, but we have 20+ unaccounted for. Without a ruler?" the Bomb asks. "Total collapse of Elfhame. Likely collapse anyway without the King. With no one to crown Oak, even if he was ready for it. I'm not sure what can be done without his majesty."

I put my hand to my chest, my fingers touching the chain that once held my wedding ring, something infinitely more important strung onto to it now.

"Where are the flowers?" I ask, dropping my hand and staring at it, remembering the blood on them and the little white petal flowers sticking to me. "I had some on me? Where are they?" I ignore the way my voice quivers and they do too.

"We thought you were in shock." The Bomb starts slowly. "Once we got you back here I cleaned you up. I carefully picked the flowers off, cleaned the blood off and picked all the debris out of your hair. I changed you onto a clean pair of your pyjamas from your pack and put you to bed in a spare room here."

"Then why did I wake up in his top and in his bed?" I ask, playing with the sleeve of the similar top I have on now.

They exchange a glance. "You slept all through the rest of the next day, and that worked out for us since we were breaking out the Court of Shadows members who were locked up in the Tower of Forgetting. When we got back I came to your room with food, in case you were awake. But you weren't where we left you and your room was destroyed." The Roach tells me. "I asked the guard that was stationed outside your room, Hart, what happened but when you started screaming, ripping and breaking everything apart he left to find someone, when he returned you were gone."

I don't remember that.

"It took us a while to track you down but you were fast asleep in the Kings old room. Already in the Kings top and with the ring on your necklace, when I had put it on your finger when I managed to remove it from your hand." The Bomb says. "Your fingers were all bloody and bruised, I cleaned you again and you didn't even stir."

"And I guess you know from there?" The Roach asks me. "We stationed Halpert outside your room with orders to alert us if you wake or to send you to one of us. In the small study was the first time we had seen you up since the coup."

"The flowers?" I repeat more forcefully. The Bomb gets up and walks to the desk bending to open a drawer. Returning to the chairs she hands me the box I saw earlier and my stomach drops. I don't want to but I open it anyway, feeling a sick need to see them. A small black box of blood stained flowers, the ones that stuck to me as I searched for Cardan under the pile of them and the ones I held onto on the way to Hollow hall. But this isn't all of them. "Where is the rest of him?" I ask quietly as I lightly touch a few of the petals.

"Snap dragon collected them all. They're here in Hollow Hall. The line of Madocs soldiers apparently guarded them" The Roach says.

"Him." I correct. "Guarded him."

"Jude" The Bomb says softly. I look up at her. "We understand this is still fresh for you and one of the symptoms of shock is denial. But the King is gone Jude."

"Lil, we need to give her room to grieve, or whatever this is, in her own time. There's more going on here." The Roach says quietly but even so my teeth grit at the word 'Grieve'

"What happened to him?" I ask, my eyes returning to the box and the flowers.

Luckily they don't require clarification. "It was the bullets. He bled out to quickly to do much about it.." The Roach says softly.

I look out the window. "It's still stormy." I mumble, just as hard and loud as the first day, 5 days ago now.

"Did you know you kept saying 'the sky is crying' while I cleaned you up?" The Bomb asks me. I shake my head. "You did, over and over.  It is in a way, as King he was connected to the land and now the land is mourning its ruler."

"It wasn't like this with Eldred." I remember clear skies as I visited other courts for fealty.

"Eldred made the decision to go in search of the after. The land had already made it's peace with that. His majesty was taken." The Roach clarifies.

"What if Elfhame has a ruler?" I ask absentmindedly, turning back to look at them both.

The Bomb looks confused. But the Roach speaks up "His majesty did confirm with me the night before the rescue. We were unsure if it would work or not because there was no formal coronation. But his majesty had plans for a crown and then there's the Queens throne he had made. Even if it is destroyed now." I lower my head at the state I last saw my throne in across the dais. "Plus his majesty informed me he had already begun planning the coronation. His only specification was for it to be ready to be set up at a moment's notice."

For when I return. He was going to formally announce me when I returned.

"Ok" The Bomb interrupts "Enough is enough. There's something I'm not aware of and I would like to be informed of what it is."

I don't reply. It wouldn't mean much from the mortal liar anyway.

"Remember the last Undersea delegation?" The Roach asks her. "And that it was a significant day for the King. He was acting unusual?"

"Yes" She replies slowly. "More irritable and angry than usual."

"And when the Undersea suggested marriage he kicked them out, indefinitely?" The Bomb nods as the Roach continues. "The King had just celebrated his first wedding anniversary"

"What?!" the Bomb exclaims.

"Paper I think. The first year is paper. So here our King was expecting a card or something from his wife and instead had the very people who kidnapped his seneschal and then tried to exact a more fatal punishment than exile on her, come at him with another marriage proposal." The Roach says, ignoring the Bombs exclamation.

"The throne, the vehement refusal of proposals, the terrible weather tied to the Kings mood…" The Bomb says to no one in particular. "He was already married! He got married October 15th? 2018? The day before Judes exile." She quiets and I look up from the flowers at her. Her eyes fall the my hands and the box. "Oh Jude, I'm so sorry"

"It wasn't like that." I say "There was a reason for our vows but it wasn't something as inconsequential as feelings."

"It seems there's a longer story here than even I'm aware of?" The Roach asks.

I nod at him. "Going back to the night the royal family were murdered. That's a story for another time." I say quietly, my eyes dropping to the box again.

"A story for another time" The Roach repeats. "And actually there may be a way we can test Judes legitimacy without a Queens crown."

"Don't think I'll forget you kept this from me." The Bomb hisses at him. "A plan?"

"I had little choice. Yes. But I'm afraid we’ll need little Oak. Jude I need you to write to Vivian" The Roach says to me.

"No" I turn my attention to him. "From what you've said we don't know what Vivis role has been in all this yet. I want to be trusting of my sister but I've been burned before. No. Whatever needs doing - I'll do it myself."

"That's not how things are done here Jude. It's unorthodox for leader to crown themselves." The Bomb says, looking a worried.

"Well as a mortal I'm an unorthodox Queen. What do I need to do?" I ask, placing the lid on the box but keeping hold of it.

"You'll need to put the Kings crown on. But you should know Jude, I don't know how this will turn out. There's a few possible outcomes." The Roach tells me. "It may accept you and you'll be fine - and Queen."

I nod. "And the bad?"

"it's hardly extensively researched but as far as I can tell one of two things may happen. One, the crown will exact delayed vengeance and you'll die of internal bleeding. Or two, it will burn you up from the inside because it doesn't recognise or accept your claim to Elfhame. It's your choice Jude." The Roach explains with a small wince.

I look down at the box in my hands, to my ruby wedding ring "Go and get the crown." I decide.

"Are you 100% sure Jude?" The Bomb asks me.

"Yes. Go get the crown" I say again. The Roach nods and leaves the room. I feel the Bomb staring at me and sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner Lilliver."

"Why didn't you?" She asks.

"Honestly? I don't know anymore." I mumble, slipping the lid off the box. "He kept telling me I should let him give me a coronation and that I should tell everyone what I am."

The Bomb doesn't reply in time before the Roach re-renters the room, gingerly holding the Kings crown. I put the lid back on the box and place it carefully on the poufy in front of me. I stand up, holding my hands out for his crown. Cardans crown.

The Bomb stands too on the opposite side of me to where the Roach is stood. "We'll be right here if there's a problem Jude." She tells me.

I take a deep breath and both the Bomb and the Roach take a few steps back as I raise it a little bit, but I pause wondering if things go badly will they be caught up in it too? I motion them to move further back and once they have I lift the crown once more stopping when it's eye level with me. A ache building in my chest as I remember the last time I see him wearing it - in the receiving room when I thought I was dreaming. And we danced.

"I hope our vows are enough" I whisper under my breath. Raising the crown to my head and carefully placing it on my brow. I hold my breath as I wait a moment and then two with nothing happening. I exhale in relief and both the Bomb and the Roach visibly relax. "I guess this means it accepts m-" I start before I'm cut off, gasping as a sudden blinding pain shoots through my ribs. My hands fly up to them as a painful pressure starts in my chest, expanding rapidly to cover my entire torso. I cry out as I fall to my knees.

The Bomb and the Roach step toward me and I throw a hand out, halting them. "No" I gasp out. Pain racking my body and tears streaming down my face as I begin crying in earnest. Loud, sad sobs forcing their way up my throat as I realise what Cardans crown is doing to me. That it isn't burning me up from the inside. That it isn't exacting delayed revenge on me for the Kings murder. - Instead I understand these pains pressing in on me, clouding my mind and these sobs I can't hold in even if I try to. It's grieving like the land and the sky. His crown is mourning him.

Instead of fighting it, I let myself feel it for a few minutes longer, noticing the ache in my chest lessen the longer I sob on the floor of the study. When it eases off I pull myself up, wiping my eyes with my sleeve and looking to the Bomb and the Roach. They both look alarmed and concerned.

"It's sad" I say as way of an explanation, though it’s an understatement. I wipe my face once more and sit back in my chair, reaching forward to pick up the box of blood flowers once more. "If you wouldn't mind sitting? We need to make a plan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally haven't been in emotional shock before to this extent so I hope I did it justice. That being said, my basis for this was a google, I read a few articles and first hand accounts and then tried to fit in as many of the symptoms as I could.  
> The anger. The disconnection. The numbness. The pushing people away.  
> \- All Judes actions and thoughts are all because she's in shock.
> 
> This can be classed as a .5 as the outline for this chapter isn't completed yet. It's all good though as the next part of this chapter will probably run on too.
> 
> A lot of dialogue here and had I had the energy there wouldn't have been as many 'tells' and 'asks'
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me lovelies!  
> <3


	18. Of Schemes and Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening Lovelies!
> 
> Absolutely no excuse for my absence other than a poorly left eye. Luckily my appointment at the opticians is now on;y 6 days away so I'm not too bothered about the pain caused by too much screen time as a end is in sight.
> 
> This isn't the complete chapter. It's only 3K words of it but little and often until I get my new glasses sorted.
> 
> But I couldn't leave you hanging any longer.
> 
> <3

It's been 8 days since I was pushed into the lake. For me anyway.

It's been 357 days for them since my disappearance and 5 days since my return.

9 days since I saw my version of my husband. 5 days since he died. No. 5 days since Madoc murdered him. And used me to do it.

But it's only been 12 hours since I put his crown on. 12 hours since it would have either burned me up or accepted my claim on Elfhame, the same claim that played a big part in that stubborn faes murder.

12 hours since I explained and expanded on my plan to retake the palace from Madoc and becoming increasingly irritated by a shocked Bomb and Roach. I found once I removed Cardans, or my?, crown, they paid attention much better. Even helping me by incorporating the current Living Council plans which strengthened my own.

And it's been 7 hours since Cardans birthday began, a birthday he won't see thanks to Madoc. I've slept on and off since I put our crown on but it's been 2 hours since I awoke, unable to go back to sleep. Unable to figure out what I'll do with myself today. Unable to keep from clutching that small black box. My mind continues to run at a mile a minute tweaking and re-tweaking my plan to get **_my_** palace back.

It's easier to step by step my plan than it is to dwell on where the fault for Madoc and Orlaghs siege lies. I know it's with me so I am distracting myself. I roll over onto my left side, holding the box close to my chest while I turn, no longer able to watch the storm through the window. Each crash of thunder and flash of lightening causing that swirling well of lilac grief and blinding white numbness inside me to go deeper - to try to pull me back under that fog of blissful semi-awareness. But I cannot allow that, not until I drive the traitors from the palace.

I stare at the High Kings crown, which I set on the pillow on the right side of Cardans bed and run through my to-do list once again.

One - Find Grimsen. Find him only because Madoc cannot be allowed to have him. Regardless of whether he is still working on the new blood crown or not. The Bomb pointed out that as Cardans crown accepted me as Queen of Elfhame I won't have anything I _need_ the smith for so perhaps we should focus on more important steps, but I believe it's better we have him than them have him. I'm expecting a version of the map of where has been searched for him already, so I can see and try to narrow it down to 3 or 4 areas rather than research the whole of Elfhame. I made it very clear that I won't budge on this and that aside from the retaking of the palace this is my number one priority. The Roach asked what if Madoc or Orlagh already had Grimsen. It was a good question but I don't believe either has the smith or they wouldn't have had to lure Cardan to the throne room and force those options on him. Had they had Grimsen they would have had their own crown and everything may have gone differently that day.

Two - Recruit Roiben. I figure if anyone will willingly join us in arms against the Undersea it will be the Court of Termites. The Court of Shadows had very little knowledge of what kind of numbers the Court of Termites has following the attack a couple of autumns ago but even with decimated numbers Roiben and what's left of his army will make a huge difference. Should Roiben agree my plan has a slightly higher chance of success. I just need to find him and petition him for aid and I've decided tomorrow I will send out a letter - using Viviane's enchanted stationary of course, this isn't the kind of thing I want to send with a messenger in case they are intercepted. And then it's a waiting game. I have little choice but to empathise a time restriction - the longer we leave Madoc in the palace the more chance of a counter attack from him before we have a chance to move against them first. I have decided to ask them as Queen, I've had no coronation or fealty from anyone after all, so I hope that just Jude is enough to sway them to my side.

Three - Recruit Severin. For no other reason than I need numbers and I have something he will want in return - A way out of exile and a redemption in the eyes of Elfhame. He too will hopefully receive a enchanted letter tomorrow, I say _hopefully_ because without proper names or locations I am unsure if Vivis enchantment will reach them. The Roach questioned if the pardon will be enough of a reason for Severin to take up arms against the former General of Elfhame and one of the other courts, but I already thought about that - should I need extra encouragement for him I will not hesitate to inform him it could very well have been his own court that was attacked by the Undersea rather than the Court of Termites and should the loyalists be defeated there's nothing to stop it from happening anyway. A bit of a stretch but, aside from constant and devastating war, who knows what Elfhame would look like under Madocs rule.

Four - My sisters. Call it mortal whimsy, which both the Roach and the Bomb _did_ actually say, but I need to go visit Vivi in the mortal lands. I am still unsure of her part in the last few weeks and I would rather hear it from her mouth what exactly happened. I would like to believe the best in my sister but with Taryns betrayal I am completely unsure what I will be walking into. I would also prefer to have Taryn away from Madoc when I attack, she isn't the best sister - or even person- right now and I am unlikely to ever forgive her or trust her again, but I am far from wishing her dead. Which is a possibility should she be around Madoc too much longer, he claims to love us but he would not hesitate to reduce her to a pawn in the upcoming battle to hurt me. Again. And that I cannot allow.    

Five - Retake the Palace. Ideally I'd have Grimsen hidden within Hollow Hall prior to our attack and retaking of the palace. And ideally I'd have both Roiben and Severin on our side too but either way Madoc has 2 weeks to get himself comfortable on my throne before I claim what is mine. I decided we're taking the palace back on the 16th April, 2 weeks past the Kings birthday is 2 weeks too long already and it won't be a day longer if I can help it - hence the time restrictions. Besides, I would hate all my careful planning to go to waste should Madoc and Orlagh decide to attack us first to prevent us from fighting back. Ideally I would have spoken with Vivi and have Taryn in my possession beforehand too. And the Roach reminded me there may be defectors within Madocs ranks too so we need to figure out a way to gage if there are any defectors and if so, how many and how we will utilise them in the retake of the palace. I already have some ideas but I have yet to have my first meeting with the Living Council - which is where the majority of the planning will take place, as with input from all members should increase our chances of victory.   

Six - Go back. I refuse to believe or accept this is how things will be. But I am unsure if it's even possible and until I am back in the palace there is limited information on that Lake at my disposal.

Still holding the box I reach out a finger to lightly trace the loops and whorls of the Kings crown as I wonder what he had in mind for my own, would it be a match to my throne? Before it was ripped apart that is.

Time is ticking, rain is pounding and thunder is still crashing. I look around the room and decide I can't look at these same four walls anymore, that I can't bring myself to look through his things today for something to do, that I can't even bring myself to remember his 3 day celebration for his 21st birthday. A birthday I celebrated with him just 17 days ago.. not even 3 weeks ago and yet here I am, on Cardans birthday.. Without Cardan.

I push myself up turning from the crown and get to my feet. The dizziness is still very much there but easier to ignore now as I set the box down and pull on a pair of lace up trousers from Cardans closet - they're slightly too long but since I ripped apart what clothes of my own I had when I destroyed the spare room, I have to make do by rolling up the bottoms slightly. I run his comb through my hair and declare myself ready as I'll ever be, grab my box and proceed to leave. Unable to take a look back as I try to cast all thoughts of the past week from my head.

"Halpert" I greet without looking up as I close my door.

"Miss Duarte." I hear back, but not from Halpert. I look up at Rannoch then.

"Congratulations are in order, I hear? You won the trials?" I ask, attempting small talk and shifting from foot to foot restless to continue on my way.

"Yes, Miss." He nods, his eyes looking down to the box and then to my feet before up to my face once more "Are you feeling well?"

I nod at him "Yes, thank you. If you don't mind I was just on my way to the library upstairs, can you inform Roach and Bomb if either come looking for me?" I ask.

"Yes Miss" Rannoch nods as I turn and make my way upstairs intent on finding something about the Lake, even if it's just a mention. Just something to try to ease the restlessness I feel. I chose upstairs for the quiet, figuring it's a small enough library that I'll have enough to look through without being bothered. Hopefully.

I open the door, unsure what to expect but thankfully finding it empty and much how I remember it. Closing the door I turn to observe the room. It's a little messier with books piled on every surface, the small table surrounded by cushy sofas and on the small desk in the corner too. Even so, the 5 wide and towering bookcases lining the left and back walls are still very full of books. Big ancient looking tomes and newer, smaller bound books alike still sit side by side upon the shelves. I set the box down carefully on the small desk and click the lantern on, the flame stuttering to life before getting stronger and casting its soft glow about the room, a stark comparison to the bright lightening illuminating the room in harsh flashes.

I'm not in there long, only just having managed to sort through the books piled on the desk and table, moving ones I don't want back to the shelves and selecting a few random books still on the bookshelves before the Bomb comes into the room with a tray of food, muttering to someone out of my eye line. As the door closes behind her I assume it's a guard she's stationed at the door to the library.

"Good morning Jude." She greets, she had taken to using a title when addressing me last night before I shut that down, insisting they still refer to me as Jude until I'm ready to tell everyone of my proper station - even if I still don't feel like I deserve it.

"Morning Lil." I reply, settling myself in the plush armchair behind the desk and begin to sort the books I've selected into 2 piles - Faerie history and lore books in 1 pile and faerie geography and topography books in the other. This creates space on the desk for the Bomb to place down the tray. I glance over and see cheesy toasted bread, cut up fruits a small glass of milk and a cup of herbal tea before I avert my gaze, thinking of little Cardan. Before I shake my head and pull a book from the faerie geography pile.

"Jude." The Bomb starts slowly, drawing my name out longer than it should be. I look up at her. "Please can you eat something?" She asks, I open my mouth, unsure what I'm going to say when she raises a hand and continues talking. "I don't want to hear excuses Queen. I understand you perhaps want to be alone, aside from the guard, so I will leave you be. But I expect this to be finished when I return in a few hours. Please"

Oh that's unfair. But I nod anyway, an agreement to try to finish the plate in front of me. The Bomb smiles at me slightly and turns to leave as I look to the tray, seeing a small salt packet next to the plate, I rip it open and sprinkle it on the food as the door clicks closed.

I pull my hand back and open the book I selected to the first page and reach out for a small piece of Apple, starting small I nibble on it as I read the index and turn to the correct page for the Northwest quadrant of Elfhame. Seeing detailed maps I flick through scanning each page until I see something familiar, then slowly looking at everything to try to find the Lake. Frustratingly I recognise the greenery around where the lake is, but the actual water is missing from the maps in this book. I shut the book and place it on the bottom shelf of the closest bookshelf - now my dud shelf and move onto the next book.

I pick at the plate before quickly eating the cheesy toast before it grows too cold as I pick through the map books only finding 2 that depict the Lake out of the 8 I selected to start with. I move the 2 with the Lake over to the small table before starting on the lore books. I have much more success with those, finding mentions of the Lake in 5 of the 8 books I selected. But the time I've flicked through the last one and moved the books I need over to the table with the others, I've finished the food on the plate, finished the milk and I'm half way through the citrus and herb tea.

Looking over to the shelves and the massive amount of books I haven't checked yet I get a little overwhelmed and turn my head away from the shelves and decide to just start with the 7 books I have. Then figure out where to go from there after I've read them properly. Grabbing my mug and the black box I move over and curl my legs underneath me on the single seater cushiony chair surrounding the small table. I take a sip of my tea, tuck the box by my leg and place the mug on the table grabbing the top book.

I'm about halfway through it, deciding to read the whole thing - because why not? - when the door opens again. I don't bother to look up instead choosing to continue reading, knowing I won't be told off again for my lack of appetite and expecting the Bomb to just retrieve the tray, when instead the intruder settles into the seat by my side. I look up then, only mildly surprised to see the Roach instead.

"Roach" I acknowledge quietly. Looking back at my book.

"Queen" He replies, I hear the small smirk in his voice and don't bother to look back up. "How are you today?" he asks me, his voice much more serious now.

"I'm fine" I clip, continuing to read. Hoping he takes the hint that I don't want, or need, company. 

"I doubt that. Did you know, I often envy your mortal ability to tell untruths. It's such a helpful skill to have in your arsenal." He muses next to me, not taking the hint or disregarding it completely. I'm unsure which.

I close my book perhaps a little harder than I intended, looking up at him. "No I didn't know that" I snap. "I wish to be alone, if you don't mind" I phrase it like a question but my tone is anything but, he seems unaffected though.

"I don't doubt that. However, I believe it is in your best interest to have company at this time. I can sit here quietly while you continue to read, I can help you go through these books if you tell me what you're looking for or I can listen while you talk." He tells me, still not making a move to do as I ask. I could force him to give me space but truth be told, I wouldn't mind the company. _Quiet company._

I don't answer him, instead returning my book, opening it and flipping through until I see a familiar page.

True to his word, the Roach stays put, remaining quiet at my side as I finish reading my book. I close it and place it in a third pile. Pile one - Helpful books. Pile two - Unhelpful books. Pile three - Books I wish to keep. I figure as reigning monarch I should be able to add whatever books I like to my personal library and this one on Fae folklore is a interesting read. The story of King Adrean isn't mentioned at all in it but there are plenty of other Faery stories I wish to have time to read through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you know what our Jude plans to do.
> 
> Will she be successful? Will things go as planned?  
> You will find out soon... obviously I already know what happens but I promise to try to not leave it so long next time.
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo.... Yeah I suck at fight scenes and confrontations. This is just the filler piece to the next chapter and the start of the fic. As much as I wanted to jump in with Jude back in Faerie already I couldn't.


End file.
